Dear Eric Adams (Mayor),
You keep saying you are living a biblical moment. I want to tell you about my biblical moment. You love to compare yourself to Jesus, so here is a short prayer for relief (here I am hoping you have a Google Alert for your own name (on brand) or divine intervention will bring us together, like the old days):
Today, I rode on a subway where someone was stabbed yesterday. The gaslighting from you and the governor that we are the safest we have ever been is a joke at best.
Today, the smell of urine overpowered the train. The urine flowed in waves, swishing from end to end as passengers gagged, jumped squealing and those lucky to have a seat raised their feet up onto the bench. We parted the Yellow Sea, unwillingly. We were all on the splash zone; we did not walk on dry ground. Not the St. Patty’s fun we envisioned (not to be pinched, I am wearing green!). On a holiday like today, most people want to smell like beer not pee.
Here is what I am thinking— let’s get some help for the multiple incontinent people who need a bathroom (I can’t imagine all that pee came from one person). The stabber better be in jail. Maybe a collab with Poo Pourri or Clorox? Or better yet, go clean girlie, and go full nontoxic— Branch Basics and some essential oils. We can add wipes for the polls because, please, I am taking a brave bet to say they were baptized in urine.
Maybe, some paper barf bags (god forbid it be plastic) on the doors for the scent sensitive so they aren’t gagging and vomiting on the rest of us. Maybe some mesh shoe covers— the disposable kind you wear when you go to a germ-phobe’s house. In blue. That will match most outfits.
They can be multipurpose and the girls with the stuffed animal key chains dangling from their expensive purses can wrap their plush friends in them too to protect them from the elements.
All right, these are just ideas. Take ‘em or leave ‘em. You can take full credit for them. I got to go because I am about to lose my balance, and we all clearly know how that is going to end.
*splash*
GABRIELA YARELIZ 