Ch-ch-cha-changes

“Why are you subjecting yourself to this? Is this really the environment you were made for? … Our adrenal glands can handle only so much before they become exhausted. … Every time you get upset, a little bit of life leaves the body. Are these really the things on which you want to spend that priceless resource? Don’t be afraid to make a change– a big one.” Ryan Holiday, The Daily Stoic, February 12th

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Why is change so hard? There are a lot of answers to this. I have been nearing a moment of big change for myself and witnessed many friends undergoing big changes, too.

Some of us don’t feel ready. But we are. Some of us aren’t ready, but it’s ready or not, here it comes! Some of us are emotionally attached to places or what they mean to us. We are attached to our work and those who surround us. We are attached to a definition we used to define ourselves. It can be so many things.

In the midst of big change, we are confronted with so many thoughts and fears. Fears from the past that have nothing to do with the circumstance at hand creep up on us. Abandonment is a b*tch. Some of us have carried a lot on our shoulders or felt the need to rescue a place or people from themselves. Whatever it may be– the dynamic is unveiled strongly at departure.

Change is to be altered; to be made different. It’s always different and new, in some way or another.

As a child growing up, I was no stranger to change. Between kindergarten and the end of 8th grade, I attended 7 different schools. I was always in the middle of change. I was thinking of ways to reinvent myself, and what I could take from my past experience. My little magazines/catalogs, my books and my American Girl dolls– my faithful companions.

I was a pro at change, from a very young age. I know how to pack well, and coordinate an address swap with friends who are turning into pen pals, before my departure. I was always the one leaving. Even after a stable high school and undergraduate experience (thanks, ma), I graduated before my high school peers and then set off on my own adventure– law school in NYC, alone.

Change for me has always been a solitary experience. It has been an experience that I have deeply appreciated, and one that has marked me deeply.

Now that I have my own choices to make and change is in my hands, it has been difficult. I try to approach life through a lens of gratitude and godly wisdom. This means I appreciate what I have because I feel so blessed to have it. I also try to minimize change by making a wise choice from the start.

But then, even then, the constant in life, change, always appears. Relationships evolve (as they should– and this is exciting, but change nonetheless), and new opportunities arise.

I am in a period of big change. I think I felt from the get-go that 2020 would be a year of a lot of changes. I welcome those changes. I am excited. I would also be lying if I didn’t say I am scared sh*tless.

Change has always carried a weight of responsibility. It means a level-up, in my book. No matter what it is. And it causes me to confront who I am, and where I want to go. It’s not something I take lightly. People may think it is cheesy, but I approach life with the utmost solemnity.

I am living it once. Every step I take, I see as a step I am taking for all that I want in the future (family and career), to honor the sacrifices of all who came before me (my family and especially my mother), and to add glory to all I have chosen to represent (which is Christ Jesus).

I have felt held in fear and some sadness, recently. There is always a sadness in letting go and a fear in approaching the unknown. What I do know, is that I was trained for this. Not many people have had the hands-on experience I have had with change. I am a cockroach– I adapt. And regardless of the real fears I have, I know that with God by my side there is nothing I can’t do.

I know exactly who I am (solitude does that to you), and anything new just adds to that person.

Life has its pivotal moments where it calls us out into the foggy unknown. It dares us to let go of the great to pursue the extraordinary.

The iconic Audrey Leighton says that “Extraordinary is only born from extraordinary measures.”

Change– my old close friend, we meet again. I was surprised when you knocked at my door, but my hand is on the knob. Even with the fears I carry inside, we are never strangers. You knew I wouldn’t resist.

“Turn and face the strange.” David Bowie

Story

We are a part of each other’s stories. We belong to some stories more than others, but there is nothing more powerful than when you get to write your own story. Nothing more important than the role you play in your story. Make it a good one.

Calm

“The nearer a man comes to a calm mind, the closer he is to strength.” Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 11.18.5b

When I read this, it struck a chord. I am not always calm. I have my frenzied moments. Moments where I don’t trust timing, hormonal moments (there should be greeting cards apologizing for PMS– I could use one now), and moments where my patience feels like it has run out. We all have those amplified emotional moments. And then there are the moments where the most dramatic possibility hijacks my brain. Yup. That’s me. (Ever the catastrophic thinker– though I have learned I have been able to tame that a bit).

Do you ever feel frenzied? For some people it’s not frenzy or an exasperated attempt of something, but it may be anger. It may be fear under it all. It may be self-protection or a desire to manipulate. Whatever your worst default mode is– Marcus Aurelius makes a bold point that I agree with: the calmer we are when we handle a situation, the closer we are to strength.

My calm can come from many things. It can come from taking a slow morning and noticing the beauty all around; a tight embrace; a hot tea; a good book; peace granted from God after a vulnerable prayer. In our calm, we find strength. May we always seek out peace. I am hoping we can all live life at our strongest.

Honoring Self

By: Gabriela Yareliz

That image above is the image the world associates with the Nikki Bella-John Cena breakup. She is crying in that photo.

Nikki Bella (and Brie Bella) announced her (their) pregnancy (Brie’s second child; Nikki’s first), this week. It brought me back to this moment that changed everything.

Nikki’s breakup with John Cena was empowering. It was devastating because it was the rupture of a couple that was adored by many fans, but also, it was a moment that showed a self respect seldom seen among women.

Here was a woman who was done sacrificing herself and the things she so dearly desired for herself. She was done letting a man control her life (his timeline and lack of desire to marry her or give her children), and she did something a lot of women have said shouldn’t be done. She walked away. They called off the wedding he had sworn he would never have (guess he was right).

Her twin sister, Brie Bella, said something in the past to her that was memorable, along the lines of, “You have already sacrificed so much, and I don’t want to see you give up everything just because you are grateful.” (Nikki had expressed that she was grateful that he had finally proposed after several years of dating; she was tiptoeing around issues to not do anything to screw up the chance of marrying him finally).

Now, Nikki Bella has found the love of her life, and now, she will experience two joys she never thought would be possible in the past (marriage and motherhood). Things she would have felt she was forcing her former partner into. She found someone who wants these things as much as she does.

Regardless of whether you find what you are looking for or get what others think of as a happy ending, her story and courage are important. They demonstrate the ultimate happy ending– honoring yourself. She shows women that it’s important to respect yourself.

She says that what you don’t say for fear of f—ing something up, f’s you up inside. She shows women that you can love someone, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that is the best choice for you. She shows what it means to choose a life of joy over a life of settling. She exemplifies a woman who wasn’t trying to manipulate someone, but someone who was fair, and took someone’s communication and inaction for what it was worth. She gave someone else the freedom to be themselves, and importantly, she chose the freedom to be herself.

We can all rip a page out of Nikki Bella’s book. What is the life you dream of? What are your biggest desires? Are you settling? Are you truly listening to people around you and how their actions speak louder than words? Do you respect yourself enough to choose yourself?

She made the toughest choice. She made the best choice. She is living life in a way that honors what she knew to be her purpose. There is no greater satisfaction. It starts with you. If others have the freedom to be themselves and honor themselves, so do you.

Simplicity

“Out of all virtues simplicity is my most favorite virtue. So much so that I tend to believe that simplicity can solve most of the problems, personal as well as the world problems. If the life approach is simple one need not lie so frequently, nor quarrel nor steal, nor envy, anger, abuse, kill. Everyone will have enough and plenty so need not hoard, speculate, gamle, hate. When character is beautiful, you are beautiful. That is the beauty of simplicity.” Ela Bhatt

I agree with Ms. Bhatt. Simplicity is an important virtue that we ignore all too often.

Fighter

“Be me, or fight me“ Conor McGregor

By: Gabriela Yareliz

I grew up watching boxing and fighting, from a young age. At the age of four, I was sitting on Muhammad Ali’s lap for a photo (went to pre-school with his son). My grandfather would order the fights on Pay-Per-View– usually on a Saturday night. Puerto Ricans– we are big on our fights. We have produced some of the world’s best fighters.

I always got a thrill from it. Some people see these sports as pure violence, ignoring the discipline and mental strength it requires. I love the discipline, the strength, the bravado and the fact that when you are there to fight, you are there to win.

I think life would be different if we approached it in this way, with: discipline, strength, courage, a pinch of bravado and whole lot of passion to win.

In my head, I have always seen my life like a boxing match. And at the end of it, I am determined to be the one left standing.

[Inspired by Conor McGregor’s comeback against the Cowboy on January 18]

Preparation

“You cannot plan for the life God has for you, you can only prepare for it.” Erwin McManus

Here is to preparation. For the hours we spend in His presence, the times we spend listening and the chapters we read through in His word. Preparation is about character.

Yesterday, I was reading in Luke that passage where Jesus speaks to Martha:

“Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.””

‭‭Luke‬ ‭10:38-42‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Martha was distracted. Maybe so distracted she didn’t even realize how anxious or troubled she was (she was maybe on our all-too-familiar setting of autopilot). She was planning and executing clearly. But Jesus saw her. He sees her clearly and says to her: ‘Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things–‘

He saw her clearly and He cared. He saw her heart. But then He reminds her that it doesn’t matter what you role is, whether it’s the oldest, a mother, a wife, a host — your role and the expectation attached to it doesn’t matter. It’s not about that, but it’s about choosing the one thing that is “necessary.” Everyone needs to choose that. God has asked us to choose Him. Spending time in His presence in preparation– that is what will not be taken away. Everything else can fall apart or fade. What we guard in our hearts and minds, however, that is what cannot be taken away.

May we switch our focus from busy planning to preparation of our hearts and characters in His presence.

My God is Alive

By: Gabriela Yareliz

When we feel discouraged, let us remember that God is not dead. God is alive. God is working in every earnest heart that is humble and ready to receive Him.

When confusion rages– we must remember that there is a movement of people that is on its knees. A movement of people who believe in a God who is real. A movement of people that does not believe in charging crystals by moonlight or manifesting but that believes that they serve a real God. An all-powerful God. A God who cannot be stopped. A God outside of ourselves who offers to dwell in us and among us.

The church is not dead. I believe in my heart that the church is just getting started. The church will always rise up in the name of Jesus– covered by His blood of mercy, love and victory.

There is a generation rising to guard truth without compromise. We are the church. The church will never be extinguished because God holds it in His hand.

We are not called to something easy. We are called to a battle, where we must hold on and keep standing.

The church, generation after generation, rises from the ashes because the One who stands behind it is real. The purpose is real. The power of His blood is real, and nothing can and will ever defeat it.

So, in the name of Jesus, may the world know that we are here to stay. We are here to try to uplift humanity to see His life-changing love– even with all of our flaws.

In our imperfections, we believe we are redeemed, we are called, we are healed, we are equipped and by His grace, we will stand.

No matter what, we will stand. No compromise. The answer to our aching hearts and self-destruction is love. God is love. We will never stop– until the whole world hears.

The church is alive. Don’t forget it.

“Here I stand. I can do no other. God help me.” Martin Luther

Courage

In The Courage to Be Disliked, a statement/rhetorical question continues to emerge: Do we have the courage to be happy?

The philosopher in the book emphasizes that life is less about the hand we have been dealt but more about our courage, regardless of the hand.

I pray we can all find the courage to experience joy.