Today, I am sharing one of those anecdotes one simply does not forget from Born Standing Up, the bio by Steve Martin on his (brilliant) career in comedy. (I am a big fan). The book has a monochrome cover image with the title and his name in bright, sans serif yellow letters.
In the chapter “The Road”, he recalls when he performed at Vanderbilt University in Nashville. After he was done with his act, the packed room didn’t budge. He was confused and knew he needed to pack up his props and things– and the only way out was past the students. He looked at them and let them know, “It’s over.” Nobody moved. He started making little humorous comments and walking by students, and he wandered into the hallway. The students followed him into the hallway. Martin then walked outside, and the students continued to follow him. Finally, he came across an empty pool, and he told the student audience, “Everybody into the pool!” and they went into the pool.
Martin tells us, “Then I said I was going to swim across the top of them, and the crowd knew exactly what to do: I was passed hand over hand as I did the crawl.” (pg 140) He says his comedy entered new territory that night, and it felt free and unpredictable.
As I was reading this, I was laughing at the mental picture– this visual of Steve Martin essentially crowd surfing in an empty pool with students. Epic. It was a colorful story on a white page filled with black ink words and black and white photos. This story was bold yellow, like the letters on the cover.
Perhaps monochrome is elegant, classic; maybe at times it can be lifeless, and at other times it holds a needed place in the middle of color. Life can be very much monochrome. I know so many of us have felt that in lockdown after lockdown. But here is a reminder that even within the circumstances, it’s up to us to add the dashes of freedom and streaks of color to the page. If we dare, we may find ourselves in new territory.
“Everybody into the pool!” Steve Martin, Born Standing Up, pg 140
“Fabrics don’t make exquisite dresses, it is the stitches.” Treasure Stitches
By: Gabriela Yareliz
I haven’t sat down to sew in a long time. Sewing was a part of my childhood. My mom sewed and hemmed her pants and such. My grandmother would come and take over the dining room table with our sewing machine and make me beautiful dresses that easily rivaled anything in any store. (My favorite was a white dress with a square neck and a navy ribbon that lined the collar– it made me look like a mariner).
I took Home Economics (Home Ec) in the 7th grade. We learned to cook, sew and carry around a fake baby. We heard horror stories of kids that had accidentally sewn their own fingers with the machine and had wandered off into the hallway in a state of shock. I made a pillow case (it was a white fabric with green little shamrocks– don’t ask why I chose this. Maybe it was the cheapest fabric, maybe I was feeling lucky, or maybe it was just the funkiest thing I could find); I made a couple of other random things I am sure I treasured, and we made the parent breakfast. Then, the next semester we took Industrial Arts, where I made a wooden shelf and toaster tongs, all on my own. (I kept the absurd goggles from this class– still have them. For some reason they are among my treasured possessions). This was the class I was taking around my birthday, and my mom sent me balloons (it was magical to get balloons delivered in class), and I nervously kept eyeing them to make sure they didn’t get close to any of our saws during that period. Kids can be vicious. I kept them close. I was glowing.
I remember a good amount of time in Home Ec was spent ripping the stitches out with our little blue handle seam rippers. The seams needed to be straight. I wasn’t at home making my American Girl doll a skirt or patching a purse I refused to throw away. Nope. This needed to be right. I was being graded. We would sit together in little clumps and seam rip. There was a comfort in knowing we were in this torture together. Even though we were being graded on our pillow case stitches, it wasn’t perfection that was expected but good faith effort. They knew we were only like 12.
Good faith effort– the kind of effort we should put into life. We don’t need perfection, but hey, maybe we should take a pause and evaluate the stitches. Are they straight? And if not, we should know there is no shame in stopping to rip some stitches to start again. We can sit together and seam rip. The shamrock pillow case is worth it. You are worth it. Don’t be afraid to start the stitch line again.
It’s not uncommon to desire and strive for greatness.
*Cue Kanye West’s song “Stronger” /Bow in the presence of greatness/*
One of the Battle Ready podcast conversations discussed how we often fail to recognize greatness and scoff at people who have accomplished things we can’t even dream of. We can be so judgy and noncelebratory with other’s achievements. Why not recognize greatness? Why not strive for true greatness? What is true greatness?
“We should never confuse fame with greatness. The former is about what you do for yourself; the latter is about what you do for others,” Erwin McManus wrote in his book Wide Awake.
True greatness in life is about what we do for others. If we are a part of Jesus’ revolution of love on the move here on earth, then people will be our greatest priority and serving them will be our greatest joy and accomplishment.
Over time, we either become soft or hard, I was reminded as I studied scripture. Sometimes, scripture describes the heart as either hard or soft, or sometimes, it describes it as soil (for the plant lovers).
How can we tell where we fall on the texture scale? One might think it’s something invisible to the eye, but on the contrary, it pours out of us. I’d say it’s a mix of how we respond to something or someone greater than us (in this case, God, Himself) and the virtues we may (or may not) possess.
A hard heart is defined by a continual ignoring of God’s voice to the heart, pride, selfishness, the delusion of grandeur. While a soft heart is one that is humble enough to be molded and guided. A soft heart recognizes its place in the universe and its shortcomings in front of a perfect and holy God.
What is important to note is that both hard and soft hearts are spoken to by God in scripture, but only the soft-hearted accept the voice’s prodding and instruction. Only the good, soft soil allows the seed to take root and be planted. Our heart’s texture is our choice, from moment to moment.
We live in a world where people are desperately seeking guidance or some kind of affirmation, whether it’s from astrology and their sign, crystals and earthy elements, the moon, personality tests– we seek affirmation. An uncertain today and tomorrow scare the daylights out of us, and we are left in darkness. Strangely, we often seek affirmation from something within our own realm (something created like us or something created by us), but the idea of God speaking to us either threatens our illusion of control or seems unattractive to us for some reason. We often fail to realize it is the greatest privilege. Instead of reading a horoscope written by someone with your same anxieties, what if instead of some blanket statement that could apply to anyone or placing crystals in the reflected light provided to us in the dark by a created rock in the sky (it doesn’t even supply its own light)– maybe our anxieties would lessen if we remembered that the God of the unvierse speaks to us in our unique circumstances, individually. He has a message for you.
Photo via @dreamingincollages and @indg0
In the sweet and sacred moments of the mundane, will we be soft enough to be smoothed into something that can reflect holiness? The universe is loud with distractions; discern His soft voice in its midst.
Gwen Stefani with No Doubt band mate. Image via Tumblr.
By: Gabriela Yareliz
For those of us who grew up in the 90s-2000s, pop had such a big influence on us. There were the classic pop artists, like Britney Spears, Mandy Moore and Jessica Simpson. These were the sweet, bubblegum, “wholesome” idols of the age. We loved them.
Then, there were the slightly edgier ones like Christina Aguilera (later called Xtina) and Jennifer Lopez (later called JLo).
Jennifer Lopez via Tumblr
Then, there was a separate class of artist– the one that was extra unique and dared. They were eclectic and unapologetic. I loved this type of artist. In Spanish, I was a fan of Paulina Rubio and Shakira (when she had that bright red hair. If you know, you know). I loved watching Paulina Rubio music videos where she would tell her crummy boyfriends that she would send them to the moon on a rocket, and she would stroll onto the red carpet in these exaggerated fur-like coats. And Shakira… well, believe it or not I was an avid and pretty good impersonator of her old music. I would perform for the family. My grandfather got me her cassette for my 9th birthday.
Paulina Rubio image via GifSoup
Paulina Rubio via hawtcelebs.com
Shakira via Gfycat
Then, in English-language music, there was Pink and the iconic Gwen Stefani. I was a huge fan.
Pink via giffles
Pink being herself via Tumblr
These women’s music was always playing in the background of life, while growing up (whether it was radio, pep rallies at school and at the mall (the hangout place of every millennial in their youth)). What these women in this last category have in common (other than the fact that they all dyed their hair wild colors at some point) is they exhibited what was considered almost a masculine-feminine vibe as they were assertive, strong and seemed to not care what anyone thought about them. They didn’t encourage us to look like them, they encouraged us to look like ourselves.
Gwen Stefani via Bored Teachers
Growing up in a school environment where your status was often marked by your look– you know, we had the goths, punks, people with Dooney & Burke handbags and the ones who wore Abercrombie & Fitch (no idea how people could afford this)– I made my own looks from practical, nonpreppy classics. My look was not really branded (unless Arizona Jeans Co. counts or that awesome Mary-Kate and Ashley line at Walmart– loved this), so I knew early on I was gonna be known for my personality and not my JCPenney corduroy pants (JCP always has a special place in my heart, as this was my mom’s go-to store). I loved the idea that I didn’t belong to a box or brand, and there was no specific look I always had to project. I could look however I wanted to look on any given day. I am grateful I grew up like that. I once made my own version of this top from ABC Family’s TV show So Little Time. I cut a t-shirt and made it sleeveless and used Sharpie to write on it.
Mary-Kate Olsen via Fanpop
I was the girl who wore fishnet tights to church. Yep. Scandalous.
Fishnets were a classic of mine.
Before we moved to Florida to start our lives again (fresh start), I cut off all my hair into a pixie, like Mandy Moore in How to Deal, and as we arrived in the sunshine state, I got some purple hairspray, which didn’t even show up on my dark, dark hair. If you don’t believe I had moxie, take a look at this haircut below– I got it at the age of 13. This book and movie defined a huge chunk of my adolescence. I am grateful to it in many ways. It was sort of a life raft in the middle of a crazy and early loss of childhood. I owe Sarah Dessen (the author) a lot. Stories can empower us, make us bold and change us.
Mandy Moore in How to Deal
More from my adolescence– I once had someone from church ask me if I was depressed due to the fact that I wore black nail polish on my toenails. I was so tired of the inquiries that I just shrugged it off and let people believe what they wanted. (See, now it’s cool and mainstream to have black nails, and many women go to it as an easy color choice– back then, black nail polish was not so widely accepted). Ironically, there was nothing profound in my choice of black nail polish. I just thought it looked cool. It was different. I have always loved different. It captured my attention, when I saw Ashlee Simpson in the Pieces of Me music video. It was something that brought me joy when a lot in life was uncertain and crumbling. It’s not that I wore glitter on my face and black nail polish for attention; it was for me.
Gwen Stefani in Sweet Escape music video
Here we are, years later, and I am not wearing any nail polish at all (people sometimes focus on the dumbest minutiae). Time passes, and we all evolve. Why this trip down memory lane? I’ve noticed that the older I get, a little piece of my childhood weirdness keeps re-emerging. You know, I will wear a weird headband or bandana just for the hell of it. I still like glitter. Society tries to hammer us into labels and boxes, but I really never want to fit into that. I hope the childhood weirdness continues to give me my quirks.
Gwen Stefani in the Underneath it All music video.
Listen, maybe you weren’t into these artists that influenced me. We all have such different experiences. But someone did influence you. You are unique, and you have your own memories, I am sure. No matter who you are, together, we evolve, but we are still the same people with many of the same interests and peculiarities. I was reminded of how this shouldn’t change in Gwen Stefani’s new song “Let me reintroduce myself”. People are so focused on reinvention and trying to fit in, fit in, fit in. If you don’t believe me, open any social media. People look the same.
In the song, Gwen reminds us she is the original her. And you and I are also the original versions of ourselves. She says she’s not here for a comeback or reinvention. No. She is recycling herself.
No Doubt
Some lines from her new song:
“The simple recipe to get the best of me homegrown ingredients, that’s what made you mess with me”
“Not a comeback, I’m recycling me It’s not a comeback, you feel that new energy”
Be organic. Dig deep and find that bit of magical childhood fun (whatever that was for you). Be who you always wanted to be and use your qualities for good and to empower and help others. I wanted to be bold and in a way, fearless. I hope I channel that in my job, as I advocate for others. Hey, maybe you were the Abercrombie wearing kid or someone who was matchy-matchy or maybe you were a little emo– nothing wrong with that. Just make sure you are who you want to be, not who you are being told to be. The truth is none of us stays in one place, in one state, in one condition.
Pink
It’s 2021. There is all this pressure to do what we couldn’t in 2020, to look a certain way, to do that exercise, to cook a certain way maybe, to go to certain places, to pose a certain way, to get those photos, to make your space look Instagrammable. Whatever.
This new year, instead of letting something go to waste or trying to shape yourself to look like a replica, don’t forget to recycle.
“Let us record the atoms as they fall upon the mind in the order in which they fall, let us trace the pattern, however disconnected and incoherent in appearance, which each sight or incident scores upon the consciousness. Let us not take it for granted that life exists more fully in what is commonly thought big than in what is commonly thought small.” Virginia Woolf
By: Gabriela Yareliz
The Wood Between the Worlds was the pond-filled forest in The Magician’s Nephew, the first book in the Chronicles of Narnia. This wood was my favorite place to visit, not only in the book but in my mind. It was a sleepy place of in-between, where the light glowed softly; where you could jump into a pool that was a portal into an entirely different world. The wood was empty, intensely green, and so quiet you could hear the trees growing in it (or at least this is how I remember it in my imagination).
Shhhh. Listen. Can you hear the atoms as they fall? Do you take the time to hear the bubbles form, the grass growing against the wind, the water in its noisy stillness. Do you hear the moon’s whispers and the sun’s drowsy song? Do you draw close to the ants in their march of solidarity and the birds in their chipper conversation? As a society, we would do well to teach people how to listen in the same ways we teach them math and science. It’s a skill we all need if we will be any good at this life. Skills require practice and refinement. I think people hear a lot of things and adopt them as their own, but we don’t listen for the intricacies and details that make all the difference.
It may not be that we don’t want to but that we don’t know how. The first lesson in the course of listening is the first required step– to stop and find a singular focus.
We all either have a physical list of things to accomplish or the one that floats around in the back of our minds and weirdly makes a fun appearance when it’s time to sleep. We multitask and rush.
One of my intentions this year is to take time to listen. Really listen. I want to find myself in the Wood Between the Worlds, again. This means, in many ways, taking the time to stop and quiet the mind. And I don’t just want to listen to people, but I want pay attention when the floor creaks, when the water does its drip-drip and the little clinks in the radiator. I want to make sure I don’t miss the words unsaid. There is a poetry in the world around us that we often miss. I don’t want to miss it.
Another world opens up to us only when we take the time to seek it out. It takes courage to go through the portal that leads to a new experience. I want to fix my ears, I muse, as I take my screwdriver out of my backpack. When we fix our ears, we can fix our world.
This season is made for reflection. As the year 2020 was ending yesterday, I saw an overview of the year that was truly heartbreaking. Sobering. (Thank you, ABC News). While it can be a heavy thing to look back, it can lead to freedom. I wonder what the world would look like if we stopped and thought about our history, as humanity. How would the world be different if we talked to our veterans more; if we discussed and sat with eras where our countries faced conflict, war and anguish; if we thought about those we have lost and what their lives can teach us; if we read things of value— what would this world look like? What would the world look like if we could see beyond the present moment that absorbs us and our own reflections?
Lastly, what if we saw each decision we make and we weighed it thinking, Will this bring me closer to freedom? In Freedom Seeker, Beth Kempton discusses how every decision, every dollar spent, every minute of awareness and focus— all these choices either take us closer to or farther away from being free.
Focus. Be aware. Reflect. Let’s choose to listen. Let’s choose lessons. Let’s choose freedom.
Photo belongs to artist Audrey Leighton, who often shares her art through @audrey.leighton.vintage
By: Gabriela Yareliz
We tend to tiptoe around things. If we don’t stomp or get all trippy, there’s less of a chance we will trip in our rubber sandals and smash our toes against the floor (true story). If we don’t wear the lipstick under the mask, we won’t get it all over our teeth, and if we don’t wear the glitter on our eyes, we don’t have pixie dust on our cheeks. We don’t like winds that rock the boats we sit in because no one needs it to flip. Or do we?
In one of my favorite competition shows, Les Reines du Shopping, five women compete in a styling-shopping match, as they try to outdo one another with their choices for a theme that is imposed on them by the master stylist and mannequin [model], Cristina Cordula.
The last competition I saw was one where they had to include a piece of lingerie in their outfit with elegance and nuance. It was fun to watch. It’s certainly harder than it looks. The competitors who scored poorly were because of two factors: they either got cheap in their selection or they didn’t dare. “One needs to dare” was a common theme throughout the week. Il faut oser!
Dare:
to have the courage to do something;
to defy or challenge someone to do something;
take the risk; brave.
Daring takes risk. The whole scheme may fall flat on its face, and you may look stupid (like me, with lipstick on my teeth). Today, I was reminded of a certain situation where several of us chose to keep someone accountable. It was going to be a grueling process of retelling uncomforatable experiences and remembering things we would all much rather forget than remember. We faced retaliation and attitude.
Sometimes, our thought process is, Why bother? Nothing will come of it. But what if something does? We don’t always get what we want or think the situation merits, but we can be a part of change, even if it’s small. What many of us fail to realize is change comes at high cost– one few are willing to pay. We’re mousy, these days. We don’t like what change costs– we get cheap (this is how you lose, remember?). Further, at times, it’s not even fear but resignation that paralyzes us; resignation that things will continue as they have always been– or worse, we fear that no one cares.
There are victories to be won in daring. Perhaps they are small or seemingly insignificant to others, but that’s the thing about daring– it’s not about the other contestants in this game show of life. It’s about whether you are in it to win it. Don’t be cheap, and remember, il faut oser!
We spent a lot more time at home this year– that’s for sure. Here is a list of things that made the day-to-day better. (I’m including links, but nothing here is sponsored. The links are just included to share the good stuff with you).
HOME
Sleep eye mask: I started using a black eye mask that has the eye part hallowed out, therefore it doesn’t touch my eyelid, and I can open my eyes while wearing the mask (that sounds weird, but it can be very useful– and less wrinkles!). This helped improve my sleep. I was having some sleepless nights, at one point this year.
Candles: My boyfriend gets me the most amazing candles. I often work with just window, natural light, but on a dark or rainy day, I will light a candle for a bit for cozy vibes. One of my favorite ones that I burned this year was Santal by Brooklyn Candle Studio.
Image via Brooklyn Candle Studio
BEAUTY
Photo via @violette_fr
Anuket: Anuket is a small business run by a fellow University of Florida graduate, the lovely Ashlee Dozier. I love their natural oils that you can roll on. It’s a nice pick-me-up on a day when you need a little something something. I am big on fragrances. I think they have a lot of power on our moods and dispositions. If you are looking for something natural and want to support a small business, check them out.
Violette_FR: Queen of self-expression and being yourself. I love that to Violette, makeup is not a mask but a whole mood of expressing who you are. True to the French philosophy, she teaches tips and tricks to look vavavoom and wear stars on your eyes– literally.
Kosas cream blush: I used this every day. Clean beauty for the win. I love their “8th Muse” and “Tropic Equinox” colors.
Vitamin E: There was a day when I went out and swore the wind burned my lips, despite me wearing a mask. It was windy and raining. Not sure what happened in the interval of time when I was fighting with my umbrella on the corner against the rain, but I knew what I needed– vitamin e. Vitamin e heals lip and skin ailments. I love popping the capsules and doing a direct application of the oil.
FASHION
White boots: I get things dirty easily, so I am not one who usually wears white. This year was different. I wore white t-shirts on summer walks and white boots. I am partial to the Nasty Gal boot, and they often run some fab sales, so you can get them pretty discounted (and they are comfortable!). I was inspired by Camille Charriere.
Photo via Pinterest
2. Cocobeautea: Hannah Desai’s videos are soothing but also an example and free lesson in timeless elegance. Congrats to this beauty on her recent engagement!
3. (Old) Man Repeller: I am forever a fan of Leandra Medine Cohen’s bold eccentricity. A maximalist when it’s right. #spiritanimal
Photo via Popsugar
KITCHEN
Milk Frother: I used my milk frother almost every day (if not every day). This is the perfect way to take your tea and/or coffee to the next level. I also got real bold (my version of bold) and would throw hot chocolate or matcha powder in there and just let it blend. No clumps. Amazing.
Toaster Oven: This was a lifesaver during the months when my building had no gas (yup– classic NYC mess-around). I recommend every household have one. I just got this cute one here and retired the one that worked overtime this summer/fall.
FOOD
Nature’s Bakery Fig Bars: My boyfriend gave me some (to his detriment), and now I am hooked. A perfect snack. He is my fig bar dealer. I am very lucky.
WelleCo’s The Super Elixir: The perfect supplement. It’s complete with preboitics and probiotics, anti-inflammatories and iron. Been taking it now for years, but it was extra helpful in strengthening immunity in the middle of the pandemic.
Battle Ready Podcast: This was my favorite podcast, hands down. The most provocative dialogue of 2020. Father and son are hilarious and so genuine. It’s a treat. The topics run the gamut.
Show: I watched The Office for the first time this year, and it warmed my heart. The quirky characters grew on me, especially Michael Scott. My boyfriend got me an awesome mug that says “Dunder Mifflin”, and it always makes me smile.
DESK
New Yorker Cartoons: These always make me smile. They brightened many a day, and some of the cartoons were eerily too real.
Letters: It was the year that brought back snail mail. Nothing beats the little rush of opening the mailbox and seeing that letter addressed to you. My favorite stationery was the Sugar PaperxTarget collab, and I brought back gel pens with sparkles.
Horacio Printing Planner: This year, I used the Horacio Planner to plan out my days and weeks. We got stuff done. I also loved their printing of Amy Brady’s A Way in a Manger Christmas/Advent devotional. If you watch closely, they will release very discounted planners that have defects. This is how I got mine. (I still don’t know what is wrong with it).
BODY
Yoga with Adriene: When quarantine started, I did the 30-day yoga challenge, and it helped me move and increase flexibility. I then canceled my other workout subscription when it was time to renew, and I signed on with Adriene’s digital platform. She is great and has so much variety in her videos. There is an authenticity to her work that was lacking in the platform I was using before. The platform I was using before felt a bit anxious, insecure and spastic– it’s interesting how people transmit their energy. Adriene is very grounded, humble, funny and calm. It’s about moving and doing the best you can. Her breath 30-day journey starts soon.
TECH
Kindle: It helps me read my many books and live like a human without piles and piles of books everywhere (even though that sounds like a dream, right?). It is one of my favorite gifts I have received. Books are my vice.
FitBit: It always makes me smile when I check my step count. The app also keeps me accountable with my workout schedule. Another one of those awesome gifts received.
A new year is starting, and I am sure many of these things will be carried over. Additionally, new adventures will be had, with new discoveries made. Let’s do this 2021. What things brought you joy, gratitude and kept you sane?
One can’t help but wonder where 2021 will take us. Many of us are still tracking 2020 packages and wondering where the time went, this holiday season. Time was a finicky thing, this year. I am always fascinated by the passage of time. When it feels fast; when it feels slow.
The truth is, those of us who are entering 2021 are receiving a gift of more time (and this gift isn’t getting lost by USPS– it comes, ready or not). And then the question remains, what will we do with this gift alloted to each of us? I hope we each take the time to intentionally create our worlds. To create things, moments, environments that bring joy and life. Time is a weighty responsibility.
Erwin McManus writes in his book Wide Awake, “The question is not whether someone will lead the way in creating humanity’s future. The question is, will you be among them? It would be tragic if only those with the worst intentions believe they could affect the future of humanity. What would happen if those who believed in love, hope, peace and the value of the human spirit also believed they could effect change in the world? We must embrace the creative process as our birthright.” That is part of my motto for 2021.
I want to keep exploring the depth of the responsibility toward humanity that is attached to the time we receive. I want to maximize the keys of this deep mysterious science of time. Twenty-twenty was a sobering year. It has left us with a lot on our minds, sitting on a sunny lake dock on the edge of a million possibilities. Creating humanity’s future– it’s what we have the power to do every day, whether we realize it or not.
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GABRIELA YARELIZ 