GABRIELA YARELIZ

The Adventures We’ll Go On

By: Gabriela Yareliz

I miss getting dressed. I miss putting on clothes to have fun and not to be practical (long walks or doctors appts) or for a short excursion to the grocery store (because oat milk). I miss getting dressed for life. I can’t be the only one.

Image via Pinterest.fr **(this is all of us, let’s all admit it and move on)**

The New Yorker published a fun piece called A Year Without Clothes, last year. After recently sifting through my closet to separate what must be donated, I was excited to see my old friends, my clothes. My silver shimmer skirt (not sure what I was thinking when I bought that), my capes, my pretty pencil skirts for court… I can’t wait for the adventures we will have, someday soon. At this point, I am looking at all the clothes in my closet like they are the jeans from The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (man, such a great series of books and movies). *sigh* The pants make us brave. The pants are part of important memories. They have a magic I need.

If you don’t know about the pants, enlighten yourselves:

This photo pretty much sums up the mood, these days. You know, sitting-with-my-cute-purse-on-my-couch vibes, because there is nowhere else to go and my back hurts from sitting for an entire year.

I am ready to have a red boot moment like Emrata. I got red boots on sale from Macy’s last year because they were dirt cheap. I look forward to a dinner date in those. City lights and light traffic.

2021 will also have a tulle skirt moment. It’s happening. I feel like this needs to be worn while on public transport. (Though there are no buses with my face on them).

If you have no idea what I am talking about:

A tweed jacket or dress moment needs to happen this year while I argue a case. I already know which one.

Can’t wait for warmer weather and (I am gonna come out and say it–) less restrictions. It’s not about the clothes we haven’t worn. It’s about the adventures they accompany us on. We want to experience the art of living again, in full measure.

Image of Patricia Manfield via lavideeserendipity.com

What articles of clothing are you anticipating an adventure in? Dream with me…

Sunday Girl: The Starter Kit

By: Gabriela Yareliz

“Life is unwritten, like a great big experiment.” Sophia Amoruso

I am currently leading a Bible study called A New Thing. It’s all about dreaming and learning to perceive that new thing that God wants to take you into. God is always doing something new in our lives. It’s customary at the beginning of a year to think about new things, but the truth is this should be something we ponder, all the time.

I loved Violette_FR’s email newsletter titled “In the mood for something new.” Violette writes, “I realized that I had been putting myself in a mental prison, and that I needed to allow myself the space to try new things. So from that moment on, I did. […] I know that I invite you to be creative all the time. But it’s not even about that. It’s about getting out of your comfort zone and being willing to be surprised by what you find there.”

Being the brilliant and creative artist she is, she left us with a “The Start of Something New Starter Kit.” She lists an eyeliner, a lipstick and some biodegradable glitter. This made me smile.

It made me think about our willingness to explore new things and continue to push the limits of our creativity. What would your Start of Something New Starter Kit include?

Inspired by Violette, I thought I would share mine:

Gabriela’s The Start of Something New Starter Kit

The Bible

I mean, the Bible is the manual for life. It’s the very book that promises us something new and guides our steps. Definitely essential.

Movement

There is something about movement that always adds a new perspective. Some of our most creative ideas and thoughts come from movement. In fact, many of the great writers and philosophers walked every day and journaled their thoughts along the way. A great body, a centered mind and a flow of energy– this is all a conduit to something new.

Kindle (for many books)

“Not all readers are leaders, but all leaders are readers” Harry S. Truman

Books are important. And to me, it’s not about how many you read. I am personally not a fan of romance and a lot of recent fiction. Not my thing. More important than how much you read is what you read. It’s important to fill your mind with wisdom. I am talking books on life, entrepreneurship and biographies.

“If you only read the books that everyone else is reading, you can only think what everyone else is thinking.” Haruki Murakami

A Good Pen

If life is unwritten, then you need a good pen to write the next chapter.

What would be in your starter kit for something new?

The Sparkle In Silver

By: Gabriela Yareliz

I have found a sprinkling of silver in my hair– this is a new thing. I feel like it’s the conversation du jour. I saw a friend post a poll on Instagram asking whether she should dye her new-found grays.

Today, it weirdly came up in a discussion with a friend, and she said something along the lines of, “Ugh, no. I don’t want to look old, and you shouldn’t either.” (She dyes her hair regularly. I do not.) We don’t like them. That is very clear. Grays scare most of us. They aggravate us. They are something to be done away with. An indicator of something we aren’t always ready to accept.

Now, this post is just about me. I don’t care what you do with your grays. Do you. I had a grandma who had jet black hair in her old age. I know people that the minute they see a sparkle of silver, they pull out that L’Oreal box from the stash in the drawer. Everyone is entitled to do what they want with their appearance. I think in my culture, hiding our age is the norm. It’s what we do. Women like getting their hair done; we like looking young (see JLo, Salma Hayek, etc.). It’s our thing. It is also our chemical slavery.

Why even talk about grays? Well, for one, I have noticed it’s something that makes a lot of women feel insecure (currently, me included). We hate the idea of being old. Who told us that grays mean we are old? Maybe they are age-appropriate, but we just don’t know or accept that because everyone covers them up the minute they emerge. Why do we cover them up? Do we genuinely hate the color or are we afraid of dying or being found unattractive? Why do men go silver, and it looks really hot (see George Clooney, Steve Carell, etc.)? Why are women who do the same sometimes seen as unkempt and disheveled? Why is it women who are faced with the mounting (societal) pressure to look ageless, manicured and unnatural?

There are these weird moments in life where we look or feel a bit different. Suddenly, we look in the mirror and maybe our face shape has changed a little, our skin is different, our body is different– and this has been one of those moments for me. One of those moments there is no turning back from. I am starting to change. Last year sucked, and I don’t have the time to have a whole months-long-process meltdown before turning 30. I am not wasting a moment, so I am writing out my thoughts instead.

I am writing about this because suddenly, after facing the reality that something about my appearance is shifting, I felt a wave of insecurity. I am not immune to it. (And I didn’t feel insecure about it because anyone said anything. It was me. I am lucky to have people around me who always make me feel beautiful and accepted, no matter what. Hell, I wore a long black dress with sneakers today, and my boyfriend just went with it. When I caught my reflection in the window of an empty abandoned furniture shop we were walking past, I realized I looked like a 90s conservative pentecostal– or like Dwight Schrute’s cousin [Office reference]). This lewk looked way cuter in my head. I digress…

When I started freaking out internally, I started asking myself all these questions. Women always say we get better with age and more confident. Is that true? Because most women are covering up any sign of aging or change. Are we really as confident as we think? Are we as secure in our bodies as we tout? Do we dislike grays because we don’t see a large representation of them out there? Do we all really want to look like a Southern California housewife from BRAVO?

There are two people who wear their grays very well, and we are pretty close in age (if not the same age).

Sophia Roe: Chef, food and wellness advocate

Louise Damas: Parisian jeweler, artisan

With all these questions whirling in my head, I thought about these two women and the fact that they both have something in common, they are unique and natural. They are also boss women who have their own businesses, their own achievements and a life they have built on their own. Something I love about both of them is you get the sense that they are really really comfortable in their own skin.

I started to think about who I am. The start of figuring out where we are going, often means figuring out where we are and who we are right now. I am someone who is very much into endocrine health and clean beauty. I try to stay away from chemicals (once a year, when I do paint my nails, my nail polish is literally made of coconut oil, and it lasts a whole five minutes). I believe in less is more. I am super low maintenance.

I was drawn to these women embracing their natural changes in such a confident way. Listen, I don’t know what decision I will make in the end. I am thinking out loud. But I do see in them something that I want. I want that joie de vivre. A self-acceptance that runs deep. I want to exude a comfort with who I am in a really real way. I want to feel good in my simplicity, no matter what others perceive or think.

In a world full of baby botox injections, fillers and a standard of beauty that is mighty expensive (Erika Jayne accurately sang, “It’s xxpen$ive (expensive) to be me”), maybe one of the most courageous things we can be is ourselves, in the fullness of what that means. Perhaps what is behind heavy cosmetics and the procedures and stuff we subject ourselves to is a deep deep insecurity and dissatisfaction with what we have been given. We are listening to so many external voices that want to set a standard for worth and acceptance. That’s not to say high maintenance women aren’t confident, but often times, we don’t see these women in their natural state, ever. Because when you strip it all away (surgeries and all) there is often a person who doesn’t like what they see (this is why they made so many changes in the first place).

There is also a happy medium. Not everyone is high maintenance or low maintenance– some women are in between.

I don’t know. The women under 40 with their grays have given me a lot to think about. I’m thinking about life, death, aging and the meaning of true confidence. From whence does it come? Have you ever given true thought to why you do what you do or why you look the way you look?

I want that unadulterated confidence, where you can stand there laughing when all is stripped away. I am starting to realize that some of the truest confidence comes not from adding more to something but from wiping away all the covers. I’m working on my mindset, and don’t be surprised if you see some sparkle in my hair. These silver sparkles may be here to stay.

Takeaways from Matthew McConaughey’s Greenlights

By: Gabriela Yareliz

I love a good biography. The more unconventional the life, the better. I think there is something powerful about learning from other’s experiences and also expanding your world beyond how you were raised and conditioned. I was fascinated by Greenlights, as it lays out philosophies intertwined with McConaughey’s life experiences. His voice and authenticity gripped me. His thoughts reflect a life well-lived and are filled with intentional choices. I would highly recommend. This bio is officially in my top three with Total Recall by Arnold Schwarzenegger (the man is relentless and multi-faceted) and Me by Elton John (outrageous, dripping in talent and color). Greenlights, however, is not your typical biography. In it, McConaughey reveals himself to be a thinker and philosopher for our time.

Here were my favorite takeaways:

You can use difficult moments to create your character and identity

McConaughey retells a mind-bending experience he had while in high school, living with a family that was off its rocker in Australia. He stayed the time he said he would stay (integrity), and he figured out ways to cope with the madness and also solidified who he was as a person. He allowed the bad situation to shape him in an unshakable way. He showed serious guts and resilience. (This incredible story is in Part 2 of the book)

“Knowing who we are is hard. Eliminate who we’re not first, and we’ll find ourselves where we need to be.” Matthew McConaughey

Once you have defined who you are and what success means to you, everything else is a bonus

McConaughey wrote about Hollywood: “Want her don’t need her.” Enough said. He showed this time and time again in the roles he chose, his time away from Hollywood, and how he marked Hollywood in his comeback.

Boundaries lead to freedom

“We need finites, borders, gravity, demarcations, shape, and resistance, to have order. This order creates responsibility. The responsibility creates judgment. The judgment creates choice. In the choice lies the freedom.” Matthew McConaughey

Seek people and experiences that are different from your own

Many of the things McConaughey learned and experienced were due to the fact that he was willing to take a risk, humble himself and meet someone else on their turf.

If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no

Choices are freedom. Choices build a life. Make sure you are building the life you want. It’s never too late to reinvent yourself.

Take time-outs to reset, spiritually

Every time McConaughey felt he was losing himself or his footing, he took time to walk out and reconnect with God and himself. Sometimes, this meant floating in the Amazon. Sometimes, this meant time in isolation at a monastery or in the desert. He was never afraid of taking the time to listen and reset. In this day and age where we are constantly seeking external validation and connection, it’s important to remind ourselves that we need to walk away sometimes to reset in what truly matters.

Value truth

“God, when I cross the truth give me the awareness to receive it, the consciousness to recognize it, the presence to personalize it, the patience to preserve it and the courage to live it.” Matthew McConaughey

He writes that we need to put ourselves in the position to receive truth. Truth has to be something we need, but it also has to be something we want.

It takes energy to preserve good things

He shows this in his career, he shows this in the dedication he has toward his wife and family, and in how he has walked his journey.

“Common sense is like money, and health, once you have it, you have to work to keep it.” Matthew McConaughey

Expect the unbelievable

Have faith so you can embrace the surprises along the way.

“Don’t act so surprised, unbelievable happens all the time, sometimes it’s divine, and sometimes it’s a loogie in our face. Don’t deny it. Depend on it, expect it. Believe it.” Matthew McConaughey

In other words, as the title of this blog suggests– expect miracles.

“The target draws the arrow”

If you are looking for McConaughey to spill on past relationships, he doesn’t. And while I was curious about them (given that I am naturally curious), I loved that he didn’t even discuss them. He discusses the only relationship that he is working to make last forever, the one with his wife. She is the only one mentioned; the only one his soul needed to find.

Live your legacy now

Today matters. Tomorrow matters. Give it everything you’ve got. Be truly alive.

Light Chaser

“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” Plato

By: Gabriela Yareliz

As you may have read, yesterday I had a fun field trip outing. What you did not read was that it was complete with me not realizing there was a “press to exit” button in the office I visited, which led to me tapping and pushing on the glass wall like a mime. The receptionist will not soon forget me.

It was a day that reminded me how important it is to take our little pauses. Whether it’s to look for the “press to exit” no touch button on the side wall or to see how the sun falls in between the clouds. My mind went back to a spring day at the Elizabeth Street Garden, one of my favorite spots in the city. The light always comes through the trees just right.

My blurry photo of a sunny day at Elizabeth Street Garden

The light at Elizabeth Street Garden (my photo)

My pauses, whether it’s from reading or working, often include chasing the light. What does this mean? I love seeing how the light falls on objects and on the wall. Sometimes, when the rain collects outside, I see squiggly reflections of the puddles lit on the wall; the tiny waves making my own soothing ocean of light inside. I call it chasing the light because light moves, fast. A pocket of glitter that you spot in one instance can quickly fade and disappear or move onto another surface. Shadows change color, moods soften, darkness settles. Darkness creeps, while light is too fast for us. It’s always in a hurry to its next kiss.

When I take a pause, the light I am chasing reminds me of all of our previous and familiar rendezvous. The times on the warm bench where I would roast horizontally before my next class in college; the light combing the blades of grass as I ran across the university lawn barefoot with smeared henna on my feet; the light on mismatched blankets; the light over a rolling green field; the light that shoots out of the top of the metallic buildings; and the soft light that divides tree friends like gossip. (Yes, trees become friends. If you don’t believe me, read The Hidden Life of Trees).

Light is stunning. I mean, the fact that it can paint the sky many different colors, all at once– it’s a breathtaking friend. Make sure to take your pauses. Chase the light. Live in the light. Be light.

Here you have a soundtrack for your next light-chasing adventure. Some of my favorites.

Paper Doll

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Today, I ventured out of my house and had hit 8k steps before 4 pm. I was exhausted. (I am so out of shape). Mind you, many of those steps were literal steps on a staircase. I felt weirdly human being out there in the wild earth. I felt the sunshine on my face as I walked past Jamaican fish sandwich shops and wig stores (one in particular caught my eye– it had a banner that said ‘Jesus Saves’ which I found to be odd and not exactly what I would expect for a wig shop. But I’m here for it, you know?). I was on the train with a woman who was unwell (that seems to be the most fitting word to describe many New Yorkers). She proceeded to open every window in the R train car where I was sitting. I can’t say I felt safe on that ride.

To distract myself from the woman and all the noise from the train tunnel, I silently laughed at some of the clever New Yorker cartoons I had brought along. I remembered the ‘Giggle Gang’ section in the American Girl magazines (late 90s and early 2000s). My friend Jackie and I decided we were just as hilarious, and we would be comedians. We called ourselves the Giggle Gang. No joke, at the age of 10, if you would have asked me what I was going to grow up to be, I would have told you a writer, photographer, comedian (SNL type) or Shakira. And I would have a wardrobe like the Olsen twins (and in the back of my wardrobe, I would walk into Narnia). Epic.

I smile when I think back at all the things that made my world go ’round. It sometimes makes me sad when I think of kids today. What memories will they have other than screen-related ones? I hope many.

I had this issue. And I played with paper dolls.

If/when I have a child, I want them to read and spend time in nature and not be obsessed with consuming. No screens except for special family time (like a movie night) or a fun old old PBS show (like Arthur). I trust none of this new stuff. Ha. Side note: Did you hear Caillou got canceled from PBS? It’s about time that annoying cartoon child that teaches children to whine was banned. Only took them two decades. *sigh of despair*

I’m reading this book about etiquette, and it discusses the importance of families eating together and learning the art of conversation. I want that for my child.

As a child, I spent so many hours writing in journals. I probably averaged eight pages a day. I spent time making collages from magazines, writing short stories and trying to copy lewks from the pages of Teen People. It was a golden age.

Mandy Moore in her iconic Teen People spread

Feeling some major nostalgia. Who knew feeling human would bring on so many memories? Being at home alone for such long stretches of time is making me feel like a paper doll. Any reminder that I am still very much alive– I’ll take it, even if it includes a mad woman and some open windows.

Almost Thirty

By: Gabriela Yareliz

One of my goals this year is to get closer to being able to do a headstand. This morning, after doing my fitness practice, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Can’t believe I am almost thirty. It has been an evolution. And there’s still so much to create.

It’s a slow, gradual build. Just like a headstand.

“Goosebumps Walkaway”

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Urban Dictionary defined it after the show New Girl coined the term (thank you, Nick Miller). “Goosebumps walkaway” is the line a guy says to the girl before he walks away forever that leaves her with goosebumps and haunts her forever, in a movie. The show’s episode named “Goosebumps Walkaway” is the one where Nick is trying to figure out what one line to leave with Reagan before she catches her flight.

Have you ever left someone with one line? Has someone given you last words that give you goosebumps to this day?

Words are powerful. They aren’t just letters arranged on a page or in a sentence. Words can haunt us. That may be one of my favorite things about words– not that they haunt us but that they can make us feel something. They drench us with the emotion they carry. Words can give us goosebumps, and they can last and stay with us forever. And if the bad ones can stay with us and haunt us, the good ones can last and elevate us, too.

Today, say some vibrant words to someone. Leave someone with goosebumps. In all reality, we never know which words may be our last. Arrange the letters with care.

Sunday Girl: How to Know You Are Dangerous

“All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible.” T. E. Lawrence

May we always seek to be fully alive and dreaming with open eyes. There are times when our souls and imaginations feel completely blocked or murky like a stagnant pond. These moments where we sink in the mire are often the alarms sounding on us, letting us know we have succumbed to a lesser version of ourselves. We are following instead of leading. We are copying instead of kneading a new version of ourselves. We are drifting instead of deciding.

Gabrielle Caunesil photographed by @nicholas.fols

“When imagination returns, it means we are back in our body,” Tess Guinery writes in The Apricot Memoirs. When imagination returns, we return to the surface and float. We are dreaming; we are scheming; we are breathing. We are dangerous in a world that wants us dead because we are fully alive.

[My anthem below and the favorite dreamy Sunday Girl posts are returning to grace this page. Jam out with me, friends.]

Sunbathing

“O, Sunlight! The most precious gold to be found on Earth.” Roman Payne

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Feeling golden. I spent about 30 minutes just lying in the sunshine that was streaming in through the windows, this morning. It was 20F outside but toasty and sunny in my apartment. This week’s sunbathing reminded me of how lovely it is to just sit and do nothing. You know, like a woman in a Jane Austen novel (the rich ones, who sat and wrote letters by rainy windows and had tea). Doing nothing is something I am bad at, and I am aiming to improve this art (see, I always have to be doing something).

Today, I just let the sun hit me, and it was yummy. Thirty minutes may not seem like a lot (or it may– for me, it was)– but even if you just take ten minutes and stop and do nothing and just sit with yourself, you’ll find some magic.

This week, another thing that was great for the mind and body were these two practices from my yoga/pilates challenge (I really don’t know the difference between yoga and pilates since the movements are the exact same and called the same, in my personal experience). Just as with sunbathing, taking even just ten minutes to move makes a huge difference in how you feel. This morning, a simple stretch that seemed stupid to me ended up being something I desperately needed.

So shed the pride (in my case), pressure, busyness and some articles of clothing. Do nothing. Then, get moving (I am leaving my favs here for you, in case you want a little mindful movement after some sunbathing). Stay golden.