We must go back to the places, both internally and externally, that taught us about the magic and wonder of life.
Yesterday, through a book, I went back to Lake Michigan. In photographs, I saw the sparkle of the lake that once captivated me as a child.
It reminded me of walking down toward the lake and starting to see it appear. It was a safe place for stillness, sometimes hard conversations, and the library was just beside it. Pure magic.
I am sitting here staring at my bag of baby Jesuses. I need to do better and distribute them.
The week went. Maybe it was the PMS, but it was a week of a wide range of emotions. You just feel everything amplified. The joy (petting alpacas) and the rage (people who will not be named).
I finished cleaning, and sorting my bookshelves, today. Dusting and rearranging the bookshelves reminded me of the extensive library housed in this large studio. I felt a wave of gratitude as I moved my books around. I was like, Look at all these marvelous books. How am I so fortunate? ✨
The week flew by, but also was intense. There were autumn days where I walked after lunch and just wanted to keep on walking. The air is feeling autumnal. I saw something by Kate Fuller that said “Fall is short, take the long way.” And I must agree. The season encourages the long way. You just want to spend every last minute in the golden light.
I finished Strangers, so I am detoxing that tragedy from my system. I am in the middle of Dorit’s and Tracy Tutor’s books. Both are good. Reading is ramping up because I have to try and beat my challenge goal.
I was cleaning out my desk this week, and I found some old business cards of mine. Not only is fall short— life is short. Take the long way. You just blink, and time flies. What autumn things are you doing? And more importantly, what are you reading?
Here are some of the favorites from the week:
“We begin to ask: what can you make with what remains? How do you respond to the life that’s actually there, and not just the thing you idealized and envisioned?” Rainier Wylde
“I spent fifty years of my life being in a hurry and didn’t know it.” Nick Saban (This one rattled me when I heard him say it on the podcast).
“Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.” Regina Brett, in her “50 Life Lessons” written during her 2006 battle with cancer
“We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.” Anaïs Nin
Via Rose Florence
“I’ve always believed there’s something especially beautiful about the effort it takes to make things beautiful.” Paige Paul
I’m still up north, looking at the sunny spots on trees turn orange and eating a French onion soup grilled cheese.
This week’s song:
I always love when this comes on during my workout.
Sometimes, when I watch Dancing With the Stars, I speak to the dancers from our couch. I say things like “Let’s go, girl,” or “Okayyyy.”
Made me wonder— if there was an audience watching us right now, what would they say? If someone was watching you, what would they say? Would they tell you to go for it? Would they ask you to have courage? Would they applaud you? Would they want you to take a breath?
It’s going to be ok; rest; they can figure it out; finish that last chapter!! These are the things I think they would yell at me.
Maybe it’s because I am reading Strangers. Or maybe not. It could also be because I am me.
I saw this young man walking down the street with his toddler who was waddling along in a puffy vest and long sleeve shirt, yesterday. The little boy was babbling on about something in a cute toddler voice, his curly hair unruly and going in all directions. The father was holding his hand as he waddled on the uneven sidewalk.
As we passed each other on the sidewalk and made eye contact, I couldn’t help but mentally plead with the father (I literally imagined myself shaking this man by the shoulders)— don’t fuck this up, I wanted to tell him. Don’t abandon this child. Don’t drop and shatter him. Don’t reject him or make him feel unloved. Teach him. Value him. Hold him. Care for him. Nurture him. Laugh with him. He looks just like you. Do right by this little guy, and your lives will be beautiful and full. Because it’s all that matters. It’s all that matters. It’s all that matters.
There are weeks where we fall into old patterns of behavior, and we do not take proper care of ourselves. We all have them.
This week, while sick no less, it was one of those weeks for me. I was doing my exercise routine but definitely overdid it at work. Falling back into old patterns carries a certain degree of exhaustion and shame, so in efforts to lift that, I am talking about it.
What do we do when things get derailed? My executive coach would always tell me— we reset and use the tools we have because you already know what needs to be done. The key is to regain agency.
We face the question— who do we want to be?
So today is my *exhale*, and tomorrow, I will start the Pvolve October challenge (which I will do simultaneously with my Ladder routine).
I am cleaning up my mental clutter and some clutter around me (even electronically). I recently reviewed my YouTube subscriptions, and most of those channels died six years ago, and most of the ones that hung in there haven’t posted in a year. Only about ten of them still regularly post. I unsubscribed from a bunch. Seeing the channels I used to watch was like opening an old journal. There are some things I am not even remotely interested in anymore.
When I look at the media I follow, whether it be by emails, Substack or other media, I have realized that most of it is women who keep a lovely home, workout, cook and dress well. I guess that is the goal.
Rather than a makeup tutorial à la 2016, I am watching a woman show me how she sets her table. Full on Martha Stewart.
One of my favorite lines of advice from Georgia’s mom is, “Dress like you have somewhere better to be.” A motto for life. It’s things like that, that bring us back to ourselves. Turning the ordinary into extraordinary moments of intentionality.
Reading it reminded me of how much I am still learning. There is a lot we can learn from people who have led lives with more structure, boundaries and intentionality.
I truly believe that to thrive, we all need to step out of survival and the numbing effect of it all. We need wonder.
Speaking of wonder, my husband punctuated the week with wisdom. He took my overworked numb little self out of the city and on a magical adventure. Getting out of the city always does my soul so much good. This place feels so oppressive to anyone who is a free spirit. Truly.
Hallloooo friends.
Being in nature. Petting an alpaca. Seeing the golden light hit the changing leaves—
This morning, I walked a good 15 minutes to a coffee shop that serves turmeric lattes, only to arrive and see it was closed even though according to Google and the sign on the door, they should have been open already for an hour. That was the vibe this week.
Not going to lie– this week was hellish. Happy to leave it behind.
Me saying goodbye to the week.
Still, it was an interesting week. I started reading Strangers. Wow, it is wild. I am not even halfway through, but I am shook. If you are divorced or have been close to a divorce– it is a little triggering, but definitely articulates what one feels in the chaos of it all. If you felt like you were going insane during a divorce, you will feel seen in this one. If you ever felt like a switch flipped, and suddenly, you didn’t recognize someone you thought you knew— wow, you will feel seen.
This book has had me deep in thought all week. The Dorit Kemsley book, as well. You can tell she really loved PK. Made me sad.
I am almost on the other side of my Fran Drescher voice situation.
An icon.
My mountain of tissues has been reduced to a smaller stack. It’s going to rain in a bit, which will hopefully cool things down. The weather is bipolar. Please, summer, let us gooooo.
“At a certain point we’re gonna have to build up some machinery, inside our guts, to help us deal with this. Because the technology is just gonna get better and better and better and better. And it’s gonna get easier and easier and more and more convenient, and more and more pleasurable, to be alone with images on a screen, given to us by people who do not love us but want our money.” David Foster Wallace
