GABRIELA YARELIZ

Tuesday Badinage: March 20, 2018

I read this description, and I thought, This is lovely. Who wouldn’t want to be described like that?

“I don’t think he was a genius. Einstein was a genius; Buster Keaton was astonishing. I’ve never seen any human being able to perform as brilliantly and gracefully with such unusually gifted timing. There was only one Keaton. His eyes shone with a certain intensity, fire and love. His face had little expression, but his eyes were always dynamically alive. His eyes spoke more than any script could speak.”
– – Mel Brooks about Buster Keaton

Confronting Miss. Minchin

By: Gabriela Yareliz

In life, you will run into a few people who are just like Miss. Minchin, in A Little Princess. They are cruel and mean. They take pleasure in your misfortune, and their aim is to take away from you. They take pleasure in seeing you serve harder, in seeing you in a position that they feel is beneath them.

Yet inside, they are deeply unhappy. They don’t realize that the superficial status and positions mean nothing and that only the heart and character take you places.

They want to see you fail, but they don’t realize it’s the very thing that they hate about you that will continue to carry you through.

These situations are hard. They can be painful and confusing. They can make us angry or bitter. We are human, after all. They can make us judge, when in the end, we all stand before God with no falsities left to hide behind.

It’s comforting to know that God isn’t mocked. That God is at our side, continuously.

You have to understand that A Little Princess was my favorite movie, while growing up. I can recite the movie. I always loved Sara. She was bright, kind, generous— everything that makes a true princess.

I had an incident recently, where a person reminded me of Miss. Minchin in the scene above, where Sara is told she is an orphan, so she becomes a servant, and Ms. Minchin takes Sara’s most prized possession (a locket with her father’s picture in it), and she smugly tells Sara, “ I expect you to remember […] you are not a princess any longer.”

Sara continues to inspire the young girls around her, and she works hard. She never fails to give of herself, even when it costed her the little she had. Oh, that I could learn to be like Sara.

To me, the highlight is Sara’s confrontation with Ms. Minchin.

You have got to see this:

Miss Minchin: Don’t tell me you still fancy yourself a princess!
[laughs]
Miss Minchin: Good God, child, look around you! Or better yet, look in the mirror!
[after a long pause]
Sara Crewe: [confidentially] I am a princess.
Miss Minchin: [in disbelief] Oh!
Sara Crewe: All girls are! Even if they live in tiny old attics, even if they dress in rags, even if they aren’t pretty, or smart, or young, they’re still princesses – all of us! Didn’t your father ever tell you that? Didn’t he?
Miss Minchin: [furiously, in tears] If I find you up here with any of the girls again, I WILL THROW YOU OUT INTO THE STREET!

***

I want to be like Sara. This character still speaks to me today. I want to always remember who I am, no matter what anyone tells me. Her father told her she was a princess, and she knew it and lived up to it, in the truest sense.

We are who our Heavenly Father has told us we are, and those who tell us otherwise have forgotten who they are and who they can be.

Thoughts on Peace

Quotes from: New Seeds of Contemplation, by Thomas Merton

”If men really wanted peace they would sincerely ask God for it and He would give it to them.

But why should He give the world a peace which it does not really desire? The peace the world pretends to desire is really no peace at all.

To some men peace merely means the liberty to exploit other people without fear of retaliation or interference. To others peace means the freedom to rob others without interruption. To still others it means the leisure to devour goods of the earth without being compelled to interrupt their pleasures to feed those whom their greed is starving.

And to practically everybody peace simply means the absence of any physical violence that might cast a shadow over lives devoted to the satisfaction of animal appetites for comfort and pleasure.

Many men like these have asked God for what they thought was ‘peace’ and wondered why their prayer was not answered. They could not understand that it actually was answered. God left them with what they desired, for their idea of peace was only another form of war.

So instead of loving what you think is peace, love other men and love God above all. […] If you love peace, then hate injustice, hate tyranny, hate greed— but hate these things in yourself, not in another.” (121,122)

We find peace in rejecting sin.

“Sin as such is essentially boring because it is the lack of something that could appeal to our wills and minds.” It is a distortion.

“Sinners are people who hate everything, because their world is necessarily full of betrayal, full of illusion, full of deception. And the greatest sinners are the most boring people in the world because they are also the most bored and the ones who find life most tedious.

When they try to cover the tedium of life by noise, excitement and violence— the inevitable fruits of life devoted to the love of values that do not exist— they become something more than boring: they are scourages of the world and society.” (125)

Let’s not read this and think of another, but instead, let us read this and pray in humility, that God may keep us. That we may choose to be holy and accept the love of God in us so that we may not choose to be boring, unsatisfied sinners who contribute nothing but darkness. Let us seek true peace, which is reconciliation with God.

May you find light, and be a light, today.

The Ex Factor

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By: Gabriela Yareliz

We are entering a new age— one where many of my friends, who have never been married, are dating men who have been married and have children. I feel like back in the day, that wasn’t something most young women in their mid-to-late twenties and early thirties did.

That said, most of these men are good men— ones who didn’t cause the downfall (so-to-speak) of their prior marriages. The relationships they have now, with my friends, are great, a work in progress like all relationships. But these relationships bring with them a sort of shadow, it seems. The shadow of “the ex.”

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Now, hear me out. Meeting someone’s ex, and even more so, spending time with someone’s ex can be extremely psychological. You pay close attention to the dynamic, who the person projects him or herself to be— and most women start a Venn diagram (you know, for the compare and contrast). You start questioning perhaps what you and that person have in common or what your partner saw in the other person.

It’s a science, I tell you. It adds a whole other layer to a relationship— another dynamic. Especially, if there are children from that union. I am sure even when both people have been married, both past experiences color the present relationship— if you let it.

I have a friend who is dating a recently divorced man with three children. And it’s interesting to hear her thoughts and struggles. How everyone must see each other at some point for the holidays, etc., etc. (I don’t say that to belittle her struggle, but I won’t go into details— it’s just so you get an idea). The stress; the tension; the weird fights you try to stay out of, etc. It’s real stuff.

The ex’s family is family for life; there are memories and history there. Everyone has history with someone, even if it’s just at the friendship level. That’s basic human fact.

But for all of the young women embarking on this adventure of navigating the “ex factor,” I have some random thoughts to throw into the pot. (And if you have any, leave them in the comments)!

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1. Healthy People Make Healthy Relationships

If someone is still hooked onto someone or overly affected by someone’s presence or interaction, they may not be in a good place. And to be fair, I think this takes time. But if you are going to be in a relationship, you need that person to be healthy and ready for it. That person shouldn’t be comparing you to an ex, angry at you or making you “pay” for what another did. Once both individuals are healthy, a healthy relationship can be formed.

2. If Your Partner Is Over His/Her Ex, You Should Be, Too

Don’t suggest former flame or criticize (or even praise) the person for their past selection. Leave the ex in the past, where he/she belongs.

3. If There Are Children, The Ex Is Part Of The Package Deal (To A Limited Extent)

Be cordial. If this is the real deal, then you will be a part of each other’s lives and the child’s special moments, forever. Better to make it a less awkward time; no unnecessary hostilities.

4. An Ex Should Never Control Dynamics In The New Relationship

An ex should not get to, at a whim, change around your entire schedule or plans, single handedly. This is manipulation. No one should be a pawn or puppet. There is no room for a third party in a healthy relationship.

5. You Decide Whether The Old Memories Haunt

I used to think that I never wanted to go anywhere where a person had been already with their ex. Ugh. Makes things weirder if they were world travelers. What are you going to do? Cross everything off of your bucket list? Nope. I mean, that said, you don’t have to stay at the same hotel or in the same room, but you can make new memories in “old” places. That’s part of restoration in life. I mean, Amal Clooney went to George’s Lake Como house, where he took a zillion women. She survived. And now the house is theirs.

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6. You Choose Who You Are

You can’t change who the ex was or what they did or didn’t do. You don’t get to change the story and you gain nothing by demonizing them either. Just be you. Accept that tragedies happen and relationships have been broken but keep your focus on you and the relationship and future you want and see for yourself.

7. Don’t Expect Others To Understand

Your friends who have never been married and say they will only date guys their age who are just like them, they won’t get any of it. People will say ignorant things to you, but you do you.

8. Love The Child As Your Own

And you never dishonor the ex or other parent in any way. It’s not nice; it’s not your place; and that adds nothing positive to the relationship. Good vibes only.

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9. Winner Takes It All

Through observation and my own experience, I want to say this— the winner can take it all. What do I mean by this? The wise ones are the ones who live life embracing the present and envisioning the future. Don’t allow the past to haunt you, but embrace the idea of redemption and restoration. The concept that accepts that God makes all things new.

No one remembers George Clooney and his other random girlfriends anymore. We know there were many, but at the end of the day— only one woman won his heart and changed his world. Who you decide to be in someone’s life can make it infinitely better or worse. It’s in your hands. Attitude is everything. You can be someone’s Amal.

When you find the person you want to choose above all others, the past fades and doesn’t matter because it doesn’t determine where you are going next.

So the person has an ex, we all have people in our lives that we learned from or learned with. What gives? Life is a journey. Forget who was holding that hand before you, and just make sure you do all in your power to be the one holding it until the end.

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Nightmarish Fear

By Gabriela Yareliz

Our minds can often play us on our worst fears. Take it from someone who had nightmare after nightmare this week, and each was tied to a deep fear, that our bodies and minds respond to our thoughts and emotions.

It can affect our mood, our disposition and our peace. Fear always seeks to rule us, and as humans we don’t escape fear. Fear can often serve a purpose, like keeping us safe from an unnecessary danger. But fear can also paralyze us. The minute we let ourselves become overrun with fear, our minds are clouded.

If we live by fear, we forget to take the important and worthwhile risks. We can push others away or drain them and ourselves.

I once heard that the point is not to be fearless. It’s natural to fear, but to show courage and do things in spite of fear. And if we truly believe God is at our side, it’s not that we are fearless but that we fear less.

Here is to a conscious attitude adjustment! Here is to fearing less.

Class

“Hope we can teach our daughters that the word ‘class’ doesn’t involve flying private, wearing loboutin shoes and carrying a Kelly bag. ‘The word ‘class’ and ‘classy’ should mean what happens when you are able to be thankful, able to give and be a true friend to anybody regardless of their background and where they come from. That is class. It’s a beautiful wave that washes away faults and paints things in a graceful light.’” @kushascorner

Unity Starts in You and Me

[Image from Heidi’s Bridge]

By: Gabriela Yareliz

People often talk about unity. We talk about power in numbers. We discuss causes for which we should “band together.” Yet, when you see how people live and lead their individual lives, they don’t strive for unity, even on the individual relational level. I don’t mean this in the sense that we outright reject people bluntly, but I think part of a side effect stemming from our society’s narcissism is division. The more obsessed people become with themselves and striving to outdo one another, the farther we become from each other.

What does it mean to strive for unity as individuals, so we as a body of children of God can come together with true unity. According to Thomas Merton, it’s worth exploring what unity is not. He explains:

“People who know nothing of God and whose lives are centered on themselves, imagine that they can only find themselves by asserting their own desires and ambitions and appetites in a struggle with the rest of the world.

They try to become real by imposing themselves on other people, by appropriating for themselves some share of the limited supply of created goods and thus emphasizing the difference between themselves and the other men who have less than they, or nothing at all.

They can only conceive one way of becoming real: cutting themselves off from other people and building a barrier of contrast and distinction between themselves and other men. They do not know that reality is to be sought not in division, but in unity, for we are ‘members one of another.'” (47-48) New Seeds of Contemplation, Thomas Merton

[Image from The Every Girl]

“The man who lives in division is living in death. He cannot find himself because he is lost; he has ceased to be a reality. The person he believes himself to be is a bad dream. And when he dies he will discover that he long ago ceased to exist because God, Who is infinite reality and in whose sight is the being of everything that is, will say to him: ‘I know you not.'” (48) New Seeds of Contemplation, Thomas Merton

I found this thought so fascinating. To live in division is to invite death into your life. This isn’t about having or not having (as far as material goods are concerned) but about where your heart and identity are rooted. The key is to live a life where God does not say “I know you not,” but to live a life where God knows our hearts. And even in our imperfection, when we seek Him, He calls us friend. He calls us son and daughter.

Let us seek unity in our individual existence (with colleagues, family, friends and spouses), and I truly believe that from there we will see it on a larger scale. Let us make sure that we are known by God. Let’s be extra, not in the way we distinguish ourselves, but in the way we love.

True Obstacle

Art by Henri Matisse

By: Gabriela Yareliz

“There is no evil in anything created by God, nor can anything of His become an obstacle to our union with Him. The obstacle is in our ‘self’, that is to say in the tenacious need to maintain our separate, external egotistical will.” (21) New Seeds of Contemplation, Thomas Merton

I feel that those of us who care about self improvement and growth, and even those who don’t, we are searching for the things that stand in our way. But, what if we realized that our greatest obstacle and spring of all issues is in ourselves and not in that which surrounds us.

In an image-driven society that cares almost solely on a mass-accepted aesthetic and popularity, a generation finds itself anxious, defeated and striving toward the illusive.

“[C]reated things do not bring us joy but pain. Until we love God perfectly, everything in the world will be able to hurt us.” (25) New Seeds of Contemplation, Thomas Merton

“Instead of worshipping God through His creation, we are always trying to worship ourselves by means of creatures. But to worship our false selves is to worship nothing. And the worship of nothing is hell.” (26) New Seeds of Contemplation, Thomas Merton

So many give up a real life for applause or a sponsorship nowadays. Which image are we trying to portray to the world? We compartmentalize our lives, and separate parts of our hearts, as if we could do that. Instead, ending up torn and confused. We are spiritual beings who need to have true spiritual growth, not some semblance of it to appease the spectators around us. We live off of false images of ourselves and others.

“The ‘marriage’ of body and soul in one person is one of the things that makes man the image of God; and what God has joined no man can separate without danger to his sanity.” (27) New Seeds of Contemplation, Thomas Merton

When will we learn that we must wholly seek after something. I think part of what we lack as a society is sincerity. No one takes his or her whole self to pursue something. Instead, things are sought out superficially, with ten back up plans, showing we are not wholly invested in something. Rather, we are waiting to see what serves us best. Which ultimately leaves us with nothing of value and cheap convenience.

So, as spiritual beings, how do we find God?

“The only One Who can teach me to find God is God, Himself, Alone.” (36) New Seeds of Contemplation, Thomas Merton

In scripture, God promises simply that when we seek Him with all of our hearts, we will find Him.

“Our discovery of God is, in a way, God’s discovery of us. […] We only know Him in so far as we are known by Him.” (39) New Seeds of Contemplation, Thomas Merton

Getting to know God requires vulnerability. It requires us to put all of our eggs in one basket and leave it at His feet, so to speak. It requires true worship.

Thomas Merton described a sincere seeking of God in the following way:

“This is then what it means to seek God perfectly: to withdraw from illusion and pleasure, from worldly anxieties and desires, from the works that God does not want, from a glory that is only human display; to keep my mind free from confusion in order that my liberty may be always at the disposal of His will; to entertain silence in my heart and listen for the voice of God;

to cultivate an intellectual freedom from the images of created things in order to receive the secret contact of God in obscure love; to love all men as myself; to rest in humility and to find peace in withdrawal from conflict and competition with other men; to turn aside from controversy and put away heavy loads of judgment and censorship and criticism and the whole burden of opinions that I have no obligation to carry;

to have a will that is always ready to fold back within itself and draw all the powers of the soul down from its deepest center to rest in silent expectancy for the coming of God, poised in tranquil and effortless concentration upon the point of my dependence on Him;

to gather all that I am, and have all that I can possibly suffer or do or be, and abandon them all to God in the resignation of a perfect love and blind faith and pure trust in God to do His will.” (45-46) New Seeds of Contemplation, Thomas Merton

I pray that we can each take a moment, on this quiet, rainy, NYC Sunday, to reflect. To see that the obstacle standing in the way of who we were created to be and who we are is our “self” and not the erroneous things we seek, but that it all stems from our hearts. And once we go to the root, perhaps we can sit in stillness and decide to wholeheartedly seek after God. For once that happens and you’re all in, God promises He will be found. (Jeremiah 29:13)

Pad Man

Countless Bollywood actors are rising up in support of the film Pad Man, based on the true story of a man whose pad-making skills changed India and women’s health. It’s a fantastic film celebrating a feminine hygiene pioneer. It has been powerful to see some of India’s most famous faces holding a pad. No big deal!

Ending the stigma and ending the shame that is often attached to feminine hygiene products and the female reproductive system is a big endeavor, but I think we can all do our part.

Awakening

[Image from & Other Stories]

By: Gabriela Yareliz

“It is not we who choose to awaken ourselves, but God Who chooses to awaken us.” New Seeds of Contemplation, Thomas Merton, 10

What a privilege that God is constantly pursuing us. He is constantly trying to open our eyes to things, as soon as we are willing to receive His Word. He speaks to us, constantly. He loves us, constantly. So, if we cannot awaken ourselves, then, what is our duty or task?

I am fully convinced that we are spiritual beings, and without a relationship with our Creator, something is missing, just as it would be with a parent and child. We cannot have true health, true healing, true love, true peace, true joy, true wellness or true satisfaction, if we don’t have God’s voice speaking into our lives. His presence.

What we need is sincerity. We must sincerely and humbly seek Him. And it is there where we will be found. We are often found, even when we are not looking for Him. He knows our hearts. And once He finds us, if we have the humility to open ourselves up to the most powerful Force and Being in the universe, we find our lives and the very essence of our hearts changed.

He awakens in us a deep faithfulness, honesty, loyalty, peace, compassion and love. He shows us where we must forgive and where we must love more. In doing this, He heals our hearts. He reminds us time and time again that we are loved and valued.

“My one desire and my one joy should be to know: ‘Here is the thing that God has willed for me.’ […] And by accepting all things from Him, I receive His joy into my soul.” New Seeds of Contemplation, Thomas Merton, 17-18

I pray that this evening, and forever after, you allow yourself to be found. That you may allow yourself to be awakened. That you may hear His voice and be receptive to His love. And that by accepting His will and providence in your life, that you may find joy and peace. May you embrace the unforgettable journey you were made to walk.