“Everything that exists deserves to perish.” Mephistopheles, in Goethe’s Faust
The quote above was Karl Marx’s favorite quote. Stay with me.
This may feel random. This year, I have begun the year here giving a small window into my thoughts. I think about a lot of random things all the time. I find, at times, my mind doesn’t shut off. I used to share my thoughts more when I was younger and embodied more of a challenger frequency. I don’t share as much, but the thoughts never stop. Ha.
So, here we are. I like sharing the things I learn and ruminate about because I don’t think them to be frivolous (at least not always). I like to provoke thought because I love to think and parse out ideas that challenge me. My early thoughts on philosophy are all documented and sprinkled here over time. And that’s the thing— as you read what I write, you see my journey and also, a snapshot in time. You get an idea as to my values and what matters to me.
There is a fascinating book called The Devil and Karl Marx by Dr. Paul Kengor, which explores Marx’s poetry and body of written work often conveniently ignored by historians and biographers; work done before his economic writing that offers a pretty clear window into his thoughts, values and soul.
I find that so much of suffering comes from two things— refusing to accept reality and creating a fantasy about people or ideas in our heads (and clinging to the fantasy), or we listen to what others say about someone instead of reflecting on and heeding to what a person says about themselves.
I have observed in more shallow relationships (by shallow I mean where people lack emotional depth, maturity or connection), sometimes between spouses or between children and their parents and even among coworkers or leadership, that there is often a lot of information and clues presented and in plain sight, but no one wants to go there. No one wants to see it. No one wants to connect the dots. The problem becomes when the dots are connected for you, and it all comes to a head.
We would be wiser to start collecting the pieces of information we so freely receive and start mapping out reality, as inconvenient as it may be. (It’s more inconvenient to be slapped in the face with it later).
We must ignore the noise and accept what is in front of us.
Without doing this, we can make a hero out of the devil, and a villain out of a righteous one. Isn’t that the great pain point of humanity’s history?
My coach (she has the House of Joy podcast) always says that whatever we focus on amplifies. We should always be trying to amplify joy.
I am including here a podcast episode that had me laughing out loud on a delayed train. So if you are in transit, sick at home, at your desk in need of some background noise in the headphones— if you want to laugh— you can’t go wrong with Theo Von.
“Let the lie come into the world, let it even triumph. But not through me.” Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
It’s a liar’s world. People look around and wonder what and who they can trust. It’s hard to know what you can believe. Even the smartest can be deceived. Things are twisted and pulled out of context. Narratives spun. When we find ourselves in what feels like a post-truth era, the Bible’s urging for us to seek wisdom and discernment becomes more and more understandable and imperative. Without wisdom, we fall.
As we see the powers that be and everything else unfold as theater with characters who intrigue us as we wait to see what they reveal next, we must make a decision ourselves. It has always been the choice of each person who walks the earth— who will we be? Will we uphold the truth even if it costs us everything?
The truth, after all, can be quite inconvenient. As we live out our time on earth, deception will lurk in corners and at times be upheld, celebrated and rewarded. After all, the Devil is called the father of lies, and at the same time, the prince of this world.
Just recently, I heard a message that emphasized that the way of God always embraces the way of freedom. So then, it’s quite simple. If we are to walk in the way of God, we must walk in truth. Jesus said, the truth shall set you free. (John 8:32) This also means we must actively seek it out. We are not excused for having the truth in front of us and ignoring it.
May we choose to contribute and uphold truth and freedom in all that we do. May we live free.
“We are all fish swimming in water most of us cannot see, and we need to be more humble, more curious, more aware of all that is around us.” Margi Conklin
I loved this quote about life because it’s so true. As we start to understand that there is so little we do understand, it certainly keeps us humble.
Jesus Enrique Rosas recently had two emails in his newsletter about the importance of spontaneity in life. He recently wrote:
“Spontaneity crafts the best memories. So, plan your goals, set yourself for success, but always leave room for action when you least expect it.”
In a world where everyone walks around looking down and distracted— keep your head up. Stay aware. Be curious. Stay spontaneous with wisdom. And above all, be love and stay humble.
We are all fish, after all. Most of us cannot see.
“Learn to welcome all of the emotions.” Dr. Edie Wadsworth
I recently heard Dr. Wadsworth say we need to increase our capacity to feel. When we shut down negative emotions, we not only shut down the sad but also the joyful. Increasing our capacity means we feel it all, but it allows us to feel joy.
Increasing our capacity also means taking up space. It means we don’t live small.
“We keep ourselves so small because we don’t want to fail; we don’t want to be uncomfortable; we don’t want to be rejected; we don’t want to be disappointed.” Dr. Edie Wadsworth
Live amplified— go big or go home. Feel it all. Live BIG.
“I do not plan for the start of the year. I plan for the end.” Lauryn Bosstick
I think Lauryn’s approach is the way we should do life. We envision what we want our lives to look like at the end, and then, we work backwards from there.
Michael Bosstick, Lauryn’s husband, said on their most recent podcast that he likes the obituary approach, where he writes one and then works backward and thinks about what he would have to do today to build a life that would be written about like that.
Sometimes, we get so consumed with the immediate circumstance and lose sight of the big picture. The fact that just like it only takes a split second in a game to score a goal and change the whole game, life changes (or can change) just as fast.
So what do you want your end of year to look like? What changes will take you there?
It’s another morning commute gone to bust. We are held in a station where there is a fire, and it’s actively being investigated. They are holding us HERE. Make it make sense.
They are literally holding open the doors to “clear” the smoke (aka have us breathe it in). Nothing moves. We are underground. After the new year beginning with terrorism in different cities, it’s mind trippy to get on these trains, that have incredible flaws and can’t seem to get us to our destinations on a regular day, knowing the threat level is so high. And then you have a fire for good measure. Thanks, MTA.
As the train stops and is stuck, we passengers search each other’s faces for reassurance and affirmation. We seek an acknowledgment from each other the MTA won’t give us.
I find that as things spiral into chaos, we find ourselves talking more and more about and pointing out the irrationality and absurdity of it all. We are all desperate for an affirmation that the person next to us sees what we see. That they acknowledge the wrong we sense. I have been there (I am there right now as I write from this tunnel!). We share our distress.
Part of me wonders why we need the affirmation. Maybe, part of it is we feel the world has gone insane and left us alone. The train system has certainly left us stranded. (God has not). Our natural actions always confirm what we already know, that there is strength in community, in accountability, in mutual acknowledgment. It’s how we are human. On the flip side, I think we all need practice in holding our convictions alone. Far too many gravitate toward immoral thinking simply because they have company there. And maybe if we needed less affirmation and trusted more what we know, we would have more people with the courage to call out what is wrong instead of benefiting from the chaos. Look at our politicians, our media— it’s all a toxic cesspool.
The loud speaker is back on. Signal failure. We are still stuck in this tunnel. Tunnels are dark, but that’s the thing— they aren’t eternal. If we keep moving, eventually, we reach the light.
My coach says that if we don’t learn a lesson, it repeats itself in our lives until we do.
I am not sure if I believe that. I think life just happens. I do think that we can create the same patterns and reactions if we aren’t intentional, but even when we grow and adjust our reaction, that doesn’t mean we don’t face the same circumstance again. Our lives are interwoven to feel the shockwaves of the lives around us.
So then, it brings us to the question— is a lesson a circumstance? And the second question is— does it matter? Ultimately, what makes the difference between pattern or no pattern, even in the face of the same circumstance, is our power to choose and how we deal with the cards being dealt.
I believe there are common “lessons” that present themselves to us all, and others that are more tailor-made for our own little souls and the journey we need to embark on. And then, there is life, in all of its random glory.
As we begin new chapters, it’s important to ask ourselves what patterns we keep repeating, and when we want to step off the familiar carousel of choices.
We must ask ourselves what we don’t mind repeating and what we never want to see or experience again, and commit to it.
Agency isn’t something that is given or received. We don’t have to wait for it. Agency is something we inherently have. We shouldn’t forget it. It’s necessary for a smooth ride.
“Trust me when I say that one day it’s going to hit you– that you woke up happy, that you’re smiling for no reason, that your hands aren’t shaking anymore. One day, you’re going to remember what it was like to be you a year ago, or three years ago, or even a week ago, and you’re going to be so glad that you fought. You’re going to be so glad that you kept going.”
Bianca Sparacino
It’s the season of Elf, The Holiday, Christmas with the Kranks, Four Christmases– I think it’s true that Christmas doesn’t mark the end of the season, but it marks the beginning. December 26 is the second day of Christmas, and so on. Right?
Jesus is the reason for every day.
While the festive season is still in full swing, another year comes to an end. This month, we saw Canada get an offer to be the 51st state (sassy), the NY Rangers played terribly (and continue to), we contemplated quitting our jobs to focus on Christmas (kidding), Paris and Nicole got together for their Encore of The Simple Life, half the Christmas village markets were burned down in NYC, Daniel Penny was (rightfully) found not guilty. It was an eventful month. Each week had an interesting set of headlines.
The Simple Life, for me, is so nostalgic. I wasn’t allowed to watch it, but I still tried to seek out the clips and episodes on the VH1 site. It was one of the few things that made me feel like an adolescent in a very difficult period of my life. When I watched Paris and Nicole, I felt like a normal teenage girl. Here were these two women being ridiculously carefree and hilarious. Seeing them come together again will be epic. Here is to the Y2K era. Nothing beats the pre-iPhone era.
Loves it.
This month had some lovely moments. I loved seeing Delilah at the Wollman Rink at Central Park. We ice skated after some years of not skating. NYC felt more festive than in past years. America feels like it is coming into its own again post-election. I am here for it.
The truth is, every day is a gift. Every day is a new opportunity to grow and continue to evolve. I hope your December was incredible. I am wishing you an amazing, peaceful and beautiful start to the new year.
Given that this season often focuses on growth and new goals, I have included some fun programs and resources for different types of goals and hopes.
Books of the month:
Book of 2024:
Most anticipated book of the year:
Quotes
“It is not necessary to accept the choices handed down to you by life as you know it. There is more to it than that — no one HAS to do something he doesn’t want to do for the rest of his life. But then again, if that’s what you wind up doing, by all means convince yourself that you HAD to do it. You’ll have lots of company.” Hunter S. Thompson
“In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.” Jack Kornfield
“A society that separates its scholars from its warriors will have its thinking done by cowards and its fighting done by fools.” Thucydides
“Life requires crazy sometimes. The greatest feats of human achievement. The best life stories in history. The greatest companies ever built. The automobile. The airplane. The light bulb. All crazy ***** who weren’t afraid to jump. Every great business, every great life, every great story, requires a little bit of “F*** it.” The greatest things in history were accomplished by crazy people.” Andy Frisella
“Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.” C.S. Lewis
“It becomes too dangerous to be that authentic as a human being. Maybe some of it is our own predisposition to be afraid to be known. We long to be known, and we’re afraid to be known.” Erwin Raphael McManus
“In order to love yourself unconditionally, you need to be operating with integrity. A key component of integrity is taking 100 percent responsibility for any problem, activity or life event in which you are involved. Less than 100 percent responsibility means you’re operating as a victim. More than 100 percent means you’re operating as a martyr.” Gay Hendricks, Conscious Living
“Perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around, thinking it will protect us, when in fact it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from being seen.” Brene Brown
“The degress to which a person can grow is directly proportional to the amount of truth they can accept about themselves without running away.” Leland Val Van De Wall
“Not setting boundaries is like going outside when it rains and expecting to stay dry.” Dr. Henry Cloud
“Never begin the day until it is finished on paper.” Jim Rohn
“Antifragility is beyond resilience or robustness. The resilient resists shock and stays the same; the antifragile gets better.” Dr. Nassim Taleb
“Once in our world, a stable had something in it that was bigger than our whole world.” C.S. Lewis
“I realized I can’t mope around and be discouraged and expect my life to workout the way I want. I had to get really honest with myself and change my beliefs. I had to start showing up every day because the emotions I am overcoming every moment to moment is way better than any drug or medication.” Vanessa Fitzgerald
“When life gets tough, some of us feel that we’ve lost the game and life has won. But life isn’t trying to defeat you. Life isn’t even a participant—the game is yours.” Mo Gawdat in Solve for Happy
“When you fear suffering, you’re already suffering from what you fear.” Michel de Montaigne
“We must learn to discipline our disappointment. Some people let disappointment destroy them, while others let it drive them– that’s a choice.” Tony Robbins
“We are never far from wonders.” John Green
“The pain passes but the beauty remains.” Auguste Renoir
“Our bodies are apothecaries. We convert our expectations into chemical reality.” Norman Cousins
“The Son of God became a man to enable men to become sons of God.” C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
“Solitude is the furnace of transformation.” Henri Nouwen
“It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things.” Elinor Smith
“Life won’t always be perfect, but with emotional fitness, it will always be meaningful.” Tony Robbins
“When we killed authority we also killed ideals, we also killed inspiration, and instead of adults who are gentle and kind and aspirational for children, we ended up with adults who are weak, who lack conviction, who command no respect, who can’t even praise their children for acting right because then they would have to admit to a right and wrong.” Freya India on today’s adults
“Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose.” Steve Jobs
“We try to make virtues out of the faults we have no wish to correct.” Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Stuff
The Need for Adults by Freya India (“Adults were taught to weaken their convictions, soften their beliefs, that it was almost offensive to believe in anything deeply.”)
For the budding writer: Beth Kempton has a course for you.
Thank you for spending the year, month to month, with me. I’m excited for what 2025 will offer. Looking back, 2024 was an incredible year with once-in-a-lifetime highs, and grief-filled lows.
During the season, as I received Christmas cards, I got one from a friend with her beautiful new baby. This was a friend who was deemed essentially infertile. As I held the card, tears filled my eyes. This baby is a miracle. And that’s the thing about life, it’s filled with so many miracles, twists and turns along the way. And one of the few things I am sure of is that we have to stay open to feeling alive. We have to dare. We have to open up. We have to embrace each day as a gift. We have to expect the miracles.
The miracles will come. I don’t think I mentioned this on the blog this year, but my word of the 2024 year was “miracle.” I spent a whole year reading about miracles, every day. Miracles are sometimes thought of as big, shock inspiring events. The truth is– there is miracle in provision, in honesty, in connection, in the word that cuts through us, in change, in slow trickling evolution. There is miracle in the dare and in awareness. In the trying again. In the silent prayer. The miracle is always with us.
So much happened in November. I went to Pottery Barn to see their Christmas decor, and it was truly magical. I got stranded by my trains way too many times. We ate delicious treats at Salswee. One of these looked like a cloud. We met a gorgeous playful puppy at Salswee called Luca.
We voted. We elected a new president. NYC was quiet and warm that night. We had wonderful eggnog specialty drinks in the Starbucks inside of the Empire State Building, a truly iconic NYC moment.
Mosaic NYC met, which was special. Mike Tyson went back into the ring in some weird fight no one believes is real.
The holiday season started. I already ran back and forth to the post office and wrapped a bit. (And yes, I did run out of tape mid-packing– every year, guys). I am still in the process of decorating. Rudely interrupted by feeling under the weather and needing a pause.
Current mood.
This is what the season asks us to do, pause and rest. Sometimes, it has to force us. I hope you have a restful start to your December, and that your November was filled with so much gratitude.
Don’t get too caught up in the tape and paper. Just be, and hug the ones you love who are near. The temps have dropped, and December has some cozy nights in store for us.
xx
Quotes
“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.” Robert Frost
“Nothing gives rest but the sincere search for truth.” Blaise Pascale
“You are the media now.” Elon Musk
“We are about to be so unburdened by what has been.” Allie Beth Stuckey
“Joy comes to us in ordinary moments.” Brené Brown
“The weaker the culture, the more leaders must rely on policies and procedures to make people behave in a certain way. What you lack in culture, you must make up for in legislation.” John Maxwell
“Gratitude is the resistance. It’s how we rebel agsint the sorrow and suffering of this world. We fight back, with gratitude. We rise up, with thanskgiving.” Debra Fileta
“No matter what anyone says or does, my task is to be good. Like gold or emerald or purple repeating to itself, ‘No matter what anyone says or does, my task is to be emerald, my color undiminished.” Marcus Aurelius
“My exprience with the biblical texts is that they’re inexhaustible sources of wisdom. If I find something in them that is an obstacle, it’s because there’s something in me that has yet to be transformed.” Jordan B. Peterson
“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your estimate of it. And this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” Marcus Aurelius
GABRIELA YARELIZ 