Forget the Restaurant

By: Gabriela Yareliz

People say that if you want a read on someone’s character (to date or work with, for example), go to a restaurant with them. See how they treat the waiter, they say.

Please— anyone can pretend through a meal. I have seen enough fake people to last me a lifetime, especially in the work sphere. Faking niceness isn’t hard. These interactions require a keen observer and someone who knows body language and mask slips well.

I got a better one for you. If you want to see a person’s character, ride the train with them when you need to get somewhere on time. (There has to be a time frame limit. This is key. No tourist joy rides work for this).

How do they handle delays? The homeless person who head butts them? Do they cough without covering their mouth? Do they surf between cars and invite you to follow (Aladdin vibes are not welcome)?

The answer to this for train car surfing should always be “no.”

Do they push their way into the car without letting people off? Do they memorize the route, or are they industrious enough to be able to take a detour when needed? Can they keep you safe from the NYC perils (the naked man on the D train, for example)? When a seat opens up, do they let you sit first? Do they give up their seat for the elderly and pregnant? Do they slap people in the face with backpacks and umbrellas (self-awareness)?

You can tell a lot about a person, I am telling you. I was once asked out on a train. There was a guy who started asking me what I was reading. Turns out we were both Tim Grover fans. That was clearly not my vibe, and he was way younger than me (not sure how old he thought I was). But he read the train car. Smart kid. I am sure he will make it far in life. My point is, you can tell a lot about someone based on how they ride the train when on a mission. It’s a fool proof test.

And if you are really lucky, like me, you’ll meet someone who hates the train more than you do, because hello, naked man on the D train.

Ideas for NYC: Open Letter #3

Dear Eric Adams (NYC Mayor),

It has been a minute, and today, I bring to you an important matter— an assault on the eyes— the newly “painted” Verrazano Bridge.

Let’s hope this is primer— but look at this bridge, half painted brown. What is this?

My eyes were assaulted on a walk.

The brown looks terrible. If the idea is to make it blend with the Staten Island hills behind it— no. We don’t need bridges blending into anything. Did we not learn anything after that boat smashed into that one bridge? Do we want birds getting confused? How will this look nice in marathon photos? The bridge already disappears on low visibility days. You need to make it darker.

This vomit brown is offensive. The bridge would look better if it was half American flag, half Italian flag. #honor

Another idea (I feel strongly about this one), paint it gray/silver glitter. Make this bridge sparkle at night. That would be iconic. Another color idea is navy. It’s classy, and it will look good with the night lights.

Please, do NOT paint this whole bridge brown. Toll payers will be devastated. We do not pay all that money to get on that bridge to have it be yet another ugly piece of the city.

Keep it classy. The glitter idea— think about it. New Yorkers love sparkly things, and I have seen the suits you wear. So do you.

A Loyal Friend

By: Gabriela Yareliz

“Anger is a map,” Julia Cameron writes. She says that anger deserves to be listened to, not stuffed away or suppressed as we tend to do. Why? Because it shows us, in the most loyal way, where we have been betrayed and where we have betrayed ourselves. Anger is a loyal friend.

Anger shows us where boundaries belong; where open wounds lie.

We all go in and out of anger eras. Sometimes, it’s anger because of deep loss and lack of acceptance of reality; sometimes, it’s anger mixed with pain of betrayal; sometimes, it’s anger in the form of resistance to manipulation or evil; sometimes, it’s anger in the face of deep injustice.

It’s time to stop seeing anger as wrong or something to be disposed of. Anger is not a resting place, though. Anger calls us to a journey. When on a journey, you don’t throw out the map. The map is not the destination, it is a tool. If you don’t use it, you remain lost. Anger is a map. Don’t discard the map, but instead, use it to find your way home.

The Real Real

By: Gabriela Yareliz

I love to try things. I am a curious raccoon, if you will. There are types of supplements where I have tried them all. The language learning platforms— I have basically tried them all. Something else I have tried a bunch of are fitness platforms.

I have talked about this in the past. I am picky when it comes to who I work out with. What am I looking at when I try a program or platform? I pay attention to the music and sound of the program. Does the person have good taste in music? Is the mic going in and out? Is the person quiet and then suddenly wildly loud? Do they talk a lot? Do I like their voice? Are they yelling at me? What is the vibe? Do they seem rushed? Are they anxious? Do they discuss form? Do they have issues they make public? Do they do strenuous workouts but have a period that has been missing for ten years? Do they have variety and innovation? I get bored easily. Am I paying money to do the same thing over and over again? These are the things I am thinking about.

I am particular when it comes to wellness. I believe strongly in maintaining top mind and body because I strongly believe our mind is what connects us to God.

Recently, I tried two new fitness programs. I won’t name them, but it’s not hard to know which ones if you do your research. One was an established fitness trainer who has dedicated decades to research, and she creates new choreographies. She doesn’t talk during workouts. Her taste in music is top. The other experience, trainer #2, was different. She yells in a voice that does not match her general vibe. It felt militant. The music was weird, like the type you don’t have to pay a license fee for. The movements were done in a spastic manner, and yet, weirdly the movement style itself was similar to trainer #1.

This last platform left me not wanting to go back to it or go past the free trial. What was interesting was that it left me so weirded out, I started looking into it. (Curiosity killed the cat, but not me). What I found was more than interesting. Apparently, the creator and trainer in the last platform discussed (trainer #2) used to work for the first trainer. Then, she left and started a platform that was a fraction of the price with similar movements. There was legal action from her former employer against her for infringement of copyright of the choreographies. The employer lost, as these legal things are tricky (currently being appealed— they settled out of court for breach of contract, though), but it all sort of suddenly came together for me.

This post really isn’t about the fitness platforms; it’s about the reality in life. In life, there are people who take and imitate. The vibes are off, and they seem to be something they are not. The way they move is a copy of something else. It sits superficially above the water. It’s the cheaper version. And as some Reddit posts will reveal, lots of people are ok with cheaper versions and imitations. That seems to be a theme now with luxury items. People are ok with a fake Gucci.

But then, there is the real deal. The real reals, we will call them. They are the creators. The ones who show up as themselves. They cost a lot more, but there is an expertise that backs it. There is authenticity. They know the intention and meaning of every movement and every word. It’s original.

The world is filled with imitations and the real. And let me tell you, when you are faced with both, if you have taken the time to do your homework, you can tell the difference. It’s like when I worked at the store— they trained you on what a real $20 dollar bill looks like so you can spot the counterfeit. We have to do this in everything in life. It’s one of the most important things we can teach children.

Life requires discernment. It goes way beyond a fitness platform and getting the body you want. It’s about all decisions including the people we allow around us. Is what/who we are choosing in alignment with our values?

We’ve all fallen for the counterfeit on accident. It’s part of life. But when you find the real deal, don’t let it go.

May we all choose to be the real real. The world doesn’t need more fakes.

Dreamer DNA

“Keepers of private notebooks are a different breed altogether, lonely and resistant rearrangers of things, anxious malcontents, children afflicted apparently at birth with some presentiment of loss.” Joan Didion, Slouching Towards Bethlehem

By: Gabriela Yareliz

I saw this Didion quote, and I know there is truth to it. As a kid, I would write 15 pages a day in my diary. I would plop myself onto the couch or be lying in bed on my stomach swinging my bent legs scribbling down my thoughts and happenings. It was a *thing* for me. I do think I carried a sense of loss with me, even if it was superficial— I left behind a lot of people, places, familiarity— constantly.

The other day, I was remembering all the colleges I wanted to go to as a kid. Every state we lived in, I pinned my hopes on going to that one school (Michigan State, The Ohio State, etc., etc.). That was until I didn’t. When it actually came time to apply to college, I was far from every college I had dreamed of before. It just sort of happened. (By the way, I would never trade my time at the University of Florida for any other school (even an Ivy League). It was the absolute best).

As my birthday approaches this year, I have been thinking a lot about the way those two things sort of have to stay alive in us— the things we dream about and the stuff we allow to unfold as life surprises us.

When I went to law school, I knew something big would happen this year. I planned for it. This is the last year for me for something I had looked forward to since 2011, and now, it’s here. (Thank God). It sort of starts to feel like it’s time to dream up next chapters or at least envision them, while leaving space for awesome serendipity and providence in life.

Endings invite us to dream of other beginnings and transitions. My point is dreaming doesn’t end when we are kids scribbling into notebooks and playing M*A*S*H. Be like that ad with the Emu. Be a dreamer.

Every new season— hell, every new day invites us to dream again. Take it from someone who adjusted her dreams a zillion times in every category— it’s time to dream. Dream and leave space for the surprises.

I’ll be here, scribbling into my notebooks. And I am here scribbling into this post: don’t forget you have dreamer DNA.

Words for the Silence

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Two out of my three trains are on time. I am overcoming my shock. As I do that, I continue to reflect on a passage in scripture that deeply moved me this week.

You know, sometimes, you are in a weird season. You feel surrounded by an environment you could do without. You pray incessantly, but it feels pretty quiet and stagnant. It brings David’s writings into perspective— how despondent he was at times, begging God to help him, feeling the darkness all around.

Today’s words aren’t from David, but from the mother of the man who anointed him king (Hannah, mother of Samuel).

I read her prayer, as I have done many times before, but the ending gripped me:

“He will guard the feet of his faithful ones, but the wicked shall be cut off in darkness, for not by might shall a man prevail. The adversaries of the Lord shall be broken to pieces; against them he will thunder in heaven. The Lord will judge the ends of the earth; he will give strength to his king and exalt the horn of his anointed.”
‭‭1 Samuel‬ ‭2‬:‭9‬-‭10‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I am sharing this in case it encourages you, too. He guards the feet of the faithful. The adversaries of the Lord shall be broken to pieces (some versions say ‘shattered’).

Hannah was someone who very much felt God’s silence in a season of life. But through the perceived silence, God was bringing about something BIG. Because that is what God does. He isn’t hampered or stopped. He is always bringing about His purpose, which is love. The ultimate good. It’s not easy; it’s not by might— but it’s wrought in patience, our quiet working of the soul, and His certain guiding hand.