I AM THE “ME” IN ENDOMETRIOSIS

By: Gabriela Yareliz

Hello beautiful friends!

This post is about a campaign close to my heart: Get in the Know about ME in EndoMEtriosis. I had been learning a lot about this disease after I heard Julianne Hough was diagnosed with it, and then, my interest grew after I myself was diagnosed with it. It’s because of this that I feel it’s important to raise awareness about endometriosis, a chronic and painful disease that affects an estimated one in 10 women. I am the one in 10.

In high school, I developed horrible cramps that led to vomiting and often enough, fainting. I also had extremely heavy bleeding during my periods. The doctor said it was normal, and she told me to drink teas to lessen the pain and that maybe it would help with the bleeding. I continued to suffer and pass out in random places. I was even tested for hypoglycemia, just in case. I remember many nights lying on my cold bathroom floor next to the toilet, ready to vomit, shaking from the pain; praying silent prayers that the Advil would soon kick in. I learned to recognize the signs of when I was going to faint. I would lose my hearing first, and then, I would black out. I knew my symptoms well, and this is how I learned to deal. I took the bar exam experiencing this pain, for crying out loud. Now, I feel like I should get a trophy.

This year, during a routine exam, my doctor told me to go see a specialist. I figured I was gaining weight, so I had been doing a lot of abdominal exercises. It turns out it was inflammation in my abdomen, not additional weight. I met with the gynecologist, and I found out that I had endometriosis.

By this time, I had a slight suspicion. I figured being diagnosed wouldn’t change anything, but put a name to the pain. The diagnosis meeting was actually pretty traumatizing. The specialist focused on risks of ovarian cancer, infertility and told me I needed to have blood work done to check for tumor markers. He said I needed surgery ASAP. I left the office in tears. These things will send a young woman, hopeful of having children in the future, into a spiral.

I finally got my sonogram report, and I sat down with my doctor. We discussed the report. It turns out there are some alternatives before surgery. Thankfully, the report looked like it belonged to a healthy young woman. Every person is different and needs to work out a proper plan to manage the condition. I am still on my journey to figuring that out.

I have been educating myself a lot about the disease. I think there are several important messages that I want to convey:
The first is that you are not alone. The second is that you have to do what is right for you and be empowered. I decided that I could either let my thoughts cripple me (and they were crippling me, believe me), or I could decide that I would take charge and manage my pain, the best I can as I have been doing, but with a more targeted approach. Also, there will never be a lack of surgeons who just want to slice you open. You need to make sure that is what is best for you.

I am a huge believer in using nature to heal ourselves. I found great resources from doctors who use holistic healing methods. One study revealed that some of these supplements reduced tissue, and inflammation; some women canceled their surgeries and others got pregnant. This reversal of symptoms in the Italian study is a big deal.

I have decided to harness my diet a bit more and be a bit more disciplined with my diet, supplements and exercise. I am leaving a fantastic link here, which changed my view and approach (it includes more on the Italian study). Thank you, Goop, for your holistic focus on wellness and your informative resources.

Back to #MEinEndo– This campaign’s purpose is to inspire women to learn about the disease and share their stories. Women’s stories have helped me, and I want to add my voice to the conversation.

I am the ME in EndoMEtriosis! “I’m here to show women what the face of this disease looks like. By spreading the word, I hope to help women address their symptoms so they don’t go through years of debilitating pain.”

“Check out MEinEndo.com to ‘get in the know’ about endometriosis and its symptoms and download the great resources available to help start a conversation with your healthcare provider. You can also ‘stay in the know‘ by signing up to receive more information about endometriosis and updates from the campaign.

Join me in sharing your story by using #MEinEndo or even if you don’t have endometriosis, find the next ‘ME’ and encourage her to share her story.

Together, we can change the way endometriosis is understood.” (Citing Julianne Hough’s campaign post).

I will continue to update you on my journey.

#endowarriors

[insert Wonder Woman here]
🙂

GY

Enjoy the Silence

By: Gabriela Yareliz

(From earlier this week).

I am writing this sitting in St. Paul’s Church. My hand curled around the edge of the pew, where I felt a piece of ancient gum that has probably been under the pew for longer than I have been alive. It didn’t even bother me.

I am here on a silent retreat of sorts. Sometimes, I feel like everything I do in efforts to help a situation just makes it worse.

I am just going to keep silent, for now. Today, I had two hours of silence. And yet, still my mind was loud. Eventually, by the time my hand found the ancient gum, everything, including my disgust was silent.

I looked around, at the statues around me. Goodbye, Virgin Mary. Goodbye, apostles. Goodbye, everyone. Thank you for welcoming me into your silence, today. I stepped out of the cathedral, into the noise and blinding light.

Sabbath Inspiration: June 10, 2017

“But you must stubbornly walk into that room, regardless, and you must hold your head high. You made it; you get to put it out there. Never apologize for it, never explain it away, never be ashamed of it. You did your best with what you knew, and you worked with what you had, in the time that you were given. You were invited, and you showed up, and you simply cannot do more than that.” Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic, 263-264

Monday Inspiration: June 5, 2017

By: Gabriela Yareliz

I am on my lunch break, thinking back at something my mom suggested, which is entirely true. As I am facing my newest hurdle in this magical and mysterious thing called life, she reminded me, “This is not like one of your cases that you can just resolve.” What is it about losing control that sort of drives us crazy? I like to be prepared, efficient, and precise. My profession is known for manipulating circumstances and people to get the outcome we want.

Maybe that is my biggest fear of all– not being able to be all of those things in a particular circumstance. However, God wants us to lay down our burdens at His feet and acknowledge His sovereignty and control over all things, trusting in His perfect love. He wants us to enter situations with the knowledge that we are His children, first and foremost.

I hope you find inspiration today. Today, I am going to learn to rest in God. I need to learn it, because this is not a case.

These are some words that have inspired me, lately:

“I hope you go out there and let stories happen to you and that you will water them, water them with your blood and tears and your laughter till they bloom, till you yourself burst into bloom.” Kusha Alagband
“To me, when you can read honesty through beauty, that is sort of an important trait of character. It is what translates to beauty for me.” Charlotte Gainsbourg

“You only fall apart in front of the people you know can piece you back together.” Sarah Dessen, Saint Anything, pg 387

“No genuine book has a first page. Like the rustling of the forest, it is begotten God knows where, and it grows and it rolls, arousing the dense wilds of the first until suddenly… it begins to speak with all the treetops at once.” Boris Pasternak

“A piece of writing is like a piece of magic. You create something out of nothing.” Susanna Clarke
“The only way to fight sin is to choose something bigger.”
J.S. Park from The Christianese Dating Culture
“You must understand the whole of life, not just one little part of it. That is why you must read, that is why you must look at the skies, that is why you must sing and dance, and write poems and suffer and understand, for all that is life.”
Jiddu Krishnamurti
“The two most powerful words when we’re in a place of struggle are ‘me too’.” Brene Brown

“Having faith is believing that God does not lie.” Dr. Tony Evans

Stained Glass Windows

“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.”
– Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

By: Gabriela Yareliz

When darkness rolls in, it’s intimidating. It demands an adjustment in our vision, both literally and in more profound ways.

I think I have realized that almost everyone (including myself) is self-absorbed. We each have our own darkness to grapple with at different points in life. Often, the darkness each one of us faces in life is one we mostly face on our own. Because no one sits in our pew, so to speak, nor does anyone stand in our shoes. It’s individual.

I read something yesterday that really made me think. It was an older woman stating that we can’t live like we are dead, before we are dead. We do this when fear paralyzes us. Or perhaps when we do something I am guilty of, when we assume the worst will happen.

I think we need time to process certain things, time to figure things out, which is normal, but then, we have to move on. We need to live.

I don’t want to live in fear or pain. I have always wanted to be a warrior. I think I have been one, in certain times of my life, and right now, I feel like an exhausted warrior. And I think I have been unfair to those around me, wanting to be carried by them, when only I can stand on my two feet.

I want to be strong. So, I am asking God to be my strength because I feel very small. I know that in certain types of darkness, only we know the extent of our disappointment, fear and pain, but we keep that small flame alive inside. We guard it from every gust of wind that tries to take it out because it will warm us and guide us into brighter days.

One of Them

IMG_6858

By: Gabriela Yareliz

I am always inspired by the stunning Sonam Kapoor at Cannes.

I loved a quote in one of her most recent posts:

“I know who I am. I am not perfect. I’m not the most beautiful woman in the world. But I’m one of them.” Mary J. Blige

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[Photos from @sonamkapoor]

Bare Beauty

By: Gabriela Yareliz

The June 2017 Glamour issue is all about empowerment. Stories about body types that are not portrayed or accepted, ditching hair removal, embracing your hair’s natural texture, wearing makeup, not wearing makeup, ditching self tanner, getting sober– being “bare,” meaning being vulnerable inside and out.

I loved it. It made me happy. I have my own insecurities and struggles, like everyone else. This issue was inspiring. There was a story in it that touched me deeply about a young woman who had an amputation (right leg), but she decided to stop hiding her leg (prosthetic). This was a reminder that we are all in this together. Each of us reaching our realizations in our own time. I love that we come to certain realizations, and the fear begins to dissipate when we choose to live beyond fear. I am learning that it’s when we choose love and acceptance over fear that beauty radiates and inspires others.

College of Communication

By: Gabriela Yareliz (inspired by a talk by Sarah May B. and lots of introspection)

Hello and happy Monday.

I am learning (or trying to learn) more about communication. (How is that for a direct opening?) You start to care more about growing in painful areas when you know you love someone so much that you are willing to put in the work. It’s important to grow as a person.

Relationships take work. People who have been together forever have developed solid habits and weathered many storms. Right now, though, in my youth, I am analyzing myself and trying to see when I am defensive, feeling misunderstood (and the fact that this triggers certain emotions and insecurities). We all have them. We all want to be loved and desired.

Garance Doré posted a snippet of her and her fiancé’s dynamics that made me smile. Behold:

“We sat down with a notary, and we signed pages and pages of papers. And just like that, at a café table in Venice, we owned a tiny piece of California. I was very quiet, I didn’t know what to say. Chris said ‘I’m going surfing’ and I started to cry (I told you, I’m in a weepy period) and we got in a fight, like with every big moment in our lives.” Garance Doré

It made me smile because relationships have those moments. It’s inevitable. Relationships aren’t about perfection, but about living great moments (having those outweigh the friction moments) and helping one another grow heavenward. Love evokes love. Love heals.

Communication is tough. It is about small habits and dynamics. It’s about being intentional and changing our behavior when conflict or friction arises. (And learning how to make moments that could be of conflict, moments of growth and meeting each other’s needs). Maybe, instead of being defensive or trying to talk everything out ad nauseam, or instead of feeling insulted, ashamed or inadequate, it’s about simply being more intentional when I feel hurt or misunderstood and trying to see where the other party is coming from.

Perhaps, we all have wounds that sting at different moments because of different things. And we can actually help each other heal, rather than creating distance and more hurt or isolation.

Sometimes, in the middle of friction we need to remember that the person in front of us loves us. When you love someone, your intention is not to hurt or confuse another.

I want to become a better communicator. I know. I got a degree from the College of Journalism and Communication. Still, like the rest of us, I have a lot to learn. I want to learn to receive the right message, and I want to learn to give the right message, too.

“[W]e are choosing people based on what we need to learn.” Sarah May B.

And I have a lot to learn.