By: Gabriela Yareliz
This scene on RHOBH cracked me up, mostly because I am #TeamVanderpump on this one. (If you skipped it, take a look. It is hilarious). First, I love Lisa Vanderpump’s desire for a church wedding. Her daughter wants her wedding on their estate, but Lisa is thinking church. The wedding planner Kevin, the main inspiration for Franck on Father of the Bride, sides with the daughter and tries to get Lisa on the same page by saying, “Let’s build a church here.” Lisa responds with, “What on earth is he talking about?” I felt that.
Wedding planning is no joke. I really wanted this process to be stress-free and enjoyable. That has always been the goal. It’s a lucky thing when you have someone helping you who knows what they are doing. The world is really different, or as Vanderpump says, backward, these days. Things aren’t as they used to be. They are unnecessarily complicated.
Things haven’t been horrible or stressful, but they have felt more disjointed than I expected. I still don’t know if the engagement has sunk in because I still don’t have my resized ring or any photos or save-the-dates. I think men don’t understand how much excitement women gather from things like that. But we do; sue us.
I always wanted a church wedding when I was a kid. That was the only thing I knew I did want, and hilariously, due to COVID restrictions, city and church leadership’s stubborn stupidity and the need to stay local, the wedding I had “envisioned” is not possible in NYC in the traditional churches. Since the church can no longer be choice ‘a’, we go to choice ‘b’, extremely classic east coast americana.
Due to the pandemic and the local city churches playing politics, I pretty much lost all respect for the local pastor who sold his soul for city money. That meant having to find another somewhere in this insanity.
I have spent weeks reaching out to pastors I do have respect for (or could have respect for) to start the pre-marital counseling sessions, and I have been met with responses such as: “I don’t have capacity,” “We don’t do that at our church,” “I only do this for couples I am friends with,” and “Maybe if I look into your eyes, I might be moved to be of assistance.” I am not kidding. This net includes pastors from all denominations and non-denominational. The only people I haven’t approached are a Catholic or Orthodox priest or rabbi.
Apparently, counseling before marriage is not a thing anymore. Just this morning (at 4 am), I wrote an email to the former pastor at our home church in FL who is God-knows-where who once ranked me on a ministry strengths and weaknesses assessment as being very blunt, to see if he would be willing to do it over Zoom. Let’s see if he is willing to take this blunt woman up on her offer. (He wasn’t wrong).
This whole, “Say ‘Yes’ to the Dress” doesn’t exist. Now, you must know what looks good on you walking in (somehow), pay a $200 fee to try on a limit of three gowns, and that is that. It has been a bizarre experience to say the least.
It’s no mystery why places are going out of business and churches are dying. There is such a general lack of care and attention toward people, it boggles the mind. Thank God for the planner who is taking care of the food and other logistical aspects. The experience with her has been lovely, so far. Things are slowly coming together. I am finding humor, as you can see, in the midst of it all.
When Vanderpump jokes in the video saying “maybe I will execute Kevin,” I laughed. This general sass and attitude seems to be like a smoke that envelopes anyone planning a wedding. I thought I could escape the frustrations, but apparently, it’s a rite of passage.
GABRIELA YARELIZ 