The Picture of Dorian Gray & Sensuality

By: Gabriela Gonzalez

Why is it that things like pleasure, beauty and art end up leaving us empty and guilty? I found a fascinating book/play on the topic. It is a short play, a fictional conversation between Oscar Wilde, known for his if it feels good, do it philosophy; Blaise Pascal, the brilliant mathematician, and Jesus. The words are taken from their actual writings or real accounts of them or words implied by their writings or words spoken. The conversation takes place in Paris, as a syphilis-suffering Wilde contemplates his death. Below are some of my favorite excerpts and quotes from their conversation.

[From: Sense and Sensuality: Jesus talks with Oscar Wilde on the pursuit of pleasure, by Ravi Zacharias, Multnomah books, 2002.]

Let us begin with Jesus, who speaks of King Solomon, who at the end of his life had pretty much tried it all:

Jesus quoting Solomon: “I thought in my heart, ‘Come now, I will test you with pleasure to find out what is good.’ I wanted to see what was worthwhile for men to do under the sun… I undertook great projects: I built many houses, planted numerous vineyards. I made gardens and parks and planted fruit trees. I owned more flocks than anyone before me. I amassed silver and gold for myself, and the treasure of kings and provinces. I acquired a harem… the delight of the heart of man. I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.” (62)

Jesus then explains to a processing Wilde that pleasure is always temporary if it is apart from God or if it profanes what God intended. “All pleasure, however good, is locked into the sensation of the moment.” (63)

Following this, Wilde asks Jesus some interesting questions: “Why did you make us thus? Why does this body crave pleasure to such a painful limit? We seduce ourselves by what You made us desire. We play with things You wanted us to treat as sacred. We run from things You wanted us to cling to. We make companions of those You never told us to embrace. We clutch in our hands what You wanted us to throw away. We throw away what You wanted us to hold fast to. We dream of things that make life a nightmare. Why this disorder in the way we are made?” (65)

Jesus then responds that every power man has, comes as a double edge sword. It can be used properly or it can be abused. It is the abused distorted desire that appeals to our souls. Wilde describes the book he wrote, The Picture of Dorian Gray.

It is about a very attractive young man, Dorian, who asks an artist to make a portrait of him. The young man knew he was incredibly good looking, and he wanted something that would last as a reminder of his amazing looks. He also wanted his “riotous and sensual living” to only affect the picture. So he could sleep with whomever he wanted, drink whatever he wanted, do whatever he wanted, and it would only affect the portrait. Dorian’s wish came true. His life or promiscuity and “pleasure” left him untouched, but UNKNOWN to him, because the portrait was in his attic, every act tarnished the portrait.

Later on, the artist pays a visit to Dorian, and the artist is in shock when the he sees the portrait. The artist says to him, “Doesn’t it say somewhere, ‘Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as wool’?” Suddenly, Dorian grabs a knife and stabs the artist to death (Gruesome, I know, but Wilde wrote it not me). Then he noticed that blood was dripping down the portrait. Dorian then grabs the knife and stabs the picture, and he falls lifeless to the ground. Then the story says that the portrait returns to its perfect state, but Dorian died with every scar of every deed, deformed, bearing witness to the life he led. (43-47)

When Wilde finishes the summary of his book, Jesus tells him, “When art and beauty are not governed by rules, they, in turn, break down.” (47)

Jesus continues saying that we are a generation that flirts with the idea of a dream. Something seems attractive or good, and we go for it. The young man or woman looks attractive and so we pursue him or her only to use him or her, and dispose of him or her. We use others; we hurt others; we manipulate others.

We suppose drug usage is enchanting and the idea of losing reality even if but for a moment is exciting, yet we come crashing back into life. “They’ll awaken one day to find that their dream has left them still empty. You see, this is the danger. First art imitates life. Then life imitates art. Finally, art becomes the very reason for life, and that’s when life breaks down, because life is not fiction… it is plain, hard fact.” (48)

It is interesting how much we sacrifice for that which is not real or lasting. We go for the feeling of the moment, and then sit guilty, hurt and empty. Strangely, we often go back for more, knowing we return to that which hurt us in the first place.

This leaves us in a “crux,” or cross… Jesus: “The cross is the ultimate expression of sorrow and pain combined. It’s because the price was paid at the cross that the law is affirmed…It was at that place that your ultimate worth was upheld. It’s because My heart was broken that I am able to heal yours. Blaise was right—all truths are governed by laws. This one is the way of life and death. I reach out to you through the price I paid for you. I am the artist that humanity sacrificed because I pointed out the defacement of sin.” (79)

Wilde ends his “vision” of the conversation saying: “And there, till Christ call forth the dead, In silence let me lie: No need to waste the foolish tear, For I have killed the thing I loved And so I have to die. Only the Blood of Christ can cleanse A sinner such as I.” (89)

I found the piece to be interesting, and it is impacting. Whether you believe everything that is said by Wilde, Pascal or Jesus, one thing is true: The pleasures we seek, the vice we often succumb to, leave us all with a certain feeling and bad aftertaste; dissatisfaction. This is as true for all of humanity as death is—it knows no color or discrimination.

It is a battle in each one of our souls. Pride; pleasure; sensuality; indulgence; emptiness; purpose; reality; hope.

Graduation

By: Gabriela Yareliz

By God’s grace, I am now a graduate. Yes. I have a degree and I can go work if I wanted to. I am so thrilled 🙂 I will be heading off to law school in the fall… reading and working in the summer.

I am so grateful for every person who is a part of my life. Who supported me through these years, and also those who celebrated with my on my birthday and also on graduation weekend 🙂 I think I was beaming the whole weekend from Friday to Monday.

I am also so proud of all my friends who graduated, and for those searching for jobs, you are in my prayers.

God is so good. He blesses us so much with many blessings and the best blessings are the people He places in our lives!

Julie Mancini Photography

Our Father the Weaver: by Ravi Zacharias

I am reading a book by Ravi Zacharias, he is oe of my favorite speakers and thinkers of this time. His book is called The Grand Weaver, and he is of course from India. Those who know me know that I have a special place in my heart for this country, its people and its language. After all Romain Rolland, the French scholar, said:

“If there is one place on the face of earth where all the dreams of living men have found a home from the very earliest days when man began the dream of existence, it is India.”

Zacharias writes about a father and son who make saris and I wanted to share what he writes. This excerpt comes directly from his personal website.

 Written by Ravi Zacharias:

“Some years ago, I was visiting a place known for making the best wedding saris in the world—saris rich in gold and silver threads, resplendent with an array of colors. I expected to see some elaborate system of machines that would boggle the mind. Not so! Each sari was made individually by a father and son team. The father sat above the son on a platform, surrounded by several spools of thread that he would gather into his fingers. The son did just one thing. At a nod from his father, he would move the shuttle from one side to the other and back again. This would be repeated for hundreds of hours, till a magnificent pattern began to emerge.The son had the easy task—just to move at the father’s nod. All along, the father had the design in his mind and brought the right threads together. The more I reflect on my own life and study the lives of others, I am fascinated to see the design God has for each one of us, individually, if we would only respond. Little reminders show the threads He has woven into our lives.

Allow me to share from my own experience. As one searching for meaning and in the throes of a turbulent adolescence, I found myself on a hospital bed from an attempted suicide. It was there that I was read the fourteenth chapter of John’s Gospel. My attention was captured by the part where Jesus says to his disciples, “Because I live, you shall live also.” I turned my life over to Christ that day, committing my pains, struggles and pursuits into His hands.

Almost thirty years to the day after this decision, my wife and I were visiting India and decided to visit my grandmother’s grave. With the help of a gardener we walked through the accumulated weeds and rubble until we found the stone marking her grave. With his bucket of water and a small brush, the gardener cleared off the caked-on dirt. To our utter surprise, under her name, a verse gradually appeared. My wife clasped my hand and said, “Look at the verse!” It read, “Because I live, you shall live also.”

A purposeful design emerges when God weaves a pattern from what, to us, may often seem disparate threads. Even today, if you will stop and attend to it dear friend, you will see that He is seeking to weave a beautiful tapestry in your life as well, if only you will respond.”

He writes in The Grand Weaver that the son who is moving the shuttle moves it repetitively, and sometimes he may get bored or his back may hurt, but the father is the one who has the design in his mind and the threads in his hand. The son can only emulate and try to follow the father the best he can so he will become skilled and some day learn the business well enough to take over it some day.

Isn’t this like God and us? He is the father with all of the design in His mind for us. Our role is to be a team with Him, and to follow Him as best we can even if the design has not been fully revealed to us. Yet with the passage of time, we begin to see the gorgeous pattern emerge- the pattern of God’s design for our life.

I really liked this illustration by Zacharias, because it serves to remind us that each one of us is special just as each Sari is a work of art. Each one has been treated with great care, and He has a plan.

Our greatest downfall

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Based on Pastor Alejandro Bullon’s message at the Spanish Florida Campmeeting 2012.

When looking at other people, we will often point out… hmm that person is a thief or a murderer. This is how we scale evil and wrong in society. It is all by actions that we can point out wrongs.

Now if someone is full of pride we say… Oh they are just a bit prideful or stuck up, but its okay. For some reason, pride is something that is passble in small doses-yet God does not see pride as something insignificant. In fact, it seems that pride is the father of all sins.

God can never accept sin. Why? Because He cannot accept anything that destroys us because He loves us.

“But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”   James 4:6

“A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you.”  C.S. Lewis, Mere Cristianity

 

New York Moment

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Official news: See that? The jungle of buildings, trees and water- THAT is going to be my home starting in the fall. Is that scary or what? Hey- I’m adaptable… it’ll just take a little time…

Law school in New York- here we go! Every law student’s dream, right?

I haven’t been yet, but I will be going this summer. I have preconceived notions of NY. As a kid, this is how I learned about the big apple… Friends. HAHAHA, probably not entirely accurate, but funny nonetheless.

I can’t wait to actually go, and check out the city. And eventually, make friends.

Pool & Mere Brother Ki Dulhan

By: Gabriela Yareliz

“I feel socially pressured to know about pool.” -Priscilla to me as we sat after getting our cap and gowns in the game room; as we watched Changmin duke it out with the nice guy with brown hair. She read my mind exactly.

After this social pressure, Bhargava was gracious enough to enlighten me on the art. I was not a very good student, but I have faith that I can improve.

Also noteworthy is that it’s a perfect day for framboise ice cream…..(when is it not?)

 

So… I watched Mere Brother Ki Dulhan… it was so cute and very funny!

The girl’s name is Dimple for crying out loud. She is insane.

She reminded me of what I was like when I was 12-13 years old. Those who met me when I first arrived to Florida can testify that I was just as obnoxious, outspoken (maybe that hasn’t changed) and crazy.

Thank God for maturity I guess.. Sometimes maybe things that happen in life kill certain aspects of our identity (that sounded depressing, but it wasn’t meant to), but maybe there is a wild side to all of us that remains locked up (wink).

The key is to not let it out– hahaha.

I totally recommend the film. One of my “cheesy” Bollywood picks? Maybe… but the guy (Kush) is GORGEOUS.

 

My failed interviews

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Last day of class folks. Yup. People are marching into the 24-hour libraries with pillows under their arms. I am not kidding.

I thought I would take a moment today, it being the last day of class and everything, to explain my plight as a journalist these past three years interviewing people on campus.

I told the college it should make interviewing booths, a la Britain–the cute red telephone booths.

Why? You may ask…Here is why: I’d walk out of a class, and I needed to call someone to interview them.

I would sit at a bench and people would walk by laughing hysterically or yelling something (this happens often by Little Hall). And I’d miss what the person said, and I’d have to ask them to repeat and sound like an idiot.

The amphitheater outside of the Reitz Union has people who come to harass you and survey you. So much for the peaceful outdoors.

I’ve sat in the Florida Gym window sills, and women in heels walk by, often making an echoing clack sound. IT IS THE GYM! IS ANYTHING SACRED?! HEELS AT THE GYM! Aren’t they studying to be trainers or something?

I would go by Marston, the science library, and sit on a bench by the blood donor bus and the man with the blower would come, seeing that I am on the phone, and start blowing pollen and leaves around me, making it so that I cannot open my eyes, and I have gross stuff in my hair. Fail.

Then, I tried Plaza of the Americas by Library West. It turns out the interviewee can hear birds chirping and the Krishna people singing their hypnotic but well-sung out song. Not going to work.

Then, I tried the Hub area, but people are loud inside, and the buses make loud noises and popping sounds as they stop and speed off.

I tried the engineering building’s stairwells (Weil), but they have a lot of echo, and people talk loudly in them. By the time they reach your level, their conversation has been booming and echoing.

I tried outside of Weil between that and the journalism building, Weimer. There is construction, so all you can hear is metal falling and trucks beeping as they back up. I hope you are laughing by now and picturing me scrambling to different locations while on the phone. It also started raining here once-out of nowhere.

The Reitz Union foodcourt is okay if it’s early. But one time, I walked in and a man began literally drilling through the wall when I sat down and began the interview.

The library is an awkward place because everyone glares at you.

Turlington is bad because a preacher will begin trying to convert you while you are talking to your source.

Bathrooms are off limits because of the flushing, and I hate it when people talk in bathrooms.

Then, there are other spots where you have to sweat while you interview because there is no shade, and you roast at 100 degrees while writing. Sweat falls on your paper and hair sticks to the back of your neck. Gross.

You might ask, what about the jounalism college itself?

If you sit in the courtyard the custodians walk by with trashbins dragging them across the brick floor all the time.

Yesterday, I received a long awaited call from a source. I ran out of the journalism library because I was getting the glares, and I could barely understand him as it was. I went to the courtyard. It was sunny and quiet. Perfect, I thought.

I sat down, and as he (my source) begins answering my question, I see a construction man come with a hammer and begin slamming something into a new metal stairwell.

I couldn’t believe it. I mean I could, but seriously?

I began grabbing my three bags, books and my blazer, which I had taken off because it was warm. I had the phone pinched between my shoulder and ear, and I was running with my paper and pen, writing at the same time, running out of the courtyard. My last interview of the semester, and the man with the hammer could not be missing.

If I were to share all of my stories where I’ve been interviewing and it started raining, I lost signal or the blower man showed up– you’d die laughing. True stories. Let’s see if my suggestion helps students in the future. We need sound proof booths! There is no quiet place on campus.

Even though these moments made me cringe and run to the next place I hoped would be appropriate, I enjoyed every minute of it.

I will miss you journalism college, and I will miss fleeing from the man with the blower, the Krishna chants and construction workers.

Education is expensive; these fail moments, priceless.

(This bunny picture is for your enjoyment, it has nothing to do with the blog, but it is too cute to not include.)

An Answer

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Melanie and I almost has a heart attack today in French phonetics lab.

After 5 to 6 months of waiting for an answer, an answer has been issued. Whether it is good or bad, who knows. We’ll find out.

Our prof officially believes we are insane, and today was the last class–what an impression to leave.

It is like you are about to marry someone good, and then appears the one you were always in love with, who you thought was dead. They aren’t dead, they are alive. That changes everything right?

Okay, overly dramatic parallel to law school. Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

While talking to Ali yesterday, we both came to the conclusion that there is nothing worse than seat deposit deadlines and the “limbo” of uncertainty.

You choose a place so you can begin to plan and not feel idiotic while waiting for what seems will never come.

Uncertainty.

Soon, very soon, it will end.

Smooth Sailing

“She had the perpetual sense, as she watched the taxi cabs, of being out, out, far out to sea and alone; she always had the feeling that it was very, very, dangerous to live even one day.”  ―    Virginia Woolf,    Mrs. Dalloway

By: Gabriela Yareliz

This book is probably the weirdest one that has made it to my favorites, Mrs. Dalloway. It is one that completely disagrees with my philosophy about life, but it fascinates me nonetheless.

Most people hate this book, and I know why- I get it. It isn’t the easiest to follow or understand (stream of consciousness is really insane), but the book does get one thing right…Life is only for the brave. No one said things would be easy. It’s like we are soldiers, and we are in it to fight, and maybe give our lives.

One thing is sure… “a smooth sea never made a skillful sailor,” and gold that doesn’t go through fire never gets refined and purified.

Life is about who can withstand the storm and even if it knocks you off your feet while you’re on deck, will you stand back up again? Will you stay or abandon ship?

Life isn’t always a boat that is in a storm, but we hit our rough patches once in a while. It is when we reach the parts that soak us and seem they will destroy us, the parts that fill us with fear and uncertainty that we grow the most. Fortunately, we are never alone.

“I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.”-William White

“Experience is a hard teacher  because she gives the test first and the lesson afterward.” -Vernon Law

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” Anais Nin