Tuesday Badinage: January 10, 2017

“Man is fond of counting his troubles, but he does not count his joys. If he counted them up as he ought to, he would see that every lot has enough happiness provided for it.” Fyodor Dostoevsky

A bit of inspiration for the day.

NYC is such a public place. We all sort of partake of each other’s joys and sorrows. I think I have talked about this before. When you step onto a train, you might celebrate with someone who is loudly proclaiming his or her joy, or you may witness a few tears. Eyes bouncing to and fro, unsure of whether to give privacy or sympathy.

Whatever character you find yourself being today, think about all the blessings you are grateful for, and the ones you might have forgotten. Gratitude changes everything. Let us find happiness at every step. Remember, God loves you with a love more profound than any love you extend toward anyone. His love will keep you.

Happy Tuesday!

All Right

By: Gabriela Yareliz

“You’re all right, now,” my friend’s text message read after I told her about my morning. “Go home and have a good cry.” I couldn’t. I needed to go to work. Weirdly, I didn’t feel like crying to release all the tension that had built up in me. I also didn’t feel rejoicing was completely appropriate. What could have been happens to people every day. What I felt was a relief and gratitude. Heavy gratitude. Gratitude that weighed more than the tension I had carried up until now.

I started out the year at one of NYC’s top hospital cancer centers for an evaluation. I walked in like a zombie, passing sympathetic and worried faces, glassy room dividers and large vases. Twinkling lights remained from the holiday season, reminding me that tomorrow is Three Kings Day.

There is nothing like a little uncertainty to make one reflect deeper on life, one’s fears, and one’s desires. It reminds one to take nothing for granted; to love, and love well.

Uncertainty surrounds us. The new year is uncertain– each new day is uncertain. Someone once said that all we can do is trust an uncertain future to a certain God.

Each day brings its own turmoil and stress. Its own victory and/or defeat.

I was on the train this morning, and I was reading my magazine. Magazines have always been such a source of comfort for me, since childhood. Maybe that is why I enjoyed studying journalism so much. I read some words that touched me deeply:

“Look to the star, keep spirits high. Good times are coming by and by.
Do not let yourselves get down;
Faith’s more a verb than it’s a noun.”

Ian Frazier, New Yorker, Issue: Dec. 19 & 26, 2016, pg. 91

Maybe, I am not “all right” now that I know. Maybe, I was all right all along, and I will be all right, no matter what. Maybe, life is about learning just that.

Toodles for now.
The Forever Student

This is how 2016 began and ended

By: Gabriela Yareliz

I started off the year feeling like I was punched several times in the stomach and knocked to my knees to cough up blood. I didn’t say much at the time because my goal is to always uplift. So, because I write the blog mainly for myself (it’s my self reflection), I wrote some cryptic lines about tears and some Rumi quotes that comforted my soul. (See Reflections Before Bedtime #61).

It was a year of trial. I had a lot of pressure on me to perform well and keep my new  job (as most new employees do). I was preparing for something important and the next step in my professional career. I was working full time and feeling drained. I had tight deadlines at the beginning of the year.

The first week of 2016, there was crazy stress at work. I had been sleeping on an air mattress for six months. My unlimited metro card locked me out of the train station for twenty minutes; I filled my cash metro card and the turnstile ate my fare. The temperature went into the teens. I got slightly sick. My phone uninstalled important apps I needed. Then, my phone became half functional. I tried to get a new phone but ended up wasting my time because what I was looking for was not there. I was a mess.

You are reading this all now, but I wrote all of that in January 2016. It was Feliz’s idea. She told me to write how I started out the year, so I could post this at the end of the year. Why? Because we were both convinced that 2016 was going to be amazing.

So, now that the year is coming to a close, this is what actually happened in the year that started like a TKO (total knock out). By the grace of God, I am still standing.

2016 Recap:

January: I ended up lost in probably the worst neighborhood in NYC, twice. Phone died. Met an old colleague who was visiting from Iowa, and we remembered our good old Washington, D.C. days. I was gifted an amazing book called Just Mercy. I got a new phone. *enter iPhone era*

February: I was consumed with professional development and cases. Trying to make those dreams happen.

March: Went to an awesome networking event hosted by my LatinoJustice familia. Worked on a fellowship proposal.

April: Case-heavy month. Finalizing our fellowship project proposal. Saw Journey and Santana in concert at Madison Square Garden. I was reminded to never stop believing. After this, I got some heartbreaking news. I had to find the inspiration and pray for the strength to get up again and keep pressing forward.

May: Crazy work schedule. Struggling with my career dreams, which seemed to be shattering. It was my birthday. Ate Ethiopian food for the first time. Realized, as I was looking at signatures on a birthday card, that I was looking for a particular signature. Someone special was in my life, officially. My childhood friend had her bridal shower. I traveled to surprise her. We had a blast. Throughout this month, my stress led to what seemed like a stress-induced eating disorder, where I couldn’t keep food down. I lost a ton of weight, and I was pretty much crying myself to sleep.

June: Work and pursuing career dreams is a tough thing to balance. A massive case I had prepped for finally went to trial. My childhood friend got married, and I traveled to be a part of that. It was pretty magical and nostalgic. It clicked with me that we are grownups. I learned to be Wedding Coordinator/ Maid of Honor. I started dating the special person in my life. My special person started forcing me to eat more and focus on wellness.

July: All my preparation culminated in July, where I delivered a performance that would change everything. My family came to visit. We had fun, and they met the special man in my life. Our 4th of July was filled with love, fireworks, cupcakes and rain.

August: My massive trial continued. Work and cases seemed to pick up the pace. I start healing my health, which had suffered from so much stress. I started eating again and retaining my food.

September: I interviewed for another position (pursuing professional growth), and I concluded our massive trial. I attended a wedding with my special person.

October: I found out and celebrated our massive trial win. I hosted a Prayer in the City location for my church’s week of prayer. I was told that all my hard work had paid off (July was a success). I was finally seeing the growth and accomplishment I wanted to see in my career.

November: It became official– I got the new position I had applied for. I began cooking new dishes and improving my skills. I decided I love cooking. Donald Trump won the election. A nation divided is revealed.

December: I realize that while this year has been brutal, I am so blessed. I have a job that gives me satisfaction; I am learning new things and growing; and I was asked by my law school to become a mentor for new law students.

This year, I learned so much about my flaws, strength I didn’t know I had in me and the fact that persistence sometimes wins the game. I learned that love is hard and complex, but that when you find a person unlike anyone else, it’s worth it.

To my family (mom, dad, bros, Ignacio, grandparents), friends and that special person who came into my life: I couldn’t have done this 2016 journey without you. Your strength held me up when my legs were shaking, and I couldn’t stand. Your prayers spoke for me, when I had no words to speak. You fed me, literally and spiritually. You were there when I felt surrounded by so much darkness and discouragement. Thank you.

I learned that with a growth mindset, a God who always goes above and beyond, and incredible people– we can do anything. We really can.

2016, you showed me what I was made of. The good, the weak, the strong and the bad. You brought the most amazing man into my life. You were filled with family and once-in-a-lifetime moments. And for that, you will be unforgettable.

2016 was a year of hard work and planting. It was filled with a heavy yoke, sweat, tears and blisters. A year of dark faith. I hope 2017 is a year of growth and more harvest.

Feliz, 2016 wasn’t all bad (even though it started like hell). It ended with a bang and taught us so much. Ready for 2017?

This week, the blog turned 7 years old. As I end this year surrounded by those that I love, I am also so grateful for the love and support all of my fellow bloggers and readers have offered me throughout these 7 years. It has been an amazing ride. Journalism school, law school and now, this newborn career. It’s amazing to see how far we have come. Take time to reflect on your journey, and I hope that if you take anything from my experience, it’s that God is faithful and never give up on what  God has placed on your heart.

We will be marching into 2017, together. More experiences and more amazing things to come.

Wishing you abundant blessings, peace, love and joy in this Christmas season.

With love,

GY

Reflections Before Bedtime #94

By: Gabriela Yareliz

It’s a good thing my heart is stubborn. It’s also a bit like snow. It can be tough; it can be soft; and it melts in inevitable warmth. It sparkles. It glows. Magic.

It’s a good thing I befriend people by force. Before they know it, I have come into their lives and left a hand print or two.

This little persistent heart did not make it out of 2016 unscathed. It got a little bruised and trampled. It got a little cold and melted. It hurt and healed. It exhausted itself and found rest.

I continue to learn. I continue to grow. If one thing is clear, it’s that this journey is about who I want to be as a person. This is about what I want to give as a person.

Despite all the insanity– I am still hoping; I am still loving; and I am going to keep pressing forward. I want to be the woman who never gave up; the woman who loved; the woman who believed. The woman who brought her own brand of magic with her, no matter where she went.

How Many Kings?

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Oftentimes, we feel alone in our wandering through this human journey– alone in that we feel God doesn’t understand our pain or our struggles. We see God as distant, far– and yet, this season reminds us that God left His throne to assume flesh. He became man and faced our nature and struggles. He faced and carried the pain of the world.

The season reminds us God is near and that God understands His creation. He is Creator and Redeemer. He is King. It also reminds us of a faithful God who keeps His promises. A God who is love.

Compatibility

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[Image from Tumblr]

“Our culture has really fallen for this idea that compatibility is this thing you find or this thing you test for– and that’s just not true. Compatibility is something you create. You learn to enjoy one another; you learn to be compatible. […] Character trumps compatibility; compatibility flows from your character.” Pastor Ted Cunningham, Adding Some Spice to Your Marriage Comedy Hour, Focus on the Family Podcast

Truth Commission

By: Gabriela Yareliz

In my study of human rights, few things fascinated me as much as truth commissions, also known as reconciliation commissions. They are known as commissions (and essentially tribunals) that look at and investigate wrongdoing by governments and individual actors in situations like civil wars, genocide and mass atrocities.

To be honest, often times, there is no justice or compensation that can be given to people for what they have gone through, but the commissions have still proven to be important in the international justice system. People need to be heard. They don’t just want to be heard; they need to be heard. They want to make sure their story is not forgotten. They want to make sure no one invalidates or dismisses their experience or pain.

In these truth commissions, people tell their stories. Sometimes, in heart-wrenching detail. While the truth can’t rectify the past wrong(s), it has the power to heal. These commissions have been instrumental in a healing process for people.

Scripture itself says that the “truth will set you free,” John 8:32. The prophet Zechariah (8:16) said we should “speak the truth to one another.” Truth heals. Truth brings understanding. Truth brings reconciliation; that is why the commissions are alternatively called truth and reconciliation commissions.

Today, I had my own truth commission. It came from a place seeking hope, growth and more healing. I wasn’t looking for justice; I didn’t do it with malice– I simply wanted to be heard and understood. To be honest, I was heard, but I wasn’t understood. But if there is something I have learned from history and these commissions, it’s that it takes nations more than a day to heal and reconcile. And sometimes, at the end of the day, all that matters is that you respected yourself enough and were brave enough to confront and share a painful truth. Not everyone has the courage to face truth. Truth often holds hands with pain.

I spoke. And while I can’t control what effect my story has on another, I can control what effect it has on me. And like most who go to these truth commissions to tell their stories, I am ready to move on. I told my story. Don’t forget it. It happened, it’s true, and with the same strength, I am setting myself free.

Reflections Before Bedtime #93

On her 17th wedding anniversary, Kusha Alagband shares these words of wisdom:

“The truth is […] your partner may not always spoil you, may not always treat you like a princess. He may forget to complement you every day. Some things fade. Those giddy little stomach flutters fade and you’re then left with reality. There will be days he may even forget to tell you you’re beautiful, even though you need to hear it. There will be days he will forget to say I love you, and on and on. Some things fade, and when they do, what’s left is what’s truly worth fighting for. Love isn’t always beautiful, heck, it’s not even close to being perfect half the time. Despite what some claim, love is not easy. It’s hard work. It requires accountability and responsibility. It’s a commitment. It’s presence. It is a daily practice. Anyone that pretends otherwise, is deeply misguided. Feelings change, the spark dies down and what you’re left with is something you either chose to fight for or you don’t. When you know that even though those things are gone, you’re still willing to fight for every breath,then you know the love is real.”

Happy anniversary to this beautiful couple. May you always fight for your love; may it always be true.

Tuesday Badinage: November 29, 2016

By: Gabriela Yareliz

It’s raining in NYC, today. Christmas decorations are up. The city looks beautiful and glittery, like the movies. I had a hectic morning. Lost my metro card, missed my train, almost didn’t make it into Court on time because of the weather and the long security line wrapped around the building. I made it. The Christmas decor was inspiring me, along the way.

I started thinking about how festive this time is. There is no doubt that the birth of the Messiah is worth celebration. It’s a new life; grace; hope– actually scratch that. It’s not even just hope; it’s a promise. A promise fulfilled. And in a world where everything including promises are broken, a promise kept when our lives depended on it, is worth celebrating. A God who intervenes out of Love; that is worth celebrating. Light has come to shine out of darkness; that is worth celebrating.