This is how 2016 began and ended

By: Gabriela Yareliz

I started off the year feeling like I was punched several times in the stomach and knocked to my knees to cough up blood. I didn’t say much at the time because my goal is to always uplift. So, because I write the blog mainly for myself (it’s my self reflection), I wrote some cryptic lines about tears and some Rumi quotes that comforted my soul. (See Reflections Before Bedtime #61).

It was a year of trial. I had a lot of pressure on me to perform well and keep my new  job (as most new employees do). I was preparing for something important and the next step in my professional career. I was working full time and feeling drained. I had tight deadlines at the beginning of the year.

The first week of 2016, there was crazy stress at work. I had been sleeping on an air mattress for six months. My unlimited metro card locked me out of the train station for twenty minutes; I filled my cash metro card and the turnstile ate my fare. The temperature went into the teens. I got slightly sick. My phone uninstalled important apps I needed. Then, my phone became half functional. I tried to get a new phone but ended up wasting my time because what I was looking for was not there. I was a mess.

You are reading this all now, but I wrote all of that in January 2016. It was Feliz’s idea. She told me to write how I started out the year, so I could post this at the end of the year. Why? Because we were both convinced that 2016 was going to be amazing.

So, now that the year is coming to a close, this is what actually happened in the year that started like a TKO (total knock out). By the grace of God, I am still standing.

2016 Recap:

January: I ended up lost in probably the worst neighborhood in NYC, twice. Phone died. Met an old colleague who was visiting from Iowa, and we remembered our good old Washington, D.C. days. I was gifted an amazing book called Just Mercy. I got a new phone. *enter iPhone era*

February: I was consumed with professional development and cases. Trying to make those dreams happen.

March: Went to an awesome networking event hosted by my LatinoJustice familia. Worked on a fellowship proposal.

April: Case-heavy month. Finalizing our fellowship project proposal. Saw Journey and Santana in concert at Madison Square Garden. I was reminded to never stop believing. After this, I got some heartbreaking news. I had to find the inspiration and pray for the strength to get up again and keep pressing forward.

May: Crazy work schedule. Struggling with my career dreams, which seemed to be shattering. It was my birthday. Ate Ethiopian food for the first time. Realized, as I was looking at signatures on a birthday card, that I was looking for a particular signature. Someone special was in my life, officially. My childhood friend had her bridal shower. I traveled to surprise her. We had a blast. Throughout this month, my stress led to what seemed like a stress-induced eating disorder, where I couldn’t keep food down. I lost a ton of weight, and I was pretty much crying myself to sleep.

June: Work and pursuing career dreams is a tough thing to balance. A massive case I had prepped for finally went to trial. My childhood friend got married, and I traveled to be a part of that. It was pretty magical and nostalgic. It clicked with me that we are grownups. I learned to be Wedding Coordinator/ Maid of Honor. I started dating the special person in my life. My special person started forcing me to eat more and focus on wellness.

July: All my preparation culminated in July, where I delivered a performance that would change everything. My family came to visit. We had fun, and they met the special man in my life. Our 4th of July was filled with love, fireworks, cupcakes and rain.

August: My massive trial continued. Work and cases seemed to pick up the pace. I start healing my health, which had suffered from so much stress. I started eating again and retaining my food.

September: I interviewed for another position (pursuing professional growth), and I concluded our massive trial. I attended a wedding with my special person.

October: I found out and celebrated our massive trial win. I hosted a Prayer in the City location for my church’s week of prayer. I was told that all my hard work had paid off (July was a success). I was finally seeing the growth and accomplishment I wanted to see in my career.

November: It became official– I got the new position I had applied for. I began cooking new dishes and improving my skills. I decided I love cooking. Donald Trump won the election. A nation divided is revealed.

December: I realize that while this year has been brutal, I am so blessed. I have a job that gives me satisfaction; I am learning new things and growing; and I was asked by my law school to become a mentor for new law students.

This year, I learned so much about my flaws, strength I didn’t know I had in me and the fact that persistence sometimes wins the game. I learned that love is hard and complex, but that when you find a person unlike anyone else, it’s worth it.

To my family (mom, dad, bros, Ignacio, grandparents), friends and that special person who came into my life: I couldn’t have done this 2016 journey without you. Your strength held me up when my legs were shaking, and I couldn’t stand. Your prayers spoke for me, when I had no words to speak. You fed me, literally and spiritually. You were there when I felt surrounded by so much darkness and discouragement. Thank you.

I learned that with a growth mindset, a God who always goes above and beyond, and incredible people– we can do anything. We really can.

2016, you showed me what I was made of. The good, the weak, the strong and the bad. You brought the most amazing man into my life. You were filled with family and once-in-a-lifetime moments. And for that, you will be unforgettable.

2016 was a year of hard work and planting. It was filled with a heavy yoke, sweat, tears and blisters. A year of dark faith. I hope 2017 is a year of growth and more harvest.

Feliz, 2016 wasn’t all bad (even though it started like hell). It ended with a bang and taught us so much. Ready for 2017?

This week, the blog turned 7 years old. As I end this year surrounded by those that I love, I am also so grateful for the love and support all of my fellow bloggers and readers have offered me throughout these 7 years. It has been an amazing ride. Journalism school, law school and now, this newborn career. It’s amazing to see how far we have come. Take time to reflect on your journey, and I hope that if you take anything from my experience, it’s that God is faithful and never give up on what  God has placed on your heart.

We will be marching into 2017, together. More experiences and more amazing things to come.

Wishing you abundant blessings, peace, love and joy in this Christmas season.

With love,

GY

Reflections Before Bedtime #94

By: Gabriela Yareliz

It’s a good thing my heart is stubborn. It’s also a bit like snow. It can be tough; it can be soft; and it melts in inevitable warmth. It sparkles. It glows. Magic.

It’s a good thing I befriend people by force. Before they know it, I have come into their lives and left a hand print or two.

This little persistent heart did not make it out of 2016 unscathed. It got a little bruised and trampled. It got a little cold and melted. It hurt and healed. It exhausted itself and found rest.

I continue to learn. I continue to grow. If one thing is clear, it’s that this journey is about who I want to be as a person. This is about what I want to give as a person.

Despite all the insanity– I am still hoping; I am still loving; and I am going to keep pressing forward. I want to be the woman who never gave up; the woman who loved; the woman who believed. The woman who brought her own brand of magic with her, no matter where she went.

How Many Kings?

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Oftentimes, we feel alone in our wandering through this human journey– alone in that we feel God doesn’t understand our pain or our struggles. We see God as distant, far– and yet, this season reminds us that God left His throne to assume flesh. He became man and faced our nature and struggles. He faced and carried the pain of the world.

The season reminds us God is near and that God understands His creation. He is Creator and Redeemer. He is King. It also reminds us of a faithful God who keeps His promises. A God who is love.

Compatibility

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[Image from Tumblr]

“Our culture has really fallen for this idea that compatibility is this thing you find or this thing you test for– and that’s just not true. Compatibility is something you create. You learn to enjoy one another; you learn to be compatible. […] Character trumps compatibility; compatibility flows from your character.” Pastor Ted Cunningham, Adding Some Spice to Your Marriage Comedy Hour, Focus on the Family Podcast

Truth Commission

By: Gabriela Yareliz

In my study of human rights, few things fascinated me as much as truth commissions, also known as reconciliation commissions. They are known as commissions (and essentially tribunals) that look at and investigate wrongdoing by governments and individual actors in situations like civil wars, genocide and mass atrocities.

To be honest, often times, there is no justice or compensation that can be given to people for what they have gone through, but the commissions have still proven to be important in the international justice system. People need to be heard. They don’t just want to be heard; they need to be heard. They want to make sure their story is not forgotten. They want to make sure no one invalidates or dismisses their experience or pain.

In these truth commissions, people tell their stories. Sometimes, in heart-wrenching detail. While the truth can’t rectify the past wrong(s), it has the power to heal. These commissions have been instrumental in a healing process for people.

Scripture itself says that the “truth will set you free,” John 8:32. The prophet Zechariah (8:16) said we should “speak the truth to one another.” Truth heals. Truth brings understanding. Truth brings reconciliation; that is why the commissions are alternatively called truth and reconciliation commissions.

Today, I had my own truth commission. It came from a place seeking hope, growth and more healing. I wasn’t looking for justice; I didn’t do it with malice– I simply wanted to be heard and understood. To be honest, I was heard, but I wasn’t understood. But if there is something I have learned from history and these commissions, it’s that it takes nations more than a day to heal and reconcile. And sometimes, at the end of the day, all that matters is that you respected yourself enough and were brave enough to confront and share a painful truth. Not everyone has the courage to face truth. Truth often holds hands with pain.

I spoke. And while I can’t control what effect my story has on another, I can control what effect it has on me. And like most who go to these truth commissions to tell their stories, I am ready to move on. I told my story. Don’t forget it. It happened, it’s true, and with the same strength, I am setting myself free.

Reflections Before Bedtime #93

On her 17th wedding anniversary, Kusha Alagband shares these words of wisdom:

“The truth is […] your partner may not always spoil you, may not always treat you like a princess. He may forget to complement you every day. Some things fade. Those giddy little stomach flutters fade and you’re then left with reality. There will be days he may even forget to tell you you’re beautiful, even though you need to hear it. There will be days he will forget to say I love you, and on and on. Some things fade, and when they do, what’s left is what’s truly worth fighting for. Love isn’t always beautiful, heck, it’s not even close to being perfect half the time. Despite what some claim, love is not easy. It’s hard work. It requires accountability and responsibility. It’s a commitment. It’s presence. It is a daily practice. Anyone that pretends otherwise, is deeply misguided. Feelings change, the spark dies down and what you’re left with is something you either chose to fight for or you don’t. When you know that even though those things are gone, you’re still willing to fight for every breath,then you know the love is real.”

Happy anniversary to this beautiful couple. May you always fight for your love; may it always be true.

Tuesday Badinage: November 29, 2016

By: Gabriela Yareliz

It’s raining in NYC, today. Christmas decorations are up. The city looks beautiful and glittery, like the movies. I had a hectic morning. Lost my metro card, missed my train, almost didn’t make it into Court on time because of the weather and the long security line wrapped around the building. I made it. The Christmas decor was inspiring me, along the way.

I started thinking about how festive this time is. There is no doubt that the birth of the Messiah is worth celebration. It’s a new life; grace; hope– actually scratch that. It’s not even just hope; it’s a promise. A promise fulfilled. And in a world where everything including promises are broken, a promise kept when our lives depended on it, is worth celebrating. A God who intervenes out of Love; that is worth celebrating. Light has come to shine out of darkness; that is worth celebrating.

Reflections Before Bedtime #92

“Her mind is an unquiet one, words and thoughts and impulses constantly crashing into each other.”
– David Levithan

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Is it bad that I am exhausted from the weekend? I had decided to rest this weekend until I decided to venture to grounds that don’t let me so much as sit down (much less rest), and I decided to satisfy a weird craving for homemade Colombian arepas. I slaved over them for hours, and when it came time to eat, all I wanted to do was collapse on the bed. My friend Cathy said it was a bit like making tortillas from scratch. God help us.

I have found new creative outlets, like cooking more daring and creative pieces of art. I have gone back to old creative outlets, like flipping through magazines.

These days, I am sitting cross-legged on my hardwood floor, wrapping gifts. I am fully anticipating my first real, stress-free vacation after entering the working world.

It feels like the world is changing, and changing quickly. Everything is spinning. Elections, heartbreaks, people quitting, people getting hired, people getting married, people dying– it’s a whirlwind.

It feels like my mind never stops. I wake up feeling exhausted.

In the end, all I do is I reduce. I try to reduce my anxieties into the basics of what is important. I want those important to me to genuinely love me and I want to show them genuine love; I want to be loved and for all the right reasons; I want to do my work to the best of my ability and make food that tastes good.

Not too long ago, I sat on a couch with a man who was interrogating me. He didn’t ask me at what exact time I was born because it simply didn’t occur to him. He covered all the other bases. He was arrogant and disapproving– extremely nosy, to say the least. He made comments with rivers of insinuations running through them, leaving me uncomfortable and cold.

Then, later, I sat on a different couch with the loveliest older woman. She just held my hand affectionately and barely said a word. She just squeezed my hand reassuringly. She was she and I was me. It’s amazing how it’s not even words that can show intent and transparency but something unspoken.

I try to remind myself of that– no matter how many words are clashing in my head, or how many words I long to hear, it’s what’s in my heart that matters, instead.

Baar Baar Dekho– Look Again and Again

img_4155“You were my yesterday, you will be my tomorrow, and you are always my now.” Baar Baar Dekho

The Hindi language is always poetic, just like its films.

When asked what she hopes people will take away from the film Baar Baar Dekho, Katrina Kaif said: “Not to take the people in your life for granted; not to always be striving and pursuing the thought that there is someone better out there. Really think and sit down and evaluate what this person gives to you, and if you see and you respect the depth and you have that love between you, then value it and respect it.” #relationshipgoals

[Image from Bollywood Cat]