By: Gabriela Yareliz
I am on a train that says “No Service.” So far, it’s in service. Shannon Ford was on the TSC Podcast talking about pregnancy, recently. It was an awesome podcast. Lauryn Bosstick, the host, was also pregnant in these past few months; they talked about stuff I haven’t heard about. My favorite type of conversation. Candace Owens is getting ready for the launch of her new book Make Him a Sandwich. She is posting throwbacks to many of her conversations and debates around feminism and anti-feminism.
This is a topic I have evolved on a lot. Growing up, I was somewhere in between acting-like-a-man-is-exhausting and knowing there were no dependable male figures around me that offered me safety, stability or nurture and the idea that women needed to maximize opportunities and women are called to motherhood plus. Motherhood plus to me is a purpose and career in addition to motherhood. It’s what I saw growing up with my own mother, and I saw it save us as a family. I still believe pieces of this. I do believe women can contribute to the world beyond raising children— after all, not all women can or choose to raise a family. That said, I judge women less harshly for choosing motherhood only. I recognize I was very harsh on this choice in the past.
There were/are grains of truth in this as before I always held this choice up to harsh outcomes like what if the husband dies/is disabled/leaves— then what? I find that, oftentimes, in so many aspects we see life through the lens of our trauma.
While I still hope to be like a Joanna Gaines, Lauryn Bosstick, Lilly Ghalichi (motherhood plus)— now, I see a homemaker, and I smile and simply think, Good for her. I like to think that this is healing. It’s living outside of hurt and survival.
When the Florida Panthers won the Stanley Cup this year (you know I will find any excuse to bring this up—), when I saw all of the families, wives and young children come down to the ice, it was beautiful. Truly beautiful. I was reminded that a woman in her feminine, thriving in her family is one of the most beautiful things in the world. Building something with another and resting in safety looks good on us women. I wish it for all of us.
While I thank God for my ability to open my own bank account and own/hold property, I hate that periods have been sold to us as a “problem to manage,” fertility an unimportant death sentence, and liberation shown as everything that destroys our most beautiful state.
Every angle of this stripping has been steeped in fear mongering, and at times, circumstances that materialize our deepest fears. This is real.
As I get older, I can spot it more easily now— the woman operating out of her fears. Sometimes, it’s a woman in her masculine. Other times, it’s a woman who is too dependent. I think it’s easy for me to spot because I have been there. After courses, coachings and therapy, it became clear to me so much of my life was lived from a masculine state. It’s a double edged sword. In many ways, it saved me from a lot of dumb situations and true losers. But listen, it takes a while to shake it off once you reach shore in your little storm worn boat.
While before I was so focused on preparing for every contingency and every wrong, I am now looking at the women in their feminine and thinking— that’s the goal. It is what we are wired for. What is different now is that I see that way of being as accessible, and more than that, desirable.
GABRIELA YARELIZ 