(A vulnerable and open brain dump that marks the beginning of some serious healing. Proceed if you dare.)
By: Gabriela Yareliz
Some of us in the world experience a deep rejection and distancing from a close family member. Maybe, it’s a sibling or even a spouse. Where close love can exist, true pain can also be born.
I have known my fair share of people who have not known how to fight for those they love or for unity. People who have only thought about themselves and the illusory idea of happiness they have stuck in their heads.
It has been a difficult thing to swallow. You keep thinking, “Not us” or “Not me.” And then instead, you are disappointed when someone acts selfishly or destructively. It’s even more painful when a person physically leaves or blocks communication.
I realized that each time this happens, when someone leaves or detaches themselves, I am left feeling exposed, vulnerable, foolish, distrustful, disregarded and set aside.
But the thing is, this isn’t about me. And it’s not about me and the other person. It was never between me and him or her. It was always between him/her and God. Bear with me.
Who we are in our relationships shows a lot about whether we truly know God, and how we relate to Him.
And if I have felt rejected— I can’t imagine the pain of an all-loving and sacrificing God being rejected.
Here is the deal—
People who leave or detach themselves, take their issues with them. They take their dishonesty, their instability, the resentment, guilt and negativity. These things even leave an imprint on their physical well-being.
Spiritually, we always say that sin destroys us. Yet I have been reading a book by functional doctor Habib Sadeghi, who explains how our emotions affect our health and ability to heal from disease. Things like anger, dishonesty and guilt can leave imprints on us physically, and they manifest through illness, discomfort, etc.
This means that to be well, both the one who has suffered trauma and the one inflicting trauma must seek spiritual healing, or they will likely see things worsen.
Relationally, we are like construction paper hearts. We are glued to other hearts, and then if someone leaves, it’s like the construction paper hearts are ripped apart. A residue remains.
Maybe the heart that understands true love and its healing power can have the residue picked off, and look whole again— but as long as we ignore suffering and don’t use it as a tool for growth— we are ripped up and tattered.
It’s like the art where people take broken pottery and bind it together again using gold. (This is an example Dr. Sadeghi uses). Healing can make us more beautiful and valuable if we allow it.
One thing I can say for sure is that evil doesn’t prosper. For something to last, whether it be a building structure or a relationship, you must look at how it started. Was there a foundation of integrity?
If not, it’s doomed from the start. A person can deceive themselves and things can remain dormant for a while, but then, the truth and reality of people’s hearts and the structure of things are tested.
Life knocks all of us on our knees— the question is what will come out of your soul when this happens?
Revisiting the story of Adam and Eve, we criticize them and sometimes think of them as foolish, when we see what they did. But ultimately, we all do the same thing. The root of their problem was doubting God’s goodness, thinking God was withholding something good (when in fact he was withholding pain and suffering until they chose otherwise), and the pride of thinking they knew better than God.
After reflecting on all these things, I knew that to be well and whole, I needed to make sure that forgiveness was deep seated in my heart.
It’s a powerful thing to tell God that you are letting go of something (not forgetting it happened, not denying the pain it caused and not excusing the other person); letting it go and letting God handle the consequences of such actions.
Letting God pick off the construction paper residue from your own heart, so it can be whole and beautiful.
God wants healing. He wants love. He wants health. He wants joy. He wants to make us whole. He wants us to experience true love in Him and wants us to impart true love to others.
God, in Jesus, showed a love that humbles itself, sacrifices itself and gives itself for what it loves.
God was not and is not someone who leaves. And if we are to reflect Him, we won’t leave either. Jesus fought for us through submitting to suffering, resting and then living a renewed life that held a sure promise of hope.
I pray that we too can submit to the suffering life hands us. May we find rest in Him, in the midst of it all, and may we live a renewed life. A life that shows His love. His work. His power. His faithfulness. For His glory.
It’s the kind of life that stays; the kind of life that fights to love, even those who have chosen to reject you.