I read something powerful yesterday about rest and slowing down. Jesus was in no rush and lived a life full of interruptions, people and an unexpected pace. After Lazarus (His bff) died, it took Him days to get to him. Throughout His ministry you see His “slow” pace.
Sometimes, we attribute this to Jesus’ divinity— but the thought that grabbed me was— what if this was Jesus teaching us to be fully human? What if this was a result of Jesus being human? God showing us who we are and what we should be. Something very different from what the world says we should be.
I was on a coaching call this week, and I heard something that hit me, deep. On these coaching calls, people share things they are struggling with to be coached live. I don’t remember what was being shared, but I do remember the coach’s response:
“Shame is optional.”
I found that to be a powerful response. Sometimes, the stories we tell ourselves are steeped in shame. And yet, shame is not the only story we can tell ourselves. We have a choice.
The coach said that a helpful thing to ask ourselves is:
“How is this situation rigged in our favor?”
Powerful thoughts. I am working on my own mindset constantly. I will be repeating both of these quotes to myself this month. Shame is optional, and how is this rigged in my favor? God is, after all, always at work.
On this Memorial Day weekend, I wanted to post the photos and names of the 13 soldiers who were killed in Afghanistan. While I may not be able to recite their names by heart, their faces stay with me. I pray for their families and extend my gratitude to all who have served and lost their lives serving with humility, duty, honor, and love of country. God bless our troops and the U.S.A.
“The older you get, the more you realize it’s not what happens, but how you deal with it.” Tina Turner, 1939-2023
I love that quote by the legendary Tina Turner, may she rest in peace. This month was the hardest. There were days where all I had were questions, stacked.
Despite the loss and heaviness of the month– I did turn a year older. I saw my family. Played hours of Clue (I love a good board game) and walked thousands of steps per day. I got stronger. I saw an original Andy Warhol. There was healing, and there was pain. I cleaned. I spent time away from work after waiting months to do so. Some were unpleasant but needed days. But even in the darkness, there is light. Light always has a way of reaching us.
This month was the kind of month I need months to recover from, but I am here. As the We Croak App reminds its users, we are alive, and death awaits, so seize the moment.
You will note that many of this month’s quotes belong to Jordan B. Peterson. His book was riveting. Life-changing. The most profound reflection. I share with you some of my favorite parts. Matt Higgins was another figure who inspired my month.
Dr. Taryn Marie says there are no resilient people, just people who choose resilience. That thought kept echoing in my head. The people who choose resilience never cease to amaze me. They are the stars that light up the night as the rest of us chart our course.
Life takes courage. Courage– I have never prayed for it harder.
“That’s a conscious decision to presume the primary goodness of Being. That’s an act of courage. […] Be careful. Put the things you can control in order. Repair what is in disorder, and make what is already good better. It is possible that you can manage, if you are careful. People are very tough. […] Aim continually at Heaven while you work diligently on Earth.” Jordan B. Peterson
“In the middle of Job’s darkest hour, when he was the most discouraged and didn’t think it would ever work out, God said to him in Job 8:21, “I will fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.” God is saying to you what He said to Job. Joy is coming, breakthroughs are coming, healing is coming, promotion is coming. God is about to fill your mouth with laughter. He’s going to do something so amazing, so extraordinary, you’ll be so overwhelmed, so grateful that all you can do is laugh. Your mourning is going to be turned to dancing, your sorrow turned to joy.” Unknown
“Trying to heal, while trying to grieve, while trying to live, while trying to dream, while trying to smile, while trying to give love, while trying to be love.” Unknown; I saw this, and it resonated with my soul. This is the goal of every day, right?
“Joy is the serious business of heaven.” C.S. Lewis; May we never forget it.
“True freedom is the power to possess your own mind, and like use it in a way that uplifts yourself and other souls.” Garrain Jones in conversation with Ed Mylett
“Success is an answer; failure is an answer— not trying is a lifetime of not knowing.” Dr. Taryn Marie
“Being in relationship with God alters our understanding, perception, and attention towards others. People become divine, beautiful beings to be cherished as Imago Dei. […] Every sensation of annoyance towards another becomes an opportunity for compassion and empathy.” pg. 108, Alabaster, Towards Rest
“The reason we feel alienated is because the society is infantile, trivial, and stupid. So the cost of sanity in this society is a certain level of alienation. I grapple with this because I’m a parent. And I think anybody who has children, you come to this realization, you know -what’ll it be? Alienated, cynical intellectual? Or slack- jawed, half-wit consumer of the horseshit being handed down from on high? There is not much choice in there, you see. And we all want our children to be well adjusted: unfortunately, there’s nothing to be well adjusted to!” Terence McKenna
“Escribir es como abrir una ventana a uno mismo. Ayuda a otros a mirar lo que llevamos dentro y a nostros a recordar quienes somos.” Ariadne Artiles; “To write is to open a window to oneself. It helps others see what we carry inside, and it helps us remember who we are.”
“No me gusta la incertidumbre, pero no hay nada mas bonito que dejar que la vida nos muestre lo que nos tiene preparado porque, sin duda, lo mas apasionante es lo que ni siquiera hemos llegado a imaginar.” Ariadne Artiles
“When things break down, what has been ignored rushes in. When things are no longer specified, with precision, the walls crumble, and chaos makes its presence known.” Jordan B. Peterson
“First ask yourself who you want to be, and then do what you have to do.” Epictetus
“Don’t confront the chaos and turn it into order–just wait, anything but naive and innocent, for the chaos to rise up and engulf you instead. Why avoid, when avoidance necessarily and inevitably poisons the future?” Jordan B. Peterson
“Death is only the end if you assume the story is about you.” Welcome to Night Vale
“Something is out there in the woods. You know that with certainty. But often it’s only a squirrel. If you refuse to look, however, then it’s a dragon, and you’re no knight: you’re a mouse confronting a lion; a rabbit, paralyzed by the gaze of a wolf.” Jordan B. Peterson; We must learn to confront life and our issues head-on or fear and imagination will take over.
“There are victories of the soul and spirit. Sometimes, even if you lose, you win.” Elie Wiesel; This quote hit me like a ton of bricks. A win doesn’t always look like a win from the outside, but the victory is truly for us to detect, even in the unexpected.
“You must determine where you are going in your life, because you cannot get there unless you move in that direction. Random wandering will not move you forward.” Jordan B. Peterson
“Confront the chaos of Being. Take aim against a sea of troubles. Specify your destination, and chart your course. Admit to what you want. Tell those around you who you are. Narrow, and gaze attentively, and move forward, forthrightly. Be precise in your speech.” Jordan B. Peterson
“It is nothing to die. It is frightful not to live.” Victor Hugo
“If you don’t like the road you’re walking, start paving another one.” Dolly Parton
“Here’s the fundamental problem: group identity can be fractionated right down to the level of the individual.” Jordan B. Peterson
“Trust visions that don’t feature buckets of blood.” Some art piece at the MoMA
“There are only two major reasons for resentment: being taken advantage of (or allowing yourself to be taken advantage of), or whiny refusal to adopt responsibility and grow up.” Jordan B. Peterson
“You may do this, I tell you, it is permitted. Begin again the story of your life.” Jane Hirshfield
“Leadership makes all the difference in the world. Yet changing leadership is fraught with friction, so it’s usually considered last. If something isn’t working, assume the person in charge is responsible until proven otherwise. The fish rots from the head.” Matt Higgins
“The dream he needed most was the dream that frightened him more.” Sherman Alexie
“Agreeable, compassionate, empathic, conflict-averse people (all those traits group together) let people walk on them, and they get bitter. They sacrifice themselves for others, sometimes excessively, and cannot comprehend why that is not reciprocated. Agreeable people are compliant, and this robs them of their independence. The danger associated with this can be amplified by high trait neuroticism. Agreeable people will go along with whoever makes a suggestion, instead of insisting, at least sometimes, on their own way. So, they lose their way, and become indecisive and too easily swayed. If they are, in addition, easily frightened and hurt, they have even less reason to strike out on their own, as doing so exposes them to threat and danger (at least in the short term).” Jordan B. Peterson
“And if you think tough men are dangerous, wait until you see what weak men are capable of.” Jordan B. Peterson
“I was born with a terrible need for affection and a terrible need to give it.” Audrey Hepburn
“Knowing what must be done does away with fear.” Rosa Parks
“Tragedy at such a time seems particularly unfair. It is the sort of thing that can make you distrust even hope itself. It’s frequently sufficient to cause genuine trauma.” Jordan B. Peterson
“Though I doubted and worried, my disbelief didn’t change God’s plans for me– and all your fears and feelings of defeat will not change God’s plans of provision for you either. God will never abandon His beloved children to hopelessness.” Bonnie Gray
“Silence = death. Act up.” Unknown
“You cannot break free from the crowd while seeking approval from it.” Ed Mylett
“You must decide whether to insist upon the absolute correctness of your view, or to listen and negotiate.” Jordan B. Peterson
“Freedom is not merely a means to some other end or a greater good. Freedom itself is the greatest good.” David Asscherick
“We are healed from suffering only by experiencing it to the full.” Marcel Proust
“The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.” Albert Camus
“We have been altered in the most profound of ways. By death, yes. But more importantly, by love.” Empowered Through Grief
“Hating life, despising life– even for the genuine pain that life inflicts– merely serves to make life itself worse, unbearably worse.” Jordan B. Peterson
“They’re all good days, if we choose.” Seth Godin
“The key to being emotionally self-regulated is define your baseline of happiness as narrowly as possible so it’s entirely within your control. Meditation. Nature walk. Morning coffee. Chat with loved ones. Simple stuff. More is upside you’re not counting on.” Matt Higgins
“What shall I do with a torn nation? Stitch it back together with careful words of truth.” Jordan B. Peterson
“Remember that when you leave this earth, you can take with you nothing that you have received– only what you have given: a full heart, enriched by honest service, love, sacrifice and courage.” Francis of Assisi
“The heightened knowledge of fragility and mortality produced by death can terrify, embitter and separate. It can also awaken. It can remind those who grieve not to take the people who love them for granted.” Jordan B. Peterson
“Life sucks! And then it gets better, and then it sucks again.” Nick Miller (New Girl)
“When you are visited by chaos and swallowed up; when nature curses you or someone you love with illness; or when tyranny rends asunder something of value that you have built, it is salutary to know the rest of the story. All of that misfortune is only the bitter half of the tale of existence, without taking note of the heroic element of redemption or the nobility of the human spirit requiring a certain responsibility to shoulder. We ignore that addition to the story at our peril, because life is so difficult that losing sight of the heroic part of existence could cost us everything.” Jordan B. Peterson
“Keep close to your heart this one simple truth: there is still light, there always is. Embrace the healing hand of grief, bear its weight as long as you need to, but find solace in the knowing that the pain and sorrow you are feeling are proof that you have known something sacred; that the love you have shared together will live on through you always.” Beau Taplin
I was on a plane to D.C. this month when I stumbled upon a passage that stayed with me the rest of the month. The visual lingered, and I had no idea what it was preparing me for at the moment. There was a message in it that I would need to hold onto.
As a true C.S. Lewis fan, I have a devotional that is one year of Narnia and Aslan. (I mean, who wouldn’t love this?) The passage I read was the passage of that day, written by C.S. Lewis (the parts in bold were the ones that stayed with me):
“‘He’s steering us wrong. We’re going round and round in circles. We shall never get out.’ Lucy leant her head on the edge of the fighting top and whispered, ‘Aslan, Aslan, if ever you loved us at all, send us help now.’ The darkness did not grow any less, but she began to feel a little– a very, very little– better. ‘After all, nothing has really happened to us yet,’ she thought.”
A bird starts circling them three times, “But no one except Lucy knew that as it circled the mast it had whispered to her, ‘Courage, dear heart.'”
Finally, the excerpt ends with, “And all at once, everybody realized that there was nothing to be afraid of and never had been.”
The journey of life is marked with loss, devastating losses, suffering and grief. It is our painful lot. I am inspired by the fact that we can always call on Jesus for help and peace in the midst of the storm. As the passage says, the darkness won’t grow any less, but something happens inside of us. We hear a voice whispering into our hearts, “Courage, dear heart.” The only one who heard the message was the one who had asked for help. Our circumstances do not change, but our awareness of the fact that God stays near does. And ultimately, what have we to fear if He is always near? We realize our fears are unfounded, as He has conquered it all. Oh how I wish to be like Lucy!
This month has been one full of grief. We lost my father-in-law. He was a person who was pure joy and love. A heart of gold if there ever was one. I hold onto the memories of his hugs and how when a flower bloomed on one of his plants, he would give one to me. He was a remarkable man of strength. Dearly loved. Incredibly missed. I haven’t written much because I have been at a loss of words to say. The month has felt numbing.
We try to keep conversation flowing and moods light, but it is undeniable that we are all carrying a weighty burden of loss. Even with the hope we hold as Christians, while we know a resurrection will come with eternity and joy, we sit in the present moment like Jesus did when He sat by the tomb of Lazarus. The verse is simple, “Jesus wept.” (John 11:35) It is the shortest verse in Scripture. Jesus knew He could and would raise Lazarus from the dead. And yet, He sat there in the very human thing that is human loss and grief. Death brings us face-to-face with everything we were never meant for. It shatters us because it is so wrong.
I have tried to hold onto the message of Easter: Life comes out of death. It is the victory we have. The light, the peace, the courage that inspires our hearts as we follow Jesus on this unpredictable journey called life.
A lot happened this month, on the global stage, in media (Tucker is out), in trials, and in politics. Feria de abril happened in Spain. None of it mattered. All that stayed with me was life comes out of death. Erwin McManus had a powerful Easter message with this title, and I leave it for you in this post.
I read a lot of Robert Greene, Jordan B. Peterson and C.S. Lewis. Here, I try to leave you with the things that inspired my heart and carried me through. I hope you find wisdom and hope here. I hope you leave this place hearing that whisper, “Courage, dear heart.”
“The crown. Place it upon your own head and you assume a different pose– tranquil yet radiating assurance. Never show doubt, never lose your dignity beneath the crown, or it will not fit. It will seem to be destined for one more worthy. Do not wait for a coronation, the greatest emperors crown themselves.” Robert Greene
“In their beginnings it is we who guide the affairs and hold them in our power; but so often once they are set in motion, it is they which guide us and sweep us along.” Montaigne, 1533-1592
“The new reality is that the way of glory is down the road of suffering.” Darrell Bock
“It’s generally better to over-communicate. If you wait to reply because you don’t have an answer yet (or because you don’t want to share bad news), the other party often ends up making assumptions about what the delayed reply might mean. Silence frustrates and confuses people. Better to communicate early and often.” James Clear
“No time to waste. Of course there isn’t. Time is all we’ve got. Time is all there is. We can’t waste time because it’s not ours to waste. It’s simply the way we keep track of everything else.” Seth Godin
“Never offer what you’d hate someone for accepting.” Tara Ploughman
“The hardest thing to explain is the glaring evidence which everybody has decided not to see.” Ayn Rand
“When we accept that the judicial system can be bent in ways we’d normally oppose just to hurt someone we fear, then no laws matter except for the passions of the people. Under such a regime, we’ll excuse the most heinous acts done by the ones we’re trained to adore; and virtually nothing will protect the people we’re groomed to hate.” Susan Dunham
“For truth to exist someone has to be trustworthy. The only way truth exists is because God can be trusted.” Erwin McManus (One of my favorites)
“It is for this reason that every good example is a fateful challenge, and every hero, a judge. […] When you dare to aspire upward, you reveal the inadequacy of the present and the promise of the future. Then you disturb others, in the depths of their souls, where they understand that their cynicism and immobility are unjustifiable.”Jordan B. Peterson
“The truth should not be confused with the majority opinion.” Jean Cocteau
“Judas’s betrayal of Jesus was not spontaneous. He had been stealing from Jesus, so this was the culmination of a pattern. It’s a sobering reminder: the ‘death’ that results from sin is not always visible at first. Very often, the first thing that dies is our conviction about it.” Sharon Hodde Miller
“We tend to spend far too much time grieving what ‘could have been’ if things were different. But what we don’t actually know is what God saved us from; the pain, the sorrow, the regret He spared us from if things actually worked out the ‘way we think they should have.’ Don’t waste your time regretting what only God knows. Believe that if you could see what He sees, you would be at peace. Rest in that.” Debra Fileta
“I am not a ride or die chick. I have questions. Where are we riding to? Why do I have to die? Can we get food on the way?” Unknown
“Rudeness and woundedness are often the same person in different clothes. Bitterness often has a backstory.” Lisa Whittle
“On the cross, God leveraged all He was for all that we could be.” LB
“When we feel stressed, God’s peace actively knits us back together and makes us whole again. In other words, you don’t have to do it all. You can lean on God. You have a soft place to land, friend.” Bonnie Gray
“Know your worth girls. You’re not lucky to be at the party; the party is lucky to have you. Apply as needed to relationships, jobs and family.” Paris Hilton
“I am never uncomfortable.” Robert California (The Office)
“Communism, in particular, was attractive not so much to oppressed workers, its hypothetical beneficiaries, but to intellectuals– to those whose arrogant pride in intellect assured them they were always right.” Jordan B. Peterson
“Experiences do not eliminate ego, character does.” Erwin McManus
“Sweat more during peace to bleed less during war.” Unknown
“Every good thing about America came as a result of Chrisitans who did not keep their beliefs in the walls of their churches, but realized that the gospel has implications for all of life.” Jack Mooring
“The future belongs to girls who refuse to do as they’re told.” Paris Hilton on what she hopes people take away from The Simple Life
“These are evil actions. No excuses are available for engaging in them.” Jordan B. Peterson on why the Nuremberg trials were considered the most significant event of the 20th Century
“Everything is hard for people who want life to be easy.” Erwin McManus
“We are silent early in the morning because God should have the first word, and we are silent before going to bed because the last word also belongs to God.” Dietrich Bonhoeffer
“The first thing about the Bible is that it’s a comedy. And a comedy has a happy ending. That’s a strange thing because the Greek gods’ stories were almost always tragic. Now, the Bible is a comedy. It has a happy ending. Everyone lives. There is a heaven.” Jordan B. Peterson
“God doesn’t give the hardest battles to His toughest soldiers, He creates the toughest soldiers through life’s hardest battles.” Chervin
“If you don’t care enough to talk to them, don’t care enough to talk about them.” Erwin McManus
“Deceitful, inauthentic individual existence is the precursor to social totalitarianism.” Jordan B. Peterson
“If you say no to your boss, or your spouse, or your mother, when it needs to be said, then you transform yourself into someone who can say no when it needs to be said. If you say yes when no needs to be said, however, you transform yourself into someone who can only say yes, even when it is clearly time to say no. If you ever wonder how perfectly ordinary, decent people could find themsleves doing the terrible things the gulag camp guards did, you now have your answer. By the time no seriously needed to be said, there was no one left capable of saying it.” Jordan B. Peterson
“When honest people say what’s true, calmly and without embarrassment, they become powerful.” Tucker Carlson
“Jesus reserved some of His harshest criticisms for the Pharisees (religious leaders), and then appointed a Pharisee to be one of his greatest leaders (Paul). In other words, Jesus’ rebukes were marked not by cynicism or contempt but hope. Would that be true of us.” Sharon Hodde Miller
“It is deceit that makes people miserable beyond what they can bear. It is deceit that fills human souls with resentment and vengefulness. It is deceit that produces the terrible suffering of mankind; the death camps of the Nazis; the torture chambers and genocides of Stalin and that even greater monster, Mao.” Jordan B. Peterson
“If you have no privacy, you have no freedom.” Tucker Carlson
Today, I got in an Uber with a driver who was probably on FaceTime with someone because as I got into the car and buckled up, I heard a woman cough. He then coughed seconds later to cover it up. He wasn’t fooling anyone. I am not sure why he needed to.
Two Amish couples found each other at the airport randomly. The joy on their faces was incredible. Their large sets of blonde children, adorable. As I stared, I realized how rare it is to see a woman with five children in the city. I was also reminded of a church camp that made us wear long skirts and how freeing it was to not care about frivolous things like how one looked. How it felt to be whatever with being outwardly “different.” Life has a way of training you for the real stuff.
Today reminds me a bit of the first day of law school. A part of me feels like the days before my first summer internship in D.C. It has that same vibe of dreaming hard and witnessing the world around me with awe. I am small and amazed. I feel like the Amish kids watching the colorful fountain.
It’s not always easy to live the life you want to live. Sometimes, that simply means taking chances. It requires bravery when you have none; energy when you have none and a sprinkle of hope (sometimes, when you have none).
Sometimes, you are going in blind. I guess that is what they call it when they say you go by faith. You do it all knowing that God has something for you either at the end of it or along the way. And sometimes, the gift is in both.
We sometimes take these leaps, and we brace our feet and legs for impact, reminding ourselves that the key is always going with open hands. If our hands remain open to let go, then they are just as open to receive.
This holy silent Sabbath on Easter weekend has a powerful message for us all. This morning, I heard a priest say, “We must look at the cross and dare to find beauty in it.” Not only should we look at Christ’s cross and find beauty in it, but we should look at our own cross and find beauty in our suffering.
The other reminder today brings us is that the cross does not have the final word. It didn’t for Christ, and it doesn’t for us. The silence in between isn’t it.
Tomorrow is Sunday. Suffering and sacrifice leads to victory.
He is risen.
Erwin McManus points out how in times of darkness, Jesus spoke to His disciples about eternity. We need our vision fixed on what is coming and the better tomorrow to sometimes get us through our current moments of cross and silence. Hope is our anchor. And we can dare to hope because victory is sealed and accomplished on the cross. He has done it. It is finished.
“And if Christ has not been raised, then our preaching is in vain and your faith is in vain.” 1 Corinthians 15:14
Image of Carmen Lomana on Jueves Santo. “Mantilla, tradición, emoción.”
Sometimes, we yearn deeply for tradition. We ache for it. But maybe the fact that we feel it so deeply reminds us that it is inside of us and always there. We carry it wherever we go. It is a piece of who we are.
Another month in the books. I have had better days and months. March, you were as good to me as you were to Julius Caesar. #dramatic
The general feeling for March was overwhelm and obstacle. There were tears. On my busiest morning (oral arguement+trial on two separate cases), my train gave out underground, and I had to literally walk and climb out of a subway tunnel and find a way to get to court. I argued a motion with black subway door grease on my hands.
A lot was accomplished, however. I finished a months-long trial, whittled down my wedding ‘to do’ list to about four more things. I secured a florist, and it is what I wanted. Grateful for that. There were also other highlights. My fiance always strives to try to bring sparkle into life. He took me to Little Spain, and we had such a nice time and ate delicious food. We also attended the St. Patrick’s Day Parade.
The softening winter allowed for better outfits. It was a month. Saw Dolores, my park squirrel friend, a couple of times. I also started prioritizing rest.
This month’s top post was The Choice of Rest. I read wonderful books like Young Forever by Dr. Mark Hyman and All the Pretty Things by Dr. Edie Wadsworth (I posted about it here). Lots of MDs. It was lovely to discover Edie Wadsworth. (Her video is below as one of my favorites).
And now, before we dive into a new chapter, I share with you my favorite things.
Quotes
“When one person carries the mental load for a group, it’s like they’re coaching a game and playing multiple positions at the same time. It’s hard to score goals when you’re coaching from the field.” Eve Rodsky
“The lessons are clear. Live close to nature. Love deeply. Eat simple food raised sustainably (ideally by your own hands). Move naturally. Laugh and rest. Actually live. (And live longer, as it turns out).” Dr. Mark Hyman
“We don’t stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing.” George Bernard Shaw
“Think of your teams the way that sports managers do: No one person possesses everything required to produce success, yet everyone must excel.” Ray Dalio
“I don’t really want to become normal, average, standard. I want merely to gain in strength, in the courage to live out my life more fully, enjoy more, experience more. I want to develop even more original and more unconventional traits.” Anais Nin
“I arise in the morning torn between the desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.” E.B. White
Videos
It had been a while since I had tuned into The Bobby Bones Show. I was saddened to hear that Amy is getting divorced. Her vulnerability in this segment touched me.
This Erwin McManus message was soooo good. I sent it to everyone I thought would love it. Worth it.
Dr. Edie’s YouTube has so many great talks and moments. Her life is so inspiring.
And this song… It was stuck in my head for days. And yes, I do think that “Ghost” was written about Selena Gomez who literally has a song for him called “Ghost of You.” It is still running through my head, on volume 100x.
And as I sunk into rabbit holes about these two, I came across this brilliant song.
Stuff
Gwyneth Paltrow’s trial was a magnet to my attention. I was in love with her notebook. GQ was, too.
GABRIELA YARELIZ 