By: Gabriela Yareliz
I felt an extra layer of familiar exhaustion, this past week. I realized that a big part of that was not just workload, but it was more the type of work and type of energy it demands. The work I do requires a very masculine energy. I love and get amped by it, but it can also be draining. I am still trying to figure out how to put my own more feminine spin on it. (It’s hard when you are trying to survive in between the old boy’s club and attorneys who have no respect for rule of law). I spent the week fighting with moronic people and making sure nothing fell through the cracks due to some people’s ineptitude or laziness. I realized today that something that was missing from my week was a good dose of feminine energy. For women, there is something restoring about femininity. I would even dare argue that men reap something good out of it too when it comforts them perhaps in the form of a well cooked meal or a cozy home. It’s a form of relaxation and rest. Maybe it feels that way because it was what we women were created to be. It’s a sort of home base. I find that when we operate out of masculine energy, we are in fight mode.
I think the power of femininity is why I am drawn to people like Lydia Millen, Anna Bey (my etiquette instructor), and Fiona Ferris. Being feminine doesn’t mean being impractical. We can be feminine while doing housework and cooking– it’s about the energy with which we approach our tasks. So, if you are like me, often going like an Energizer bunny with no stop button, then this post is a short and quick reminder of a way in which you can find rest.
Some of the ways in which I feel more restored and feminine are through:
Unhurried household tasks and errands.
Listen, not all of us have housekeepers or get everything delivered, but something I have found that makes the day-to-day needs more fun is planning out an amount of time where I don’t have to be hurried. A bit of a wander through a grocery store might be just what the soul needs. Sometimes, part of the wander will mean picking up something that you don’t normally buy. Reminds me of scene in The Holiday, when Amanda arrives in the UK, and she dumps a bunch of random stuff in her cart and the cashier is like, “Someone’s having a party tonight!” Meanwhile, everything is just for her. Ha. Listen, that’s not the way to shop every time, but once a quarter won’t kill you.
I’ve seen some people confess on IG that they aren’t big readers. I don’t quite understand that. So if you aren’t, maybe this one isn’t for you, but I think that there is something for everyone in the world of books. If I can spend a morning in bed reading with the sun shining on me, that is bliss. It’s the best way to start my day. Reading, to me, equals a slow morning.
A soothing sound.
This might be jazz or bassanova or a relaxing podcast, like one of my favorites, Calm Christmas, by Beth Kempton. On Calm Christmas, you get to hear poetry, soft music and a soothing voice. It calms the nervous system. This might sound odd, but I became less and less of a music person as I grew up. As I continued to learn about how heavily music influences how we feel, I just sort of stayed away from it, so I am much more of a podcast person. You won’t catch me listening to Adele on repeat.
Whether it’s moisturizing (which I need to do better at), washing your hair in a timely way (I’ll admit I use dry shampoo on beanie days), or maybe it’s a face mask (the skincare type, not the ones that COVID-19 brought upon us), there are different things that make us feel more feminine and more cared for– less abandoned. Encouraging you to do one of those tonight. Wear some perfume. Paint your nails. Try a new eyeliner.
Elimination feels good, whether it’s crossing something off a to do list, throwing out or donating something that doesn’t serve a purpose for you anymore, or let’s face it, using the restroom– elimination means we let go of something, and we can create more space for what matters or what is next. I saw on Beth Kempton’s alternative advent calendar that today’s challenge is to cut something out of your schedule. Do it. I already did. Feels liberating.
Remember, if you find yourself drained, it may not just be the fact that you are tired (though admittedly, certain seasons can require more from us). It could be that you need to recalibrate your feminine energy and make sure you are taking the time to rest in who you really are. Make some appointments with yourself, this week.
Feel like a woman.