I was mesmerized by this passage I read by Edie Wadsworth today. I wanted to share it with you. It stirred my heart.
“Above all, this is a story of my homecoming; the demons that are always holding me back and the legions of angels that keep me safe along the way; the way everything was always falling apart and the beautiful ways God has been piecing it back together; the dark and lonely parts and the parts where God dazzled me with His light shining deep into my heart; the way I was always trying to hide and the way He never stopped finding me.” All the Pretty Things
I do some of the things on the list, and some I don’t or I need to improve. Sharing the list in case you spot stuff you want to incorporate. I highly recommend listening to both episodes. This is just a cheat sheet.
The Habits
Start the day with gratitude, prayer and the Bible;
When ending the day, think about what went well;
Cook at home more (eat less hot food out of plastics);
Every morning get light, movement and hydration;
Cold showers (do hard things and reject comfort);
Don’t check phone 1-2 hours after waking or before going to bed;
Strength training;
Go on walks;
The Home
Change cleaning supplies and self-care products (including toothpaste) to non-toxic (suggested brand of Branch Basics, vetted by TSC Pod);
Set up air purifiers;
Change the look and feel of your home (make it peaceful and uncluttered);
Get rid of toxin candles;
No TV in the bedroom;
Have a corner where you can pray, reflect or think;
Wake up gradually without a cortisol-inducing alarm;
The Lifestyle
Turn off all phone notifications;
Don’t go to sleep/wake up with/near the phone;
Slow down to speed up;
Pay attention to cortisol and try to reduce the stressors;
Don’t drink alcohol;
Supplement;
Eat right (think about whether the stuff you love “loves you back”);
Have a prominent wellness drawer with your supplements;
Heal damage from high cortisol;
Go to bed at 9:30 and wake up early (get circadian rhythm working well).
Habits and lifestyle-building take time. It’s not about strict rules that cause stress but about healing and optimizing.
The thing that really resonated with me from the TSC Podcast was “slow down to speed up.” There is wisdom in that. I am taking notes.
I need to be held accountable, so I am doing a full on confessional today. I am currently studying my habits and trying to fix them. I am gathering some of my favorite pieces of advice from books and podcasts and assembling them into an action plan. (I need to find a more relaxing way to plan to relax).
Last month was brutal on my health. I wasn’t ‘wellness me.’ I was stressed, exhausted, worried and running on empty. I barely had time to sleep much less take care of myself toward the end of the month. I skipped lunch about 85% of the month. It was horrible. And now, I am recalibrating.
They say March is the month of balance because the hours of darkness and light are almost the same. Neither is really longer than the other. I am going to take that message to heart.
I am wedding planning and getting things done in every spare minute. (There are few). This past week, thanks to many heavy files and boots with a heel, my lower back was killing me after many consecutive court days. I decided it was time for a massage. I was long overdue. Massages are like heaven to me.
I walked over there today, and the lady told me it would be a 15 minute wait. I didn’t mind. These women are magical. They are like mind readers when it comes to pressure points and pain. I started getting ready in the little room. I walked over to the restroom and pulled my hair back and walked back over to my room. My clumsy self hit the edge of my glasses frame against the door frame. I stumbled with that whiplash as I walked in. I started cleaning my coat pockets and checked my phone (for what I thought was) one last time.
The lady walked in and told me to just lie down and rest while she finished up. I smiled and nodded, signaling I understood her broken English, and she disappeared behind the curtain like a quick mouse.
I lay down on the massage table with the blanket draped over me. I stared at the ceiling. I saw my coat pocket light up. A text message. I stared at the ceiling and wondered why I was so antsy and couldn’t just unwind and forget about the world.
I sat up and leaned over toward my coat pocket. I laughed internally at the fact that I was trying to be as quiet as possible. I was sneaking around into my own coat pocket, ashamed at the fact that I couldn’t just pass out for a power nap. I guess the lady heard me because she flung the curtain open and looked at me like “tsk tsk.” She shut off the lamp and light in my room, and said, “SLEEP NOW.” She gave me a pillow and rolled me up in the blanket like a taquito. She disappeared, and I looked up at the ceiling like an ashamed puppy, hands bound at my side like a mummy thanks to the blanket. It was then that I decided to rest. I relaxed my feet, and then my legs, and then, the rest of my body.
When it was time for the massage, I was so tight I thought I was going to cry. She raked my muscles with zero compassion. I left like a new person. She berated me while I paid that I need to relax more.
I know she is right. Why is it so hard to relax? I type with my back feeling the delightful soreness of having been cracked open.
Chapter two of 2023 is coming to a close. This month was so busy. There were many deadlines and long days in court. It was also celebratory. It was my love’s birthday month. We ate yummy food. I was also extremely spoiled for Valentine’s Day. #spoiledrotten
Despite the sleepless nights while drafting until 2 a.m. and rare highly caffeinated mornings, I feel a very solid satisfaction with my personal life, even though there is still room for improvement with how I am handling my work hours.
They say it is going to snow tonight and into the morning. This will be our first snow. We’ll see. I am skeptical.
Wedding planning is coming along. This week, I hope to tick two more things off of my list. My dress has shipped, so I am excited about that. I am meeting with another potential officiant this week. Hoping he isn’t some rando. Some aspects of wedding planning have been more challenging than others. It hasn’t been what I expected. I wonder if it is more fun to plan a stranger’s wedding. You know, like J.Lo in The Wedding Planner. (I love that movie. It is her best).
Tenor gif
I sit here staring at some pink roses my fiance got me. They are so pretty. Flowers really do make the world a better place.
I started a Book Proposal Class this month and read some good books. One of my favorites was Surrounded by Idiots (it’s not what it sounds like). I also finally got around to reading some Robert Greene. I also learned most people in the professional sphere don’t know how to use a semicolon.
My current favorites include my wool Abercrombie trousers and the Gisou Honey Lip Oil. In my very little spare time, I find myself binging tea, the Battle Ready Podcast and daydreams. Some of those daydreams include flowers and spring. It’s coming. I can feel it in my bones. I went down more Zillow rabbit holes than I can count.
This month’s motto was:
This month’s top post was Inconvenient Edges. And below, you will find the other things that enthralled me.
Quotes
“People often say ‘life is meaningless.’ No it is not. That is wrong, because if it was meaningless and easy, you could just sit there and do nothing. If you do not have a lofty ambition, then you suffer miserably.“ Jordan B. Peterson
“The first gulp from the glass of natural sciences will make you an atheist, but at the bottom of the glass, God is waiting.” Warner Heisenberg
“Do you see that evidence that God is for you?” Erwin McManus
“At the present moment in world history, nearly every nation must choose between alternative ways of life. The choice is too often not a free one. One way of life is based upon the will of the majority and is distinguished by free institutions, free elections, freedom of speech and religion… The second way of life is based upon terror and oppression, a controlled press and radio, fixed elections and suppression of personal freedoms.” Pres. Truman, 1947
“Nature does not hurry and yet everything is accomplished.” L. Tsu
“A library is a hospital for the mind.” Anonymous
“I would like to be judged on the validity of my arguments, not as a victim.” Ayaan Hirsi Ali
“What our eyes linger on, our hearts will learn to love. What our hearts love, our eyes will linger on. When Christ becomes our hightest prize, He becomes our supreme focus.” Tony Reinke
“Pain or love or danger makes you real again.” Jack Kerouac
“Since this is an era when many people are concerned about ‘fairness’ and ‘social justice,’ what is your ‘fair share’ of what someone else has worked for?” Thomas Sowell
“Pressure is a privilege. It means things are expected of you.” Bobby Bones
Videos
The Chosen Season Three Finale was WILD
People Who Intrigue Me
Iris Chang
When she died, she left a note that intrigued me, saying:
There are aspects of my experience in Louisville that I will never understand. Deep down I suspect that you may have more answers about this than I do. I can never shake my belief that I was being recruited, and later persecuted, by forces more powerful than I could have imagined. Whether it was the CIA or some other organization I will never know. As long as I am alive, these forces will never stop hounding me.
Days before I left for Louisville I had a deep foreboding about my safety. I sensed suddenly threats to my own life: an eerie feeling that I was being followed in the streets, the white van parked outside my house, damaged mail arriving at my P.O. Box. I believe my detention at Norton Hospital was the government’s attempt to discredit me.
Iris Chang
She is most famously known for her book The Rape of Nanking.
Dr. Daniel Amen
I loved his conversation with Melissa Wood Tepperberg. He talks about brain health in such an accessible way. One of my favorite things that he says is, “Sometimes, we love things that do not love us back.” We should adjust our behavior and love the things that help us thrive.
I watched the season three finale of The Chosen, and it was stunning. I loved seeing how Jesus handled conflict, Simon’s real anger, the boy who gave up his lunch for the feeding of the thousands, and Jesus in the storm.
When the Roman Atticus sees Jesus’ silhouette in the middle of the storm, I was reminded of when King Nebuchadnezzar exclaims:
“Did we not cast three men bound into the fire?” They (his council) answered and said to the king, “True, O king.” He answered and said, “But I see four men unbound, walking in the midst of the fire, and they are not hurt; and the appearance of the fourth is like a son of the gods.”
I walked away with three reminders from this season. Ones I struggle with because like Simon, I am sometimes distracted.
One is that whether we find ourselves in fire or rain, God is always with us in the chaos. And not only do we see Him, but people around us (like Atticus and the Babylonian king) also see Him standing there in the storm with us.
The other reminder was that invitation from Jesus that I know by heart, but so often forget and do not live by.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30
I am not good at rest, and yet, this is a clear invitation from Jesus to all of us who find ourselves weary. Like with Simon in the storm, He asks us to focus on Him and not our circumstances. I struggle with this invitation. I am constantly striving, but He invites me to stop. Every Friday as Sabbath begins, when I close my computer, I am reminded of this passage. Sometimes, it frustrates me. I continue to seek His rest and peace.
The last thing that stood out to me was just how real everything becomes when watching it versus reading it. Yes, the tension between the disciples is real but also often their tension with Jesus is felt. More than that though, I sit and watch and wonder what it was like for, not just the disciples, but every person who witnessed Jesus and His miracles.
When you finish season three, you walk away knowing that this was such a remarkable time in history. A secular person might say that this was a mystical time in Israel. Many miraculous wonders were happening constantly and publicly. It was a time of awakening and dramatic healings and events that happened in quick succession.
Jesus speaks of power that He gives His followers. This idea that if we have faith and believe, He can work through us. The fact that we may feel life feels so ordinary is sort of a reminder to me that there is power untapped. Something is missing. Life could be wildly more dramatic and adventurous than we ever dreamed if we take Him at His word.
The miracles of the past are not locked up in some box to be kept there. As someone who has a pretty “religious” following on Instagram, I must say that Asbury’s revival is making waves at the moment. The news is everywhere, including on secular news channels. I have no doubt that the Holy Spirit is being poured out there over the students and those coming from near and far to see what is happening. God has always told us that when we seek Him, we will find Him.
But that is the thing, it isn’t just a past in Jerusalem thing or an Asbury thing– it can be a here and now thing. If we believe in Him, He dwells in us.
Walking away from this third season of The Chosen, I am reminded that He is still waiting to be encountered by many more. Our hearts are collectively hungry and weary. He sees us. He is by our side, even today. He doesn’t let go. And when we find Him, we are, just as the people in the past were, forever changed.
We are only three days into the new month, but so much is racing through my mind. These are the mains that stand out (and yes, I am quoting T.I.). I absolutely loved Ed Mylett’s book on The Power of One More. (I am a big fan of his generally). These quotes struck a chord because of what I have been meditating on elsewhere.
Our unofficial class song was Live Your Life by T.I. So yeah, we were an ambitious bunch. If there is anything in me that I feel has not changed, it is that. I am always hungry. I am always ready for change and challenge. I don’t like being bored. I am always striving to maximize potential and carve out new systems. The motto is always how can we do/be better to help others do/be better. We live once, and what a shame to waste that one life.
“I’m the opposite of moderate, immaculately polished with The spirit of a hustler and the swagger of a college kid Allergic to the counterfeit, impartial to the politics Articulate, but still I’ll grab (one) by the collar quick“
Life is full of levels. People are different. We reach points of satisfaction in different places. That is fine and normal. We are all so different. People I admire say that those who keep achieving and transforming reassess their lives constantly, not annually. I like to sit down weekly and take inventory. When I sit down, think and dream, I am constantly asking myself… what is next? And don’t get me wrong, I am always grateful. If tiny me or high school me (or even law school me) saw me now, she would be proud and grateful for God’s incredible blessings. But the lives I have found most interesting are those that have about 20 lives in them. These kinds of people carry an interesting worldview because they have seen and experienced so much. Full life and an ability to move past fear.
Something I have been reflecting on is what makes a life great? Jesus lays out some of those parameters for us. Faithfulness, love, and service. Beyond that, what is an indicator of greatness as we shape our decisions and choices?
Ed Mylett had some thoughts that resonated with me:
“Convenience and greatness cannot co-exist. When you decide to do something great with your life, get ready. You’re going to be controversial. Controversy is inconvenient. Inconvenience ruffles feathers. […] When you live a life of convenience, you are at odds with living a life of greatness.”
Convenience or ease will never be a part of a life of greatness. And apparently, equanimity is an ingredient for those chasing greatness.
“Equanimity is achieving serenity and mental calmness in a world filled with stressors,” Ed Mylett wrote. I was listening to Erwin McManus today, and he was talking about how reactivity is what the world is filled with, but calm in crisis is a superpower. It beats talent and elevates leadership.
Also, shameless plug for the Battle Ready conference conversation. It moved me so much. Aaron and Erwin always make me laugh and think. Erwin has a way of communicating that always clicks with my soul. We are on the same wave length or something. One of my favorite parts of his talk was the idea of what he is reclaiming in this time:
“I started Mosaic because I wanted to reclaim a space for people who didn’t fit. The church likes round edges. It doesn’t like sharp edges. The church likes people who are good people, nice people, compliant people, cooperative people, safe people. The church doesn’t like people that are edgy, questioning, different, and I am married to a very different person. She is very unique. I have never met the drummer that hits the drums at which she travels. You know when they say people march to the beat of a different drummer? I have never met that drummer. Kim is just out there in a whole different way, and she is going to want to touch the world in ways that I can’t even predict. I want a church who has room for someone like her.(…) I want to reclaim the edges.”
Erwin McManus
I am grateful to people like McManus who make space for those of us with edges. The ones who never fit in with the community at large, even the communities we were “supposed” to click with. Growing up, I felt that deeply, and I don’t know why, but I thought that was going to change when I turned into an adult. What a joke. Maybe that is why I feel something when I hear Erwin speak. He was the first speaker who made me feel like I belonged and was understood in the fullness of my life experience. And that, reminds me of Jesus because in Jesus, I have always felt belonging.
I am on a journey like the next person. Learning a lot with each passing day. I have a feeling it is the edges who are inconvenient and in their eccentric experiences and spaces, they hold storms and calm within them. They are one in the same. It is no surprise Erwin McManus and Ed Mylett are friends. I feel like they both communicated the same thing to me, this week.
I don’t know what 2023 has in store for us, but we keep moving, praying, seeking and paving.
In T.I.’s words:
“And I’m not goin’ away So keep on gettin’ your paper, and keep on climbin’ Look in the mirror, and keep on shinin’
Until the game ends, ’til the clock stop We gon’ post up on the top spot”
The year started with a bang. It sort of felt like when a horse race starts and they pop that gun. My horse was a bit disoriented, though, and slow. It was a sort of meander. I started off the year sick, but that is ok. I don’t get sick often, so this was my getting-it-out-of-the-way moment. That’s the thing about feeling under-the-weather, it forces the body to stop. And I really stopped. Due to nausea, I couldn’t even read, so I stared at the wall.
So, while everyone’s horse was off to the races, and folks were goal planning aggressively, I was giggling to Frasier under the covers with a box of tissues. Still, I did my thing. I attended Anna Bey’s New Year Level-Up Bootcamp. I always love the things Anna does, so this was fun, and I met a nice community of women online. I also attended The Duchess Academy’s New Year series. I did my homework, and met new people. Other sessions I attended included the Christy Muller Monday meetings based on her book En la Oscuridad Resplandeceras. It has been a really moving and lovely experience. This continues into February. So yeah, I have been busy.
I started the year reading like five books at the same time. One was on world empires, and another on personalities and managing people with differing ones. Another was on motherhood. It really ran the gamut. Very me.
This month, I ate yummy food, fed many squirrels, and had some incredibly unique experiences. My fiance took me to the Golden Girls Kitchen, and I ate on the lanai. The food was delish, and it was an absolutely lovely and unique experience. I got to be my inner Dorothy for an afternoon.
Wedding planning has continued full throttle. I tried on wedding dresses, ordered mine and finished designing the invite. Things are falling into place, little by little.
I found a photographer, read her contract (which sucked), and decided not to sign. My gut feeling was that something was so off. Then, in about 24hrs after I decided I wasn’t going to sign after much back-and-forth with the photog, I found another photographer who was amazing and kind (and her contract didn’t suck). So it’s official, that is done, too. I am sitting here in silent celebration of the small things accomplished this month.
Everything has been happening while I have been in and out of court fighting with people on mics, in trials, in halls and in back rooms. It has been BUSY. That is the understatement of the century.
I’m still standing, though. February has knocked on our door and arrived. My fiance’s birthday month and the month of lurve. (Couldn’t help myself– I know). I am excited to start a new year with you all. So much good stuff to come.
January’s top post was Rise. In this post, if you missed it, you can read about my word of the year.
Quotes
“We are constantly acting out our picture of God. We treat others the way we believe God treats us.” Arise Bible Study I loved this quote. I am a big believer in that the way we treat others shows the connection or lack of connection that we have with God and the divine.
“Read a thousand books and your words will flow like a river.” Virginia Woolf
“Courage is the mastery of fear— not the absence of fear.” Mark Twain
“Kids aren’t practicing to be people, they are just people with less practice. Give them the gift of experiences and conversations that allow that practice to be meaningful, and you’ll find a budding adult far sooner than average.” Matt Beaudreau
“Travel isn’t always pretty. It isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it hurts, it even breaks your heart. But that’s okay. The journey changes you; it should change you. It leaves marks on your memory, on your consciousness, on your heart, and on your body. You take something with you. Hopefully, you leave something good behind.” Anthony Bourdain
“The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.” Mark Twain
“In the end, we’ll all become stories.” Margaret Atwood
“Our choices, not just our words, but our choices have meaning. They are modeling something. They model a certain form of trade-off.” Ron Lieber
“Timidity is dangerous: Better to enter with boldness. Any mistakes you commit through audacity are easily corrected with more audacity. Everyone admires the bold; no one honors the timid.” 48 Laws of Power
“Want better outcomes in relationships? The best way to get better outcomes is to change our own behaviors. So many sit around complaining about the behaviors of others without any thought of changing their own. The key: fix yourself before you try and fix someone else.” Michael Bosstick
“The first miracle that Jesus did was turning water into wine at a wedding. But if there is something that impacts me, it is that the wine did not go back to being water. So the healing that He offers you is perpetual. Your healing will not turn back into your sickness, in the name of Jesus.” Christy Muller
“The two things about war that one can be most confident in are 1) that it won’t go as planned and 2) that it will be far worse than imagined.” Ray Dalio
“The prayer of a human being can alter history by releasing legions of angels into the earth. If we really grasped this truth, we would pray with intensity, and we would pray constantly.” John Dawson
“The reason you need profound things is that life is actually a profound problem for everyone. You can shelter back and live a very conservative existence, but that does not stop you from having to face the ultimate questions of life.” Jordan B. Peterson
People dislike Pam from The Office. So do I. This video had me thinking about it. Unlike his premise that the viewers of the show are sexist, I believe the writers of the show are sexist. They made every female character weak, unlikable and the ones that were great like Jan, they destroyed them and their storyline. What do you think? The men were constantly developing and on an upward trajectory, even the idiots like Andy and Ryan. The women were on a downward spiral.
I don’t think people dislike Pam more and more because she finds her voice. I do think that in many ways she held Jim back. I find her to be flailing and purposeless as the seasons progress. But people have so many different opinions. Keeps things interesting. Just wanted to share this video because it made me think, even though I disagreed with its conclusions.
People I am Intrigued By
Robert Slovak (loved this podcast on EMF, minerals and govt)
Ed Mylett (I am currently reading his latest book!)
Despair seems to be as available as the air we breathe. It feels palpable. I see it in the faces of strangers, colleagues, clients. I sense it, too, in those I love. I sense it in myself, at times. The thing about despair is that when we breathe it in, it seems to grip our throat and choke us out like dust. We find ourselves gasping for air. Fighting an invisible force that threatens to overpower us. All of us.
That’s the thing, though. Is despair a force or is it nothing, like the concept of cold? Is it actually the absence of something? If one looks it up in the dictionary, the definition of “despair” reads, “the absence of hope.” Just like “cold” is the absence of heat. And “darkness” is the absence of light.
There are some years where a word sort of resonates with me, as a theme. I have had years where it was words like “strength,” “cultivate” and “boldness.” Boldness is something that I believe God is personally growing in me, still. That was last year’s word. Boldness continues to pop up for me. Just this weekend, I heard a sermon that had a beautiful passage on boldness:
“Now, Lord, consider their threats and enable your servants to speak your word with great boldness. Stretch out your hand to heal and perform signs and wonders through the name of your holy servant Jesus.” (Acts 4:29-30)
Boldness continues to come up, and it is sort of tied to the word that has anchored itself in my heart for this year, “(A)RISE.” Rise/arise has been resonating in my head like an echo. I thought about it prayerfully. I do Arise Bible studies, and sometimes, I have asked myself, what does it mean to “arise”?
A verse that is beautifully sung in a Selah song says, “Arise, shine; for thy light is come, and the glory of the Lord is risen upon thee. For, behold, the darkness shall cover the earth, and gross darkness the people: but the Lord shall arise upon thee, and His glory shall be seen upon thee.” (Isaiah 60:1-2)
This word sort of evokes different types of imagery. It reminds one of the sunrise. The process of light dispelling darkness after a long night. Colors, splendor, clarity.
Also, to rise is a verb. It can mean to move from a lower position and to move higher. It can also mean “cease to be submissive, obedient, or peaceful.”
I continue to feel God work on my character. It has been a strange turning around. I started, as a very self-assured person. I have always been bold. Even when I was a kid. I am, by nature, an assertive person. And then, I felt God calling me into a season of softening. Real softening. I felt like something shattered the old me. It was a call to be led, to be meeker (or meek, period), and a call to humility and a self-awareness of my own pride, at times.
In these difficult and turbulent times, globally, I felt like God was putting me back together. It felt like He broke me and then was like, Ok, remember that boldness? We are going to channel that properly, now. He made me see things I hadn’t seen before. In the darkest times of uncertainty, I spent nights in prayer for clarity, for discernment, for the lives of people whose lives around me hung in a balance it felt like. There were days I would stop midday and just pour my heart out to Him in anguish, but my outpouring was my gesture of hope. Sometimes, we don’t even know what to pray anymore. So we just release our emotions in a posture of humility, knowing He makes intercession for us at the throne of God.
A story that has kept coming back to me is the story of Lazarus. That story, as I have stated before on this page, holds a great deal of significance for me. For many reasons and in many ways. It is my favorite of Jesus’ miracles. I think it reached a deeper meaning for me when I felt alone and was praying fervently for answers and guidance while in law school as I contemplated the future with all of its fog. There was a church I visited often on University Place and 10th St. I would sit in a pew and read the hymn and prayer book. I would pray. Sometimes, I would cry. The janitor knew me. I always sat in the same pew. Early on, while praying, rather than watching some people who would come in off the street and walk to the front, I looked up. I realized that above the pew where I always sat was a stained glass depiction of the story of Lazarus.
Recently, in a moment where I felt alone, I opened a book and there it was– John chapter 11. The story of Lazarus. The story we can all identify with. The one where, just like Martha, when something goes wrong, we identify with her words when she says, “Lord, if you had been here…” This misconception in our suffering, where we have deceived ourselves into thinking that our loss or suffering is the absence of God’s presence or awareness, when it is not so. In this story, Jesus shows us the heart of God.
In this story, we find the shortest verse in Scripture, “Jesus wept.” (v. 35). We also find the words of Jesus that rattle me to my core, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?”
That’s the thing about this story. Belief changes everything. Faith was the difference between quite literally death and life. Faith changes the end of the story. Always. There is no exception. No exceptions. That is something I feel in my very depth.
I heard a song recently (though it is old), whose title is “Rise Up (Lazarus).” It moved me deeply. Because just as the darkness’ blanket is broken by a sun that rises, to rise means to have strength and power. It means to be alive. It means whatever held you down no longer has power over you.
Like Lazarus, we may be alone or in a dark place. We may be done for; end of the rope. We may literally feel dead inside. There are many things in this life that entomb us. Death doesn’t have to be literal. It can be a state of paralysis, comfort and sleep, ignorance, disappointment, grief– it takes many shapes and forms.
It is my belief that God has a purpose for every life. He stands and calls us by name. He prepares us and takes us on a journey with Him if we let Him. He calls us to step out. He makes us truly alive.
He tells us, “Arise, shine…”
I don’t know what this year has in store for me. Only He knows what we are walking toward. All I do know is I have felt a shift inside of me; I have felt His calling on my heart. It keeps telling me to “rise.”
I don’t know what He has placed on your heart. It may be an extremely different season for you. My wish for you is that you embrace whatever He has placed in you. Run with it. Do all He wants you to do. Take the risks. Take the journey. Trust that He is the life and resurrection. That you may feel His presence and His light.
At Christmas, we remember hope and promise fulfilled in the most unexpected way. As we leave Christmas behind, we march toward Easter. We journey toward a breaking of our damnation. We journey toward the end of death and the bursting forth of life, and the offering of life eternal to all of us. He lives. And if you are reading this, you are breathing. May you allow Him to make you truly alive. May whatever we embark on collectively and whatever we do for Him, reflect that life, love and redemption we find at the cross. That’s the funny irony about the cross. We wear it and celebrate it, when in reality, it is an instrument for death. We cling to and cherish it because it brought us life.
Life is hope. There is no room for despair. Arise.
Winter was always a season of transition. There were many instances where we were moving or something was happening mid-school year. Some sort of transition. Often, it was a dramatic move, from one state to another. The whole school situation is sort of a blur to me now. I can’t remember exactly what it was like to start mid-year or what my thoughts were around it, but it was a thing.
This year, the transition into the new year felt like a blur as well. It didn’t exactly happen the way I envisioned it. I had this picture of myself spending my last unmarried New Year’s Eve in some cute outfit, stuffing my face and definitely wearing lipstick. Instead, I was in bed by eight pm with a box of tissues next to me, and I probably fell asleep to someone like Piers Morgan yelling about something. (Probably yelling about the ridiculous Harkles).
I am sitting back and reflecting on the year gone, and the year ahead, and I know this year will also carry its own dramatic transitions and changes. I am currently planning some of them and feeling the pressure. In some ways, the future feels the way the unknown often feels, and in other ways, change itself is familiar to me.
Do you associate winter with transition? Did 2023 start the way you pictured it? Let me know in the comments.
We are at the end of another month, and more importantly, another year. December was an eventful month. Winter slammed into us. States were affected by major snow storms. I saw a meme that accurately summed it up, saying:
“Winter is coming. The entire thing. All at once. In one weekend.”
The month felt like a boomerang video of me packing up my files in my rolling bag, and taking them out and hearing them smack against the court room table, and then shoving them back into the bag. Exhibits, folders and paper cuts. My fiance gifted me a gorgeous advent calendar dedicated to people who take care of others (the detail was exquisite). It was absolutely lovely. It sparked joy every day. Every morning, I did the Hallow App The Chosen Advent reading/meditation and used The Daily Grace Co.‘s Hope has Come book.
I got a box of vianda from my grandfather, and I made sancocho (a Puerto Rican stew) for the first time. It was delicious. I was proud of that. Aside from the sancocho, I also ate some pretty incredible meals this months. I am grateful for that.
This time of year always reminds me of these planners my grandmother would send me when I was a kid. It had a comic book type story at the beginning and a theme for the year with illustrations and story continuation. It followed the life of Pascualina. I couldn’t remember her name for the longest time, and I kept typing “Paula” and “Pamela” into Google. Finally, the name hit me like bricks, and I found it! PASCUALINA!! Turns out the planners are still a thing. It brought back a lot of nostalgia.
This month, we somehow attended more tree lightings than ever before. (Also a menorah lighting). We hilariously stumbled across one tree lighting by accident. We were wandering down the dark street and heard Santa go “ho, ho, ho” and realized what was going on down the block. (Have you ever walked down the street and been like, “Santa?!” It is surreal.) These events revealed to me the deep need for actual music teachers in America. Kids no longer sing. They shout. Also, the Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer song always annoys me because the other reindeer only loved him at the end because he was suddenly useful, popular and favored by Santa. (The reindeer were little dweebs, but accurately reflect human nature, I suppose).
Despite some carols whose messages are deeply annoying and flawed, the city was magical this year. (I wrote about it here). I wish we could keep the lights up all winter. When Christmas is gone, we are left with darkness.
This time of year reminds us to give, and not just gift to loved ones but to also give to the less fortunate. I was super impressed by the latest Barna data:
“Christian philanthropy accounted for 70% of all American philanthropy in 2022 at $300 billion total. Christians out-gave the U.S. Government in addressing global poverty.” Barna, Additional info: Christians are the most generous Americans
This was a powerful reminder that the church is still incredibly impactful in the world.
The Chosen is back (I am two episodes behind, but I am so excited it is back). I got my fix of The Holiday, and I enjoyed lots of reading on the train.
Winter makes me want to read for hours, watch old movies and sip yummy tea. I was gifted some lovely teas this Christmas.
As I look forward, I wonder what lies ahead (don’t we all), but I am excited and grateful. This past month flew by even in its intensity. I sit here in disbelief that I am typing one of these posts again.
You know the drill… not to sound like Julie Andrews, but here are a few of my favorite things:
Quotes
“What I have discovered is that God is the God of the magi not of the kings. He hides Himself in the people who think they deserve it, and He always sends signs to the people who are desperate to find Him. And if you don’t need God, you’re just never going to find Him. If you’ve got it covered, you got it taken care of and so you don’t need God, you’ll never see the signs. But if you are desperate, if you are broken, if you know that you need someone other than yourself to make it through the day, to make it through life, to make it beyond this life– you’ll be amazed how much God shows up.” Erwin McManus
“Being strong or weak is a personal decision. Don’t let anyone fool you into believing you don’t have the choice. You do and you can make it now. Victim mentality is for the birds.” Michael Bosstick
“If we can learn to wait through the ‘natural silences’ of life, we will be surprised by what awaits us on the other side.” Mister Fred Rogers
“While loss in life is the great equalizer, it also opens doors for us to connect with others.” Amy Hollingsworth, The Simple Faith of Mister Rogers
“A love language for anyone trying to heal from trauma is: personal accountability.” @the.holistic.psychologist
“We are being invited to constantly forget.” Russell Brand
“I think I’m probably deeply conservative. It’s a philosophical conviction. I do not necessarily think that change is for the better. Culturally, I am conservative.” Joan Didion
“Sometimes when people speak, the impact of their words is so strong and goes so deep that they seem to have a quality of eternity about them.” Thomas Moore, The Soul’s Religion
“But an inheritance is nothing we ask for or earn or deserve. It is something we are given by the testator, and we can either accept of betray the responsbility.” Madeline L’Engle, The Irrational Season
“Adventure can be scary and unpredictable, but the more you continue in it, the more you lose that sense of fear and doubt (and the less you care about being late for dinner). You begin to gather up your internal resources with confidence.” The Hobbit
“Disasters teach us humility.” St. Anselm
“Once a government commits to the principle of silencing opposition, it has only one way to go, and that’s down the path of increasingly repressive measures until it becomes a source of terror to all its citizens.” Harry Truman
“The truth of Jesus should be the gift we give most generously this Christmas season. We have an opportunity each December to draw our hearts and attention beyond the gifts. We have the chance to share that though these gifts are such a small display of love, God generously gives much more.” Hope has Come, pg.106
“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” Jack Kornfield
“For God, there are no outsiders, there are only seekers.” Erwin McManus
“Love. That’s what makes persons know who they are.” A Wind in the Door
Articles and Things
This article was interesting. It was about how film and art reflect the state of the New York City. There are some interesting past films reflecting different eras of NYC, (the rom-com era, etc.) and thoughts on why Scream 6 being set in the city is a reflection of something deeper and troubling.
This was a fun article (reminded me of my Joan Didion and Jean Damas book dive). It analyzes the stack of books Amanda Woods has with her in the film, The Holiday.
The Rothschild family was so mysterious. This article raised some eyebrows.
This video by Shallon Lester was iconic. She is right on the money:
People I am Intrigued By
Joan Collins
Alex from HRH Collection
We continue to journey into the future together. The world is a different place from the time I started this page. I was also different. I am sure you are, too. What are your dreams?
I hope one thing does not change. That Thomas Moore quote– “Sometimes when people speak, the impact of their words is so strong and goes so deep that they seem to have a quality of eternity about them”– I hope you find words that have a quality of eternity in them here, always. I am honored to share my heart and thoughts with you. Gracias.
GABRIELA YARELIZ 