Sipping on Chamomile

Image via Pinterest

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Alright, alright, alright (even though in journalism school they teach you it should always be “all right”). Our last musical-journey-to-Valentine’s-Day posts were heavy. I know. It’s not all sad and heavy, though. No. We’re going into a more fun territory today. We are looking at No Doubt’s “Hey Baby.” First of all, I LOVE this song. I remember being a kid in the back of the car going to the grocery store to get milk with the fam, and this song would come on the radio, and I was like, YES! It’s upbeat, fun and explosive.

This song was from No Doubt’s album Rock Steady; the single was released in 2001. I was 10-11 years old. A couple things about this video, it’s sensory overload, Gwen’s every expression is silly and a mood, and the band is just having a ball.

Image via Tumblr

The song starts out basically narrated by Stefani, talking about how she is the girl who always hangs with the guys, “Like a fly on the wall with my secret eyes, takin’ it in, try to be feminine, with my make-up bag, watching all the sin.”

Image via Tumblr

She continues, “Misfit, I sit, lit up, wicked. Everybody else surrounded by the girls with the tank tops and the flirty words. I’m just sipping on chamomile; watching boys and girls and their sex appeal, with a stranger in my face who says he knows my mom and went to my high school.”

This part always makes me smile. To me, Gwen in this song was always relatable. I have never been the girl with the large group of girlfriends. It’s not me. Never has been, and at this point, clear it never will be. This reminds me of the junior high days, when I would hang out with three guys at church who were my best friends (Jonathan, Anthony and Arturo). They were a bit older than me, and we’d go on all kinds of adventures, whether it was a stroll around the block or when our church went camping, adventures in the woods. We’d climb, roll down hills (when we’d lose our footing), and find mysterious shacks in the woods. When we rented that old historic church on Linden Blvd, we made it to the bell tower (I wasn’t supposed to be up there), and we’d scare each other in the church basement and make up stupid stories. I remember one day, a lady from the church pulled me aside and told me that she thought it was odd that I didn’t hang out with the girls around my age, who would huddle together in their groups and gossip. I told her no thanks.

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I loved being the girl hanging with the guys in the parking lot while they talked about their girlfriends (or lame crushes), the new black bracelet fad, the latest Eminem song and how to redo stunts from the Jacka** movie. I still have a photo of all of us in a camp cabin in my childhood keepsake box. I am standing next to them in a black t-shirt with my hair pulled back in a ponytail, bangs disheveled and slightly sticking up– I look like one of them. They were my favorite people to hang out with. The truth was I didn’t have to be anything when I was with them, and I loved that. With them, I was the fly on the wall with the secret eyes. I partook in every adventure without being look down on. We were a team.

(From left) Arturo, Jonathan; yup, that’s me between the bunks, and Anthony is behind me. Their little brother Giovanni snuck into the photo.

Listen, this is not a deep song. It’s a song whose video takes place at a party where makeout sessions are happening. Still, to me, it reminds me of wild days of carefree innocence; the last ones. This is the song that has that “I-just-walked-in-and-the-party-started” vibe. While I am not pro parties and making out with randos, the song does have this youthful innocence to it. It reeks of puberty. This song is from the times where the thoughts that consumed us were who is hot, who is not; who likes who, and how long is that gonna last.

Image via Tenor.co

This song is about the joys of being careless and young. While I never was the one at the party (not even in high school), I was surrounded by friends who had their fair share of parties and boyfriends. The cafeteria was filled with stories. (See, I was always still the fly on the wall with the secret eyes). And because my mom is a teacher, there was a big probability that the person sitting next to me did know my mom and went to my high school.

Go back with me to the innocent days when we were all crushing on someone, and the high hopes we carried when we’d walk into a room to get noticed: Hey Baby. Whether you were the one sipping on chamomile like me, or you were the ones at the party with the sex appeal– this song is gonna take you back, no matter who you were in your youth.

When the Simple Life Gets Complicated

Gif via Tumblr

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Today, I thought we would dive into a No Doubt song few of us understood fully when we were young, but it’s timeless: “Simple Kind of Life.” This song is about expectation, and I truly believe women in or close to their 30s who are unmarried and don’t have children feel it deeply.

While on this blog we are all about making sure we understand there is no set timeline we all have to adhere to, when it comes to life, family and love, this song takes us back to our young naive years.

Have you ever seen that meme that talks about how we all thought we’d be married with five kids by the age of 31 *let’s all laugh together*. This song appeals to the emotions that come with disappointing our dream timeline.

When I was younger, I honestly thought I would be married by the age of 25. Maybe it was being naive, or the fact that this is what my parents did and what was considered normal in my ethnic and church culture. So, if you would have told me that at almost 30 I would have been living in a NYC studio for about a decade by myself with no child even remotely close to happening because yes, I am still unmarried– I would have probably shaken my head in denial and been slightly insulted. But here we are. (Not gonna lie, it still stings a little. I always wanted to be a young mom).

In high school, I was in this feisty long distance relationship with a college guy, who I was fully convinced I was going to marry. I knew what our living room was going to look like, and the names of our three children. We dream up some crazy sh** in life.

I know I am not alone. I have many amazing friends who are in their 30s and still looking for a good partner– kids aren’t even on the horizon.

You may think this is a vulnerable post– like whoa– why are we going here? The truth is “Simple Kind of Life” by No Doubt is a vulnerable song. Gwen puts all her cards on the table.

The beginning talks about the end of her relationship with Tony Kanal (which we discussed in our previous post) and how that relationship verged on obsession (we’ve all been there, even if just for a split second). Then, she talks about how she wanted that “Simple Kind of Life,” and what did that dream include? A simple man, to be a wife and to be a mom. At one point, she says she wants to be a mom so bad and still finds herself without a child that she almost wishes for a “mistake” (to fall pregnant) so she can at least have something that she wants.

The end of the song talks about how as she waits, she gets more “selfish,” and starts valuing her freedom more than these dreams that have been crushed and unfulfilled. I think some of us can relate to that feeling– it’s that moment where our dreams begin to shift. Where suddenly, you aren’t in a rush for anything. You realize that you can’t wait a decade and then suddenly play catch-up to achieve the dream that never was. I know I relate to this. Dreams change. Your life is a different life than the one you dreamed up as an adolescent. If I didn’t have the kid in my 20s, I am now in no rush to have one. A new dream emerges and you develop what Stefani sings is a “faithfulness to your freedom”.

I know my life has gone in the best way possible, and I wouldn’t have wanted anything to work out differently in my past, but that also doesn’t change the fact that some dreams have to die for new ones to emerge, and at times, the death of these long-held dreams is painful. This song is an ode to those moments. The moments when you realize life isn’t what you planned or hoped; the moment you realize you don’t have what you want; and the moment when you also realize that this is ok and things inside you start to change.

It’s a song about the longest relationship we’ll ever have– the relationship with ourselves. Sometimes, even love and acceptance in that relationship is hard.

This song isn’t for everyone. I still see, every day, 19-24 year olds getting engaged, married and having kids. (Though I personally would advise against this, after all I have seen and come to know). But hey, some people do get exactly what they dreamed. That’s a fact. But this song is for the group of us who live the kinds of lives where we realize, “simple things are simply too complicated for my life.” We wanted the simple kind of life, but ended up with one that was more complex than our 15-year-old brains could wrap our heads around. Or maybe, the things we wanted that we thought were simple actually are the most complicated things in life.

Gif via Tumblr

If you wanted that simple kind of life, but reality ended up different than your dreams, this one goes out to you:

Tragic Kingdom

By: Gabriela Yareliz

I have always loved Valentine’s Day. I feel bad for any child who doesn’t experience the day the way we did. I’ve talked about it before on the blog, in a previous post. It was a day you prepared for. You sat down in advance with a class list and made a card for everyone. You decorated your own bag, and then gave a little acknowledgement to everyone in the class. It was a day when you found out that certain people thought you were funny or that they valued you because they gave you one of the cool temporary tattoos in your bag.

As we got older, the day, of course, shifted in meaning. It was a day when you put your best lipstick on and prayed your crush glanced your way in the hallway. Hell, even in law school it was confusing. If you had someone (which I never did) you blasted the best love songs– and maybe you had a song. I know I was obsessed with “No Air” by Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown (let’s be real– I’m still obsessed). And if you had no one, you sort of retreated into listening to the sadder music. A mood.

The truth is, we had incredible music that was POETRY. They don’t make it like that anymore. With Gwen Stefani’s reintroduction into music, I was reminded of her No Doubt band days, and let me tell you, their music was art. They had some of the best song lyrics of our time. I thought it would be fun, in these days leading up to Valentine’s Day, to look at some of my favorite songs involving No Doubt and Stefani. Music that spoke to our hearts as a generation. It moved us. And to be honest, it still does.

The song I want to share about today is “Don’t Speak”, which is from No Doubt’s third album, Tragic Kingdom. Gwen and Eric Stefani (Gwen’s brother) wrote the song, and she basically made it about when bandmate Tony Kanal ended their seven-year relationship. It was No Doubt’s most successful international single, according to Wikipedia. If you’ve seen the video, it’s clearly about Kanal and Stefani. They exchange looks, she is wearing the bindi on her forehead, which she often did to honor his heritage, and at certain points she is singing passionately toward him, almost yelling at him.

Gif via Giphy

Out of Stefani’s heartbreak from losing Kanal, we got this amazing song that is relatable to anyone who has lost someone and felt that it was coming. The song is about losing someone who is your best friend; someone so close that you know what they are going to say. It’s about a relationship that is dying, as the song says; something on life support. The title and chorus, “Don’t Speak”, encapsulates that feeling you get when you know something is off and you have a pretty good idea of what is going to happen next. When you are in this experience, you don’t want to hear an end made final because it’s ripping you apart inside. It’s about denial. Have you been there?

It’s a weird thing when we come to grips with the fact that a relationship that we don’t want to end is ending. The song is filled with angst, dread, hurt and almost a pleading. Some people these days don’t even get the courtesy of a conversation or closure when a relationship ends. It just ends. (This is our loss of decency as a society). So many young people may be unfamiliar with the very essence of this song, which is about a relationship/friendship/respect between two people that ended up working together for many years in the future.

Gif via Pinterest

Love has many phases, and we’ll be looking at the different relationships and dynamics we can find ourselves in. In this song, we find a young woman who is grieving a relationship that is presently dying in front of her. She believes that maybe if he (the other party) doesn’t speak, then certain things won’t materialize or become real, but as we who have experienced heartbreak know, life doesn’t work that way. People are free agents. The charade ends, and we are left picking up the pieces. We are left exchanging the glances Stefani and Kanal exchange in the video, and inside, we are yelling like Gwen in the chorus, ” ’cause it hurts,” as she says.

The imagery and emotion in the video are on point. There is always interesting detail and symbolism in how the videos are structured. If you want to go there, have a listen:

Trust

This is Adriene from Yoga with Adriene. She is my teacher.

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Today’s fitness practice had a moment where she (the guide/instructor) directs you to step back without looking down or around. You pick a focal point and move, trusting in what you know is there.

As simple as this was, I found it to be a bit profound. It was an exercise in trust.

Do we walk through life with our eyes on a focal point, taking steps that are trusting in what we know? There is something different about someone who takes steps they are sure of. Try it, take steps while staying focused on something directly ahead of you. Think about what you put your trust in, day-in and day-out. Move with trust in your life, in every aspect. It will change how you move. It will change how you live.

Growth

By: Gabriela Yareliz

This month, I’ve been reflecting a lot on growth; personal growth. What it means to be a lifelong student. I’ve been learning from people like Lauryn Evarts Bosstick, Ed Mylett and Ryan Holiday (all personal favorites in the podcast and writing sphere).

You may have noticed that this month I was very consistent, here. Apologies to your inbox. I did a 30-day challenge for fitness, as well. I promise more consistent content to come, but not every single day. This whole process was for me (and hopefully you had some laughs along the way).

Ed Mylett says, “Self-confidence is the process of keeping the promises that you make to yourself.” I am a person of a lot of discipline. I am not surprised I have basically made it through January. It wasn’t about that, it was simply about keeping a couple of promises to myself to start off the year.

I started 2021 with an itch to create and to create differently. I have so many ideas brewing. So here I am, setting up my cool intelligent notebook, recharging my camera and scribbling stuff into a notebook.

So much of this world– social media and even writers online revolve around this notion of looking at what the audience likes and catering to it. I find that boring. I mean, it’s cool if that is what you want– to be a caterer.

I am reminded of a conversation Bob Colacello (editor of Interview magazine from 1971 to 1983 and then a correspondent for Vanity Fair starting in 1993) had with Diana Vreeland, repeatedly– she would tell him, “How many times have I told you– your job as editor is not to give people what they want. It’s to give people what they don’t know they want yet.” (Influence, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, pg. 36)

Bob Colacello said, “Real creativity is being true to yourself and getting people to go with you.” (Id.) Those words stayed with me; they are like glued to the back of my eyelids. I want to be really creative, and I would be honored if you continue to come along with me.

January: A Full Menu

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Today, we have an assortment of thoughts from this month. Here’s the full menu.

Appetizer: Le Weefee (“WiFi”)

I joined the 21st century this year and started off the year with wifi. I didn’t have wifi during my previous 5-6 years in this apartment. I subsisted off of my phone’s handy hotspot. #godbless This even got me through the confusing what-the-heck-is-happening days of the pandemic (hopefully, those are behind us). I am pretty sure not having wifi contributed to my old boss’ hate toward me (though I am convinced she liked no one, including herself). I think having le weefee, as I call it, has allowed me to dream a bit more as far as content creation and growth is concerned. I want to do it right, you know? As a society, it seems that the more we are given, the more laid back and unintentional we become. The only thing we are intentional about is becoming zombies… If people back in the day were hungry for knowledge, I want to use le weefee for good. Stay hungry.

Image from Pinterest

Beverage: India

I saw Gwen Stefani’s newest single “Let Me Reintroduce Myself” is #1 in India. I saw her thank you post. It made me smile because India has been a great supporter of this blog. So many people were reading my Javed Akhtar poetry posts the other day, I had to make sure he was still alive and that I hadn’t missed something. Thank you, India, for all the love. I see you in the stats, and you are amazing. Year after year. The love is mutual.

Image via Tumblr

Main: Silence

So, a bunch of people have been banned into what many are calling “Twitter hell.” This includes folks like Mike Lindell (the My Pillow guy). He has a pretty incredible personal story, by the way. What I think many people fail to notice is that Twitter has been sketchy with who it allows and who it doesn’t allow for a while now.

I will be honest– at first, I didn’t believe it, and I dismissed it; that was until my boyfriend (who has zero social media) tried to open/set up an account, and it refused to let him, for no reason. It was basically asking him for his ssn (I exaggerate, but practically) and stuff it had never asked me for to “authenticate”. He hadn’t even posted. (This was curiously around the election). Now, don’t get me wrong, Mr. Pillow started going down some strange rabbit holes and promoting his own little theories (which I personally don’t align with), but I don’t think this happens overnight. I think that over time, people are able to perceive when they are being censored or at least monitored. It leaves you with an unease– believe me.

This creates a distrust and paranoia that I believe ends up feeding people’s later behavior that we often think is so strange. Nothing ever happens overnight. There is usually a path that leads to a destination. Oftentimes, in our public discourse, truth lies in the middle of two extremes, and the more you try to silence one group, the harder it pursues whatever it is pursuing (plus they are seething). I guess what I am trying to say is that people being banned from certain platforms and being silenced is not new. And I understand that accountability and truth are important, but then the question becomes, who will hold companies like Facebook and Twitter accountable and responsible for the monsters they help create while they play their selective games? It’s dangerous to leave the power of silencing in the hands of those who reap a profit from the same they seek to silence.

Many people who are silenced now were actually silenced a long time ago when they actually had something valid to contribute to the discussion. I really believe that. I guess I just want to say, we will always pay for the silence. Sometimes in ways we don’t expect.

Side: Library Books

Remember when library books had that little card that you would write your name on and the librarian would stamp it with the due date? You could read it and try to see who had checked out the book before you.

It would be interesting if we could see today who is reading what (or who read something before us). Do we come to the same insights? (Probably not) Would you like the people reading the same things as you?

Dessert: CiCi’s Pizza

I heard today that CiCi’s Pizza is declaring bankruptcy. I remember the days when I would meet my family there after work to feast on their delicious pizzas (my favorites were the dessert ones and the brownies were off the chain). RIP, CiCi’s. The memories live on. If you never experienced the magic of a pizza buffet– I don’t know what to tell you. It’s one of the magical things we get to experience as humans.

Tea: Perceptions

Not long ago, I was walking down a street in Manhattan with my boyfriend, and it was a touristy area. You know, where you are flanked with street vendors. Skimpy Christmas lights were up and the tourists were few. The vendor on one side offered my boyfriend a “Gucci” wallet. My bf apparently looked like a fine gentleman who would appreciate a gentle knockoff of the Italian powerhouse money holder. (He is a fine gentleman, by the way– but not the knockoff type). Me? The vendor who approached me asked me if I wanted to buy some pot. I was stunned. Apparently, I do not look like the “Gucci” wallet type. #offended

It’s weird how we perceive people, how people perceive us, and the contrast of this with how we want to be perceived.

I hope this was a 5-star meal. Take home a mint wrapped in an “I (heart) NY” wrapper, compliments of the chef.

Perseverance

Photo by Max Burkhalter via Architectural Digest

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Days like today are spent looking out of the window while the snow falls in wide, fluffy snowsaucers. I’ve got to say, I crave nature. Perhaps this is why my mind was in the Hudson Valley, yesterday. I just want to take off my shoes and ground somewhere. I want to feel grass between my toes. Is that too much to ask?

For now, we are in deep winter. Friday’s low is projected to be 14F. Just thinking about it makes me cold. I keep thinking, what does it mean to have warmth inside?

When Albert Camus said, “In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer”– what exactly did he mean?

“Spring passes and one remembers one’s innocence.
Summer passes and one remembers one’s exuberance.
Autumn passes and one remembers one’s reverence.
Winter passes and one remembers one’s perseverance.”

Yoko Ono

Dreaming of the Hudson Valley

Image via livingthehighline.com

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Few places are quite as magical as the Hudson Valley in New York State. The photo above shows the Walkway Over the Hudson. The last time I was there, a gust of wind almost blew me away (thank God for my heavy camera that seemed to be anchoring me down as my wide brimmed hat seemed to not be helping the cause by making me slightly levitate off the walkway).

On that same occasion, my boyfriend and I walked across the Hudson River and into a neighboring small town. This little town had a florist that made arrangements with fake flowers, a hip coffee shop where a local totally cut us in line, an abandoned plaza that could be used as a set in a Wild West movie, and quiet homes that looked like they were frozen in time, in the 50s.

We typically go up to visit the Hudson Valley several times a year for adventurous day trips. This past year, with the pandemic, no one was able to go anywhere. I am looking forward to the Hudson Valley adventures 2021 hopefully holds. My mind is there, today.

Sunday Girl: The Mental Map

By: Gabriela Yareliz

In my mind exists the most intricate public restrooms map of New York City. I know the best ones. I would walk from the West Village up to Central Park and stop for bathroom breaks along the way. (If you had a bladder the size of a pea, you would do the same, or the alternative to this is to suffer).

This trusty memory map came in handy today, in freezing temperatures with a bursting bladder. The truth is we keep tabs on and keep in mental bank that which we need and that which we truly care about. It’s the rule of life.

It’s important to be strategic in life. What are you mapping and banking? Is it that which will help you in a time of need?