Ain’t So

“It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you in trouble, it’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.” Mark Twain

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Last night, Steve Valiquette said (during an intermission) there was no way the NY Rangers, a team that has plunged into some sort of identity crisis, would lose to the Calgary Flames. I was surprised by his certainty because he usually keeps it real. He has been watching this team spiral all season— what would make last night different? Spoiler— NY Rangers lost brutally, and Valiquette said it was the most “tragic” and “toxic” game he has covered since 2004. (He said TOXIC— that doesn’t even begin to cover it).

Sports, for many of us, are deeper than the game. It’s an analogy for life, mental and physical resilience on display; strategy and collaboration. Courage, and sometimes, brutal perseverance.

Valiquette’s intermission assertion is an example of how, sometimes, our wishful thinking makes us certain we know for sure what Mark Twain says, “ain’t so.”

It’s good to always display hope. Things like hope and vision are backed up by discipline, a plan and the grit required. And sometimes, even with all these things, you don’t win. Yesterday, that wishful thinking was backed up by nothing.

Specifically on the Rangers— I look at this team and wonder if they got lobotomies. I wrote a whole post on Trocheck and how his joy continued to uplift his team. Guys, he hasn’t smiled since I posted that— I kid you not. And it’s not like his seriousness made him play better. He plays worse. The coach (Peter Laviolette) has no idea what else to say in press conferences. He angrily chews his gum, shakes his head with his sad eyes and says he saw “nothing out there”. He reminds me of how I would look at my teams who were determined to give me zero percent effort. (He is not faultless, though— he gives a lot of ice time to people who give him nothing in return— another life lesson. Don’t do that).

Anyway— all this to say, no one knows where they go from here. The fans deserve better. I have never seen MSG look so empty. The fickle fans don’t have wishful thinking and given the city strangles us for money, we don’t have the cash to pay for those seats to watch them lose. They have received the memo and reality check. They are no longer willing to pay to watch five men free skate and sadly shake their heads. The fans aren’t giving the season CPR. They are like, “Call it.”

Yesterday, was the first time the announcers and journalists seemed to acknowledge the reality of the situation. Maybe that will be a turning point. In life, when we stop pretending and sweeping things under the rug, we give ourselves the opportunity to actually address the situation.

The NY Rangers have been pushed along with fun playoff delusions, and I think it ended last night. It’s time to face the music. When we do this in any circumstance, we finally open the door that gets us out of trouble.

If you aren’t here to play hard, you don’t deserve to win. Wishful thinking gets you only so far. It won’t take you to the playoffs.

Two Lives

“Most of us have two lives. The life we live and the unlived life within us. Between the two stands Resistance. (…) What we hate is our own failure to step up to that unlived level.” Steven Pressfield

By: Gabriela Yareliz

I love Steven Pressfield’s work. He is known for always diving into (and beating) the concept of “resistance.” He invites us to examine the two lives in front of us— the lived and unlived.

How are we spending our time? Do we inch closer to our dreams? Do we try and dare? Are we consumed with our failure instead of having it fuel us into a new reality?

The best kind of life is the one where the one that was unlived, but desired, becomes the lived one.

Ideas for NYC: Open Letter

Dear Eric Adams (Mayor),

You keep saying you are living a biblical moment. I want to tell you about my biblical moment. You love to compare yourself to Jesus, so here is a short prayer for relief (here I am hoping you have a Google Alert for your own name (on brand) or divine intervention will bring us together, like the old days):

Today, I rode on a subway where someone was stabbed yesterday. The gaslighting from you and the governor that we are the safest we have ever been is a joke at best.

Today, the smell of urine overpowered the train. The urine flowed in waves, swishing from end to end as passengers gagged, jumped squealing and those lucky to have a seat raised their feet up onto the bench. We parted the Yellow Sea, unwillingly. We were all on the splash zone; we did not walk on dry ground. Not the St. Patty’s fun we envisioned (not to be pinched, I am wearing green!). On a holiday like today, most people want to smell like beer not pee.

Here is what I am thinking— let’s get some help for the multiple incontinent people who need a bathroom (I can’t imagine all that pee came from one person). The stabber better be in jail. Maybe a collab with Poo Pourri or Clorox? Or better yet, go clean girlie, and go full nontoxic— Branch Basics and some essential oils. We can add wipes for the polls because, please, I am taking a brave bet to say they were baptized in urine.

Maybe, some paper barf bags (god forbid it be plastic) on the doors for the scent sensitive so they aren’t gagging and vomiting on the rest of us. Maybe some mesh shoe covers— the disposable kind you wear when you go to a germ-phobe’s house. In blue. That will match most outfits.

They can be multipurpose and the girls with the stuffed animal key chains dangling from their expensive purses can wrap their plush friends in them too to protect them from the elements.

All right, these are just ideas. Take ‘em or leave ‘em. You can take full credit for them. I got to go because I am about to lose my balance, and we all clearly know how that is going to end.

*splash*

Monday Mood

By: Gabriela Yareliz

You know we talked about balance not that long ago on the blog. As we start a new week, I am carrying this thought with me:

“Spend a handful of hours a day going fast. Crush a gym session. Do deep work on a project you care about. Spend the rest of the day going slow. Take walks. Read books. Get a long dinner with friends. Either way, avoid the anxious middle where you never truly relax or truly move forward.” Charles Miller

Green With Life

“The city waits and aches. The little grasses Crack through stone, and they are green with life.” Sylvia Plath, from my readings of Winter Trees

Spring is coming. You can just feel it in your bones. I feel the desire to clean, organize and prepare for a time of renewed energy and life! The cold is not the same. The sun feels different. The plants are waking up. Spring.

Don’t Be Good

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Have you noticed that people use other’s desire to be perceived as “good” as a manipulation tactic? People choose groupthink, their likes and dislikes (and sometimes their vaccinations and medical procedures) based on optics, oftentimes. ‘What will people think?’ is often the undercurrent. The craving for acceptance can be so exploited.

People manipulate others in politics and especially religion with this idea of “Don’t you want to be good? Don’t you want to be a good Democrat/Conservative/Christian/Muslim/Jew/wife/employee?”

And listen, there is a concept of righteousness that exists, but it’s not what people try to manipulate you with.

I once had a pastor who wanted to meet with me, alone. I said no. He said he would not listen to my ideas unless I met alone with him. I continued to refuse. Out of revenge, he gave my personal number (which the church had because I was actively serving in a Bible class), and gave it to every undocumented person in the church saying I was a free attorney for them. The whole church was undocumented so you can imagine how that played out. He said that my refusal to be manipulated made me a “bad Christian.” I was hot with anger and my hands were shaking when he accused me. I knew this guy was out of his damn mind, and he was an abuser. Few things piss me off more than someone weak and disgusting in power.

When I look at the concerted attacks right now against many Christians, whether it’s on their views on politics, world/foreign policy— there is this undercurrent of “Don’t you want to be good? Fall in line.” (Also, I have to go on record to say I was disappointed to see Jordan B. Peterson partake in this because I am a fan of his work). JBP should know, people do anything for acceptance and a quick buck.

We all saw this manipulation spectacularly during the pandemic. We quickly decided what made people “good” and what made people “grandma killers.” Medical professionals threw judgment out the window. People were so ok falling in line with something that had no basis, and people were fine and almost thrilled to other and exclude others (proven to be pointless).

This is why there is so much abuse in communities— we allow abuse and manipulation to spread when we don’t stand up to it. We prefer our temporary gain versus assessing the damage and consequences.

Slander and lies hold no weight. People are crazy out there, and liars destroy themselves.

Take it from someone who has been seen as a “bad Christian” and bad many things— it doesn’t matter. Put people in their place. If being “good” means being manipulated and falling in line— I don’t want to be “good.” I would rather be true and love and just.

Spring Break

By: Gabriela Yareliz

A woman rammed her stroller into me like four times. Then, she ran over my foot, and then, hit my heel. I was irritated and as I shook my head clenching my jaw, I spotted some guy’s hat that said “stay kind.” Deep breaths. Sometimes, we need a break from the daily injuries you know? I am tired of New York City. Trains never run on time and on top of that, I have a psycho trying to mow me down.

It’s my personal philosophy that adults should get spring break. It’s not like I had OC-Tijuana spring breaks as a teen, in fact, usually, something disastrous would happen to us during that week— call it the Spring Break Curse— but despite the aforementioned curse, I have fond memories of spring break. It was a time to reset and step away from the books.

We need breaks. I don’t know what our resistance to breaks is, but we have it.

Sunshine, green grass, maybe some ocean air— we deserve a break.

Vision

“A lot of things broke my heart but fixed my vision.” Freddie Gibbs

By: Gabriela Yareliz

That’s the way it is. Often, through suffering, we find salvation and clarity. Clarity requires humility.

When we don’t learn through suffering, it’s often because we are clinging to our own hopes, delusions and sometimes, ego. A lot of things can cloud vision. We humans love to invent things and call them reality.

When we release these things and let go, that is when the clarity comes. It’s like being plunged in a deep or murky body of water. Let’s be real, suffering and heartache makes us feel like we are drowning sometimes. We can’t breathe.

A friend of mine recently showed me that she helped design classroom decorations for “sea week.” It consisted of a deep blue plasticky cloth draped over the fluorescent lights and cutouts of silhouettes of fish and sharks. From below, the kids feel like they are underwater. The light shines dark blue on them. They see the shadows of the creatures “swimming” above. Wildly creative.

Imagine— being plunged into the East River. God help us. Disgusting. I can see it from the bridge as I write this. Once submerged, you only start to see as you emerge and near the surface of the water. That is where the light is. When we let go of the anchors and come to the bubbling surface, we can see.

Submerged, we see shadows, threats, lurking creatures, things that appear to be one way and may be something else. Vision, clarity and light require us to let go. It requires us to float back to the surface after we have dealt with what is in the deep. We belong in the light.

A Rothbart World

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Rumors of a recession swirl. Our economy has been in a bubble for far too long. Is it time for the long awaited pop and self-correction? Let’s be real, in many ways this has been inevitable. What we chose in the last election was who we want to lead us out of it. It’s time to buckle up. The bubble does have to burst. It’s an inevitable consequence of reckless spending and decisions.

Mahmoud Khalil is fighting deportation. People have been deported for a lot less. People do realize that people with visas can be turned away at the border or point of entry for any reason. Immigration can be an arbitrary thing. Now, it’s a free speech issue. Or is it? It will be interesting to see this play out.

Investigative journalism is back. I have been deep into the Candace Owens Harvey Weinstein series. As I follow different wild timelines and cases, a few things become apparent… things are never what they seem. Take that to the bank with you.

Another common thread is that absent parents mark people in wild ways. For example, so many women who end up seeking older men and exchanging their bodies for things (jobs, security, validation)— most had no fathers. Many of these women become abusers and “victims.” In many ways, people learn to victimize themselves through choices. We do the best we can with what we have, but sometimes our best really fails. Many men who become abusers also have an absent parent. An absent parent wreaks havoc on the universe— often times when the child grows up to be an adult who has not processed or coped with that absence. It shapes our society and certainly the focus of our legal system in many ways. The chain reaction of lives altered by this simple fact becomes WILD. And none of it is justified. It just is. A simple observation. Life after life often destroyed or deeply shaped and so much suffering because someone who should have been there wasn’t.

I keep thinking back to that movie, The Swan Princess, where the villain, Rothbart, flips his cape and he tells the naive, shallow, dumb prince (our hero) that not everything is what it seems. A profound lesson to learn in childhood. Even more life-altering as an adult. It’s truer than true.

The Idea of Balance

By: Gabriela Yareliz

I keep hearing about the idea of balance. Does it exist? Is it real? Most entrepreneurs say no. Most parents of young children say no. Some people who work 9-5 say yes. I guess balance (if it exists) rides the waves. I guess, though, if it comes in seasons that are sprinkled sporadically, it isn’t the definition of balance. Balance is about proportionality and all things being equal.

I think the more intertwined your life is with others (even if they are clients or family), the less balance you are likely to have. People inevitably hijack your time, sometimes, even unintentionally. Like when your kid is vomiting at 4 am, making your day look very different than what you initially planned.

Is balance worth it? If it does exist, what are we sacrificing for it?

Time is the one thing we don’t ever get back. To me, it makes sense we would go after things like a hungry dog because the next breath isn’t promised. The idea of living to the hilt probably throws balance off a cliff. But then there is the argument that the balanced person who has time for a coffee and staring off in space is really the one living.

Then, there is the argument that only those who go through seasons of high acceleration (unbalanced stretches) are the only ones who truly relax in that coffee-stare-off moment.

We talk a lot about balance, but sometimes, the way people describe it sounds very pie-in-the-sky— in other words, not real.

Is balance aspirational? Does it prejudice us to aspire to it?

Does anyone know? Probably not.