Weighing for Change

By: Gabriela Yareliz

I am sitting in the basement of TJ Maxx on a chair that is for sale. I am not kidding. I am sitting here with no makeup on, with my New Yorker grocery cart beside me. I am writing this blog on a chair that isn’t mine.

All morning, I have been trying to sort my feelings out about big possible transitions coming my way. Here I am trying to worry about everything but maybe the most important thing.

Is it possible that sometimes people give us space to figure out our stuff when they seem to see us more clearly than we see ourselves? They see our potential, our ambition, our hopes.

Maybe, in my own hopes to stop the indecision and deafening silence that has plagued for so long, I have been trying to find my answers from external sources. But that may not be possible.

If what I seek is growth, challenge and no boredom, then the weights are stacked up, and I must weigh carefully. Isn’t that what I have been working toward my whole life? Nothing about this journey has been comfortable or easy. So what is it exactly that scares me?

When we are seeking to go to the next chapter in life, there is nothing external that can help us decide. Contrary to what we try. But instead, we have to pray and pay attention to the sentiments that linger. There was a prospect for change that was placed in front of me recently, and I felt disappointed. I literally felt just that. I couldn’t understand why until this morning. And I haven’t been able to shake the feeling, even if I can reason it away with logic. So, perhaps, that feeling is not meant to be ignored or reasoned away, but it’s exactly what I should be holding on to.

If change will happen, it has to be for something better. There is too much at stake. Maybe, we are too accustomed in life to making decisions and just making them work. Surviving. But now, I believe we reach a certain point where our choices shouldn’t just be things we survive and make work, but something we really want. Something that will elevate, because if it won’t, then maybe the trade off isn’t as worth it as it seems.

Life comes and asks you the question: What do you prioritize? Who are you? Who do you want to be? And there are things we erroneously see as mutually exclusive– but they aren’t. Instead of letting false sense of hopelessness drain us, we should use the energy to make work what it is we want. There are ways. There are ways.

This is just a shoutout to the girl inside who loves a good challenge, and wants to go to bed knowing she tried her best to disturb the worlds status quo as it stands. I always wanted to run into the darkness with a torch, and I have realized I can do nothing less.

Gaman

Image from @candicekumai

“The contrast from barely paying rent to where I am now is incredible. And I just want to tell you guys that I am living proof that you can do anything in your life, but you will have to work for it.

And when I am running those races, I always hate the last 3/4 lap. That is the one that you have to get through, and I feel like I am there right now, in my life. Like, I feel like I am at the 3/4 lap, where I just want to give up and tell everybody: This has not been a fun career. This has been a painful career, and the one thing that I know how to do better than anyone is endure.”

Wabi Sabi, Ep. 02, Gaman, How to Survive With One Simple Strategy (podcast available on iTunes)

“The one thing that I know how to do better than anyone is endure”

What do you see?

By: Gabriela Yareliz

I was sitting in court when a court staff member sat beside me. He asked me how my weekend had gone, and told me that now that I am young, I should make sure each weekend is the best weekend I ever had. I smiled politely, taking a break from my New Yorker reading, which was my entertainment as I waited to be called.

He then said, “Open your hand, and look at your palm.”

I did and gave him a skeptical glance. If this guy was expecting me to read my own palm, I was not having it.

“What do you see?” he asked.

I stared blankly into the flushed palm of my hand that had some ink stains on the side.

“Nothing,” I said, choosing to ignore the ink smudges.

“Look again.”

I did.

“You don’t see it, but the rest of us do. You have the world in your hands. Seize it. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t.”

I smiled. The world. In my hand.

Open your hand. What do you see?

Great Spirits

“Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. The mediocre mind is incapable of understanding the man who refuses to bow blindly to conventional prejudices and chooses instead to express his opinions courageously and honestly.” –Albert Einstein

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Honesty will often cost you. People often lie to protect themselves or more specifically, their status, and more often than not, to protect the image they hold in front of others. However, our characters and hearts are too expensive a sacrifice. When we lie, what we aim to have protect us becomes the greatest weapon against us.

Don’t cheapen yourself. Be a great soul. If honesty costs you, let it cost you. At least that is a price worth paying.

Love Goggles

Let us seek wholeness. Let’s look at each other through love goggles. Let’s not list that which makes us or others imperfect. We don’t need someone to tell us, each of us knows our flaws.

Here is the key: It’s only love that helps us grow.

“Sometimes, it’s the smallest things that lead to the most profound change.” Goop Podcast, “How To Move On From Your Imperfect Childhood,” May 10, 2018 (available on iTunes)

Grace and Healing

It is my prayer to grow in grace for myself and others. Sometimes, we allow our past or baggage to weigh us down. Things trigger us as humans, and we are left standing there, feeling as we did in the past. For some, that means: rejected, controlled, abandoned, laughed at, ostracized, unseen, betrayed– no one makes it out of life unscathed.

But when will we learn? When will we see that the future is ours. That healing comes when we let go of who we think we are and reframe who we are through God’s eyes and love. I fully believe that the narrative we allow ourselves to hear can either heal us or destroy us.

Here is to more grace and healing. Be kind to yourself, and then, you will probably be kinder to others.