[Per Dimenticare= Italian for: [In Order] to Forget You]
Image from Tumblr
By: Gabriela Yareliz
It has been a happy set of months, where I have been watching friends’ wedding videos, attending weddings and finding out about new life chapters beginning. It has filled me with so much happiness for those friends; those I love so much.
In the midst of all these new beginnings, I couldn’t help but think about how things were at one point. I was thinking of conversations I would have with these friends; things we went through.
Many of my friends married people we all didn’t know existed two to three years ago. Some moved to cities they never would have thought they’d move to. Life is like that. Magical. Unexpected.
Our first kisses, our first jobs, our first loves– none of those quite made it up to this point. I know mine didn’t. Life spins like the planet we are on. It changes. And then, it stops.
It stops for a split minute for us to gather our bearings and hold hands with whomever we want to move forward with. It stops, giving us enough time to open a map to trace the new direction in which we are headed. Then, a new chapter begins, with a new setting or with a new person at our side. And commitment makes it everything. We continue to evolve and grow, but there is a person or place we call home.
If we were to stay nostalgic for what life was or “could have been,” we’d all live heartbroken and in some weird false world of illusions. Many of us who are starting new chapters, we had our fair share of heartbreak. Someone who we loved smashed our heart to pieces. That person made us cry– you know the type of crying, the crouching-down-on-the-floor-in-a-corner, hand-over-the-mouth crying. We felt the sting of betrayal and rejection. Years. Plans. Invested emotions and more– all gone.
But then, we got up.
We dusted ourselves off from the corner where we cried for long enough, we glued our hearts back together, and we stepped out courageously.
And then, we met that person who made us believe in a love that was deeper than what we had felt before. We believed in a life that we didn’t know was possible. We believed, again. And some of us realized we had never believed at all, before now.
This is an open letter to the “exes” who broke our hearts, but then, now they spend years reading our blogs and looking us up on LinkedIn. We know, but you see, while you left the place where we came together, we left, too. The only difference was we didn’t turn around to look back.
We are happy.
We are falling in love.
We are enjoying life.
We are growing wiser.
We are becoming more beautiful.
We are moving.
We are succeeding.
We are getting married.
We are living the life God knew we wanted that we wouldn’t have had with someone who only thinks of himself.
May you find happiness, despite always remembering what you could have had but don’t have.
At one point, we feared we would never heal from the hurt you caused, but we did. And now, we choose not to forget you, to remind ourselves of how good God was to spare us.
And you can’t forget us.
Keep watching. There is more amazing stuff coming.
“…avevo bisogno di una lingua differente: una lingua che fosse un luogo di affetto e di riflessione.” —ANTONIO TABUCCHI
[Jhumpa Lahiri as featured in the Wall Street Journal]
By: Gabriela Yareliz
I finished Jhumpa Lahiri’s book, In Other Words. She brought many interesting things to mind. She filled me with the nostalgia of what it’s like to passionately want to communicate and love a life that embodies a language and cultural identity different than my own.
She discussed how, to her, being a writer was a way of concealing herself and hiding behind characters and imagination. She strongly implied that fiction carries a dishonesty with it.
This book was her own personal linguistic journey. I enjoyed it, and still, there were many sentiments I did not share. We both have a different love affair with words and languages– but it’s a love affair, nonetheless. For example, perhaps because I look racially ambiguous, I haven’t often shared her frustration of not looking like I speak a language. I write, not to conceal myself, but to share myself with the world. Writing is freedom, to me. There is no place I am more myself than when I put words down on white space. I understand her feelings as a first generation U.S. grown kid (how that plays into family and friendship dynamics), and the role language plays in our identity. My love of the English language is different from her own experience with and slight disdain of it.
“When you live in a country where your own language is considered foreign, you can feel a continuous sense of estrangement.” ― Jhumpa Lahiri, In Other Words
That is what is so fascinating about life. We can each have so many different experiences with the same things. And while Lahiri and I may differ in some (or many) experiences and thoughts, I am so grateful she wrote about her journey which brought me to think about my own.
“Imperfection inspires invention, imagination, creativity. It stimulates. The more I feel imperfect, the more I feel alive.” ― Jhumpa Lahiri, In Other Words
It made me reflect upon what each language I have ever flirted with and cemented myself in means to me. What each evokes. I am presently learning a new language (or at least trying). This is the 9th language I come into contact with at a deeper level of grammar and vocabulary. I feel like a child when I try to figure it out or when I realize I have been pronouncing a word incorrectly for three weeks. It comes with the territory. Strangely, these feelings make me feel like myself. When am I not trying to figure out a new language?
“Because in the end to learn a language, to feel connected to it, you have to have a dialogue, however childlike, however imperfect.” ― Jhumpa Lahiri, In Other Words
The meaning certain languages hold in our hearts sometimes change or it doesn’t. I still dream in Hindi and French, sometimes.
Regardless, each language is a piece of me. And I feel there are other pieces to be found and brought into the puzzle.
Languages are for those who dare to try to build a bridge and cross it at the same time. I am one of those people. This journey is far from over for me. In other words, stay tuned. Pun intended.
Sonam Kapoor has always been an inspiration to me. Before Chrissy Teigen was making provocative statements and making us laugh with her wit on Twitter, there was Sonam Kapoor on Koffee with Karan. She always says what is on her mind, and I love her for it.
Yesterday, I was talking to a friend about women in film, and today, when thinking back, I realized how much of that simple discussion and questions asked came from a male perspective. There is so much a woman juggles and struggles with. One is the concept of beauty. Women have a unique privilege of bringing and displaying a certain type of beauty to the world. And yet, beauty has come to be defined in the oddest ways.
“We’ve been taught that women need to be flawless even when our flawlessness is wildly implausible.” Sonam Kapoor, BuzzFeed
Sonam contributed her thoughts on women and beauty to BuzzFeed India, and the piece made me smile, tear up and get all weirdly emotional. In this piece, she shares some of her darkest moments.
As we get older, we go through so many phases with our skin, weight, body, body hair, hair, fitness, makeup routines– it’s a rollercoaster journey filled with taboos, (sometimes) sadness, courage and acceptance.
Kapoor said, “Real female bodies are so taboo that hair-removal-cream ads show hairless legs even before the cream is applied.”
We change, not only on the inside, but also on the outside. Our skin types change as we age (I have recently discovered this, first-hand); our hair length changes, and our weight may fluctuate in subtle ways that mark us. We should be constantly learning to love ourselves in new ways. We should be learning to see our beauty at every stage.
Sonam Kapoor is a queen. She is smart, stunning and so honest. She talks about her days of not eating, and how her friend, the talented makeup artist Namrata Soni, reminds her that her flaws make her beautiful.
“Aspire, instead, to giving your body as much sleep as it needs. Aspire to finding a form of exercise that’s actually fun for you to do. Aspire to knowing your body and how to live well in it.
Aspire to confidence. Aspire to feeling pretty and carefree and happy, without needing to look any specific way.”
What journey have you been on with yourself? What do you aspire to?
It’s like someone flipped a switch. Autumn began with the cutest Google animation of little rocks eating a leaf (did anyone else see the adorableness?), and then, BAM, sixty-degree weather that makes your nose run. I was almost stranded in Jersey City last night with a shut-down Path train station, and a breeze that reminded me that I needed to buy thicker leggings. ‘Tis the season! I always like to open up the season with the Ben Rector song, which I discovered around this time, several years ago. Autumn brings with it some relief from the heat and a temporary death, which we all know leads to new beginnings. And even in its longer, darker days, there is so much beauty.
In this post are some quotes that have inspired me, lately. Happy week! Autumn has arrived!! Let’s celebrate.
“Autumn shows us how beautiful it is to let things.” Unknown
“Because the best thing about being alive is to feel part of something.” Maya Hart, Girl Meets World
“You’ve been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try accepting yourself and see what happens.”
Louise Hay
“Never assume that God doesn’t want you to be open and honest about what’s weighing on your soul. This is a relationship. He hears you.”
God’s daily love (via god-loves-u-sweetheart)
“Love is a sacrificial choice we make daily. When the going gets tough, we have to keep going forward. We choose to live each day, we choose to eat and drink water, so we must choose to love one another. Nothing is more wonderful than knowing that someone doesn’t feel ‘stuck with you’ but rather that they have chosen to walk this journey with you and will fight for you when you are too weak to defend Yourself.”
T.B. LaBerge // Go Now
“I wondered if that was why God hated sin, because of the destruction it caused. For a moment I felt awe for a God who loved me enough to hate the things that hurt me without hating me for causing them.”
Susan E. Isaacs (via everfleeting)
“When our communication changes, our relationships change.” Dr. Tony Evans
“I write only because there is a voice within me that will not be still.”
Sylvia Plath, Letters Home
“Why do Christians always ask how sinful something is, rather than ask how righteous it could be? Why do Christians ask God to change everything around them, before they think to say to God: ‘change me’? No matter how many times God has come through for us, we’re still overcome with fears, worries, and doubts. Lord, make us more aware of how immense and all powerful you are, of how near you are to us, and how, in the end, your purpose for our life is the only thing that matters.”
Unka Glen (unkaglen.tumblr.com)
“He loved her, of course, but better than that, he chose her, day after day. Choice: that was the thing.” Sherman Alexie, The Toughest Indian in the World (via quotethat)
“Grace is wild. Grace unsettles everything. Grace overflows the banks. Grace messes up your hair. Grace is not tame.”
Doug Wilson (via quiethollowribs)
“You must understand the whole of life, not just one little part of it. That is why you must read, that is why you must look at the skies, that is why you must sing and dance, and write poems and suffer and understand, for all that is life.”
Jiddu Krishnamurti
“My goal is God Himself, not joy, nor peace, nor even blessing, but Himself, my God.”
Oswald Chambers
“[…] Jesus: the essential tenderness of His heart, His way of looking at the world, His mode of relating to you and me. ‘If you really want to understand a man, don’t just listen to what he says, but watch what he does.'”
Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel
“Whenever you decide to believe God is faithful and live according to that belief, even when life is challenging, your faith grows. You can rest well, knowing that He is always up to something good.”
Charles Stanley (via godlywoman)
“I applaud the man willing and brave enough to explore the depths of a girl who has sapphires in her sparking eyes, caverns of kindness deep within her heart, a laugh that creases her eyes with an endless beautiful timeline, and a mind filled with forever ideas. She’ll make you feel like gold, I swear.
Darling girl, you are the most prized treasure. even when no one sees you or when you feel forgotten or unloved or even when you’re too hard on yourself. You’re whole + enough, sweet daughter of the Living God.”
j.w. | gold depths (via myheartmadeknown)
“But what had lasting significance were not the miracles themselves but Jesus’ love. Jesus raised his friend Lazarus from the dead, and a few years later, Lazarus died again. Jesus healed the sick, but eventually caught some other disease. He fed the ten thousands, and the next day they were hungry again. But we remember his love. It wasn’t that Jesus healed a leper but that he touched a leper, because no one touched lepers.”
Shane Claiborne, The Irresistible Revolution
“When a human being is mistreated, objectified, or neglected, when they are treated as less than human, these actions are actions against God. Because how you treat the creation reflects how you feel about the Creator.”
Rob Bell, Sex God (via contrariansoul)
“Marriage isn’t just sex, it’s conversation and laughter
I mean some spouses barely even like each other, and the marriage seems like a dead end
You might share a checkbook and a house, but are you actually friends?
I mean, if marriage isn’t a commitment, then what’s the point of the vows we say?
‘Til death do us part’ really means ‘Until the feelings go away’
Like, I’ll stay with him, but only until it gets tough and my love shifts
But I say imagine if a parent took that perspective with their kids
Like can’t you see it? The minute the kid spills something on the floor
The mom’s saying, ‘Forget it, I don’t even love you anymore’
No, it’s just like marriage, to last you need the strength from above
Because it’s not love that sustains the promise, it’s the promise that sustains the love.”
Sex, Marriage, & Fairytales // Jefferson Bethke (via worshipgifs)
“But it was Jesus who taught me there was nothing I could really lose if I had Him.”
Bob Goff (via risinghopeandstrength)
“Sometimes I look at people who don’t see their worth in Christ, and I just think about how God actually breathed life into dust, making something wonderful out of something worthless. All of creation, God has been bringing value to the valueless, hope to the hopeless, and life into the lifeless. Don’t you dare look at yourself and deny what God sees you as, because to Him, you are the very air in His lungs giving Him life; He died and rose again, so that you may be with Him forever. Come now, sons and daughters, to the place that God has made for you; because He is not simply telling you to not sin, He is calling you home.”
T.B. LaBerge // Go Now (via tblaberge)
I saw a sign that said: “I run on caffeine, chaos and cuss words.” So cheesy. But, it made me wonder– what do I run on? We all run on something; especially on Mondays. What are your three things?
I guess mine sign would say: “I run on vegan/gluten free protein shakes, prayer and humor.”
Regardless of whatever it is that you run on, I hope you are inspired and filled with energy to tackle the new week. Yes. Tackle. I passed a sports bar yesterday, and I saw a bunch of white men wearing football jerseys drinking beer. ‘Tis the season! And New York Fashion Week…
Let’s make it a great week!
Some recent inspiration:
“Happiness is an inside job. Don’t assign anyone else that much power over your life.”
“Begin to live as if your prayers have already been answered.”
“The things that will get you fired when you’re young are the same things that will win you lifetime achievement awards when you are older.” Francis Ford Coppola
“As you grow up, your priorities change; nights out are swapped for nights in; your circle gets smaller; games, drama and partying every weekend just aren’t entertaining enough. You get to a point where it’s quality over quantity; like your career, relationships, home and family. You now seek quality; something that is yours, something that’s real, something you can grow, something you are proud of. As you grow up, you want a future, not just for now. As you grow up, things change, you change, and you start to like it that way.” @idillionaire
“Attract what you expect. Reflect what you desire. Become what you respect. And mirror what you admire.”
Those of you who have been reading for years may remember my journalism studies days. (An old comical blog post is linked for your enjoyment). I would wander around trying to find a quiet place to interview people.
One recent Sabbath afternoon, my friends and I were talking about what heaven would be like and what we would want to do in a place that was perfect, where we would be perfect, too. I decided I would want to be the Diane Sawyer of heaven, and I jokingly started saying some things I would ask different people from scripture. Here are some of my questions, below. The name in front of the question is who the question is addressed to.
What would you ask? I am sure you have some questions of your own…
Questions for People in the Bible in Heaven:
Moses: Do you stay away from rocks now?
Jacob: So explain to me this Leah situation…
Martha: Did you ever feel like leaving people dinnerless?
Lot: Did you ever see your wife as a salt pillar (assuming no one could look back)?
Isaac: What were your thoughts when you saw your father pull out the knife?
Eve: Did it ever occur to you that a talking snake was weird?
Joseph: What was it like when you saw your brothers again?
Noah: Do you get sea sick?
Follow-up to Noah: How did you handle the animal smell in the ark?
Paul: What was your favorite place you traveled to?
Follow-up: Favorite travel buddy? (Obviously not Mark)
Stephen: Are you surprised to see anyone here?
David: So… How many wives did you have exactly?
Solomon: Who did you write Song of Solomon about?
Lazarus: What was it like to be BFFs with Jesus?
Follow-up: How did you feel when you were dying a second time (post-resurrection)?
Nicodemus: What was your being “born again” experience like?
Mary (sister of Lazarus): Where did you find all the mourners for Lazarus’ funeral?
Peter: What did it feel like to walk on water?
Samuel: Why were you a bad parent like Eli, the priest who raised you?
Zipporah: What was it like to become the unofficial First Lady of a refugee nation?
Hannah: How many little tunics did you make for Samuel?
Aaron: A golden calf? What were you thinking and did you know that would end badly?
Benjamin: Why did your descendants end up being so evil? (See book of Judges)
Mary: So what is it like to give birth when you are a virgin?
Samson: Your biggest regret?
Daniel: Which empire did you enjoy more? (Babylon or Medo-Persia)
Follow-up: Did you name any of the lions in the lions den?
Ruth: How did you feel when Boaz told you he knew you were a wonderful woman?
Esther: What was your reasoning in inviting the king to multiple dinners with your worst enemy (Haman)?
Jeremiah: Please, do share something good that happened in your life. Anything. A happy memory?
Follow-up: Do you like doing pottery in your spare time?
Job: Did you stay friends with those jerks who would lecture you?
Follow-up: Are they here?
Elijah: What was the scariest thing about Jezebel?
Hosea: What are your thoughts on marriage?
Isaiah: What is your favorite messianic prophecy that was later fulfilled?
Timothy: What is it like to be circumcised as an adult to find acceptance?
John: Is heaven everything or more than what you saw in vision at Patmos?
John the Baptist: Did you ever brush your hair?
Sarah (Abraham’s wife): Did you ever use the expression “laugh out loud”?
Follow-up: Did you almost kill Abraham when you found out he almost sacrificed your son?
The most random, memorable pieces of conversation from the week. Because sometimes, people say things that make you *double take*. – Gabriela Yareliz
9/8 @9:31pm: “I am stopping all sorts of traffic to get my life together.” (F parallel parking)
9/9 @11:10am: “We owe a lot to the clerks office who lost all the files.” (E)
9/9 @12:20pm: “I want a revolution.” (P)
9/9 @12:53pm: “You are actually having a conversation that isn’t moronic.” (C)
9/9 @10:46pm: “People have to realize that what is in people’s hearts can’t be legislated (greed, hate, love, peace). The revolution starts there.” (G)
9/10 @12:14pm: “God knows everything I have ever been through as if it was His own experience. Because that is how Love works.” (TG)
9/10 @12:40pm: “To be perfectly known and perfectly loved is the complete healing of us, as human beings.” (TG)
9/10 @3:50pm: “Faith doesn’t create facts, it just apprehends them” (TG)
9/10 @4:05pm: “The goodness of God leads us to repentance.” (TG)
9/10 @4:07pm: “We are created in the image of God to love the way God loves.” (TG)
9/10 @4:12pm: “I will include an illustration about the Bugatti in my sermon. There will be a great revival![…] Have you read Acts Chapter 2? It says they had all things in common. So if you are a Christian and I am a Christian– then your Bugatti is my Bugatti, my brother.” (TG)
9/10 @5:12pm: “Do you want to dance?” (M to L)
9/10 @7:30pm: “What? Isn’t she much younger than F?” (G) “Yes, I mean, everyone is.” (I)
9/10 @8:01pm: “You will be ‘Sexy Lips,’ and she will be ‘Baywatch.'” (G)
9/10 @9:10pm: “M is going to ask you about your Jewish family.” (L)
I read a brilliant article about Mother Teresa and her “spiritual darkness,” in The Week . The article was called, “Mother Teresa sometimes didn’t believe in God. That makes her an example of faith.” Provocative.
Mother Teresa recently became a “Saint.” I remember after reading her journal in high school, how impacted I was by some of the experiences she recounts. I couldn’t believe she still hadn’t met the criteria for what the Catholic Church deems as sainthood. Wasn’t her life enough of a miracle?
The article I read mentioned the fact that some of her writings are at times edited to not include her moments of spiritual darkness, or what some would call disbelief, in efforts to not discourage the readers.
The article points out, and I agree wholeheartedly, that faith isn’t having it all together. Faith is a journey, that very much so includes the moments when you are angry at God or questioning God.
You see, we need truth, the article states. Pascal-Emmanuel Gobry is right when he wrote:
“She showed us how to persevere, in the dark night, in spite of everything, even one’s demons. That is not lack of faith, that is true faith. May we all have her faith. Yes, even dark faith, even the pain and abandonment of the Cross.”
Yes. That is true faith. Hanging in there, and groping your way out of a long, dark night.
At one point in high school, while I was reading a book of quotations of Mother Teresa on the school bus rides (I always admired her so much and sort of found comfort in her solitude and reflection), I was also reading through the book of Psalms by King David. I had a little green pocket New Testament, that included Psalms and Proverbs. This was my bus reading material.
I remember that I sometimes thought King David had serious issues. One day he was dancing, and the next day, he was sobbing to God because someone was out to kill him (a totally legitimate reason to cry out to God, I admit). It hasn’t been until years later, after weathering a few dark nights of my own, that I better understand King David’s joy and anguish.
I am reminded that God never edited people’s lives in the Bible. King David’s sobs and adultery are there; Moses murdering the Egyptian and his fear of speaking before Pharaoh is there; Abraham’s doubt in the dark night after being promised that his descendants would be innumerable like the stars is there; Jacob’s lies and his tormenting love story are there; Samson’s weakness for women is there; Solomon’s derailment is there; Jeremiah’s weeping is there; Joseph in prison for doing what was right is there.
You see, I haven’t posted in a while. I thought of so many things that are on my mind. We could talk about how bankers get to do their work in nice clothes, with a bowl of lollipops in front of them all day; the election circus; how to transition your summer wardrobe into fall (if I see this headline one more time– I will vomit); how matte lipsticks dry out your lips; how men’s razors are better than women’s razors; how amazing love is– but that’s not what is really on my mind, tonight. This is on my mind; this concept of “dark faith.”
I am thinking about those who surround me. Each person has a story. Many of us have been demoralized in life. Life has “swept the floor” with us, so to speak. We feel broken, more often than not, and weary. Sometimes, it’s not even the fact that we are angry at God or questioning. Sometimes, we are just so unmistakeably exhausted that it’s like we hold our hands up in the air, and we don’t say a word. There is nothing more to say. We grope our way around the corners of life, hoping we won’t stub our toe or experience even more pain. We harden ourselves, sometimes. We hide. Sometimes, we question. Sometimes, we aren’t sure we believe all that we know has been proven true.
We find ourselves in the dark, with a heart, heavy, but filled with divine promise, as Abraham did. And that’s okay. This is what I want to say. It’s okay. Because the “Heroes of Faith” in scripture are so much more than the names listed in Hebrews 11. It’s the people sprinkled throughout the whole book. It’s you and me. It’s the Bible characters who lied, cheated, killed, doubted, and chose wrong. It’s the transformation of each of those lives. It’s the whole journey. The whole story. Light shines in darkness, and the love of God has shined into our darkness. The darkness is there. The darkness is real. Oh is it real. Our hurts, our brokenness, the betrayals we experience, the insecurities we are left with, the abandonment we have faced– it’s all real. And we are left groping. It’s part of our journey. Our unedited journey. It’s truth. And the truth will set us free.
Mother Teresa faced the ugliness of humanity with compassion. She often faced her own demons and disbelief with confusion and frustration. That wasn’t the end. This is a journey. A journey where divine Love saves the day and light breaks forth like the noonday sun.
Night doesn’t last forever. It didn’t for Saint Mother Teresa of Calcutta, and our nights won’t last forever, either. This darkness is important– it may be the turning point, what the story hinges on. So remember, no editing.
This manuscript of a life needs to remain complete. Because that is faith. Faith is persevering through the whole journey.
My favorite part of the day was when the little one said her stuffed bear wanted to hold my hand. And we walked to lunch. Him, her, the little bear and me– all of us holding hands in a line, walking. Life felt, at that moment, very extremely perfect.
I was listening to an old Kidd Kraddick in the Morning podcast from 2013. Kidd Kraddick was still alive and was the main host of the radio show.
He was reading a letter sent in from a woman who had been struggling financially. She said she had been at a super market buying eggs and bread, or something like that, when her card was declined. She was humiliated that she didn’t have money to pay. She began to cry and walk away from the register, leaving her groceries, when a man stepped in and paid for her groceries.
She was so stunned. Then, the man picked something up off of the floor. It was money. He said, “Miss, you dropped this.” She assured him she hadn’t dropped anything. Then, she noticed he was trying to give her money in a subtle way. She was so stunned she took the money, and she said she was so shocked she didn’t even remember if she thanked the man. She took her groceries home and then counted the money the man had given her. There were $200 dollars. She was shocked. She used this money to buy more food.
She asked the cashier if she knew who the man was; the one who had paid her bill. The cashier told her it was J-si Chavez from the Kidd Kraddick Morning Show. The woman wrote the letter to the show to say thank you. J-si had no idea the letter had come in and was going to be read on air.
J-si simply said, when I saw her, I saw myself seeing my single mother struggling when money was tight.
This story touched me deeply. You see, part of the model prayer says, “Give us this day our daily bread.” It doesn’t say “give me this day my daily bread.” Instead, it’s in the plural. We all belong to each other. We aren’t just to worry about ourselves, but instead, we are to care for one another. I loved when J-si talked about identifying with the woman he helped. That’s often what it takes. We must stop long enough to see someone else where they are and realize that could have been or has been us in the past.
We are God’s hands and feet. We all need each other.
GABRIELA YARELIZ 