This song will forever speak to my heart.
Remembering His sacrifice.
Wisdom from Brené Brown’s Wilderness
Quotes from Braving the Wilderness:
“All too often our so-called strength comes from fear, not love; instead of having a strong back, many of us have a defended front shielding a weak spine. In other words, we walk around brittle and defensive, trying to conceal our lack of confidence. If we strengthen our backs, metaphorically speaking, and develop a spine that’s flexible but sturdy, then we can risk having a front that’s soft and open… How can we give and accept care with strong-back, soft-front compassion, moving past fear into a place of genuine tenderness? I believe it comes about when we can be truly transparent, seeing the world clearly— and letting the world see into us.” Roshi Joan Halifax (pg. 147)
“When the culture of any organization mandates that it is more important to protect the reputation of a system and those in power than it is to protect the basic human dignity of the individuals who serve that system or who are served by that system, you can be certain that the shame is systemic, the money is driving the ethics, and the accountability is all but dead. This is true in corporations, nonprofits, universities, governments, faith communities, schools, families, and sports programs. If you think back on any major scandal fueled by cover-ups, you’ll see this same pattern. And the restitution and resolution of cover-ups almost always happens in the wilderness— when one person steps outside their bunker and speaks their truth.” pg. 78, Brené Brown, Braving the Wildnerness
“We pay for hate with our lives, and that’s too big a price to pay.” pg 70, Brené Brown, Braving the Wilderness
Exterior Things
By: Gabriela Yareliz
“Exterior things come and go, but why should they disturb me? Why should joy excite me or sorrow cast me down, achievement delight me or failure depress me, life attract or death repel me, if I live only in the Life that is within me by God’s gift?” Thomas Merton, New Seeds of Contemplation, pg. 160
When I read that passage above, all I could think about was how beautiful that perspective is. Why should we let both the good and bad of “exterior things” affect us so much? For it has no lasting effect… Usually, if we allow things to affect us to that degree, then we are mistakenly seeking something in it that we can only receive from God.
As humans, we crave acceptance, value, attention. But what a powerful thought— that we can, as those same humans, keep our focus on the only One who matters, God, and not allow anything external to disturb our core.
The key here is that everything exterior comes and goes. Only the unseen, as scripture says, is eternal. Instead of allowing ourselves to go on an emotional roller coaster, we should embrace the gift of life that we are living. Scripture states that to have life means that we have the breath of God within us. (Job 33:4)
Following Coach Orders
By: Gabriela Yareliz
Coaches, lifestyle and career coaches alike, do it. They make you say and write things. They make you act on things. They force you to visualize and strategize.
There is this thing where you write out your purpose. It’s like your own personal mission statement, if you will. It’s about who you want to be. I mean, even God wrote out who He was in His Ten Commandments.
This has been floating in my head for weeks. The empty page glaring at me, with its lines. Weirdly, I dared not write out my mission statement. It was like I was afraid. Like, writing it out would announce it to the world and almost make it real, and make it vanish from the list of comfortable unattainables.
But then, I did it. I put pen to paper, and I wrote it out. I wrote out exactly who I wanted to be and what I wanted to achieve. Strangely, (and you may think I am crazy for saying this), it took courage.
I read, recently, a thought by Brené Brown that went something like this: Negative emotions are emotions we must allow. We should allow ourselves to feel sadness and anger. The key is not to absorb it and allow it to destroy us. Instead, she suggests, these emotions should act as a catalyst. They should produce a change in us that leads us to love, hope, faith and compassion. I feel like I have experienced a lot of catalysts, lately.
I have been learning a lot about who I am. With each passing day, I feel more solid. So, with all these changes, I decided on my mission statement. More importantly, I decided to write it out.
I wrote it down. It’s out there, universe. And I am ready.
I dare you to write yours.
Tuesday Badinage: March 20, 2018
I read this description, and I thought, This is lovely. Who wouldn’t want to be described like that?
“I don’t think he was a genius. Einstein was a genius; Buster Keaton was astonishing. I’ve never seen any human being able to perform as brilliantly and gracefully with such unusually gifted timing. There was only one Keaton. His eyes shone with a certain intensity, fire and love. His face had little expression, but his eyes were always dynamically alive. His eyes spoke more than any script could speak.”
– – Mel Brooks about Buster Keaton
Confronting Miss. Minchin
By: Gabriela Yareliz
In life, you will run into a few people who are just like Miss. Minchin, in A Little Princess. They are cruel and mean. They take pleasure in your misfortune, and their aim is to take away from you. They take pleasure in seeing you serve harder, in seeing you in a position that they feel is beneath them.
Yet inside, they are deeply unhappy. They don’t realize that the superficial status and positions mean nothing and that only the heart and character take you places.
They want to see you fail, but they don’t realize it’s the very thing that they hate about you that will continue to carry you through.
These situations are hard. They can be painful and confusing. They can make us angry or bitter. We are human, after all. They can make us judge, when in the end, we all stand before God with no falsities left to hide behind.
It’s comforting to know that God isn’t mocked. That God is at our side, continuously.
You have to understand that A Little Princess was my favorite movie, while growing up. I can recite the movie. I always loved Sara. She was bright, kind, generous— everything that makes a true princess.
I had an incident recently, where a person reminded me of Miss. Minchin in the scene above, where Sara is told she is an orphan, so she becomes a servant, and Ms. Minchin takes Sara’s most prized possession (a locket with her father’s picture in it), and she smugly tells Sara, “ I expect you to remember […] you are not a princess any longer.”
Sara continues to inspire the young girls around her, and she works hard. She never fails to give of herself, even when it costed her the little she had. Oh, that I could learn to be like Sara.
To me, the highlight is Sara’s confrontation with Ms. Minchin.
You have got to see this:
Miss Minchin: Don’t tell me you still fancy yourself a princess!
[laughs]
Miss Minchin: Good God, child, look around you! Or better yet, look in the mirror!
[after a long pause]
Sara Crewe: [confidentially] I am a princess.
Miss Minchin: [in disbelief] Oh!
Sara Crewe: All girls are! Even if they live in tiny old attics, even if they dress in rags, even if they aren’t pretty, or smart, or young, they’re still princesses – all of us! Didn’t your father ever tell you that? Didn’t he?
Miss Minchin: [furiously, in tears] If I find you up here with any of the girls again, I WILL THROW YOU OUT INTO THE STREET!
***
I want to be like Sara. This character still speaks to me today. I want to always remember who I am, no matter what anyone tells me. Her father told her she was a princess, and she knew it and lived up to it, in the truest sense.
We are who our Heavenly Father has told us we are, and those who tell us otherwise have forgotten who they are and who they can be.
Thoughts on Peace
Quotes from: New Seeds of Contemplation, by Thomas Merton
”If men really wanted peace they would sincerely ask God for it and He would give it to them.
But why should He give the world a peace which it does not really desire? The peace the world pretends to desire is really no peace at all.
To some men peace merely means the liberty to exploit other people without fear of retaliation or interference. To others peace means the freedom to rob others without interruption. To still others it means the leisure to devour goods of the earth without being compelled to interrupt their pleasures to feed those whom their greed is starving.
And to practically everybody peace simply means the absence of any physical violence that might cast a shadow over lives devoted to the satisfaction of animal appetites for comfort and pleasure.
Many men like these have asked God for what they thought was ‘peace’ and wondered why their prayer was not answered. They could not understand that it actually was answered. God left them with what they desired, for their idea of peace was only another form of war.
So instead of loving what you think is peace, love other men and love God above all. […] If you love peace, then hate injustice, hate tyranny, hate greed— but hate these things in yourself, not in another.” (121,122)
We find peace in rejecting sin.
“Sin as such is essentially boring because it is the lack of something that could appeal to our wills and minds.” It is a distortion.
“Sinners are people who hate everything, because their world is necessarily full of betrayal, full of illusion, full of deception. And the greatest sinners are the most boring people in the world because they are also the most bored and the ones who find life most tedious.
When they try to cover the tedium of life by noise, excitement and violence— the inevitable fruits of life devoted to the love of values that do not exist— they become something more than boring: they are scourages of the world and society.” (125)
Let’s not read this and think of another, but instead, let us read this and pray in humility, that God may keep us. That we may choose to be holy and accept the love of God in us so that we may not choose to be boring, unsatisfied sinners who contribute nothing but darkness. Let us seek true peace, which is reconciliation with God.
May you find light, and be a light, today.
The Ex Factor
By: Gabriela Yareliz
We are entering a new age— one where many of my friends, who have never been married, are dating men who have been married and have children. I feel like back in the day, that wasn’t something most young women in their mid-to-late twenties and early thirties did.
That said, most of these men are good men— ones who didn’t cause the downfall (so-to-speak) of their prior marriages. The relationships they have now, with my friends, are great, a work in progress like all relationships. But these relationships bring with them a sort of shadow, it seems. The shadow of “the ex.”
Now, hear me out. Meeting someone’s ex, and even more so, spending time with someone’s ex can be extremely psychological. You pay close attention to the dynamic, who the person projects him or herself to be— and most women start a Venn diagram (you know, for the compare and contrast). You start questioning perhaps what you and that person have in common or what your partner saw in the other person.
It’s a science, I tell you. It adds a whole other layer to a relationship— another dynamic. Especially, if there are children from that union. I am sure even when both people have been married, both past experiences color the present relationship— if you let it.
I have a friend who is dating a recently divorced man with three children. And it’s interesting to hear her thoughts and struggles. How everyone must see each other at some point for the holidays, etc., etc. (I don’t say that to belittle her struggle, but I won’t go into details— it’s just so you get an idea). The stress; the tension; the weird fights you try to stay out of, etc. It’s real stuff.
The ex’s family is family for life; there are memories and history there. Everyone has history with someone, even if it’s just at the friendship level. That’s basic human fact.
But for all of the young women embarking on this adventure of navigating the “ex factor,” I have some random thoughts to throw into the pot. (And if you have any, leave them in the comments)!
1. Healthy People Make Healthy Relationships
If someone is still hooked onto someone or overly affected by someone’s presence or interaction, they may not be in a good place. And to be fair, I think this takes time. But if you are going to be in a relationship, you need that person to be healthy and ready for it. That person shouldn’t be comparing you to an ex, angry at you or making you “pay” for what another did. Once both individuals are healthy, a healthy relationship can be formed.
2. If Your Partner Is Over His/Her Ex, You Should Be, Too
Don’t suggest former flame or criticize (or even praise) the person for their past selection. Leave the ex in the past, where he/she belongs.
3. If There Are Children, The Ex Is Part Of The Package Deal (To A Limited Extent)
Be cordial. If this is the real deal, then you will be a part of each other’s lives and the child’s special moments, forever. Better to make it a less awkward time; no unnecessary hostilities.
4. An Ex Should Never Control Dynamics In The New Relationship
An ex should not get to, at a whim, change around your entire schedule or plans, single handedly. This is manipulation. No one should be a pawn or puppet. There is no room for a third party in a healthy relationship.
5. You Decide Whether The Old Memories Haunt
I used to think that I never wanted to go anywhere where a person had been already with their ex. Ugh. Makes things weirder if they were world travelers. What are you going to do? Cross everything off of your bucket list? Nope. I mean, that said, you don’t have to stay at the same hotel or in the same room, but you can make new memories in “old” places. That’s part of restoration in life. I mean, Amal Clooney went to George’s Lake Como house, where he took a zillion women. She survived. And now the house is theirs.
6. You Choose Who You Are
You can’t change who the ex was or what they did or didn’t do. You don’t get to change the story and you gain nothing by demonizing them either. Just be you. Accept that tragedies happen and relationships have been broken but keep your focus on you and the relationship and future you want and see for yourself.
7. Don’t Expect Others To Understand
Your friends who have never been married and say they will only date guys their age who are just like them, they won’t get any of it. People will say ignorant things to you, but you do you.
8. Love The Child As Your Own
And you never dishonor the ex or other parent in any way. It’s not nice; it’s not your place; and that adds nothing positive to the relationship. Good vibes only.
9. Winner Takes It All
Through observation and my own experience, I want to say this— the winner can take it all. What do I mean by this? The wise ones are the ones who live life embracing the present and envisioning the future. Don’t allow the past to haunt you, but embrace the idea of redemption and restoration. The concept that accepts that God makes all things new.
No one remembers George Clooney and his other random girlfriends anymore. We know there were many, but at the end of the day— only one woman won his heart and changed his world. Who you decide to be in someone’s life can make it infinitely better or worse. It’s in your hands. Attitude is everything. You can be someone’s Amal.
When you find the person you want to choose above all others, the past fades and doesn’t matter because it doesn’t determine where you are going next.
So the person has an ex, we all have people in our lives that we learned from or learned with. What gives? Life is a journey. Forget who was holding that hand before you, and just make sure you do all in your power to be the one holding it until the end.
Nightmarish Fear
By Gabriela Yareliz
Our minds can often play us on our worst fears. Take it from someone who had nightmare after nightmare this week, and each was tied to a deep fear, that our bodies and minds respond to our thoughts and emotions.
It can affect our mood, our disposition and our peace. Fear always seeks to rule us, and as humans we don’t escape fear. Fear can often serve a purpose, like keeping us safe from an unnecessary danger. But fear can also paralyze us. The minute we let ourselves become overrun with fear, our minds are clouded.
If we live by fear, we forget to take the important and worthwhile risks. We can push others away or drain them and ourselves.
I once heard that the point is not to be fearless. It’s natural to fear, but to show courage and do things in spite of fear. And if we truly believe God is at our side, it’s not that we are fearless but that we fear less.
Here is to a conscious attitude adjustment! Here is to fearing less.
Class
“Hope we can teach our daughters that the word ‘class’ doesn’t involve flying private, wearing loboutin shoes and carrying a Kelly bag. ‘The word ‘class’ and ‘classy’ should mean what happens when you are able to be thankful, able to give and be a true friend to anybody regardless of their background and where they come from. That is class. It’s a beautiful wave that washes away faults and paints things in a graceful light.’” @kushascorner
GABRIELA YARELIZ 