Today, I read a fiction book. I don’t usually read fiction, but when I saw this one takes place in the South and Reese Witherspoon liked it (it’s her birthday today, after all), I started reading it. So far, it’s good. So, thank the Lord for The Giver of the Stars and Yoga with Adrienne.
Guys, I am determined to use this time to get ripped. Like, I mean ripped. There will be no stress eating here. I am gonna be a strong little yogi after this. I swear to you, I will be sitting cross-legged and look like I am levitating but not really— it will all be my arms subtly holding me up. Just wait. I won’t even shake. (Even I am laughing out loud with this). I will be so strong I will hoist myself up back into my apartment in half the time, next time I roll out of my window. (This will likely happen when I reinstall the AC in the window. Kidding.)
After reading for a bit while sunbathing by my window (roasting like a little potato), my love came and surprised me with TACO BELL. Yep. You read that right. First, he braved the cold to take a social distancing walk with me. And then, he surprised me with a care package that included guac and burritos. He is truly the best and sweetest. (If you are reading this, love, I love you.)
This made my day. I got to see my love and eat a taco. Can’t wait for the day when I can hold a taco in one hand and his hand in the other. Better days are coming.
It was prison break, today. Kidding. Well, for some inmates, it really was. That’s beside the point. I left my house! (Despite the inmates). Through the front door; I didn’t roll out of the window (this is a true story, I swear).
I marched out of the door, and I saw the blue water. I saw the blue sky— pale blue like those face masks those bastards hoarded so quick that the rest of us were left with nothing to bedazzle or hang up at the end of this mess.
I saw a barber shop in full swing (everyone wearing the treasured and rare masks). Police were on horse, elderly people were taking advantage of the elder hours at the grocery. People with dogs had their excuse to be outside on the leash. Some little trees were loaded with flowers. Spring!
I participated in a livestream church service and a conference call adult bible study class. We were doing the most, today.
I did another Bible study and FaceTimed with family and my love. There is something about people. When you are an extrovert, being with loved ones injects you with life.
I gave my little green cardigan a break today. I have been wearing that thing like a St. Patrick’s uniform. (Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me, Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me, etc., etc., the St. Patrick sentiment is real). Christ, be the face mask I don’t have.
Tomorrow, I need to wash my hair. It’s starting to look like the hair in a meth addict mug shot. Our shut down begins tomorrow.
The New York Post has said we all basically have Corona. They need to chill. We don’t need this energy.
My vibe right now: Gwen Stefani’s Sweet Escape. (Milk rap and all). Boom. Woo-hoo, yee-hoo.
Who are you quarantined with? That’s all I could think about, today. Maybe it’s on my mind because I have no one to be trapped with. So many people complaining about spending too much time with certain people.
Do we really just barely tolerate one another? Why are we always fighting? Don’t we realize how lucky we are? Also, I love when people don’t like who they are quarantined with yet they chose this person. It’s bizarre to me.
Choices have weight.
We (NY) are officially shutting down on Sunday. Locked down. It’s happening.
Life has been pretty quiet. I thought about the next time I will see certain people, and just the possibility of it being so far off brought tears to my eyes. I had a knot in my throat. (Not COVID-19– just emotion). Some things aren’t up to us. Other things are.
Tomorrow, I am taking a walk. I need to get out of this apartment. It’s happening. We must make the little choices, even if they are small.
We must walk sometimes, even if we walk alone.
I am gonna go to a tree-lined street and walk until I see the glittering blue water.
I thought I would write a quick update from my studio. I heard somewhere that even if you don’t find importance in what is happening or if you feel it’s mundane, you should still share what is happening in your world.
New York City feels a bit post-apocalyptic, once again. The first time I felt this was during hurricane Sandy. The last time I rode a train was on Monday.
Self-quarantine and sheltering in place— whatever you want to call it— is tough when you live alone. I spend more hours working from home than I do on a regular day when I ride the gross trains.
People are talking about how they will end up divorced after this, and I am here like the chin-chin man from IG in front of the mirror. (“Thank you for coming. Chin-chin.”)
I have been sleeping up until the buzzer, and then getting up, reading scripture, supplementing and starting the work day after brushing my hair. I will do my first calls and tasks while simultaneously putting on deodorant and moisturizer. I need to get better at this new routine, admittedly. I still listen to a bit of the Bobby Bones Show, which always puts a smile on my face.
I will work for 8-9 hours.
Today, I tuned into the Instagram live with Italian rapper Fedez and Andrea Bocelli. I cried as they projected it from the balconies. My crying was interrupted by a weird knock. I was convinced this was one of the many inmates they are releasing in NYC because no one wants to deal with the implications of this virus. After a half hour, I opened my door (chain still in place, of course. What am I? An idiot? No.), and I saw a package, but it was for the wrong apartment.
I picked up the package and left it at the correct apartment while ringing the doorbell and running away. I then came back down stairs and got my own actual mail. The census sent me a second threatening letter asking for my mandatory participation. I just sent the government my tax check. They have no chill.
I then went back upstairs and washed my hands, sanitized my hands and then did yoga after I convinced myself my hands were clean enough.
After this and work, my boyfriend suggested we go get food. I said no because these food establishments are gross on a regular day (like someone bribed the food code people level) and he has elderly parents. I am not in the mood to be responsible for someone’s death. I could be one of those asymptomatic, cute carriers with no idea that she is a virus transporter. Not today, Satan.
This is me, right now. Just like the government, I have no chill. In the rainy mornings, I crack my window open and let in the fresh air. I haven’t gone on a walk yet because I just imagine myself encountering some newly released inmate who wants my Taco Bell (because of course, in my head, a walk includes Taco Bell) and me dying on some random side street. I am strong and independent.
Here we are. First day of spring. My favorite season. It’s my third day working from home. Reporting live from NYC. I am lying sideways in bed with my head and hair hanging off. Peace. Stay home, friends. I am off to dream of nachos and long hugs. Andrea Bocelli will be singing in the background.
I am cleaning out my office because a new adventure awaits. My eyes fell on quotes I have on post-its on the wall. The first is by Will Durant, and it says, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act but a habit.”
Other quotes on my walls say:
“A man who procrastinated in his choosing will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance.” Hunter S. Thompson
“If it’s truly important, schedule it. Is it a dream or a goal? If it isn’t on the calendar, it isn’t real.” Khaled Hosseini
“We believe in human kindness.” Folks at Magnolia
“Never underestimate the power of hope.”
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” Proverbs 18:21
“I am with you always, even unto the end.” Jesus
And my favorite quote, which was on my door: “They thought they could bury us. They didn’t know we were seeds.” Mexican Proverb
These quotes really shaped my approach to my work and life, and they will continue to. I hope they inspire you as much as they inspire me.
“In life, if we lose— I am not quitting. It doesn’t matter what we are doing, I will not quit. Because the only thing that I really have is tenacity. No real skill set here— just punch the wall ‘til it breaks.” Bobby Bones
I was reflecting on the many uncertainties we face in this life. It’s a challenging adventure for all of us finite beings. As I thought about this, I was praying and I decided to read out of a devotional I sometimes dive into, by Tony Dungy, The One Year Uncommon Life Daily Challenge.
In today’s reading, he highlights an often-read verse, as an answer to uncertainty: “faith is the confidence that what we hoped for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we can not see.” Hebrews 11:1
It’s a common verse. Not groundbreaking, at a glance, but I started to think about it with pause. I sometimes get restless and impatient and worried, and it affects my day-to-day. What this reflects is lack of faith. Faith is having trust that things will be guided by God’s hand, even when it doesn’t feel that way.
Tony Dungy writes in today’s entry, “Are you willing to move ahead on something, even if all the ducks don’t seem to be in a row? Or are you afraid to jump in? Life is full of uncertainty; God wants you to be bolstered by faith in Him.”
It never ceases to amaze me how often fear and distrust creep into our lives. Faith is the antidote to uncertainty. This never means we will always get what we want, but it means we are in God’s hands, and He will always get us home. Home is the endgame.
And sometimes, faith materializes the amazing things for which we yearn so deeply, with our hearts. I will never forget a message I heard on an early morning in Tennessee. The woman said, “Faith is believing in what you cannot see— and the reward of faith is seeing what you believed in.”
In the things that cause us stress today— in all the holes, gaps and question marks, let’s just pour faith into those. Not faith in just anyone, but faith in a God who can be trusted. We can have assurance in what we can’t see because God is faithful. We can see His mighty hand in everything around us. Faith is never blind; instead, it’s a refocus on that which has been revealed.
I was reflecting on the many uncertainties we face in this life. It’s a challenging adventure for all of us finite beings. As I thought about this, I was praying and I decided to read out of a devotional I sometimes dive into, by Tony Dungy, The One Year Uncommon Life Daily Challenge.
In today’s reading, he highlights an often-read verse, as an answer to uncertainty: “faith is the confidence that what we hoped for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we can not see.” Hebrews 11:1
It’s a common verse. Not groundbreaking, at a glance, but I started to think about it with pause. I sometimes get restless and impatient and worried, and it affects my day-to-day. What this reflects is lack of faith. Faith is having trust that things will be guided by God’s hand, even when it doesn’t feel that way.
Tony Dungy writes in today’s entry, “Are you willing to move ahead on something, even if all the ducks don’t seem to be in a row? Or are you afraid to jump in? Life is full of uncertainty; God wants you to be bolstered by faith in Him.”
It never ceases to amaze me how often fear and distrust creep into our lives. Faith is the antidote to uncertainty. This never means we will always get what we want, but it means we are in God’s hands, and He will always get us home. Home is the endgame.
And sometimes, faith materializes the amazing things for which we yearn so deeply, with our hearts. I will never forget a message I heard on an early morning in Tennessee. The woman said, “Faith is believing in what you cannot see— and the reward of faith is seeing what you believed in.”
In the things that cause us stress today— in all the holes, gaps and question marks, let’s just pour faith into those. Not faith in just anyone, but faith in a God who can be trusted. We can have assurance in what we can’t see because God is faithful. We can see His mighty hand in everything around us. Faith is never blind; instead, it’s a refocus on that which has been revealed.
“Why are you subjecting yourself to this? Is this really the environment you were made for? … Our adrenal glands can handle only so much before they become exhausted. … Every time you get upset, a little bit of life leaves the body. Are these really the things on which you want to spend that priceless resource? Don’t be afraid to make a change– a big one.” Ryan Holiday, The Daily Stoic, February 12th
By: Gabriela Yareliz
Why is change so hard? There are a lot of answers to this. I have been nearing a moment of big change for myself and witnessed many friends undergoing big changes, too.
Some of us don’t feel ready. But we are. Some of us aren’t ready, but it’s ready or not, here it comes! Some of us are emotionally attached to places or what they mean to us. We are attached to our work and those who surround us. We are attached to a definition we used to define ourselves. It can be so many things.
In the midst of big change, we are confronted with so many thoughts and fears. Fears from the past that have nothing to do with the circumstance at hand creep up on us. Abandonment is a b*tch. Some of us have carried a lot on our shoulders or felt the need to rescue a place or people from themselves. Whatever it may be– the dynamic is unveiled strongly at departure.
Change is to be altered; to be made different. It’s always different and new, in some way or another.
As a child growing up, I was no stranger to change. Between kindergarten and the end of 8th grade, I attended 7 different schools. I was always in the middle of change. I was thinking of ways to reinvent myself, and what I could take from my past experience. My little magazines/catalogs, my books and my American Girl dolls– my faithful companions.
I was a pro at change, from a very young age. I know how to pack well, and coordinate an address swap with friends who are turning into pen pals, before my departure. I was always the one leaving. Even after a stable high school and undergraduate experience (thanks, ma), I graduated before my high school peers and then set off on my own adventure– law school in NYC, alone.
Change for me has always been a solitary experience. It has been an experience that I have deeply appreciated, and one that has marked me deeply.
Now that I have my own choices to make and change is in my hands, it has been difficult. I try to approach life through a lens of gratitude and godly wisdom. This means I appreciate what I have because I feel so blessed to have it. I also try to minimize change by making a wise choice from the start.
But then, even then, the constant in life, change, always appears. Relationships evolve (as they should– and this is exciting, but change nonetheless), and new opportunities arise.
I am in a period of big change. I think I felt from the get-go that 2020 would be a year of a lot of changes. I welcome those changes. I am excited. I would also be lying if I didn’t say I am scared sh*tless.
Change has always carried a weight of responsibility. It means a level-up, in my book. No matter what it is. And it causes me to confront who I am, and where I want to go. It’s not something I take lightly. People may think it is cheesy, but I approach life with the utmost solemnity.
I am living it once. Every step I take, I see as a step I am taking for all that I want in the future (family and career), to honor the sacrifices of all who came before me (my family and especially my mother), and to add glory to all I have chosen to represent (which is Christ Jesus).
I have felt held in fear and some sadness, recently. There is always a sadness in letting go and a fear in approaching the unknown. What I do know, is that I was trained for this. Not many people have had the hands-on experience I have had with change. I am a cockroach– I adapt. And regardless of the real fears I have, I know that with God by my side there is nothing I can’t do.
I know exactly who I am (solitude does that to you), and anything new just adds to that person.
Life has its pivotal moments where it calls us out into the foggy unknown. It dares us to let go of the great to pursue the extraordinary.
The iconic Audrey Leighton says that “Extraordinary is only born from extraordinary measures.”
Change– my old close friend, we meet again. I was surprised when you knocked at my door, but my hand is on the knob. Even with the fears I carry inside, we are never strangers. You knew I wouldn’t resist.
We are a part of each other’s stories. We belong to some stories more than others, but there is nothing more powerful than when you get to write your own story. Nothing more important than the role you play in your story. Make it a good one.
GABRIELA YARELIZ 