GABRIELA YARELIZ

Essential Strangers

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Thoughts in the AM:

There is a barista whose efficiency and chipper attitude brought sunshine to our days in the summer of 2020 (those were dark days, y’all. People had bubble wrapped their windows and duct taped their doors shut). It’s funny because at first, I thought this barista was a jerk, but then I saw method to his madness, and he grew friendly with us. I misjudged him. My boyfriend and I would peer into the window to see if he was there. Hell, we ordered once simply because he saw us, waved, remembered my boyfriend’s name, and told us our order would be ready in 2 minutes. (We figured since he assumed we had ordered, we might as well give him something to do). This kid became a fixture in our lives. And then, he disappeared.

I saw him today at Starbucks. He is back at a different location. Our eyes met, and I was trying to figure out if it was him, since every time I see him, he looks different. It was him, but by the time I figured that out he was eyeing me like I was some stalker. It’s weird when everyone is masked to the eyeballs. It’s like, WHO ARE YOU?!

My point is not to talk about how some poor barista will probably soon get a restraining order against me. I should say ‘hi’ at some point and explain why I was staring and that I am glad he is back (that place falls apart without that guy).

My point is that we have to say ‘thank you.’ I will the next time I see him. There are people who brighten our day. They are those “Linchpins” that Seth Godin describes. Indispensable. They are at the top of their game and because they go above and beyond, they make a difference and become a part of your life. A good part. There are strangers who do that. I think of them as Essential Strangers. They become a part of our routines and our lives, and maybe we’d have more if we stopped and told them how much we appreciate them.

Later that PM:

Guys, I decided to do this because a) it makes a good social experiment; b) expressing gratitude is important; and c) this is how we turn things into habits. We shouldn’t just talk about things, but we should do them. I ordered an afternoon refresher and wrote out a ‘thank you’ note from me and my boyfriend to him just simply explaining that we were grateful for him (our star barista), we are glad to know he is ok and that his kindness and good work ethic is appeciated. Simple. I tucked it in the back pocket of my jeans and marched out to the cafe. I picked up my refresher, made by one of the more inefficient baristas of the bunch (your whole drink is ice, basically– even when you ask for no ice), but the barista I was looking for was nowhere in sight.

Damn, I missed him, I thought. I walked out with my drink and figured I would just throw it in the bottomless pit that is my purse and give it to him the next time I stumbled upon him. Then, I saw him on the sidewalk (I kid you not), walking toward the bus stop. He was there, apronless. I called out his name, and he turned around. He had a puzzled expression. I explained to him that my boyfriend and I appreciated him and that we saw him regularly last summer, and he smiled remembering. I handed him the card and he fist bumped me and told me it meant a lot. I quickly turned to find my way back home because I am not about to get a restraining order.

He may think I am certifiably nuts, but it’s nice to say ‘thank you’ to those who make a difference. In these times where we have been stripped of so much, I think I needed that. We all need reminders of that which is magical in life. I said this on the Nas-Talgia podcast (Listen here: “The All-American [Brown] Girl” episode), where I had a blast with my friend Naseem. We were discussing A Little Princess, and I said, “I really do think it calls attention to a lot of the things that can be magical in life, and that includes also kindness.” I stand by that. Kindness is part of the magic in life.

As we discovered in the pandemic, essential workers and people who go out there to interact with others in not-so-easy circumstances don’t all look alike, and yet they all do a lot for us.

Here is my challenge for you– get a little crazy. Kidding. But seriously, find an essential worker or someone you encounter routinely who makes a difference in your life. Say ‘thank you’ with something tangible. Be an Essential Stranger yourself. Make a difference. Keep kindness and gratitude flowing, always.

“Kindness is part of the magic in life.”

The Gwen Stefani Series

By: Gabriela Yareliz

I am so overwhelmed with gratitude to everyone who followed and loved our Gwen Stefani/No Doubt music series where we looked at lyrics and life together.

As requested, I am putting all the post links in one spot for easy finding and reading. Keep the tabs open; keep your hearts open.

Song Directory

Don’t Speak: Tragic Kingdom (looking at breakups and denial)

Simple Kind of Life: When the Simple Life Gets Complicated (looking at expectations, timelines, marriage, and where dreams go to die)

Hey Baby: Sipping on Chamomile (looking at the carefree days and being one of the guys)

Bathwater: Choking on All Our Contradictions (looking at self-respect, dating, and the baggage we tolerate)

Cool: The Dreaming Days (looking at whether love really ends and what it really means to be “cool”)

Underneath It All: You Make Me Better (looking at the factors when falling in love, despite the flaws)

4 In The Morning: Give Me Everything (looking at when we hold onto the toxic and vulnerability)

Early Winter: The Sun’s Getting Cold (looking at when things are broken and the seasons of the heart)

Used To Love You: I Don’t Know Why I Cry (looking at divorce and when things end)

Misery: Sensible (looking at the exciting beginning stages of a relationship)

Made Me Like You: I Was Fine Before (looking at giving love another chance)

Nobody But You: Wanna Say It Now, Wanna Make It Clear (looking at the healing and change intentional, committed love can bring)

Happy listening, reading and sharing.

Serenity

“For several days after that meeting I wanted only to be in places where the lights were bright and no one counted days.” Joan Didion, “Getting Serenity,” 1968

The words above were written by Didion after she attended a Gamblers Anonymous (G.A.) meeting. She said she hated the word “serenity” because she associated it with death— but it was overused in G.A. all the same.

Her words on the emotions that surfaced after attending the meeting are still relatable as I often find myself feeling this way regarding this warped reality we are in now.

En masse, we have lost serenity. And I truly think that living in the bright lights and not counting days and statistics is the only way back from the dead.

Anxious Times

“Anxiety is needless and imaginary. It’s fear about fear, fear that means nothing. Anxiety is diffuse and focuses on possibilities in an unknown future, not a real and present threat. […] Anxiety […] is dangerous paralysis.” Seth Godin, Linchpin

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Anxiety is something all humans encounter. We all experience it— some more than others. I do find Godin’s analysis of anxiety an interesting one. He presents it as something we choose to feed, and I think this is true. I find, personally, that anxiety stems from the moments when I am more self-absorbed and allowing my thoughts to run wild rather than finding a way to mold and guide my thoughts onto a more beneficial path.

More and more, I find myself surrounded by people who claim they are suffering within circumstances that don’t merit the reaction evoked. People spiral over the simplest things. Honestly, there are times when I wonder what makes people think they have it so hard. (This is where the self-absorbed element comes into play).

We live in a society where so many people are not only anxious but paralyzed. I have seen it in people’s faces on Zoom calls. That blank look. So much of this has to do with what we choose to feed in our minds. How in control are we of our thoughts and what we allow into our spheres and environments? Even within things you cannot choose, one can always find a choice.

To say this choice is not possible strips one of one’s God-given gift of free will. In a world that seems to be accepting and almost pushing paralysis as a status quo thing, I think we have to be strong enough to reject that. We have to shed our fear about fear, and decide to mold a better world both inside of us and externally. For the external is always a reflection of what we feed inside.

It takes resolve, selflessness and a sense of strong purpose.

A Word On Prayer

By: Gabriela Yareliz

A lot of resources and messages have come together for me pertaining to prayer. I feel this is no accident. It’s like God is trying to teach me something new in this season. Something more effective. A better connection with the authority and power of Heaven.

Throughout the week, the phrase “take back what is yours” has come up. It has been a bold phrase popping up in a time steeped with discouragement and spiritual warfare. There is so much that through pain, hurt, sin and life, the enemy has tried and sometimes successfully stripped from us. We have felt the stinging absence in our hands and hearts. We sometimes feel like a boxer who is dizzy about to receive the TKO blow.

There is not much else I can really find words to express in this moment other than the sentiment Beni Johnson expresses in her book about intercession (thank you to my beautiful friend Delfina for this gift)— thanks to the cross, we no longer have to fight for victory, but we fight from a place of victory.

I have realized that, at times, so many of my prayers are shaped as though fighting for victory— but in all truth, I’ve had it all backwards.

Figuring It Out and the Talented Triplet

“The joy of writing. A chance to make things stay. A revenge of a mortal hand.” Wistawa Szymborska, “The Joy of Writing”

[That quote has nothing to do with this post. I just liked it a lot. Sue me. (Not literally– but if you do, joke is on you).]

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Here we are, one full year after everything seemed to pivot in a new direction. What have I been up to? I have been publishing and conducting some interviews I am really proud of on the Modern Witnesses site. (Head over there for some serious inspo). I have been reading sometimes three books at a time. I am determined to meet my Goodreads challenge number of 50. I am currently on #21. Hopefully, soon to be 23. I have been learning a new language. The little app can be addicting– especially since there is a leaderboard, and I am always striving to stay on top. (I put a time limit on that app because my desire to learn cannot be quenched; gonna stop there before I sound more pathetic).

This language app is interesting because it doesn’t really lay things out for you, you know? It doesn’t teach you the alphabet or tell you what sound letters make. No, it just throws you into the pool, and you swim for dear life. There is something to be said about this method. I am amazed at how much I have been forced to figure out. I had a migraine for two days as I was soaking in the script [letters are not like the English ones]. I am good now. And here I was being like, Oh, I will just learn how to speak it. Nope. I am literally writing sentences about birds eating apples, guys. No joke. I am learning with the education curiosity blade at my throat, so to speak.

In a world where so much is at our very fingertips, it feels really good to exercise that “figure it out” muscle. I recently read an article that said that washing dishes by hand was great for the brain because it forces it to focus. (I love this because I personally think dishwashers are lame. By the time you rinse everything to put it in, you might as well have washed it).

Focus. I think that’s my theme for this spring. I have a fun Think Week coming up in April (stay tuned on the Modern Witnesses page). I can hear one of the triplets next door playing “See You Again” by Charlie Puth, a wonderful soundtrack to this idea of focus. Life is fleeting (and you know those Fast and Furious drivers need their focus, or else…).

When was the last time you really had to focus, where you weren’t doing something routine or methodical? When did you have to figure out something new and piece together the little morsels? …Now I want a cookie. Ok. I am off to clap on the other side of the wall for my talented neighbor. (We are close like that. I have discovered that the triplets buzz me to let them in when their mom locks them out. Cute kids).

Go find something to figure out. Sometimes, practice and routine makes perfect. Other times, we need to face something that we absolutely can’t get right the first or second time. It makes us humble. It makes us smart. It makes us human.

Interview with Brianna Cerrito

Today, on Women’s Day, I am excited and honored to share this interview with Brianna C., an interesting and lovely young woman I met on Instagram, as all cool meetings happen, these days. In typical Gabby fashion, when I meet someone interesting, I want to know more, and here is the result of those inquiries. Thank you, Brianna for taking the time to share with us and for your kind willingness. I seriously can’t wait to meet her in person, once this pandemic situation calms down. For now, we have this digital exchange to bring us joy and gems of wisdom. Enjoy, y’all!

Interview with Brianna C.

GY: Do you have a motto, mantra or something that has been speaking to you lately or for this 2021 season?

BC: Yes – the Universe is conspiring for my massive success. On repeat.

GY: What is the most important lesson you took with you from 2020?

BC: To be appreciative. If you’re alive, that’s a gift. If you have health and a functioning body, that’s a gift. I have never appreciated life more than I have in 2020 and 2021. It actually helps me to make better decisions and to stop sweating the small stuff.

“If you’re alive, that’s a gift.”

GY: What is a goal that you have?

BC: Well, my forever goal is to always do work that allows me to explore my interests creatively. Self-expression and the opportunity to be creative are the greatest forms of freedom in my eyes.

“Self-expression and the opportunity to be creative are the greatest forms of freedom in my eyes.”

GY: You have a very cool IG, and something that caught my eye immediately was your flexibility and love for yoga. How long have you been practicing?

BC: I’ve been practicing yoga since middle school (on and off). A lot of people assume that I’m this dedicated yogi, but in actuality, I was drawn to it because of the philosophy behind it. Yoga philosophy puts words to something I’ve always felt but never knew how to articulate. It’s like when people join a religion and feel like they finally came ‘home’ – that’s how yoga makes me feel. As for my flexibility – I started gymnastics at a very young age and have worked on my flexibility throughout my entire life – be it in gymnastics, cheerleading, or yoga classes.

GY: Do you have a favorite instructor or program?

BC: Yes! @MelissaWoodHealth – I actually learned about her through my current boss, Mona Vand, and once quarantine hit, making the gym no longer an option, I really got into her workouts. I am genuinely obsessed because they get deep into your muscles. To complement the Pilates, I walk as well – my go-to is either a long stroll or a shorter, faster-paced walk on an incline. For me, walking is insanely therapeutic. Walking alone in nature while listening to music is probably my favorite pastime.

“For me, walking is insanely therapeutic.”

GY: What is your favorite yoga pose?

BC: Supta Virasana. For work, I’m on my computer and phone a lot, which means slouching if I don’t pay attention. So, I LOVE a good back & chest opener, it feels amazing.

GY: What is a personal growth focus of yours, at the moment?

BC: My focus is believing wholeheartedly in me achieving everything that I want. More specifically, channeling the feeling that I already have everything I want and embodying the characteristics of the version of me who has those things.

GY: What are you currently reading (and what has it taught you?):

BC: Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill – taught me that manifestation requires a burning desire and an unwavering belief in your attainment of that desire.

GY: Top three essentials (it can be anything at home or something you always carry with you):

BC: Gum, perfume, lipstick.

GY: Do you journal? (and if so, what has this done for you?)

BC: Yes! Not consistently, though. It seems to be a pattern that the more pain I’m in, the more I have to say. Journaling has been my medium for working through my most painful moments as well as manifesting my pain into something beautiful. I read back on things I’ve written at the hardest times in my life, and it makes me have so much gratitude for where I am. Plus, I think my writing is beautiful. When you write something from a place of pain, it uncovers deep and meaningful layers of awareness that you just can’t get at when you feel good.

“When you write something from a place of pain, it uncovers deep and meaningful layers of awareness that you just can’t get at when you feel good.”

GY: What keeps you encouraged?

BC: Knowing what I’m here to do and knowing that I’ll be successful. And if not, I’ll die trying. The way I always stay on track with encouraging myself is to only think positive thoughts. If I get doubtful, I switch gears – take a nap, go on a walk, call or see my friends, etc. Once I’ve recharged, my thoughts are back to a great place.

GY: Your go-to drink order is:

BC: Do you mean alcohol? Because if so, it’s hands down a dirty martini. Coffee would be organic cold brew with a splash of almond milk.

GY: What is your favorite holiday?

BC: Honestly, it’s the entire season of Christmas leading up to Christmas Eve – so basically post-Thanksgiving through December 24^th. I LOVE the Eve way more than Christmas day because it’s the most fun and unconventional. I dress up as Santa to give out presents to my younger cousins, which is by far more entertaining for the adults than the kids (lol).

GY: What thing/cause do you want to raise awareness about?

BC: A shift in our consciousness and awareness. We do so much charity and have all these organizations working towards causes to make up for the destruction in the world, but if the people of the world were in a state of peace and more conscious of their behaviors, we wouldn’t need to do so much damage control. There are big shifts happening in the world, and the sooner we realize we are all one, the better off we’ll be. I think the biggest overarching cause we need to all be aware of is the collective shift in consciousness that MUST happen. That’s the panacea for all the destruction in the world.

In the meantime, on a micro-level, the best thing a person can do is focus on causes that move them personally. There are so many causes & amazing initiatives that matter and deserve attention, but I could never pick one as most important. If you feel personally touched by something, you work harder to make change.

“[I]f the people of the world were in a state of peace and more conscious of their behaviors, we wouldn’t need to do so much damage control.”

GY: What does your morning routine consist of?

BC: Truth be told, I hate set routines because I don’t like rules or feeling like I ‘have’ to do something. But here’s the gist of it: wake up, drink water, make an iced coffee – drink that. The rest happens in whatever order I’m feeling that day. If I work from home, any of the following can happen in any order – start chipping away at emails, meditate, workout, make breakfast. On days that I have to be physically present at work, I most likely drink my coffee while working out so I can save time. I eat whenever I’m hungry, which could be as soon as I wake up or a few hours after I wake up.

You can find more of Brianna at:

@briannamcerrito

Thank you, Brianna!

Fuel

By: Gabriela Yareliz

At any given moment, we have a million different lives and outcomes within our reach. The choices we are faced with are terrifying and empowering, all the same.

Where does the time go? The pandemic has made it feel like life is just passing by.

Maybe, I told my dad, we fill our heads with too much pressure. We end up like pressure cookers instead of free souls.

We can’t live haunted by what could of been but must live fueled by all that can be. Looking forward, and only looking back for inspiration.

Leaving Burnout Behind: Lessons Learned

By: Gabriela Yareliz

I once heard a conversation between Erwin and Aaron McManus on Battle Ready, where they were discussing the concept of burnout. Basically, what was expressed is that burnout doesn’t typically stem from having too much to do but rather by not finding fulfillment in the work you are doing. I found that to be deep, as I, at the time, was at a job that made me feel limited and drained.

What can you do if you are experiencing this terrible feeling of burnout? Here are some of the things I’ve learned along the way:

Explore your values and skills: Sometimes, we need to take a long hard look at who we want to be and see if where we are aligns with that. No paycheck is worth being miserable, abused or silenced. You have one life. If you are in a place that isn’t utilizing your skills and abilities in the way you know they can be used (and you have expressed this to your company, giving it an opportunity to make adjustments)– maybe it’s time to rethink where you are. We want to live lives of maximum impact and fulfillment.
Separate time for action: I am a big believer in changing your circumstances if you don’t like them. There are things you have control over. If you don’t like the book or story, then switch it up. Change the book. Change authors. Change the setting. Taking action is something that fills one with hope, but it takes courage because there is risk involved. If you are in a miserable situation– applying to other jobs, doing research for your next move, taking a course and being strategic to get yourself out of your current situation are a light at the end of a dark tunnel. It shifts things. It shifts your energy, your mood and your emotions. Sometimes, we sit back and act as victims of our own lives, when I truly believe God is waiting for us to stand up and take the reins again. Start planning your next move.
Take care of yourself: It can be really easy to fall into a slump. When we feel miserable, it shows. Take time to exercise, walk, spend time in nature, read, find support, get dressed, take vacation time and always take lunch.
Guard your time and energy: Make sure you have a hard cutoff time where you are no longer available for what is making you miserable. You do not need to be on-call or accessible 24/7, unless you are a certain type of doctor. If you are not saving lives, then live with that in mind and set a boundary. This also helps you make time for action steps to emerge out of your current mire. Also, the world is filled with disturbed people who live manipulating, abusing and gaslighting employees and colleagues. “Protect your energy” is something I heard Rachel Zeilic say. She decided to leave her company because her energy was being drained due to her interactions with toxic coworkers and the politics of it all. Remember, you are a free agent. Free to move. Free to make sure people respect you and set boundaries. Free to leave. It’s valid.

This is just a friendly reminder that we have choices. Even when it seems like we don’t, we do. Taking ownership of your life and decisions will be a game changer, if you haven’t done it already.

An Invitation to a Deeply Felt Life

By: Gabriela Yareliz

We are back at March. Back to the days when the world seemingly stopped last year, and we were paralyzed in a haze of fear, grief, uncertainty and confusion. But today, while we acknowledge that last March the world stopped and the month cheated us of our expectations, we approach the end of a circle. If we come full circle, is it time to start a new one? How exactly does that work…?

It was a wet weekend, here in NYC. Walking around in a deserted city with an umbrella, good food and my boyfriend made me feel so alive. There is something about a light rain, when it permeates your jacket and makes you feel damp and chilled, that makes you feel everything. I could feel the heaviness in my legs as we walked up a hill– it was the feeling of life. These simple things can make us feel so much when we are constantly numbed by emails, Zoom and digital interactions.

As I write this, I hear the sirens in the background, and the sky is gray. Typically, we get our worst snow storms in March, but I just don’t see it this year. We’ll see.

This weekend, I was listening to some speakers at PMC, and they were discussing phone etiquette. Remember that? It was a reminder of the days when people wouldn’t call after a certain hour, and they didn’t just think you were available all the time. It was also a time when you greeted people a certain way, and there were time limits around things. Remember when calling long distance cost you something? I had these little calling cards I would use to call my friends who were always far away because we kept moving. One of my major goals this spring is to disconnect a bit from the consuming phone world. I mean, obviously, I will still be around, but I also just want to take some old school time. I feel that the more digitally consumed we become, the less deeply we feel life. We are numbed by YouTube videos, apps and news articles. Yep, I still want to just sit on the ground in a kilt.

Am I the only one who feels a sense of nostalgia for the world Marcel Pagnol always took us back to? His books are my favorite to get lost in. Reading his books makes one feel like one fell asleep on a blanket in a field of red carnations, in some sort of a dream with birds as a soundtrack. How do we make life feel real again, during the workweek? During a pandemic? Were we just as numb before and only realizing it now?

An image from the 1986 film based on Manon de Sources by Marcel Pagnol.

I spent time online (the irony is not lost on me) looking at the blooming trees in the south. They announce spring is creeping up on us like it’s ready to break Narnia’s spell. I can’t help but think that the flowers sprinkle the ground with nature’s most luxurious carpet, welcoming us into a deeply felt life, if we’ll take the risk.