Why Can’t I?

By: Gabriela Yareliz

I felt triggered today, and a bit more emotional than usual. There are days, sometimes, that remind us of how cruel and unconventional life has been. It happens.

It was one of those days. I know, not super inspiring, but I am being real. You haven’t felt that way? I cried it out of my system. Don’t worry. Crying is such an amazing cleanse. We all have those days where we feel like we are still in the place where the bus to hell dropped us off. Today was mine.

And then, unexpectedly at the end of the day, I saw the lyrics to this song printed in my handwriting on the side of a bag that I made with my best friend in junior high. We wrote all over this vinyl tote, with Sharpie. The lyrics to this song were that important to my junior high self. This was before my parents’ divorce, before I moved across the country, and before my dad and I didn’t talk for almost a decade. Before childhood was essentially over. I was still a kid with stars in her eyes. This was probably one of the last things I loved as a true kid, along with the Hilary Duff Metamorphosis CD. Ha.

I played this song tonight after not hearing it for years, and it’s like the world stopped. I felt like I was 12. It was the time before everything was so hard, before the trauma and baggage. Me. Just me. The essence of me. It brought the biggest smile to my face. It was me, little me, who has somehow survived it all, and she was smiling. I made it. I am still here. And I still like Liz Phair.

What reminds you of those carefree days? Listen to it. This isn’t about nostalgia, it’s about remembering the essence of you. Just smile. And never forget that you survived; you thrived; and you are still standing.