Unbreakable

An iconic duo, not unlike us.

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Today, I walked down the street with one of my best friends. As we walked, I remembered how we would walk to school together— dweeby middle schoolers with acne, insane hormones, sometimes horrible bangs and uncomfortable shoes that we swore were cool but made our feet bleed. In the whirlwind of pads, band-aids and flavored lip glosses, we were sassy, curious and always trying our best. We schemed and plotted. We spent hours on the phone. We lived in a Lizzie McGuire world. Our rooms had stacks of CDs, magazines, boomboxes in our favorite colors, curling irons on and pots of glitter for moments of shimmer.

Exactly.

These were the days before the lights got shut off in our respective lives by different series of events and loss. We were in our bubble, and it hadn’t burst yet. They were the intact days. The days of music videos on TV before school and stalking boy crushes. Her days of ballet, and my days of collages and writing short stories in Microsoft and making covers with clip art. The days of book reports and bs-ing school newspaper articles to meet deadline (mostly me). Days at the ice cream parlor in town and getting invited to the country club to go swimming. Evenings spent on AIM getting the town tea. Adolescence at its finest.

Always dweebing together.

She is the Paris to my Nicole.

And today, there we were. Both married, one of us a mom. We have come out on the other side of so much life lived in survival mode. Now, we have lives filled with laptops we want to throw off a canyon, blazers, liquid liner, blush that makes us look alive, strapless bras we hate, and thankfully, full wallets. We have good husbands (those dweeby boys in middle school couldn’t hold a candle- jk jk hopefully, they turned out ok), and we are taller (me, not so much), wiser, with better skin, and still in love with glitter (secretly, but also, not so secretly).

We looked back a little. We laughed a lot. We joked about the velour suits we still gravitate toward and talked about the future. Not everything has changed. Some things stay the same.

And when we hugged, it was the type of hug that reminds you that someone isn’t letting go of you. It’s that knowledge that whispers to you while you wave as the Uber pulls away— We are unbreakable. This is sticky like glitter— this is a forever thing.

Sanasa.

Neighbors, Histamines and Noticing

By: Gabriela Yareliz

I walked out with a neighbor. There is an intimacy to being a neighbor. You hear them yell at their kids, and they see you go grab a package in PJs. So when you see each other fully dressed and calm moving through the real world, it’s always interesting. Not good or bad, just interesting. Familiarity hangs in the air. You know things about each other that no one else sees.

I learned this weekend that hormones are closely tied to histamines. High levels of estrogen can lead to increased histamines (I think I read it triggers the ovaries produce more estrogen)— this may explain why I spent 1/3 of last month covered in hives. (Flo Living by Alisa Vitti) We live and learn.

A happy post-Easter Monday to all. I really loved the Mosaic services (especially the Good Friday one) and reflecting on the fact that He has risen. What it really means to believe He is risen indeed.

Speaking of histamines and spring, I got a newsletter that was all about edible flowers in the Americas (Anima Mundi). Flowers for dinner?

Tax season is officially done for us as a couple. Bless. I walked into a physical Target store after who knows how long, and it looked completely raided. Is this why stores are failing? Because people have zero civility left, and we can’t have nice things?

The subways are still sort of empty. Almost everyone in my car is reading an actual book.

I started reading a cool book called The Art of Noticing, where I saw this quote:

“Paying attention is the only thing that guarantees insight. It is the only real weapon we have against power, too. You can’t fight things you can’t actually see.” Michelle Dean

What is in your awareness? What are you noticing today?

What the End Looks Like

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Maundy Thursday and Good Friday. What does this time remind us of?

Even when we are confused, God is doing His thing. Our confusion doesn’t mean a plan is halted. The disciples thought the world had gone insane. Jesus was right on track. He knew exactly what He was walking into.

Sometimes, God speaks to us and we understand nothing. It doesn’t mean He isn’t near or in control.

Just because it’s providence doesn’t mean it’s not heavy to carry. Jesus sweat blood.

When we feel ready to sweat blood, we are to pray. Jesus went to the garden to pray (nature was His temple that night), and He asked His closest friends to pray with Him.

Sometimes, friends disappoint and don’t understand what you are going through.

God’s plans defy what we feel is a manageable or a normal next step. It can feel like everything is going wrong, but you are in the exact place where you are supposed to be.

Fear can make people do crazy things. Just look at the disciples.

Sometimes, even when you serve people humbly, you still end up alone.

In the face of injustice, lies and violence, God’s path is obedience and forgiveness. God’s path is love.

If our God carried His cross, we must follow His example. And we do not need to carry it alone.

There is no love without sacrifice.

Even when darkness falls on the land, it doesn’t mean victory is far.

Moments of darkness can bring moments of clarity. When darkness enveloped everything, the centurion saw exactly who Jesus was.

There is no separation between us and God. The temple veil was torn.

There is a time to grieve. Grief does not mean we are without faith. Grief is our human expression of real pain and loss.

God provides. Someone generously provided a tomb for Jesus.

Good Friday— if we pause the story there— leaves us in the swamp of grief, trauma and loss. It leaves us in that space of disappointment and running for our lives. It leaves us reeling from the darkness and earthquake. It leaves us in the chaos of the temple and town.

But it’s just a pause, because as we know, the other thing we learn from Good Friday is that the story doesn’t end on Friday. After Friday comes Saturday, and then, comes Sunday.

If you haven’t seen the victory, you haven’t reached the end.

If you haven’t defied expectations, you haven’t reached the end.

If you haven’t been rescued, held and stood in the resplendent light, you haven’t reached the end.

If you haven’t been overwhelmed by love, you haven’t reached the end.

If you haven’t been infused with life, you haven’t reached the end.

If you haven’t reached the miracle, you haven’t reached the end.

Some Thursday Inspiration

“Time is a liar. Stop letting the calendar tell you what’s possible. It doesn’t know who you are. It has no clue what’s still alive for you.

Culture measures age in years. It tells us to grow older and grow up. To be reasonable.

To trade aliveness for safety. But maturity is not measured by time.

It’s measured in the willingness to feel deeply and live fully.

Be surprised by life. Stop being so damned reasonable. Begin before you’re clear. Let people and places that bring you joy interrupt your schedule. Create something that doesn’t have a use and can’t be monetized. Resist reducing life to the passing of years. Be caught off guard.

Move toward what has energy, even if it doesn’t make sense yet. Roll down the windows on a rainy day. Fall in love with ordinary things. Dream again. Even if it’s ill advised. Maybe especially then. You’re allowed to live a life that doesn’t make sense.

Follow what lives in you.

That’s your real timeline.

LIVE LIKE IT’S STILL HAPPENING. STOP ACTING LIKE IT’S OVER.” Rainier Wylde

“The Son of God became a man to enable men to become sons of God.” C.S. Lewis

This Week’s Favorites (4.1.26)

“April, the angel of the months.” Vita Sackville-West

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Thank God March is over. That is all I can say. March was a month that felt a lot like drowning.

It’s another day in another week, but when we start a new month, I picture a hand turning a page into a next chapter. *exhale*

I am sitting on the train probably annoying people around me because I spritzed one too many spritzes of my perfume today. Yes, I am that person today.

Sarah Ban Breathnach, who put me onto the opening quote, calls April a month of resurrection. Fitting for Easter Sunday which is coming toward us. Tomorrow, we begin the steps toward the cross.

It was a month of Oscar movies, asking for help, putting in more effort to be a friend, and I tried new things (like Thai mango sticky rice). I got new glasses, which I am excited to pick up. I am finishing up my book on breath (learning so much), and let us not forget, I met an angel (who saved my butt in a moment of distraction— thank you!). It has been a wild month. April needs to be an exhale.

The city is humid and sticky; clouds are heavy and ready to release rain.

Thoughts and things on my mind so far this week:

“The most pernicious aspect of procrastination is that it can become a habit. We don’t just put off our lives today; we put them off till our deathbed.

Never forget: This very moment, we can change our lives. There never was a moment, and never will be, when we are without the power to alter our destiny. This second we can turn the tables on Resistance.

This second, we can sit down and do our work.” 

Steven Pressfield, The War of Art

This interview was fantastic:

I hope your week and the reminder of Easter brings you peace, comfort, and the deep understanding that you are loved.

Today’s Mood

By: Gabriela Yareliz

It’s another spring day. A girl on my train looks like Lana Del Rey. Another one has very choppy layers, and you can tell she is a cool girl with that whole bangs-too-short vibe and large headphones. Most of the men here are playing Candy Crush or some colorful game.

Others sleep on. I was stuck in a conference room all day with nice people. All of us busily tapping our keyboards and trying to make magic happen with cortisol and snappy precision. As we sat in our tiny jail cell with oversized leather chairs (you literally cannot push away from the table well enough), my mind was on other things…

Things I was in the mood for today:

-A strawberry matcha. (I did not fold— still caffeine-free).

-“La Isla Bonita” by Madonna. I want to wear an orange and pink dress and dance to this.

-Watching A Lot Like Love. A top fav. I need to buy this on dvd. It’s impossible to find on streaming. The orange sweater. lol.

-Honeydew melon (I did fold on that one, and I raided the fruit platter at work). Ironically, I was scheming on what supplements I would take at home bc the person next to me was sneezing all day. I got my vitamins, fresh.

-More videos of Punch the monkey swimming.

-Rain. The air smelled like rain today.

-A good crossword. (I have some waiting for me that my husband saved for me!)

-Chocolate (also awaits).

What were you daydreaming about?