Honoring Self

By: Gabriela Yareliz

That image above is the image the world associates with the Nikki Bella-John Cena breakup. She is crying in that photo.

Nikki Bella (and Brie Bella) announced her (their) pregnancy (Brie’s second child; Nikki’s first), this week. It brought me back to this moment that changed everything.

Nikki’s breakup with John Cena was empowering. It was devastating because it was the rupture of a couple that was adored by many fans, but also, it was a moment that showed a self respect seldom seen among women.

Here was a woman who was done sacrificing herself and the things she so dearly desired for herself. She was done letting a man control her life (his timeline and lack of desire to marry her or give her children), and she did something a lot of women have said shouldn’t be done. She walked away. They called off the wedding he had sworn he would never have (guess he was right).

Her twin sister, Brie Bella, said something in the past to her that was memorable, along the lines of, “You have already sacrificed so much, and I don’t want to see you give up everything just because you are grateful.” (Nikki had expressed that she was grateful that he had finally proposed after several years of dating; she was tiptoeing around issues to not do anything to screw up the chance of marrying him finally).

Now, Nikki Bella has found the love of her life, and now, she will experience two joys she never thought would be possible in the past (marriage and motherhood). Things she would have felt she was forcing her former partner into. She found someone who wants these things as much as she does.

Regardless of whether you find what you are looking for or get what others think of as a happy ending, her story and courage are important. They demonstrate the ultimate happy ending– honoring yourself. She shows women that it’s important to respect yourself.

She says that what you don’t say for fear of f—ing something up, f’s you up inside. She shows women that you can love someone, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that is the best choice for you. She shows what it means to choose a life of joy over a life of settling. She exemplifies a woman who wasn’t trying to manipulate someone, but someone who was fair, and took someone’s communication and inaction for what it was worth. She gave someone else the freedom to be themselves, and importantly, she chose the freedom to be herself.

We can all rip a page out of Nikki Bella’s book. What is the life you dream of? What are your biggest desires? Are you settling? Are you truly listening to people around you and how their actions speak louder than words? Do you respect yourself enough to choose yourself?

She made the toughest choice. She made the best choice. She is living life in a way that honors what she knew to be her purpose. There is no greater satisfaction. It starts with you. If others have the freedom to be themselves and honor themselves, so do you.

Simplicity

“Out of all virtues simplicity is my most favorite virtue. So much so that I tend to believe that simplicity can solve most of the problems, personal as well as the world problems. If the life approach is simple one need not lie so frequently, nor quarrel nor steal, nor envy, anger, abuse, kill. Everyone will have enough and plenty so need not hoard, speculate, gamle, hate. When character is beautiful, you are beautiful. That is the beauty of simplicity.” Ela Bhatt

I agree with Ms. Bhatt. Simplicity is an important virtue that we ignore all too often.

Fighter

“Be me, or fight me“ Conor McGregor

By: Gabriela Yareliz

I grew up watching boxing and fighting, from a young age. At the age of four, I was sitting on Muhammad Ali’s lap for a photo (went to pre-school with his son). My grandfather would order the fights on Pay-Per-View– usually on a Saturday night. Puerto Ricans– we are big on our fights. We have produced some of the world’s best fighters.

I always got a thrill from it. Some people see these sports as pure violence, ignoring the discipline and mental strength it requires. I love the discipline, the strength, the bravado and the fact that when you are there to fight, you are there to win.

I think life would be different if we approached it in this way, with: discipline, strength, courage, a pinch of bravado and whole lot of passion to win.

In my head, I have always seen my life like a boxing match. And at the end of it, I am determined to be the one left standing.

[Inspired by Conor McGregor’s comeback against the Cowboy on January 18]

Preparation

“You cannot plan for the life God has for you, you can only prepare for it.” Erwin McManus

Here is to preparation. For the hours we spend in His presence, the times we spend listening and the chapters we read through in His word. Preparation is about character.

Yesterday, I was reading in Luke that passage where Jesus speaks to Martha:

“Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.””

‭‭Luke‬ ‭10:38-42‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Martha was distracted. Maybe so distracted she didn’t even realize how anxious or troubled she was (she was maybe on our all-too-familiar setting of autopilot). She was planning and executing clearly. But Jesus saw her. He sees her clearly and says to her: ‘Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things–‘

He saw her clearly and He cared. He saw her heart. But then He reminds her that it doesn’t matter what you role is, whether it’s the oldest, a mother, a wife, a host — your role and the expectation attached to it doesn’t matter. It’s not about that, but it’s about choosing the one thing that is “necessary.” Everyone needs to choose that. God has asked us to choose Him. Spending time in His presence in preparation– that is what will not be taken away. Everything else can fall apart or fade. What we guard in our hearts and minds, however, that is what cannot be taken away.

May we switch our focus from busy planning to preparation of our hearts and characters in His presence.

My God is Alive

By: Gabriela Yareliz

When we feel discouraged, let us remember that God is not dead. God is alive. God is working in every earnest heart that is humble and ready to receive Him.

When confusion rages– we must remember that there is a movement of people that is on its knees. A movement of people who believe in a God who is real. A movement of people that does not believe in charging crystals by moonlight or manifesting but that believes that they serve a real God. An all-powerful God. A God who cannot be stopped. A God outside of ourselves who offers to dwell in us and among us.

The church is not dead. I believe in my heart that the church is just getting started. The church will always rise up in the name of Jesus– covered by His blood of mercy, love and victory.

There is a generation rising to guard truth without compromise. We are the church. The church will never be extinguished because God holds it in His hand.

We are not called to something easy. We are called to a battle, where we must hold on and keep standing.

The church, generation after generation, rises from the ashes because the One who stands behind it is real. The purpose is real. The power of His blood is real, and nothing can and will ever defeat it.

So, in the name of Jesus, may the world know that we are here to stay. We are here to try to uplift humanity to see His life-changing love– even with all of our flaws.

In our imperfections, we believe we are redeemed, we are called, we are healed, we are equipped and by His grace, we will stand.

No matter what, we will stand. No compromise. The answer to our aching hearts and self-destruction is love. God is love. We will never stop– until the whole world hears.

The church is alive. Don’t forget it.

“Here I stand. I can do no other. God help me.” Martin Luther

Courage

In The Courage to Be Disliked, a statement/rhetorical question continues to emerge: Do we have the courage to be happy?

The philosopher in the book emphasizes that life is less about the hand we have been dealt but more about our courage, regardless of the hand.

I pray we can all find the courage to experience joy.

The Boogie Man

“The boogie man doesn’t exist. That’s why he’s such an effective example, and why you should ignore him. As soon as you look him in the eye, he vanishes.” Seth Godin

By: Gabriela Yareliz

I really enjoyed this thought by Seth Godin. It’s a reminder that when we confront that which causes us fear or anxiety, this thing will often disappear. Oftentimes, our fears are powerful in our minds, but in reality, what stands before us crumbles.

Bored Enough to Think

By: Gabriela Yareliz

This morning, I was reminded, as I read Greg Mckeown, that we need to have designated times and spaces to think. Technology has made it so that we are never bored and never truly focused on the art of thinking. We will stream something (TV or a podcast), open a social media app or we will call someone.

He brings up an amazing point: some of our most inspiring literature and the thoughts that have withstood the test of time were born in solitude, in focus, in hard and deep thinking.

So whether it’s developing thoughts that endure time or just designing our lives– we need to schedule time to just think, distraction free.

Think about it… how can you disconnect? Where can you sit? How many minutes can you carve out? Why is this important to you?

Schedule time to think, today.

[Thoughts inspired by Greg Mckeown’s Essentialism]

Two Reminders

By: Gabriela Yareliz

In recent days, I have been reminded of two important principles we should always keep before us:

1. Discomfort Before Change

I was doing my morning Pilates practice, and the instructor was talking me through how to get into a position that requires a lot of balance. It was hard. It felt weird. I wasn’t exactly looking the way she looked on the screen. I was sighing, a bit exasperated, and trying to figure out how to modify the position, when she said: before moments of change and transition, it’s ok to experience moments of discomfort. I heard that and thought about how true that is. Whether it’s starting a new job, growing something or pushing ourselves beyond our current comfort zone– it’s not rare to feel the discomfort that comes along with it, but this is how we achieve what we had not done before. It is how we can be that which we were not, yesterday.

2. No Say

There is a line of philosophy (Adlerian psychology) that states that trauma has no say in who we become. It’s very opposite the Freudian philosophy often followed by counselors and people who try to justify the present with blaming something or someone in the past.

I read this quote, and agreed so strongly with it:

“We determine our own lives according to the meaning we give to those past experiences. Your life is not something that someone gives you, but something you choose yourself, and you are the one who decides how you live.” The Courage to Be Disliked

As we move forward in this new year, let us keep these two reminders before us. If we do, we will be quite unstoppable.