GABRIELA YARELIZ

The Sun’s Getting Cold

By: Gabriela Yareliz

The Earth is in constant movement, causing seasons to come and go. There are times when the heart gets buried in snow. Today, we’ve got another ballad from Gwen Stefani’s Sweet Escape album: “Early Winter.” If you thought “4 in the Morning” was heartbreaking, here’s one to top it. Included in the same album, we see a Stefani who, while private with her personal life, is still using her music to pour out her emotions. As mentioned before, she was married for years to Gavin Rossdale, a real idiot if there ever was one. Rossdale disrespected her and their relationship with many lies and liaisons over the years.

The song begins with some sort of event that has caused a substantial crash in the relationship. Whatever it was caused more than a dent, evidenced by the lyrics: “You, you know how to get me so low; My heart had a crash when we spoke– I can’t fix what you broke.” She emphasizes that she is feeling something she has felt over and over again.

Stefani, in this song, plays with the concepts of hot and cold again (we looked at “Cool“), and she also focuses on the parallel between the seasons in a relationship and the actual seasons we experience due to the Earth’s movement and tilt. Relationships are dynamic. They have highs and lows, and things shift as life speeds onward. The relationship she is singing about in this song has no sunshine. She sings, “It hurts, and I can’t remember sunlight.” She mentions that the leaves are changing. Winter is a season of deep cold, darkness and death. Stefani sings that it’s cold and snowing. Maybe, she also feels that just as winter is dormant, something in her heart is numb. (You know that feeling when your fingers are so cold they are stiff– the heart can feel that way, too).

The verses that I find to be so key in this song are the following:

It’s sad the map of the world is on you
The moon gravitates around you
The seasons escape you

Stefani sings that her counterpart is a self-centered person– the moon gravitates around that person, which also implies that there is a lot of darkness involved. The moon is revealed to us at night, has no light of its own, and it’s also something that is ever changing to us, as we see different sides of it illuminated. Then, she states that the seasons escape this person. Just as in “4 in the Morning,” Stefani reveals herself to be the one crying and suffering, alone. It’s like she is the only one awake or looking out the window. She feels how the relationship is dying while this other person feels nothing and is so far gone, they don’t perceive the shifts. And take it from someone who experiences all four literal seasons– there is a big difference from summer to winter. Having been slammed with inches of snow in the past few weeks, winter is something that is obviously felt and not subtle. The fact that the seasons escape this other person’s world is quite the statement.

Self-centered people are like this, though. It’s the person making decisions to serve him/herself not keeping others in consideration; he/she is constantly giving excuses or justifications or as Stefani sings, “you always have a reason.” It’s almost like this person is blind. There is no way to make him/her see what is obviously in front of him/her. Just like when you are trapped in a bad snow storm– visibility is zero.

In the bridge, Stefani is very direct and asks bluntly, “Why? Why do you act so stupid?” The language in the question is a big contrast to the glamorous gowns and gold palace Stefani seems to be singing and crying in. “Early Winter” is a song that will be felt deeply by anyone who has experienced pain as a result of someone else’s poor decisions and/or lies. It’s about a low point she is not sure there is any coming back from.

Eventually, the anguish of dealing with lies and a broken relationship lead to a silent stillness– death of the relationship. Thankfully, the icy winters work to preserve something, so that when spring breaks forth, a new beginning can emerge.

If you have seen the leaves start to fall in your own relationship– this one goes out to you. Remember, after every winter, spring is sure to come.

Give Me Everything

By: Gabriela Yareliz

The need for transparency in a relationship– this is what today’s Gwen Stefani song “4 in the Morning” is all about. This song is criminally underrated. The song was co-written and produced by Tony Kanal. Yup, ex-boyfriend Tony Kanal. Tony always pops up. We can count on that. He is brilliant with Stefani; we’ll give credit where credit is due. At this point in Stefani’s life, she is married to Gavin Rossdale, who we briefly introduced in our last post (she based “Underneath it all” on her relationship with him). And while Stefani said she wanted a nice ballad on her second solo album Sweet Escape, and this one definitely fits the bill, one can’t help but wonder what was happening in that relationship, at the time, that inspired this song. She began writing the song while pregnant, and she finished the song with Kanal. (Source) It’s also eerie that years later, shortly after having their third child, they would divorce due to his long affair with the nanny. Trashy, Rossdale. Trashy. Trashy doesn’t even cut it, but back to Stefani, the real hero of this song–

This song is one where the protagonist is clearly carrying a lot of pain. She feels that her relationship is at a fork in the road where she is deciding whether it’s “worth the fight” because “if we’re gonna do it, come on, do it right.” The lyrics make clear that she doesn’t feel safe, and that’s all she wanted– but she doesn’t want to give up. (We hate giving up. Sometimes, we almost kill ourselves in the process of holding onto things that are toxic). The key here is that she feels she is giving her 100%, and he is not giving it his all. She pleads with him, saying that if they are going to make it work, he needs to give her everything. What a terrible feeling of pain and dread knowing you aren’t getting the same vulnerability and sincerity you are putting into something. She makes clear that she isn’t getting all his love, singing, “Save all your love up for me.” There is a tinge of betrayal in this song. She flags a broken promise and the injustice of the exchange or lack thereof.

“It’s not fair how you are; I can’t be complete, can you give me more?” is one of the lines that stands out to me in this song. She sings that she is up at 4 in the morning (the title of the song) thinking and crying about this. The main thing on her mind is she wants something real: “I’m handin’ over everything that I’ve got, ’cause I wanna have a really true love. Don’t ever wanna have to go and give you up.”

Sadly enough, Stefani does end up having to give up Rossdale. He ends up breaking more than one promise, and the desire of the protagonist in this song doesn’t become a reality in Stefani’s real life until much later (and not with Rossdale).

In a world that sees love as compatibility, emotion, attraction, often in the dynamic there is a clear thing missing from the equation, and without it, things fall apart: vulnerability. There are people who are unavailable despite what they may feel is them being available. Sometimes, we can’t put our finger on it, we just feel it. We know that someone isn’t giving us 100%. Relationships are never 50-50 but 100-100. The damage that a lack of transparency inflicts on a relationship is deep, even when the affected party is willing to fight for the relationship. It takes two to make it work. To leave someone empty handed with just pieces of you leaves them hungry for more and filled with an unease that is hard to describe and suffocating to feel.

A partner observing their partner carry on as they feel their relationship is teetering on the edge of death leads to a partner who starts emotionally shutting down to match the unavailable party. This song reminded me a little bit of Nikki Bella’s very public relationship with John Cena. I do think they loved each other, but his inaccessibilty and distance with her ended in resentment and suffering on her part. She ended the relationship publicly before their long awaited (LONG AWAITED) marriage. I think this was such a bold move. She realized that by accepting less than 100% from a partner, she was denying a part of herself (more on this in the post “Honoring Self“). As Stefani sings, you can’t have the real thing (a healthy functional relationship stemming from true love) unless both people are giving all of themselves to the other.

If you aren’t getting 100% from someone, take a page out of these bold women’s books and realize, it will not end well. If you are giving all of you, you deserve someone who is willing and ready to do the same. Avoid the tears at 4 in the morning. They aren’t worth it. The video is stunning, vulnerable and filled with 4 am tears. For the people giving their 100– this one goes out to you:

You Make Me Better

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Today’s song is a No Doubt classic, “Underneath It All.” We start out with Gwen Stefani admitting that she sometimes thinks she needs someone more like her, but then she says that despite their differences this special person is lovely and loves her, “underneath it all.” This person sees the colors in her like no one else, she sings.

It’s a song where we are diving deeper and past appearances and the “dark glasses” people wear, and we look at who they are “underneath it all.” It’s about the sides we know of people that others do not know or have access to. Intimacy. I read that Stefani wrote this song after a day at the park with Gavin Rossdale (before he was her husband). Apparently, after the excursion she wrote in her journal: “You’re lovely underneath it all.” (Source)

Underneath it all, Stefani says she is lucky. As it seems to be a relationship where there are a lot of differences, they are both putting in their effort. She refers to the relationship as an incomplete “dress rehearsal”. Still, Stefani recognizes his efforts, singing, “But lately you’ve been trying real hard, and giving me your best” and remarks that “when it’s really bad, I guess it’s not that bad.”

I find this to be a song of recognition and true appreciation. It acknowledges that things aren’t perfect, but they are worth it. That’s love. The song makes clear that the highlight of the subject relationship is that this person makes her better.

What counts are the people who are around when things are hard; the ones who make the effort. The person that, despite the fact that you have seen “many moons” together, still makes you feel lucky. It’s about looking at the one you are with and feeling like enough when they’ve “used up all their coupons” and all they have left is you.

One of my favorite aspects of the music video is how Stefani’s appearance morphs as the video progresses. She starts off looking stunning and glam on a couch wearing a huge coat and tons of makeup. A VIBE. The video ends with Stefani dressed in a simple white stripped down outfit looking very bare faced minimal. A nice touch for a song that celebrates what is underneath it all.

Who makes you better? Who do you love without all the frills, underneath it all? Who sees the colors in you like no one else?

The Dreaming Days

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Today, we are looking at the song “Cool” by Gwen Stefani. Can we start off by saying that this song and the music video are a masterpiece? If you haven’t seen the video– you must. (Don’t worry, it’s included at the end of this post).

Why is it a masterpiece, you ask? I mean the song sends a nuanced message about maturity. I want to focus on the story the video portrays– Stefani is visited by her ex and his new lady. Yes. You read that right. And the person who plays the ex’s new love interest is none other than Tony Kanal’s (her real ex-bf and bandmate) real life partner. Yes, this saga continues. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. Gwen greets them in her GINORMOUS mansion, looking like an old Hollywood icon (this is probably her most fashionable music video, ever).

First things first, this song is about two people who love(d)* each other when they were young. They meet during “the dreaming days,” where Stefani says “the mess was made.” Then she refers to themselves as children who have grown (“Look how all the kids have grown”).

*It’s up for debate whether this should be past tense…

The song starts off where she says it’s hard to remember how she felt before, you know, now that she has a new last name and new love in her life. (We get it Gwen, you are now married and fabulous). She remarks that it’s a miracle that she and this ex remain such good friends after all they’ve “been through.” *coughs* TONY.

Anyway, despite the mature musings as the song begins, what I love in the video is that the minute she and her ex make eye contact, a series of memories starts flashing before us, and we see her and the young guy prancing through what looks like the Italian Lake Como — Stefani looking young, fresh and brunette.

Stefani sings, “Memories seem like so long ago, time always kills the pain,” and yet the memories keep flooding in. She then weirdly invites her ex’s new lady to sit next to her, and she takes off a ring from her finger and puts it on the new girl. Not sure what the hell that is about. The whole point is they are “cool.” Oh.so.cool.

Listen, personally, I am of the school of thought that if you remain super close and good friends with your ex you are slightly psychopathic. I think there need to be boundaries, and people need to move on. Obviously, there are people and certain types of exes that will need to remain in your life like, for example, if you have children together. That person is there to stay, and it’s nice if you can have a cordial relationship with that person. Maturity and civility do not equal being best friends. So the first thing I like about the video is its civility and class. It’s clear they haven’t seen each other in years. She runs her hands through her bleach blonde hair, in a cute reintroduction moment. It’s good to be “cool” with someone. That doesn’t mean super close and familiar. I mean, “cool” has a certain connotation. There is a distance included in the word.

What I appreciate in this song and video is Stefani’s sincerity. The true meaning of this song is more explicitly revealed in the video. If you listen to the song half distracted, you sort of miss the nuance in its message. What is happening in the video is the opposite of what she is saying (and the lyrics themselves subtly reveal this toward the end). She talks about how she doesn’t remember and how time heals the pain, but if you pay attention, each time their eyes meet or they drink out of those classy little tea cups, something is happening. She remembers. She is in pain. Stefani has those large dark eyes that reveal all secrets.

The truth is, when you share something special with someone– that doesn’t just go away because it ended, even if it ended badly. You can’t erase life. Sometimes, as humans, we don’t give ourselves permission to be human. It is my belief that when you really, truly love someone, that doesn’t go away. Now, things may shift because people may hurt you or people may reveal themselves to be something far from what you thought you loved, but the person you did love, that stays. One can love another and move on, but no one can replace another. That’s a fact. That lingering pain and absence we feel is part of our DNA. It means we are alive. If the love you felt toward someone (regardless of whether they reciprocated) doesn’t “endure all things,” then is it love at all?

Stefani reveals the delusion of her prior lyrics, when she sings, “And I’ll be happy for you, if you can be happy for me.” This lyric toward the end of the song starts to subtly tie the song to the emotion made blunt in the music video.

The part that gets me is when she sings, “We have changed, but we’re still the same.” Ain’t that the truth. She looks at him with so much sadness. She sings that they are “cool,” but she looks broken. She is everything but ok in this video. Then the question becomes whether “friendship” and connection with someone you love and are not with is worth it. Is being “cool” worth it? Is “cool” really “cool”? Is “cool” real or is it a mask we wear while we remember?

Watch the video, and you decide. Stefani shows us once again that sometimes, as a coping mechanism, the person we lie to the most is ourselves. Interestingly enough, the heart isn’t always listening.

Choking on All Our Contradictions

By: Gabriela Yareliz

It’s the age old story– good girl loves bad boy (let’s face it, there are “bad girls,” too). The movies are chock-full with this storyline– Princess Mia had a crush on Josh, the boating moron, and not the nice guy next door. Not only are movies and tv shows saturated with this notion, but we do it in real life. I think this happens more in our younger years. It’s like the Rory and Jess story (Gilmore Girls). We think we can be some random exception in some troubled or arrogant person’s life. Wrong. But we like to try, and this is exactly what “Bathwater” by No Doubt is all about.

This song is all about a young and “insecure” woman who decides to try to be in a relationship with someone who has serious baggage, or as Gwen Stefani sings, a “museum of lovers,” a “precious collection” that has been housed beneath his covers. She states that the “bags are much too heavy in my insecure condition.” What I find interesting is the fact that she may not be as insecure as she thinks. I think we often label people as insecure if they are worried about exes and other factors in a relationship, but sometimes, someone’s history is just concerning. That should be a red flag. It’s not so much that the one person seeing things clearly is insecure, but that the other party may have serious impediments to or no desire to have a healthy, stable relationship with one person.

There are people who are constantly flirting with the opposite sex, or they exhibit other behaviors that are simply inappropriate to a neutral, sane mind, and it starts to eat up the sane person inside.

Follow me on this next example– in Sex and The City, Samantha Jones, the most sexually explicit and confident of the bunch, starts dating Richard Wright, a wealthy hotel magnate. He is a jerk and is clearly always flirting with other women, and he actually ends up cheating on her repeatedly. Interestingly enough, she suspects this. She feels it in her stomach and decides to go undercover to catch him, and she does. My point is, Samantha was never an insecure woman, but she knew who she was dealing with, and in the end, she was right. (It almost drives her insane in the process). Their breakup scene has that iconic line where she tells him: “I love you too, Richard, but I love me more.“

The truth is, when we do try to make these doomed relationships work (and they are doomed simply from the get-go because the person doesn’t have what it takes to be who we need them to be), we end up telling ourselves lies, mentally, to appease the mind. We do as Stefani sings, we love to think that they couldn’t love another, and deep down inside we also recognize we are “diving into our own destruction.”

Maybe, you’ve been there. Maybe, you’ve washed in someone’s “old bathwater” and told yourself they “couldn’t love another,” and then it fell flat. Maybe, you are there now, as Stefani sings, “choking on all your contradictions.” Don’t set yourself up for failure by pursuing something that is destined to be a dumpster fire. You deserve a clean bath without someone’s cloudy bathwater. Like Samantha Jones had to do, love yourself more.

Sipping on Chamomile

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Alright, alright, alright (even though in journalism school they teach you it should always be “all right”). Our last musical-journey-to-Valentine’s-Day posts were heavy. I know. It’s not all sad and heavy, though. No. We’re going into a more fun territory today. We are looking at No Doubt’s “Hey Baby.” First of all, I LOVE this song. I remember being a kid in the back of the car going to the grocery store to get milk with the fam, and this song would come on the radio, and I was like, YES! It’s upbeat, fun and explosive.

This song was from No Doubt’s album Rock Steady; the single was released in 2001. I was 10-11 years old. A couple things about this video, it’s sensory overload, Gwen’s every expression is silly and a mood, and the band is just having a ball.

The song starts out basically narrated by Stefani, talking about how she is the girl who always hangs with the guys, “Like a fly on the wall with my secret eyes, takin’ it in, try to be feminine, with my make-up bag, watching all the sin.”

She continues, “Misfit, I sit, lit up, wicked. Everybody else surrounded by the girls with the tank tops and the flirty words. I’m just sipping on chamomile; watching boys and girls and their sex appeal, with a stranger in my face who says he knows my mom and went to my high school.”

This part always makes me smile. To me, Gwen in this song was always relatable. I have never been the girl with the large group of girlfriends. It’s not me. Never has been, and at this point, clear it never will be. This reminds me of the junior high days, when I would hang out with three guys at church who were my best friends (Jonathan, Anthony and Arturo). They were a bit older than me, and we’d go on all kinds of adventures, whether it was a stroll around the block or when our church went camping, adventures in the woods. We’d climb, roll down hills (when we’d lose our footing), and find mysterious shacks in the woods. When we rented that old historic church on Linden Blvd, we made it to the bell tower (I wasn’t supposed to be up there), and we’d scare each other in the church basement and make up stupid stories. I remember one day, a lady from the church pulled me aside and told me that she thought it was odd that I didn’t hang out with the girls around my age, who would huddle together in their groups and gossip. I told her no thanks.

I loved being the girl hanging with the guys in the parking lot while they talked about their girlfriends (or lame crushes), the new black bracelet fad, the latest Eminem song and how to redo stunts from the Jacka** movie. I still have a photo of all of us in a camp cabin in my childhood keepsake box. I am standing next to them in a black t-shirt with my hair pulled back in a ponytail, bangs disheveled and slightly sticking up– I look like one of them. They were my favorite people to hang out with. The truth was I didn’t have to be anything when I was with them, and I loved that. With them, I was the fly on the wall with the secret eyes. I partook in every adventure without being look down on. We were a team.

(From left) Arturo, Jonathan; yup, that’s me between the bunks, and Anthony is behind me. Their little brother Giovanni snuck into the photo.

Listen, this is not a deep song. It’s a song whose video takes place at a party where makeout sessions are happening. Still, to me, it reminds me of wild days of carefree innocence; the last ones. This is the song that has that “I-just-walked-in-and-the-party-started” vibe. While I am not pro parties and making out with randos, the song does have this youthful innocence to it. It reeks of puberty. This song is from the times where the thoughts that consumed us were who is hot, who is not; who likes who, and how long is that gonna last.

This song is about the joys of being careless and young. While I never was the one at the party (not even in high school), I was surrounded by friends who had their fair share of parties and boyfriends. The cafeteria was filled with stories. (See, I was always still the fly on the wall with the secret eyes). And because my mom is a teacher, there was a big probability that the person sitting next to me did know my mom and went to my high school.

Go back with me to the innocent days when we were all crushing on someone, and the high hopes we carried when we’d walk into a room to get noticed: Hey Baby. Whether you were the one sipping on chamomile like me, or you were the ones at the party with the sex appeal– this song is gonna take you back, no matter who you were in your youth.

When the Simple Life Gets Complicated

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Today, I thought we would dive into a No Doubt song few of us understood fully when we were young, but it’s timeless: “Simple Kind of Life.” This song is about expectation, and I truly believe women in or close to their 30s who are unmarried and don’t have children feel it deeply.

While on this blog we are all about making sure we understand there is no set timeline we all have to adhere to, when it comes to life, family and love, this song takes us back to our young naive years.

Have you ever seen that meme that talks about how we all thought we’d be married with five kids by the age of 31 *let’s all laugh together*. This song appeals to the emotions that come with disappointing our dream timeline.

When I was younger, I honestly thought I would be married by the age of 25. Maybe it was being naive, or the fact that this is what my parents did and what was considered normal in my ethnic and church culture. So, if you would have told me that at almost 30 I would have been living in a NYC studio for about a decade by myself with no child even remotely close to happening because yes, I am still unmarried– I would have probably shaken my head in denial and been slightly insulted. But here we are. (Not gonna lie, it still stings a little. I always wanted to be a young mom).

In high school, I was in this feisty long distance relationship with a college guy, who I was fully convinced I was going to marry. I knew what our living room was going to look like, and the names of our three children. We dream up some crazy sh** in life.

I know I am not alone. I have many amazing friends who are in their 30s and still looking for a good partner– kids aren’t even on the horizon.

You may think this is a vulnerable post– like whoa– why are we going here? The truth is “Simple Kind of Life” by No Doubt is a vulnerable song. Gwen puts all her cards on the table.

The beginning talks about the end of her relationship with Tony Kanal (which we discussed in our previous post) and how that relationship verged on obsession (we’ve all been there, even if just for a split second). Then, she talks about how she wanted that “Simple Kind of Life,” and what did that dream include? A simple man, to be a wife and to be a mom. At one point, she says she wants to be a mom so bad and still finds herself without a child that she almost wishes for a “mistake” (to fall pregnant) so she can at least have something that she wants.

The end of the song talks about how as she waits, she gets more “selfish,” and starts valuing her freedom more than these dreams that have been crushed and unfulfilled. I think some of us can relate to that feeling– it’s that moment where our dreams begin to shift. Where suddenly, you aren’t in a rush for anything. You realize that you can’t wait a decade and then suddenly play catch-up to achieve the dream that never was. I know I relate to this. Dreams change. Your life is a different life than the one you dreamed up as an adolescent. If I didn’t have the kid in my 20s, I am now in no rush to have one. A new dream emerges and you develop what Stefani sings is a “faithfulness to your freedom”.

I know my life has gone in the best way possible, and I wouldn’t have wanted anything to work out differently in my past, but that also doesn’t change the fact that some dreams have to die for new ones to emerge, and at times, the death of these long-held dreams is painful. This song is an ode to those moments. The moments when you realize life isn’t what you planned or hoped; the moment you realize you don’t have what you want; and the moment when you also realize that this is ok and things inside you start to change.

It’s a song about the longest relationship we’ll ever have– the relationship with ourselves. Sometimes, even love and acceptance in that relationship is hard.

This song isn’t for everyone. I still see, every day, 19-24 year olds getting engaged, married and having kids. (Though I personally would advise against this, after all I have seen and come to know). But hey, some people do get exactly what they dreamed. That’s a fact. But this song is for the group of us who live the kinds of lives where we realize, “simple things are simply too complicated for my life.” We wanted the simple kind of life, but ended up with one that was more complex than our 15-year-old brains could wrap our heads around. Or maybe, the things we wanted that we thought were simple actually are the most complicated things in life.

If you wanted that simple kind of life, but reality ended up different than your dreams, this one goes out to you:

Tragic Kingdom

By: Gabriela Yareliz

I have always loved Valentine’s Day. I feel bad for any child who doesn’t experience the day the way we did. I’ve talked about it before on the blog, in a previous post. It was a day you prepared for. You sat down in advance with a class list and made a card for everyone. You decorated your own bag, and then gave a little acknowledgement to everyone in the class. It was a day when you found out that certain people thought you were funny or that they valued you because they gave you one of the cool temporary tattoos in your bag.

As we got older, the day, of course, shifted in meaning. It was a day when you put your best lipstick on and prayed your crush glanced your way in the hallway. Hell, even in law school it was confusing. If you had someone (which I never did) you blasted the best love songs– and maybe you had a song. I know I was obsessed with “No Air” by Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown (let’s be real– I’m still obsessed). And if you had no one, you sort of retreated into listening to the sadder music. A mood.

The truth is, we had incredible music that was POETRY. They don’t make it like that anymore. With Gwen Stefani’s reintroduction into music, I was reminded of her No Doubt band days, and let me tell you, their music was art. They had some of the best song lyrics of our time. I thought it would be fun, in these days leading up to Valentine’s Day, to look at some of my favorite songs involving No Doubt and Stefani. Music that spoke to our hearts as a generation. It moved us. And to be honest, it still does.

The song I want to share about today is “Don’t Speak”, which is from No Doubt’s third album, Tragic Kingdom. Gwen and Eric Stefani (Gwen’s brother) wrote the song, and she basically made it about when bandmate Tony Kanal ended their seven-year relationship. It was No Doubt’s most successful international single, according to Wikipedia. If you’ve seen the video, it’s clearly about Kanal and Stefani. They exchange looks, she is wearing the bindi on her forehead, which she often did to honor his heritage, and at certain points she is singing passionately toward him, almost yelling at him.

Out of Stefani’s heartbreak from losing Kanal, we got this amazing song that is relatable to anyone who has lost someone and felt that it was coming. The song is about losing someone who is your best friend; someone so close that you know what they are going to say. It’s about a relationship that is dying, as the song says; something on life support. The title and chorus, “Don’t Speak”, encapsulates that feeling you get when you know something is off and you have a pretty good idea of what is going to happen next. When you are in this experience, you don’t want to hear an end made final because it’s ripping you apart inside. It’s about denial. Have you been there?

It’s a weird thing when we come to grips with the fact that a relationship that we don’t want to end is ending. The song is filled with angst, dread, hurt and almost a pleading. Some people these days don’t even get the courtesy of a conversation or closure when a relationship ends. It just ends. (This is our loss of decency as a society). So many young people may be unfamiliar with the very essence of this song, which is about a relationship/friendship/respect between two people that ended up working together for many years in the future.

Love has many phases, and we’ll be looking at the different relationships and dynamics we can find ourselves in. In this song, we find a young woman who is grieving a relationship that is presently dying in front of her. She believes that maybe if he (the other party) doesn’t speak, then certain things won’t materialize or become real, but as we who have experienced heartbreak know, life doesn’t work that way. People are free agents. The charade ends, and we are left picking up the pieces. We are left exchanging the glances Stefani and Kanal exchange in the video, and inside, we are yelling like Gwen in the chorus, ” ’cause it hurts,” as she says.

The imagery and emotion in the video are on point. There is always interesting detail and symbolism in how the videos are structured. If you want to go there, have a listen:

Trust

This is Adriene from Yoga with Adriene. She is my teacher.

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Today’s fitness practice had a moment where she (the guide/instructor) directs you to step back without looking down or around. You pick a focal point and move, trusting in what you know is there.

As simple as this was, I found it to be a bit profound. It was an exercise in trust.

Do we walk through life with our eyes on a focal point, taking steps that are trusting in what we know? There is something different about someone who takes steps they are sure of. Try it, take steps while staying focused on something directly ahead of you. Think about what you put your trust in, day-in and day-out. Move with trust in your life, in every aspect. It will change how you move. It will change how you live.

Growth

By: Gabriela Yareliz

This month, I’ve been reflecting a lot on growth; personal growth. What it means to be a lifelong student. I’ve been learning from people like Lauryn Evarts Bosstick, Ed Mylett and Ryan Holiday (all personal favorites in the podcast and writing sphere).

You may have noticed that this month I was very consistent, here. Apologies to your inbox. I did a 30-day challenge for fitness, as well. I promise more consistent content to come, but not every single day. This whole process was for me (and hopefully you had some laughs along the way).

Ed Mylett says, “Self-confidence is the process of keeping the promises that you make to yourself.” I am a person of a lot of discipline. I am not surprised I have basically made it through January. It wasn’t about that, it was simply about keeping a couple of promises to myself to start off the year.

I started 2021 with an itch to create and to create differently. I have so many ideas brewing. So here I am, setting up my cool intelligent notebook, recharging my camera and scribbling stuff into a notebook.

So much of this world– social media and even writers online revolve around this notion of looking at what the audience likes and catering to it. I find that boring. I mean, it’s cool if that is what you want– to be a caterer.

I am reminded of a conversation Bob Colacello (editor of Interview magazine from 1971 to 1983 and then a correspondent for Vanity Fair starting in 1993) had with Diana Vreeland, repeatedly– she would tell him, “How many times have I told you– your job as editor is not to give people what they want. It’s to give people what they don’t know they want yet.” (Influence, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, pg. 36)

Bob Colacello said, “Real creativity is being true to yourself and getting people to go with you.” (Id.) Those words stayed with me; they are like glued to the back of my eyelids. I want to be really creative, and I would be honored if you continue to come along with me.