Forgiveness

“Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes, they forgive them.” Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

By: Gabriela Yareliz

You know what a fun nostalgic watch is for me? Just Shoot Me!

Nina Van Horn is forever an icon. I have been rewatching with my husband in chronological order, and recently, we came across an episode that I really like. Jack Gallo wonders if it’s a bad thing he wants his child bride Allie back after she cheated on him. Maya, his daughter who was a classmate of her father’s wife (which makes her line “Stepmother,” all the more hilarious earlier in the episode), asks him if he can forgive her. Maya remembers how betrayed she felt when her father cheated on her mom and left them. She tells Jack, “I forgave you.” Jack asks her why, and Maya says something along the lines of, “Sometimes you need to forgive people because you want them to be in your life.”

In an over-therapied society, we judge harshly, and sometimes, engage in parent-blaming. It’s commonplace, nowadays. You go to a forum, and you ask a young adult why they are where they are in life, and they blame their parents. A recipe for disaster. A sissy move.

Here is the PSA that your life is your responsibility no matter what your parents did (or didn’t do) or who they were/are. In adulthood, you become who you choose to be.

As you get older, you realize how hard it is to grow in life. Like true soul growth. And if you have compassion, you learn to accept people for who they are. It doesn’t justify them or mean they are right, it just means you don’t hold people to an expectation they can’t meet. You forgive them. You realize it’s not about you, and all about where they are. You forgive yourself. You realize you won’t be the perfect parent or human either.

Because realizing that your parents are just regular, f***ed-up people is an essential part of learning who you really are. Tinx, The Shift

I think we should strive more to see the silver linings. We should strive to remember what our parents did right. How they have supported us. And if they did little that is right, then you have to decide— as Maya Gallo said— if you want them in your life, then, you forgive them. Don’t be one of those people who harbors resentments that taint your relationships every day.

Forgive your parents

My favorite feature

Elena Brower, Softening Time

Forgiveness becomes such a key to life. It’s the next level. It’s the allowance to make mistakes, even the ones that change everything. It’s an acceptance of risk— the risk that comes attached to any kind of love.