Esther Perel says something along the lines of— you either have different relationships with different people in life or different relationships with the same person. People’s lives shape up differently. In law school, I studied cases about co-adventurers— you know partners in a joint venture, so to speak.
Today’s note is a personal one for my co-adventurer. Just wanted to wish my husband a happy birthday week. I am so grateful God and life gave us the opportunity to come together. Guys, he is the coolest person. I love our hilarity, our friendship, our chemistry, our love, our love for shared walks and our shared squirrel friendship group (ha but seriously). He is the best cook, has the best artistic eye, and has the kindest soul. He is the definition of a good man and a person you are lucky and blessed to know.
May we grant ourselves many relationships with just each other. Life is an amazing (and sometimes scary adventure). I am grateful for my co-adventurer’s new year and for the ability to walk alongside him.
“You want a meaningful life? Everything you do, matters. Everything.” Dr. Jordan B. Peterson
When I read the quote above by JBP, I nodded. I have always seen life this way. Some people see it as overkill, but life just doesn’t work the way many assume it does. It surprises all of us. When we slack or treat something as if it doesn’t matter, it has consequences. Some people find procrastination in certain areas accceptable. I read somewhere that procrastination is the arrogant notion that somehow God owes you another opportunity to do this one thing. The truth is we don’t know what tomorrow holds. Everything we touch– we don’t know if it is being touched for the very last time. And that is fact.
Scripture tells us, “Whatever you do, do well. For when you go to the grave, there will be no work or planning or knowledge or wisdom.” Ecclesiastes 9:10
When The Arena puts on its conference, there is a sticker on the floor at the entrance of the stage that says “This Matters.” It’s the last thing the speaker sees before they see the crowd. That always stayed with me. When I am gearing up to do something, I often whisper this phrase to myself.
When you face the next task and the next opportunity, don’t squander it with arrogance or shrink back with fear or dismiss it (and we all are guilty of this at times). Think, “this matters” because it really does.
I heard somewhere that the confessionals in The Office reflected where a person was going. I found this hidden message fascinating.
Those who sat in front of the window that showed the inside of the office weren’t going anywhere far from Dunder Mifflin. They had no future outside of the paper company. Those who sat in front of the window that showed the outside and parking lot were those who were going somewhere. At times, some characters switch. Pam starts in front of the inside window and later pivots to the outside window, often sitting side by side with Jim.
If someone was filming your confessional today— which window are you sitting in front of?
“Slow down.” I saw this phrase on a kombucha cap, a card somewhere, a song— this has been everywhere, lately.
In a highly caffeinated world (where we run with cups of caffeine instead of sitting with them), we are reminded to slow down. When we slow down, we have more time to connect with our body (when you work out, do you feel the mind-body connection?), the person next to us (I hear podcasts and coaching calls where some issues could be easily resolved, through vulnerable connection), and God (He tells us to be still and know who He is). We get to release that which causes us stress (I keep reading about how critical it is to get our stress levels under control for health). Slowing down helps us be more present.
Today, wherever you go and whatever you do, take your time. Do it slow. Despacito.
They say you can tell a lot about a person based on the music they like. Here is a nugget about me—
I loved Switchfoot after they were heavily featured in A Walk To Remember, so it has been about 23 years of loving their music. No song of theirs hits as hard for me as “Dare You To Move.” I internalized the lyrics to that song like they were a personal philosophy.
/Welcome to the planet Welcome to existence Everyone’s here Everybody’s watching you now Everybody waits for you now What happens next?
I dare you to move I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move Like today never happened Today never happened before/
The song found me again recently when I heard a recent cover by Adam Doleac, and it took me back. It’s one of those songs that finds you raw and cuts you open.
If you are having a tough day, or you are in a tough season— this one goes out to you. 🤍
And of course, the emotional original:
And as a bonus, my second favorite Switchfoot song, “Needle and Haystack Life.” Agh. Chills. Nothing hits like nostalgia.
Blast it.
/Breathe it in, the highs and lows. WE CALL IT LIVING/
Is the world run by sex-addicts, adulterers, and pedophiles? As time passes, it really does feel like it.
**Cue song “I Need a Hero”**
Even our most revered historical figures have some insane histories. The MLK Jr. files revealed what was often rumored about the minister and civil rights activist. It wasn’t surprising, but it was disappointing. Reading the files is enough to just make one look away with the thought, “Is anyone admirable?”
I will leave some of the most controversial pages below if you want to read for yourself.
Truth is we are all far from perfect. Not all of us are a minister participating in orgies and having a love child, but you know what I mean.
When you look at the men and women in scripture, you also find a flawed bunch. Part of being human, I guess, is truly realizing the heroes among us are not always what they seem. And yet, despite their flaws, they managed to create incredible change. May we all be so privileged to leave a mark.
Another piece is having the maturity to have restrained or narrow admiration and saving the true hero status for the God who somehow takes our tattered selves and works through us.
There is a lot we can learn from the flawed heroes. With some, it’s how not to be and the hypocrisy entrenched in their stories. With others, we learn how to deal with grief, obstacles, pain and doubt. Whatever the case, transparency and truth matter. It is damaging to make people seem better than they were. It’s better to deal with truth than some romanticized and sanitized version of someone or history. In a society that wants to cancel anyone flawed— it’s time we have a more transparent era. One that forces us to deal with reality and real life. Not some distorted fantasy. If you set out to cancel people, there will be no one left.
I am currently reading a book about Theodore Roosevelt, and how every time he dealt with loss, he went out on the most insane adventures. He almost ended up dead on some of these trips. When his heart was broken, he went out there and put himself in danger. The man was wild. And not always in a healthy way.
The people who change the world have one thing in common— they are unreasonable.
“The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.” George Bernard Shaw
And the truth remains, that the unreasonable man can be disappointing. He can be deeply flawed. He is far from perfect. But still, it is the unreasonable one who is remembered. This is a valuable lesson to take.
We are each responsible for living a life that is admirable; one that leaves the world better than we found it. One that hopefully has a shred of integrity to it and a lot of unreasonableness.
“The clearest sign of intellectual chemistry isn’t agreeing with someone. It’s enjoying your disagreements with them. (…) Creative tension makes beautiful music.” Adam Grant
Image via Reddit
By: Gabriela Yareliz
One of the things that makes Frasier such an amazing show are the arguments between the Crane brothers, Frasier and Niles. The writers always nail it. They have deep fights, petty fights, hilarious fights, misunderstood fights— but they never back down from a fight.
What is always evident is that despite the competitive nature of the Crane brothers, they love each other and really respect each other.
In our people pleasing ways, we often think that a sign of respect is agreeableness and submission. When the truth is, knowing how to disagree is a much richer skill. Taking the time and energy to disagree signals to someone that you care.
“When I argue with someone, it’s not a display of disrespect— it’s a sign of respect. It means I value their views enough to contest them.” Adam Grant
You know what they say— couples that don’t take the time to disagree just don’t care anymore. It think this is true in all relationships, including the nonromantic.
“Honest argument is merely a process of mutually picking the beams and motes out of each other’s eyes so both can see clearly.” Wilbur Wright
Rather than showing restraint in the things that matter, hopefully, we develop the courage and skill to disagree. As Adam Grant says, it’s the “clearest sign of intellectual chemistry.” We’ll call it “Crane Chemistry.”
“There is a time for many words, and there is also a time for sleep.” Homer, The Odyssey
I listen to a lot of health experts. The most recent one I listened to was Gary Brecka. His TSC Podcast episode was excellent.
He mentioned that when a client comes to him, the first thing he does is fix their sleep.
Almost every expert says sleep is the most crucial thing. The body rests, restores and repairs. If you are wondering where to start, there seems to be a consensus— sleep is king.
The little girl from Uptown Girls, Ray, would always say, “Fundamentals are the building blocks of fun.”
Whether it is health, policy, work, leadership— it seems like we always complicate things, when in reality, what seems to be needed is a return to the basics, the foundations, what used to be seen as common sense.
Classics are classics for a reason. Where can we return to the fundamentals?
GABRIELA YARELIZ 