Expect miracles.
By: Gabriela Yareliz
Follow every negative thought with a positive action, Erwin McManus said explaining one of his key practices.
This is a key to growth and rewiring. This is how we train our brain. It will learn to expect the positive follow-up to the negative trigger. This made me wonder how our lives would be different if we trained our minds to follow this route.
Next time you have a negative thought, follow it with positive action, and let me know what happens.
By: Gabriela Yareliz
I know someone (who I admire) who is almost 80 and refuses to retire. Now, I do think this person has a sense of calling and vocation. They love what they do. But this brought me to thinking— how many of us are on track to do the same because we fail to have an identity or grow outside of work/responsibility. Have we forgotten who we are because we are a piece of a machine? I see it in myself and those around me. No breaks.
Some people naturally have close people who show them a rich life outside of work and responsibility, and others don’t and need to find an example of this to figure out how to live it out. We are all tasked with finding it and paying attention.
And this isn’t even about taking vacations (though that is a small piece of it). One can’t live life from vacation to vacation. I am talking about daily living where you cultivate a rich life of creativity and variety outside of work. Where, if you have a paralyzing accident today (God forbid), you weren’t putting leisure off to some future unpromised time that never comes. Hilariously, we see the putting off of joy and creativity as responsible. It’s not. It’s wasteful and presumptuous.
This is one of my goals. I want to cultivate an identity outside of responsibility. What does that look like? I don’t know, but the wisest people do it. We don’t get this time back. This is the phrase that keeps swirling in my head like a full sink swirling around the drain.
By: Gabriela Yareliz
In Tara Schuster’s last book, there is a scene where she sees her therapist, and she tells her therapist that she is feeling really anxious. She describes everything that has been happening, and her therapist patiently listens, and at the end, the therapist tells her, “You aren’t anxious, you are furious.”
I identified with this scene. There have been seasons in my life where I thought I was sad, anxious, confused— but no, I look back now, and I realize, I too, was furious.
In trials and serious moments, there are serious things that pull you through. I would argue God is one of those serious things. One thing that always brightened my day was comedy. I LOVE comedy. I love comedians, and I love making people laugh, myself. In fact, I found myself thinking this the other day, but I hope I make you laugh here, occasionally. In any serious meeting or presentation, I strive to say something that breaks tension and makes people smile. It’s a syndrome.
I had a short stint in childhood where I wanted to be a comedian. My best friend Jackie and I were The Giggle Gang at the age of 10. We were serious about making people laugh. We would spend time writing jokes in a ratty spiral notebook, and we made a mini magazine that was pure humor. While I am nowhere near a comedian, and I am in one of the most serious professions (though the way these people act is a joke)— comedy is still something that matters. I will always choose it as a genre above all else.
I was reminded recently of the Peter Segal movies I grew up watching. My parents loved comedy, too. We were an SNL household, after all. The people from childhood are people I still seek out— Tim Allen, Steve Martin, Martin Short, David Spade. Adam Sandler is legend, as well.
David Spade… I recently showed some episodes of Just Shoot Me!, a major comfort show to me, to my husband. It still makes me laugh.
Studies show we seek out nostalgic things because they are predictable— we know the ending, and because they are safe. Comedy is a safe space despite the fact that true comedy can be pretty savage. The rules surrounding it though are that it’s not that serious.
On any bad day at work or morning where I feel slight dread because of whatever awaits me (also bc of work with the unserious dweebs), I listen to a comedian’s podcast. I laugh the whole commute. I feel better. Suddenly, the day shifts. Everything changes. Certain things matter less. The serious looks more absurd. As it should be. It’s not a crutch but a putting things in their rightful place.
I have realized comedy is and has been a life raft for many. Through storms, it has been an inflatable raft that allows us to surf the waves. We still end up soaked, but we are laughing, instead.
They say you have to laugh to keep from crying, but really, we should strive to laugh because some tears aren’t worth it. Other perspectives are more worthy of our emotional investment.
This is just a giant “thank you” note to the ones who make us laugh. To the ones who point out the absurdities and bring us back to child-like imagination and laughter. I once heard that comedy is the most intelligent form of communication. It is nuanced and often stems from darkness. But it does a wild thing we all need to learn— it’s the art form that turns darkness into light.
“When you try to fit in, you disappear.”
“I will never be satisfied. Life is one constant search for betterment for me.” Jayne Mansfield
By: Gabriela Yareliz
I want to know that I have peace about some things. I have let go of others. I want to have a settled spirit. You know, the kind you can’t f*** with, as we say in New York. I want to be warm with others. I want to be accountable and hold others accountable (thank God I am a lawyer, right?). I want to consistently hold profound unshakeable joy in me.
I want to keep reading magical books that open the mind to new ideas. I want to draw more pictures. I want to keep learning languages, and master Russian at a different level. I want to smile in the face of adversity, knowing all things work together for good. I want to see God’s miracles everywhere. I want to always have a heart of service.
I want to create the future as only an uninhibited child would. I want to see all these things in me and be totally unbothered if others are committed not to. I want to give art and beauty more space. I want to get stronger, physically and mentally.
I want to accept more rest. I want to set aside perfectionism, where so many of us think we derive our value from. I want to maximize life at every step. I want to keep writing letters to the mayor (they painted the bridge— thank God. You’re welcome, Brooklyn and Staten Island). At each moment, I want to feel fully alive. I want to stop working like a machine and leave the familiar numbness behind.
I want to explore. I want to keep laughing. I want to keep dreaming, like LiMu Emu.
Every day is a gift. I never tire of saying it. Every day, I want to learn, grow and be better.
I don’t think I will ever be satisfied. Mansfield said it best.
“Words are a form of action, capable of influencing change.” Ingrid Bengis
By: Gabriela Yareliz
I heard Theo Von once describe dating in LA, and he said it was brutal. You have some woman your age who is dating some guy fifteen years older than her— Aerosmith, or something. She just came back from a world tour. All I can offer her is a walk, Theo said laughing. How do you compete? He asked.
I think that becomes the question that emerges in all of our heads at some point or another. How do you compete?
Women face this all the time. It’s not that you are intentionally competing with other women or people. I think nowadays it’s more of a question of how do we compete with what is not natural? AI? Plastic surgery and fillers? Altered images that rewire our brains? Masculine culture?
The beauty conversation comes up at least once daily, either on a text thread or social media post. What is true beauty? I would argue true beauty is that which cannot be taken away or aged out. The irony is we all want to look a certain way, but few are as committed to being a true and deep reflection of beauty. The lightheartedness, the good morals and character, a grateful heart, emotional intelligence, honesty, a commitment to growth, consistency— uff. You can’t inject, photoshop or AI any of that.
I laughed with Theo when I heard him saying he can’t compete. But if Theo is as genuine as he presents, the irony is, I think he would win the whole game with his sincerity and his non-world tour walk. That’s why we gravitate toward people like him. Deep inside, we recognize true natural beauty. We would all win the game with that Theo level of honesty. Because beauty is found in the simplicity of integrity and a good laugh.
Maybe someday, we will realize there is no competition with a heart of gold. The whole game is rigged in your favor. I hope we all choose natural beauty— when faced with the choice, may we always choose a walk over a world tour.
By: Gabriela Yareliz
People say that if you want a read on someone’s character (to date or work with, for example), go to a restaurant with them. See how they treat the waiter, they say.
Please— anyone can pretend through a meal. I have seen enough fake people to last me a lifetime, especially in the work sphere. Faking niceness isn’t hard. These interactions require a keen observer and someone who knows body language and mask slips well.
I got a better one for you. If you want to see a person’s character, ride the train with them when you need to get somewhere on time. (There has to be a time frame limit. This is key. No tourist joy rides work for this).
How do they handle delays? The homeless person who head butts them? Do they cough without covering their mouth? Do they surf between cars and invite you to follow (Aladdin vibes are not welcome)?
Do they push their way into the car without letting people off? Do they memorize the route, or are they industrious enough to be able to take a detour when needed? Can they keep you safe from the NYC perils (the naked man on the D train, for example)? When a seat opens up, do they let you sit first? Do they give up their seat for the elderly and pregnant? Do they slap people in the face with backpacks and umbrellas (self-awareness)?
You can tell a lot about a person, I am telling you. I was once asked out on a train. There was a guy who started asking me what I was reading. Turns out we were both Tim Grover fans. That was clearly not my vibe, and he was way younger than me (not sure how old he thought I was). But he read the train car. Smart kid. I am sure he will make it far in life. My point is, you can tell a lot about someone based on how they ride the train when on a mission. It’s a fool proof test.
And if you are really lucky, like me, you’ll meet someone who hates the train more than you do, because hello, naked man on the D train.
Dear Eric Adams (NYC Mayor),
It has been a minute, and today, I bring to you an important matter— an assault on the eyes— the newly “painted” Verrazano Bridge.
Let’s hope this is primer— but look at this bridge, half painted brown. What is this?
The brown looks terrible. If the idea is to make it blend with the Staten Island hills behind it— no. We don’t need bridges blending into anything. Did we not learn anything after that boat smashed into that one bridge? Do we want birds getting confused? How will this look nice in marathon photos? The bridge already disappears on low visibility days. You need to make it darker.
This vomit brown is offensive. The bridge would look better if it was half American flag, half Italian flag. #honor
Another idea (I feel strongly about this one), paint it gray/silver glitter. Make this bridge sparkle at night. That would be iconic. Another color idea is navy. It’s classy, and it will look good with the night lights.
Please, do NOT paint this whole bridge brown. Toll payers will be devastated. We do not pay all that money to get on that bridge to have it be yet another ugly piece of the city.
Keep it classy. The glitter idea— think about it. New Yorkers love sparkly things, and I have seen the suits you wear. So do you.
GABRIELA YARELIZ 