Yesterday, I was reading about a woman— I think she was Jamaican— who was seeking opportunity a long time ago (in Jamaica). Maybe three generations ago. It talked about one scholarship available sponsored by the British government. If you weren’t chosen, you had to expense the rest of it yourself in real time. There were no student loans or additional help.
Reading this perspective flipped something in my mind. Student loans, for those of us who have them, are the bane of our existence. But wow would life be different without them. For many (not from wealthy families), upward mobility and education would be a far away dream. How fortunate are we to have a system, while imperfect, that allows us to chase our dreams and chase them hard, no matter our skin color, background or family? Looking at other countries and other times certainly highlights what we take for granted or even complain about.
In that moment, as I was reading, I thought “How lucky am I? How lucky were my parents?”
It takes responsibility and hard work to manage them, but they have certainly made crazy things possible. In that same book, I read about how just seventy years ago, if you weren’t a Nordic male attorney responding to an ad, you probably weren’t getting a good legal job.
It’s a country filled with opportunity and enough self-awareness and correction to evolve.
This morning, I was reflecting on the following quote- which I think is from Peaky Blinders. Inspiring Irish gangsters. Leaving it here for your own reflection:
“It takes grace to remain kind in cruel situations. Kindness isn’t weak. It’s the quiet rule of strength. When the world shows its teeth, snarling and ready to bite, it’s easy to grow claws in return. Grace stands battered and bruised and still chooses to extend an open hand. That’s the real fight. To stay soft, to stay human, when life tries to harden you into something less. Grace is the armor of the brave. Worn not for glory, but for the soul.” Alfie
“It’s an amazing trigger within human nature, the minute someone acknowledges their flaws, not only do we tend to forgive them, but we actually come to admire them.” Mark Manson
By: Gabriela Yareliz
We do some weird things to appear flawless to others. We reframe, we pretend like change isn’t a thing (of circumstance or mind), some lie— but then, if someone calls us a perfectionist, we insist that this is not who we are, despite our desperation to appear so, our hunger for validation, and our frustration when we make simple mistakes. It’s human nature to be self-protective; to know that putting the best foot forward has social rewards. We love an illusion or myth. We want to be it.
The irony is that the person who tries to appear the most flawless is usually the person you dislike intensely (this includes if it is you). It’s usually the boss who will throw you under the bus; the colleague who refuses to take accountability; the person with the fake smile who refuses to acknowledge something obvious is wrong; the self-righteous person who needs the cocktail of victimhood and sainthood mixed; the politician who denies his/her easily verifiable record. And why do we dislike the person who displays this attitude? Because it’s not true. It makes them a liar. It’s disingenuous. We see through it. We see through it, even when it is our own posture.
We run from humility like it’s a toxin that destroys our image, while in reality, the toxin is our perfectionism. It’s easier to see and despise the perfectionism in another and harder to see how we cling to it. We would do well to see it because it’s an ingredient in self-loathing and disappointment.
I agree with Mark Manson that the person who acknowledges the flaw receives our compassion and forgiveness— our deep-seated grace. And more than that, our admiration. It’s in our nature to admire courage. Recognize those around you who display the courage. Embody the courage yourself. Be human. Be true. Be admirable.
The NY Rangers had a strong and consistent losing streak in 2024. It looks like we are finally leaving that behind. You know who didn’t look like he was losing with the NY Rangers?
Forward Vincent Trocheck.
Someone make this man captain already. The team has no official leadership, and I am telling you, Trocheck deserves it.
Not only does he come out and play every game, but he has good energy. The man looks delighted all the time. That is contagious. I wouldn’t say he is “happy” 24/7, but he is enthusiastic. You watch that man, and what pops into your head is ‘what a nice way to exist.’ He gives his squirrely smile from the bench and always looks up at the screen replays. He stands at the exit and taps all of his teammates as they get off the ice.
I am always looking for the players who have presence and influence. Matt Rempe (my personal fav) comes out on ice, and all of Madison Square Garden chants and shakes.
I am realizing Trocheck carries a lot of presence, and importantly, he has it with his team.
He reminds me that a delighted existence, no matter the circumstance, is possible. An enthusiastic existence doesn’t dilute, but on the contrary, it amplifies celebration.
Vinny celebrating the overtime goal and win.
Vinny for captain.
Be the captain of your own team. Enthusiasm is contagious.
We are often very intentional about how we speak to others. What we often forget is that the baseline that truly determines this and also our choices is how we speak to ourselves.
When was the last time we reflected on how we speak to ourselves? Is it harsh? Is it kind? Is it filled with grace? We often forget that our treatment of ourselves and the degree of worthiness we attribute to ourselves impacts the choices we decide are worthy of us.
The baseline that impacts everything is how we treat ourselves.
I suppose this is why Jesus said love your neighbor as you love yourself. (Matthew 22:39). There is no detaching the two.
One thing I am really bad at is pruning plants. I mean who prunes them when they grow in the wild, right? But apparently, animals do. They nibble at twigs and leaves, and the wind helps blow off what is dead. For household plants and garden plants, you must prune. And it’s not a one time deal. It’s maintenance. Something you do regularly.
Pruning helps with rejuvenation, growth control, it helps stimulate fruit production, and it helps clear what is dead.
You know what needs pruning, too? Our thoughts. It helps with rejuvenation, growth, it helps stimulate fruit production in our lives, and it helps clear what is dead or needs to be let go of.
How long has it been since you pruned your thoughts regularly? Get the clippers.
If you are a nineties girl, you remember singing the Spice Girl’s “Wannabe.” We would belt it out on the playground. (Not kidding).
/I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want So tell me what you want, what you really, really want/
I think there is an epidemic in adults who don’t know what they want. We deflect. We look down at our feet, and we shrug. We defer to others. We keep saying we don’t know. And perhaps we don’t. But weirdly, we are ok with that. Perhaps we are paralyzed in fear and trying to distract ourselves.
What does it take to know? It means taking the time to process emotions and sit with it. Science says many of the emotions we avoid can often be processed in about 90 seconds (if we don’t shut it down or distract from it). Things people avoid for a lifetime could be processed in 90 seconds. Think about that.
If you truly don’t know what you want, you need to figure it out. Do it while you have time.
Dr. Jordan B. Peterson has some fascinating thoughts on this that, to me, are right on point. He refers to this not-knowing epidemic as the “fog.”
“Sometimes you are so afraid you don’t even allow yourself to even know what you want.”
“If you know what you want, then you know when you are failing. If you don’t know what you want— then you can keep that foggy.”
“If you don’t set out the conditions for your success, then you can avoid your responsibility because again, that’s not clear. The problem with wanting something is that in all probability you are going to have to work for it and make sacrifices, and it’s certainly possible you want to avoid that. You may be afraid to make it clear because other people can deny it to you, too.
Failing to make it clear protects you right now, but it’s really hard on you over the long term because if you don’t make it clear to yourself what you want or to other people, the probability that you are going to just stumble into it is pretty low. You can put that off indefinitely day after day but the problem with that is that you age while you are doing that and there is obviously a price to be paid for doing that.”
Have you let fear put you into paralysis? Are you avoiding responsibility by staying in neutral fog instead of moving forward? Are you waiting to “stumble” into what matters in life?
We have to ask ourselves these questions. Time is the most precious thing. It doesn’t return. We are up against the clock, so tell me what you want, what you really really want. Then go out, and make it happen.
“What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” Mary Oliver
“There are people who love you for who you are but not for who you will be.” Erwin McManus
By: Gabriela Yareliz
McManus’ quote reminds us that some relationships are temporary. As one of his chapters in Mind Shift is titled, “You Can’t Take Everyone With You.”
We are ever evolving. We have to hold space for that. It’s a disservice to another to try to keep them in a box, snapshot in time or to try to force them to go where they are not ready to go.
The “future you” may walk alone, but it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t transform. On the contrary, the transformation in solitude makes many things more than worth it.
Jordan B. Peterson often says that we often count the loss. For example, we think of what it will cost us to speak up, to stand up for what is right, to transform. But we often ignore the other cost— what it will cost us if we don’t speak up, what happens if we don’t stand up for what is right, if we don’t transform. The cost we often ignore is much more devastating. It leaves an imprint on history and eternity. More importantly, it leaves an imprint on our souls.
Very little else has our attention— all eyes on the LA fires. (Unless you are the president, Gavin Newsom and Mayor Bass).
I was safe, warm and in my bed, going in and out of consciousness. Every time I was conscious, my mind was racing with prayers. I was filled with gratitude because life can be arbitrary (those who have faced great loss know— take nothing for granted) and I reflected on how people who just lost everything felt in that moment. Praying for my brother’s safety and the people of churches, first responders and aid who stayed behind instead of evacuating to serve and help. All my admiration goes to those who decide to stay to help those who are vulnerable. Those men and women who run in and carry elderly people out of their homes— those images will stay with us as a marker of this time.
Image from the New York Times
Here is a collection of resources posted to the Modern Witnesses IG yesterday. In case someone here knows of someone who needs it and isn’t connected to us there. The fires continue to rage. This isn’t over.
First, this. There are many red flag zones. The conditions continue to evolve. Download the Watch Duty app, and make your assessment and decision. Don’t wait for someone with “authority” to tell you to leave. There are no adults in this room other than firefighters and you. Make your own decision. Move before it’s too late.
Smoke exposure will still be a thing even after the fires get contained (which hasn’t happened yet).
If you need shelter, don’t miss the resources out there. Keep your phone charged.
If you are alone or vulnerable. If you need help, churches are on the ground and not leaving the area. Mosaic is one of those churches that is in Hollywood, Pasadena and active.
Image of Mosaic Hollywood from Erwin McManusYou can text for help.Those of us outside of LA can join in community and donate. I trust Mosaic and those who serve there and have donated.This is what your donation goes toward.Everylife is also fantastic. They are taking donations.
Then, there is the politics of it all. There is no question the president, state governor and mayor of the city have abdicated their duty.
Houseinhabit shared a Joan Didion passage on the LA fires. I love a Didion moment.
The mood is hot right now. It’s currently fluctuating between this:
And prayer.
Let’s go with prayer right now.
Words and prayer from Ian Simkins:
“For those fleeing, give them safety.
For those fighting, give them strength.
For those grieving, give them comfort.
May we not just watch and weep, but act with courage and compassion.
So we ask boldly:
Calm the winds, protect the vulnerable, and restore what’s been lost.
For every person looking at the flames with fear, whisper hope.
For every family waiting in the unknown, surround them with Your presence.
You are Emmanuel-God with us.
Be near to Los Angeles now.
Amen.”
***
May LA and all in the devastation feel God’s presence near.
Our hearts are heavy seeing the devastation around our country. From Maui to Florida to North Carolina and East Tennessee to New Orleans, Las Vegas— now California. We don’t know where to look. That doesn’t even count the violence and lawlessness we experience in each day in our respective towns and cities.
I have seen multiple verses in past weeks, as I reflect on the scriptures, that say the same thing— do not let your hearts be troubled. Do not be afraid. It keeps coming up in every way shape and form.
Holding onto this. Sharing in case you need it, too.
GABRIELA YARELIZ 