A Lesson on Father’s Day

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Father’s Day and Mother’s Day are often avoided by people who have experienced childhood trauma. Some people have experienced pain caused by one or both parents, so they distance themselves from the holiday and deeper yet, from the person it celebrates.

Father’s Day isn’t a holiday I like to embrace. Sometimes, it feels like these holidays remind you of everything you could of had but didn’t. That’s hard.

Not to delve in too deep, but I have had a roller coaster ride of a relationship with my father. At times, it felt like the relationship was so strained it was nonexistent. There were many many years where my father chose not to be a part of my life. And this was painful. I experienced that feeling of rejection, a lot.

What I think is important to carry with us is that every difficult thing we face in life presents us with an opportunity. Will we internalize the trauma and let it drag us to the bottom of the ocean or will we use it to solidify the foundation of our worth and the direction in which we are choosing to go. These are the questions posed.

Relational trauma can leave us with a distorted picture of ourselves. What broken relationships do is they act as a shattered mirror. We look at ourselves in this crazy and broken mirror and can be alarmed and disoriented with what we see.

My relationship with my father has taught me many things, over time. It made me really aware of the love I wanted in my life; the type of man I wanted in my life. I also made the decision to throw away the shattered mirror that was left for me. And this has been a process. I decided to replace that broken mirror with a good mirror. A mirror where I see myself clearly and see myself as the worthy child of God that I am.

I heard Sophia Roe speak on fatherhood, feminism and hate. She spoke about how many broken relationships, especially father relationships, turn women into insensitive women who hurt men around them and see people as dispensable because that was how they were treated— furthering a cycle of trauma, harm, insecurity and instability. Sometimes, this looks like a woman who bounces from relationship to relationship, and other times, it looks like a woman who isolates herself behind her walls. These attitudes are often passed onto children (and the cycle goes on). I found this to be really profound, especially when she said that when women behave in these ways— when they leverage power, emotionally hurt others and withhold vulnerability— they are just like the fathers who hurt them and who they claim to hate so much.

For those of you who don’t know, Sophia comes from a turbulent childhood. I admire her a lot because she is a whole person who has chosen to love people and love the world around her despite everything she had to navigate. She spoke about her own relationship (or lack thereof) with her father, and said, “It’s very important for me to have the power of knowing I forgive him because now I know I am ready for love.”

On this Father’s Day, and every day, I want to choose to rest in forgiveness because then it means I am ready for love. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you forget what you have lived through or what was done to you. Nope. There is no forgetting. We have lived this life and cried those tears of blood.

There is power in not forgetting, though. Not forgetting means we remember what not to do. Remembering our pain can transform us and make us intentional in how we lead with love.

Remembering the things that have hurt me remind me of the type of person I want to be; the love I want to pour out and leave with others.

My relationship with my father taught me the love I am worthy of. I have forgiven him, and I keep the memories and hurts as a map to where I want to go. I made the choice to throw out the mirror he left me with, and with my own mirror I can see clearly. I see myself. I see strength. I see love.

An Uncomfortable Topic

By: Gabriela Yareliz

A scene keeps playing over and over again, in my head. Summer of 2009, I visited France and did a stage with the French government. We were living in a small French mariner village. I gathered with young people from around the world (whom I love— friends for life), and what we had in common was our passion for the French language. Because we came from around the world, we had nights where we would present on our country and what it was like there.

I wasn’t the only one from the U.S. Joining me, were two young adults from Boston. I remember that when it was our turn to present, and it was my turn to speak, things got weird.

You see, the group didn’t really see me like they saw the Boston friends, who were also representing the U.S. They were white; I was not. People associated me with Puerto Rico, more than anything. I was fine with that, but that was interesting.

When my friends presented a glorious view of the U.S., I realized that my experience in the U.S., while something I am deeply grateful for, did not match theirs. When it was my turn to speak, I spoke about the Hispanic experience in the U.S. I spoke about racism, immigration and certain dynamics that we could improve in my country, because part of our conversation was about the future.

You could have heard a pin drop. People looked a bit bewildered, to be honest. I was talking about something that didn’t match an international perception of the U.S. at the time. This was a summer where all over France, beach towels with Obama’s face were ubiquitous.

Some people had this look on their face, you know, how people look at you when they think you are irrationally bitter about something. But I wasn’t. I just wanted to be honest and share my experience. I wanted to add depth to their understanding of my great nation.

My mind goes back to that presentation a lot, these days. Sometimes, I wonder if now, in this different world that we live in where everything is videotaped and disseminated— I wonder if they watch the news and remember what I said.

Time has given me a very public and strange vindication that I didn’t want. I wonder if they see the state of our country and think, “So this is what she was talking about.”

Where will we go from here, America? I still think of all our future could be if we did the hard internal work. Racism is a manifestation of the deeper evils we allow to take root in our hearts. Where will we go from here?

Class of 2009

By: Gabriela Yareliz

As the graduates of 2020 celebrate, I was reminded of high school.

We should never stop celebrating how far we have come and never stop dreaming of where we want to go.

Our unofficial 2009 graduation song is here. May we always live our life— stop chasing the paper and nevermind the haters.

Stillness and Light

By: Gabriela Yareliz

I just saw a little video on Mimi Ikonn’s Instagram stories of how she was walking in London and a hail/rain storm came out of nowhere. She and a friend took shelter under the ledge of a building. They were laughing and confused, getting soaked.

It reminded me of that summer night in France where we got caught in a strange July hail storm. The sky was red and orange, and we were close to the Sacré Coeur cathedral. A group of us, clumped together, confused, laughing, and soaked at what looked like a bus stop.

There is something magical about embracing the unexpected storms. You take cover, you look up in bewilderment, and you laugh with the person taking cover next to you.

You wait it out. When the hail stops, there is stillness and light.

Ravi Zacharias

By: Gabriela Yareliz

This week, we mourned a fierce man of faith, and a personal hero of mine, Ravi Zacharias.

He is someone I have quoted extensively and studied with extensively. A man who was determined to reveal faith to the rational mind. A man determined to make us all seekers of truth, in a world slipping into contradicting philosophies.

His passing filled me and many in the world with great sadness. Hard to put that into words. But I wanted to leave you with something he posted, just before he died. What a life well-lived. A life not focused on anything the world offers, but a life focused on the love of God for humanity, and sharing that.

The question he loved to address, was ‘Why Jesus?’ So, I leave you with his response.

Thank you, Ravi. You put everything on the line in the pursuit of truth, and may you be richly rewarded by spending eternity in the presence of the God you shared so beautifully. I will be eternally grateful.

Emotional Undercurrent

By: Gabriela Yareliz

This morning, I was speaking to friends of mine, in my home church in Florida. We send a text on Saturday mornings, when we pray for each other and our families. He and his wife are two of the most amazing people I know, who live their lives in full ministry— God’s love drips off everything they do.

Today, we were talking about the instability of these times and the unstable people who surround us. One thing we know to be certain is that God hasn’t disappointed us yet, and He won’t start now.

Sometimes, things look really different than we hoped or imagined. We discussed that sometimes in the Bible report of a person’s life, we miss the emotions in the story— the emotional undercurrent, if you will.

Imagine how Joseph felt after having all these dreams promising him a future, and then being sold as a slave by his brothers; doing what is right in his master’s house and ending up in a dungeon for it; feeling like his youth was wasting away in the dungeon— and yet, when pharaoh called on him, when he was troubled by a dream, the first thing Joseph does is express his faith in God and that God would reveal the deep mysteries.

Imagine David, after being anointed to be king; fighting Goliath and then working for King Saul, who was very mentally unstable and trying to kill him half the time. Imagine what David was thinking as he was playing his harp to calm King Saul’s episodes of insanity and rage. When faced with the opportunity for revenge, David never took it, but instead, he allowed God’s plan to unfold in His divine timing.

We sometimes gloss over these emotions that are buried in these stories we read. And one thing is certain, despite these emotions, we see the faith that was cultivated through a deeper relationship with God. We see it in their behavior and how they responded to adversity and opportunity.

Don’t miss the full picture. The Bible is not filled with fake stories that people lived that ended in rainbows. Scripture is there to remind us that we are not alone, and it is filled with promises that do not fail, even when the storm is upon us.

My friend sent me this verse, today. I needed it, and maybe you do, too.

“You only need to remain calm; the LORD will fight for you.”
‭‭Exodus‬ ‭14:14‬ ‭NCV‬‬

Emotions and circumstances go up and down, but one thing that never changes from story to story and passage to passage in Scripture is that He is with us. He fights for us. His plan is unfolding and nothing can stop it.

Studio Update 30

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Hello my friends—

Studio Update 30– wow. Perfect for someone who this week got a little closer to 30. Me.

It has been a while. I know. It has been an exhausting set of weeks, where I have worked long hours on weekdays and find myself with no energy to think or even repeat my own name. My weekends have been sunny days of bliss that I try to hoard to myself, meaning I try to touch technology (and sit) as little as possible.

The nights have been cool and bright. The moon has been an intruder in my bedroom these last nights. I love it when it peeks through the blinds. Isn’t it magical that no matter where you are in the world— you see the same moon as someone else on the opposite end? We all live under the same sun and sleep under the same moon. The nights have also been quiet, other than my weird neighbors upstairs, who by some miracle of God and the heavy footsteps have revealed they haven’t murdered each other.

My little girl singing neighbor was prancing in the pathetic strip people call a yard here, in her bright red dress. Singing of course. I sort of felt bad for her. It’s a literal dirt strip. I believe every child should climb a tree. No updates on that potential bunker. (I will be climbing a tree soon to find out what is happening down there…)

It was my birthday week! I had an amazing quarantine birthday filled with calls from family and friends and an EPIC and DELICIOUS indoor picnic complete with bright ginormous flowers from my boyfriend. He is the best. It was so lovely. Mexican food and his company— both my favorites.

I won’t bore you with a list of all I have learned in my almost-30 years. Instead, I figured I would make a list of the things I don’t understand or know. This may be more fun and less cliché.

The things I (still) don’t understand or know:

1. Why certain letters are silent in certain words. Why include them at all?

2. How the internet works.

3. Is there a headband that doesn’t give headaches? (I have yet to find one)

4. How to preserve dried flowers. (Gonna interrogate the woman at the farmers market)

5. Why the tomatoes at the supermarket don’t taste like the ones on the farm.

6. Where do all the socks go?

7. How certain women wear heels all day.

8. Why certain movies and TV shows are so popular.

9. The people who don’t like Taco Bell.

10. One-sided “friendships”.

11. How Richard Gere looked so good in the 80s.

12. People who don’t like corduroy.

13. Why Blockbuster doesn’t exist anymore (it could totally still be a thing).

14. What has happened to journalism.

15. What neighbors do to be so loud.

16. People who like to spend time with coworkers at the beach or drinking. No.

17. Fake brick wallpaper (hated it since I was 11 and will always hate it. Tacky.)

18. How people earn the income required to buy property in NYC. You basically had to get here decades ago or earn in the same bracket as Beyoncé.

19. People who do not wash their dishes.

20. People who lie.

21. Why my bladder never fully developed (Though not medically proven, I swear its growth was stunted).

22. Why people choose suffering instead of discipline when it comes to health.

23. Why it takes so long to wash and dry my hair.

24. People who have never laid down, full body, across a bench. It’s an amazing view of the sky.

25. People who finish terrible books or movies (is it the peer pressure or extended hope?).

26. How people pay thousands for a purse. Bizarre.

27. Why eyeliner fades sometimes and other times, it smudges (it’s the difference between looking sick and looking like a drug addict).

28. How humanity survived without eye drops in the past.

29. The power Pine Sol has to transport me to my childhood.

Here we are. Almost 30. Excited. Happy. Satisfied. And always looking forward because the best is yet to come.

Studio Update 29

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Guys, somehow, I survived the day without caffeine. Between the fighting upstairs, washing and blow drying my hair and finishing up Aisha (an entire Bollywood movie)— I went to bed at 2am. Yup. That movie started when I got in the shower and ended when my hair was fully dry. That just shows how long it takes to be a normal human when you have Rapunzel hair.

Stuff from my very productive day: I am excited to read this profile of Bobby Bones; I have had some random sitcom theme song stuck in my head for days, and I still don’t know what show it belongs to (driving me nuts); I listened to a doula talk about her work— and I smiled. No disrespect to doulas but I literally knew a Mexican woman with like 11 children who could practically pull them out of herself with assistance from her husband. Doula OG.

I am going to work out in a bit after my church Zoom call. Move your body!

Watching Aisha yesterday brought back memories. I expectedly found myself wanting to do a Dabur amla hair mask afterward— but watching this movie was different. It has been years since I last saw it, and I felt I saw it through different eyes. I finally understood the conversation between Aisha and her aunt. Aisha tells her aunt that she expects love to be a whirlwind and shake up all she knows, including herself. Then, her aunt wisely says that “love is not a tempest that will change worlds; it’s in the little touches of life.” I thought about how true that is. Love is evident in the small moments where you are shown that you are significant. The small moments where you share being fully present or become accomplices. The evidence of the greatest things is always found in what seems to be small. We become wise when we realize the small is the big.

Studio Update 28

By: Gabriela Yareliz

I have been here, guys. I am alive. It has been several surreal days. Standing in line on tape outside of grocery stores. Eating all my snacks in one week. Started watching The Office. Went outside after two weeks inside and got a migraine. (Am I allergic to fresh air, now?) I swear the only things keeping me sane are Jesus, my beloved and his letters and exercise. (Namaste). Still levitating, my friends. My arms are stronger than ever.

It’s almost Friday. My hair needs a good washing. Dry shampoo won’t cut it. Because I have some Zoom meetings tomorrow, I decided to be wild and wash my hair tonight, even though it’s so late. People have done wilder things. Sometimes, I have to remind myself that I will be ok. Like I will bend over and grab something and hit myself on something and think, oh man was that an ovary? Meanwhile, there are literally women breaking chairs on each other in the WWE. These are the things that comfort me.

I will dry my hair while watching bits and pieces of Aisha. Gaaah I love that movie. I am like, ahh it’s 10, so late. Meanwhile, there are people out there who used to be getting the party started at 10. I need to be more like those people. (My annoying upstairs neighbors are those people). I think they are either angry at each other or drunk— or both. They are at it again. Sigh.

Gonna live on the wild side and bust out that hair dryer. How are you keeping it wild tonight? Will you be singing in Hindi into a blow dryer? Let’s do it.