How To Be Happy In Pain

Image via Fanpop

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Reading Jane Austen is upsetting, sometimes. The author had such a sad life, but she made sure to give her characters happy endings. It just isn’t real.

I heard recently that one of our greatest sources of unhappiness is when we fight reality. As humans, we do this a lot. We hold onto our thoughts and distortions like our life depends on it. What is revealed is that the secret to our happiness is in our expectations.

I loved the thought expressed here by Dennis Prager. I agree with him wholeheartedly. We don’t need to be shocked when things go awry. Life is made up of exactly that– when things go haywire. If it’s not wild– are you really living? We numb ourselves or keep ourselves in bubbles, but to be truly alive means to feel pain, to feel inconvenience, to feel devastation, and also, to feel joy. Living means you feel it all.

“I never expected a painless life. That is a big part of my happiness because you asked how could I be happy during those very difficult times. They didn’t shock me that I had them. People are shocked when things go awry today because they have been raised so poorly, by a stupid world of parents, stupid teachers, stupid schools, stupid media that have led them to believe that a painless life is possible, desirable, to be aimed for. Why do you think is it the lowest marriage rate ever in secular societies– only secular societies? Because there is no wisdom in secular society– none. It’s bereft of wisdom.”

Prager also states that wisdom is the key here. Wisdom only comes from God, scripture notes. As we mature and walk alongside God, understanding His wisdom, we grow to understand life a bit more (or at least to understand His sovereignty over that which we don’t understand). We learn to be ok, even in our pain and confusion.

We all need to learn to wrestle with reality less. We need to accept what we cannot control, and we need to stop expecting a painless life. We may think we don’t have that expectation, but the truth is revealed when life crosses us. Are we ok? Are we ready? Or are we expecting a Jane Austen book situation?

We need to raise our children to be warriors and prepared to face life’s cruelty and unpredictability instead of raising a disappointed and disoriented generation. We do the world a disfavor when we raise children who think life is a fantasy that caters to them. It renders an immature adult.

When we have realisitic expectations– when we accept reality, we grow in wisdom and can face life, in all its unfiltered glory, unfazed. When we are able to do this, we win. Winning is not the Jane Austen happy ending, but the one who stands to the very end.

Image via MSN

Compass

By: Gabriela Yareliz

“If you listen to what other people think, you are useless as a compass.” Ryan Holiday said he heard this somewhere… It has stayed on my mind ever since I heard it from him.

I want us to think about ourselves as a compass. A compass works through alignment with the magnetic field. Are we calibrated to show true North? Are we ready to lead and explore our path? Are we aligned with God and truth? All of this determines whether we get lost or make it to our destination. The path isn’t always clear, even when we are right on track, but the guide is always trustworthy when the compass works.

Truth

By: Gabriela Yareliz

I am reading a book by an investigative journalist. Someone who became obsessed with digging up the truth on a matter. They lost a lot along the way. The truth had a price. I guess it always does. The truth is an expensive thing. It’s simple and complex. It’s bitter and sweet.

It demands courage.

That’s the thing about truth— it sort of demands you put it all out on the line. It really does. It goes and strips you and leaves reality and you naked. The truth carries a different level of vulnerability. It can be more painful because, by definition, it is what it is— whether you like it or not.

Is it worth it? I would say it is. It’s unbelievably hard, but it sets you free.

Ugly

By: Gabriela Yareliz

I was listening to the Antonio Brown and Theo Von podcast episode on This Past Weekend with Theo Von. Theo was talking about how he saw a random recording someone took of him, and they called him ugly. Antonio went on to say that ugly means “swaggy.” “Watch this ugly mf get stuff done,” they said laughing.

That’s good perspective, Theo said laughing. Antonio replied saying everything about life is about perspective and how you frame it.

You choose what you want to see. The choice is yours. This holds true for how we see ourselves but also life circumstances.

In the end, we know all that matters is how you see yourself. What you do with your agency is what matters.

Some people will dislike you because they think you are “ugly.”

“Some people hate you, because you had less and still did more,” as Grant Cardone says.

Some people hate you because they hate themselves.

The “some people” don’t matter, though. They never do. Ugly doesn’t always mean what we think it means.

Monday On The Train

By: Gabriela Yareliz

The train does not smell good. Reminds me of clients who would come to court on drugs. Their hot breath on your face as you try to reason a decision with them. There is a large husky dog approaching a terrified man playing Kendrick Lamar on his phone (doing his own half-time show on the commute). He freezes, eyeing the dog suspiciously.

A woman sits by the window with a small rose gold compact. She is engrossed with her image in the mirror. She pours liquid foundation onto her fingers and starts dabbing. She pulls out a spritz bottle from her bag and spritzes her caked fingers. She pulls out a tissue and wipes her hand. She closes the compact, but a split second later, she pulls it back out. She starts trying to curl her bangs away from her face with a mascara wand. She repeats this obsessively for a good stretch. She will put the compact away, and then, pull it back out and keep curling. The curl is just not good enough.

The dog gets off the train, and the Kendrick speaker man calms down. I am feeling nauseated because I didn’t eat breakfast and took supplements on an empty stomach. I have been standing the whole time, swaying, unable to grab a poll because the train is so packed.

The woman getting ready keeps curling. She then stands triumphantly feeling very Farrah Fawcett. I feel the AC. Suddenly, a seat opens up. I plop down. Kendrick gets shut off. I am approaching my stop. I make eye contact with the girl who has to move to let me out of my seat. She gives me a half smile, understanding, as she grips her enormous coffee cup.

Monday begins.

Secrets

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Image via Reddit

If you have watched enough of The Office, you know Scranton has one stripper. She shows up dressed like a nurse to help give a charity check, and she shows up in other ways at Dunder Mifflin.

She says, “Secrets secrets are no fun. Secrets secrets hurt someone.”

Image via Reddit

This scene came to mind when I read this quote by Paige Rien:

“We are as sick as our secrets.

The devil needs darkness, the shame cycle & disunity to be effective.”

You can go into the science of how secrets affect our health in real ways, but even more, it affects us spiritually. It affects us relationally. It’s pretty much always toxic.

A wise reminder from Scranton’s only stripper and an HGTV author.

Understanding

“But the fact is, most human beings have never done the work to understand themselves, heal their past, or manage their own emotions. If they haven’t done that for themselves, they are incapable of doing that for you and showing up in a way that you deserve.” Mel Robbins

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Life would be simpler if we walked in with the knowledge of what Mel Robbins explains in the quote above.

It also is a reason to reflect— are we doing the work to understand ourselves? Have we healed our past? Do we manage our emotions? Are we capable of showing up in a way that the people around us deserve?

Let’s not be like most humans. Let’s do the work.

Birthday Week

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Esther Perel says something along the lines of— you either have different relationships with different people in life or different relationships with the same person. People’s lives shape up differently. In law school, I studied cases about co-adventurers— you know partners in a joint venture, so to speak.

Today’s note is a personal one for my co-adventurer. Just wanted to wish my husband a happy birthday week. I am so grateful God and life gave us the opportunity to come together. Guys, he is the coolest person. I love our hilarity, our friendship, our chemistry, our love, our love for shared walks and our shared squirrel friendship group (ha but seriously). He is the best cook, has the best artistic eye, and has the kindest soul. He is the definition of a good man and a person you are lucky and blessed to know.

May we grant ourselves many relationships with just each other. Life is an amazing (and sometimes scary adventure). I am grateful for my co-adventurer’s new year and for the ability to walk alongside him.

Happy birthday, A. ♥️

This Matters

Image via The Arena Summit

By: Gabriela Yareliz

“You want a meaningful life? Everything you do, matters. Everything.” Dr. Jordan B. Peterson

When I read the quote above by JBP, I nodded. I have always seen life this way. Some people see it as overkill, but life just doesn’t work the way many assume it does. It surprises all of us. When we slack or treat something as if it doesn’t matter, it has consequences. Some people find procrastination in certain areas accceptable. I read somewhere that procrastination is the arrogant notion that somehow God owes you another opportunity to do this one thing. The truth is we don’t know what tomorrow holds. Everything we touch– we don’t know if it is being touched for the very last time. And that is fact.

Scripture tells us, “Whatever you do, do well. For when you go to the grave, there will be no work or planning or knowledge or wisdom.” Ecclesiastes 9:10

When The Arena puts on its conference, there is a sticker on the floor at the entrance of the stage that says “This Matters.” It’s the last thing the speaker sees before they see the crowd. That always stayed with me. When I am gearing up to do something, I often whisper this phrase to myself.

When you face the next task and the next opportunity, don’t squander it with arrogance or shrink back with fear or dismiss it (and we all are guilty of this at times). Think, “this matters” because it really does.